DIGG THIS ARTICLE. 1973, Turkey. Starring Enver Ozer, Feri Cansel, Suleyman Turan, Orcun Alkan, Altan Gunbay, Kayhan Yildizoglu, Huseyin Zan, Tarik Simsek. Directed by Tunc Basaran. Buy it from Xploited Cinema.

I gather that there are people out there clamoring to see a Batman vs. Superman movie. I'm pretty sure those two squared off in comic books, too. Well frankly, I'm not sure why. I don't understand the appeal of seeing two entirely different characters pitted against each other in what could only be extremely artificial circumstances--and that notwithstanding the general unlikelihood of most comic book plots to begin with.

To that same end, I've only seen bits and pieces of Freddy vs Jason and Alien vs. Predator, but I loathed everything I saw, and I don't really understand why, in a movie market already hypersaturated with sequels and prequels and remakes, we need to take franchise characters or monsters and find some stupid reason to put them in a movie together to duke it out. It's not as though I don't have my own love of stupid things in movies, but... I dunno, I guess I'm just too focused on each artistic creation (regardless of how "artistic" it is) as a contextual artifact; Batman's very essence is almost inseparable from the brooding and shadowy Gotham City, for instance, and I feel like he doesn't belong in a universe that also has a planet Krypton from which an essentially magically powerful man hails. You might argue that I'm just nitpicking, I guess, but in reality I'm dissecting the issue so that I can try to explain my feelings; on a personal level, it just doesn't feel right, and so these crossover gladiator bouts bore me.

However, Turkish writer/director Tunc Basaran took a different approach to this crossover idea when he made Demir Yumruk: Devler Geliyor. It's more like if Batman and Superman got in a fight and killed each other, and then some bystander came along and robbed their corpses for his own costume. Mind you, he's a bystander who can hold his own in a fight against international criminals, but he still seems to be just a guy whose only superpower is the ability to wear bulletproof vests and pretend he's dead.

His name is Enver, by the way, and I'm not sure if he's supposed to be a superhero. I'm told that there are some books about him in Turkey which I guess expand on the universe in which this movie takes place, and maybe there's some backstory as to how and why he has this composite Batsuperman costume. I don't know. All I do know is that he's a Turkish spy in this movie, and after faking his own death to throw one of two major villains off of his trail, he starts wearing said costume, but he's pretty much doing the same stuff that he did before he put it on. So he might be a superhero with an extraterrestrial or radioactive origin, or he might just be a Turkish spy/cop who likes to wear masks and capes while he beats up troublemakers.

Of course, either way I like his style. However, the movie does not begin with Enver. The movie begins with Lady Fumanchu.

Lady Fumanchu is possibly my favorite villain in all of Turkish cinema. I think this is mainly because s/he's a magical transvestite supervillain in a wheelchair. And aside from her top aide, who's a Turk dressed up to look like an austere Chinese guy, her staff appears to consist of sexy women in flowery bikinis who all carry large guns.

Lady Fumanchu is in a race to obtain a cross that will lead her to some kind of special dagger. It doesn't seem to be a notably potent weapon, but for some reason this dagger has scrawled on it the secret location of untold riches plus a cache of uranium. If your mind is filled with questions about the history of such an item, it will be best to suppress them in an attempt to join in the spirit of this sort of Turkish cinema. "Why" is not really a question that's addressed in Turkish weird cinema. Things just happen. And in Turkish weird cinema, while actions and zany schemes are powerful, explanations and logic are for the weak.

Weakness is not a flaw of Lady Fumanchu, and she realizes that she not only needs that secret dagger, but she needs it before her rival of some sort, Zagof, gets it. I'm assuming Zagof is Russian, first because Russian makes a good pairing with Lady Fumanchu's presumable "Chinese" in a movie like this, and second because he demonstrates in the dialogue that whatever he is, he's not Turkish. He is entirely bald, however, and has a scar across his eye, so we can be sure that if he isn't a particularly good fighter, he must at least be ruthless as a villain.

Anyway, the film then steps away from the great race for the cross that will lead to a race for the dagger, and we get to meet Enver. Enver is not only not in costume, but he's not wearing much at all; he just got done seducing some young woman. Then the door opens and we see Zagof's secretary come in and smack that young woman around a bit until she leaves. Angered at Enver's infidelity, that "secretary,"Meral, threatens to kill him. He wrestles her onto the bed and kisses her until they're both giggling, at which point she just starts relating the events of her day. It's hard to tell if they're actually swingers who find it kinky to pretend that they're not swingers, or if we're just meant to assume that either Enver is that good with women or Meral is that hopeless in a relationship. However, if you're concerned about the possible misogyny of the situation, you're in luck. Just like that out-of-place rape scene in Horror of the Zombies, after this scene is over, it's as though it never happened and it has absolutely no consequences for future events.

Meral's day at work, of course, was tiring. She's a spy, you see, just like Enver. Her assignments include undercover secretary work and undercover (so to speak) bellydancing, as well as the odd jailbreak. By contrast, Enver's assignments seem to include fighting and occasionally getting caught (we'll touch upon this in a minute).

There are not just two heroes, however, but four. Their friend Orhan is the comic relief--as you can tell by the jaunty angle of his hat--and although he's not really comical or relieving, he probably doesn't qualify as being odious. And in addition to Orhan, Murat is the son of a professor condemned to starve to death by Lady Fumanchu because he wouldn't reveal to her the secret location of the cross (which, again, would reveal the dagger, which would reveal the uranium and money... as a side note, I first read about this movie in Turkish, and I felt certain that I was mistranslating something, but it turns out that I got it right). Murat's a good fighter as well, which is good because you can't have too many good fighters on your side when you're saving the world... especially if your superhero is actually just some regular guy who likes capes.

Basically, the plot goes as follows: each of the three groups tries to outmaneuver the other in finding the successive artifacts. Zagof tends to be very straightforward in his pursuit, while Lady Fumanchu tends to use a bit more deception. The spies come up with weird plans like apparently letting Zagof capture Enver and Murat just so Enver can fake his own death and then come back in his costume to free Murat. It's sort of like giving someone a gift and then coming back with a disguise on, punching them, and taking the gift back before anything happens to it.

At one point, Lady Fumanchu demonstrates her "powers," which consist of disappearing in smoke that magically puts her enemies in jail. That might sound pretty useful, but later it looks like her powers have been reduced to little more than male pattern baldness. With that and the facts about Enver in mind, I guess this film might be tough for you if you like your superheroes and supervillains to have, you know, super powers.

But hey, that's not a problem for me. Give me lots of Turkish fistfights, belly dancing, and a magical balding transvestite in a wheelchair; and unless the movie was somehow associated with Full Moon or Fred Olen Ray, I know I won't be disappointed.

Labels: Action: Superheroes, Country: Turkey, Turkish Superman Double Bill, Year: 1973