Wednesday, January 11, 2006Yor, the Hunter from the Future
1983, Italy. Starring Reb Brown, Corinne Clery, John Steiner, Carole Andre, Luciano Pigozzi, Ayshe Gul, Aytekin Akkaya, Marina Rocchi, Sergio Nicolai. Directed by Antonio Margheriti. Written by Robert Bailey and Antonio Magheriti.
Not too terribly long ago, I wrote a piece on movies dealing with time-traveling barbarians. I went back and read it yesterday, because I like to reel about in my own filth from time to time, and I was shocked by how shoddy the craftsmanship of the article was. Not just the number of typos and sentences where I seem to lose my train of thought half-way through, allowing whatever I was writing to simply trail off into an incomplete and incoherent mess; those things are a given whenever I sit down to bash out a piece on my keyboard. Honestly, you'd be surprised by the accuracy scores I got in typing class back in high school, and you'd be even more shocked by my ability to catch and correct poor grammar and typos in a first draft when I bother to do such things. But like I said, it wasn't just that. The article just wasn't very good. And while there is plenty of stuff that isn't very good on this site, most of what really disappoints me is now seven or eight years old, and I can dismiss its weakness as mere youthful inexperience and put whatever title was subjected to such embarrassing writing onto my lengthy list of things to rewatch and rewrite. Because, with some six-hundred or so titles in my queue waiting to be reviewed, what I really need to be doing right now is taking movies about which I've already written and adding them back into the mob. But this time traveling barbarian movie article was only written a year or two ago, at a time when I thought my game had been somewhat elevated. It was disappointing to me, and I can't help but assume that at the time I wrote it, I must have been sober and possessed of ample free time that would afford me the chance to do a good job. When I find myself under those desirable circumstances, I generally tend to half-ass it. OK, not as if Beastmaster II: Through the Portal of Time or Time Barbarians really deserves anyone's whole ass be put into the effort -- especially considering the fact that it's obvious the people who made the film put, at best, a quarter of their own asses into it. But still, it's my site here, and I should invest a little care in what becomes a part of it, seeing as how the Internet is a record of the sum total of human knowledge that will be preserved for hundreds of thousands of years. What really bothered me though, and this is where things start to get sad and you should all hang your head in disappointment for me, is that the substandard writing I did for that article means that the movie Yor, The Hunter from the Future didn't get its just dues. Most people in the world will consider the just dues for Yor, The Hunter from the Future to be a swift kick to the groin of anyone involved in the making of the film. Doing a quick survey of Yahoo, Google, and the external reviews linked to from the Internet Movie Database will turn up a body of reviews almost unanimous in their disdain for the movie. Yor, The Hunter from the Future certainly isn't an unknown movie, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a single person out there, even among aficionados of bad movies, who doesn't feel that it probably should be an unknown movie. Sometimes it seems like the lone voice in post-apocalyptic wilderness is the guy who writes for www.antoniomargheriti.com, though even the film's own director has publicly stated that the film is awful. And this is precisely why my moderately positive review of the film is such a tragedy. Given that I am apparently one of the two members of the Yor fanclub, it behooves me to write a better defense and review of this maligned slice of early eighties Italian exploitation. So it is with the soaring heart of an eagle -- but not the soaring heart of Ator, the Fighting Eagle -- that I return to the prehistoric world of Yor to rework, rewrite, and revise my review in the hopes that, if better constructed, it will convince some impressionable and pathetic young person out there to gaze upon the visage of Yor with a glimmer of sympathy and pity for those of us who get all worked up and tingly every time we here that triumphant explosion of synth-rock that is the theme song for Yor, The Hunter from the Future. The words "favorite" and "Yor" have, to my knowledge, never been uttered together before, not even on the internet where all things perverse and profane flourish. In a medium where you can probably find a website with pictures of people masturbating with donkey hoofs while a Nazi shoves live eels up their butt, you can't find many people who will say anything positive about Yor, The Hunter from the Future. But unlike almost every other critic and film fan in the world, I come not to bury Yor, but to praise him -- at least mildly. My initiation into the strange and exclusive cult of Yor came in the eighties, when a film like this would actually get released to theaters with a considerable degree of fanfare. Conan the Barbarian had just stormed on to screens, and the Italians apparently possess a magical ability to forecast which movies will ignite remarkable trends, then rush out scores of imitations mere days after the original inspiration is released. I suppose it has a little something to do with business acumen, and a lot to do with the fact that most of these movies had production schedules that closely resembled the gestation period of a fruit fly. These were heady days for young men with very little sense of decency in their cinematic taste. In a drunken run that began more or less with the release of The Black Hole and TRON, youngsters of the era were subjected to a seemingly endless parade of generally delightful bad films that was only made all the more intoxicating the day a friend got cable television. Whenever people bemoan the sad state of modern movies and complain about how much junk is getting dumped on the market, I feel I should recommend they take a step back and re-examine previous years. The problem with movie hindsight is that it is terribly myopic. Decades removed from any given year, we tend to only remember the exceptionally good (and in a few rare instances, exceptionally atrocious) films, thus giving that year an inflated position. Living in a year, however, we're exposed to every piece of crap that rolls out of the factory, and so the poor quality of our current time is much fresher and more evident than that of years past. It's the same phenomenon that makes it look like foreign countries make better movies than we do. Since we're only exposed to a select, hand-chosen few foreign films every year, we tend to get the cream of the crop. But as anyone who lives in one of these countries can tell you, they manage to make just as many wretched offerings as we do. We just get filtered content. The big difference between now and then is the budget. It used to be that rotten films were confined to the ghetto of low-budget quickie productions, while films with a larger budget invested in them had shown some degree of merit. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, and just because a studio and critics thought a big-budget film might be good doesn't mean it actually was. Things reversed sometime in the nineties though, and most of the good films had smaller budgets while the big-budget movies reeked of bloat, excess, and slapdash craftsmanship. Now we live in an era where people dump millions into films that previously would have been made on a shoestring. To tie this all together into a poorly wrapped package, the grandfather of providing A-list financing for B-list concepts was Dino De Laurentiis. It started for him in the sixties, working as a producer for cheap "sword and sandal" peplum films. Although Dino's films probably weren't budgeted any higher than their contemporaries, most of the ones that bear his name look and play much better than the rest of the pack. In 1968, he lavished French director Roger Vadim with a sizeable budget for the piece of psychedelic cheesecake sci-fi pop art known as Barbarella, and thus began the producer's long love affair with throwing tons of money at silly concepts. Now, what ties this in with Yor, The Hunter from the Future is the fact that De Laurentiis produced Conan the Barbarian. So yes, Italian moviemakers have a knack for latching onto a big trend and draining it mercilessly of its precious lifeblood. At the same time, most of the trends upon which they hop -- Westerns, peplum, zombies -- also have significant ties to Italy in the first place. A Fistful of Dollars may have starred Clint Eastwood, but it was an Italian film. Ditto Steve Reeves and Hercules. George Romero's Dawn of the Dead sparked the glut of Italian zombie films that shambled through the eighties, but it was made possible by the financial graces of Italian director/producer Dario Argento. And Conan was the fevered brainchild of Oliver Stone, John Milius, and a whole bunch of pot (one assumes), but an Italian made it happen. So in some twisted way, the Italians deserve to be able to rip these films off. Or, you know, something like that. Anyway, none of us kids got to see Conan in the theaters, though there were few who didn't catch it on cable in between showings of Beastmaster. But we did get to see various, more family-friendly knock-offs, back in a time when family-friendly films didn't have to include spunky children but could include cannibalistic mummies and loincloth-clad women. Among those was Yor, The Hunter from the Future. Undoubtedly still reeling from the time she took us to the drive-in to see Treasure of the Four Crowns, my mom wasn't up for the challenge of taking a carload of kids to see Yor. I don't remember whose mom got suckered into Yor duty, but I'm sure she curses us to this day, assuming she hasn't completely blocked the memory. You know what, though? We loved it. We loved it more than modern kids love Harry Potter and Catch that Kid. You may have those movies, but we got to watch shit like Yor and Treasure of the Four Crowns, where people flew around on giant bats and had melting faces. Of course, we also had to endure our parents taking us to more acceptable kid-friendly movies, like that one where the kid from E.T. uses his BMX bike to evade trained KBG agents while soliciting cloak and dagger advice from Dabny Coleman. What was that movie called? Oh yeah, Cloak and Dagger. Yor, the Hunter from the Future is by far the most ambitious, and thus goofy, of all the Conan knock-offs. It's the only one with the audacity to rip off its shock revelation from Planet of the Apes while also ripping off the inferior Apes sequel Beneath the Planet of the Apes, with just as dash of Conquerors of Atlantis and Star Wars thrown in for good measure. You got a hero in a loin cloth, some technologically advanced mutant humans hiding away from the primitives, and a surprise ending (well, midway point anyway) in which we learn that the ancient land of cavemen and dinosaurs we're seeing is not the ancient past or another planet, but is in fact a post-nuke Earth. Not surprisingly, star Reb Brown is no Charlton Heston and Yor, The Hunter from the Future is no Planet of the Apes. It's barely even Goin' Ape. Yor begins as every movie should begin: with a peroxide blonde caveman bounding across a rocky terrain while synth-heavy prog rock screams madly in the background. Imagine how much better every movie would be with this opening. Kate and Leopold? Why not start it with a barbarian and thunderous prog rock, then move into the thing about the guy from Napoleonic times romancing Meg Ryan on the eve of her officially becoming a has-been? All those Mandy Moore films? Sure she's cute, but who can argue the fact that her sugary coming-of-age soap operas would be more palatable to everyone if they included a couple shots of a oily barbarian with Flash Gordon hair fighting dinosaurs while unintelligible prog-rock anthems roared on gloriously in the background? The whole movie doesn't have to be about that, because we already have that movie and it's called Yor, the Hunter from the Future. But maybe they could do something where, say, Mandy Moore is sitting in a malt shop (kids still go to malt shops, right?) or Meg Ryan is in a quaint upper west side coffee shop talking about relationships, and then they go, "Well, will you look at that?" And then we cut to a few minutes of a caveman using a giant bat as a hang glider or something, and then we can go back to the plot about finding romance and meaning in today's hurried modern world. I think it would fit thematically, because it illustrates how in earlier, more barbarous times, life had so much more significance because times were so tough. We had to live full and hearty lives filled with adventure and passion and synth-rock orchestration, because we never knew when a monkey-man mummy was going to leap down from a perch in the woods and hit us in the face with a rough-hewn stone axe. Removed from that sort of immediacy, Meg Ryan's life is less vital, less passionate, and thus she has a hard time forging a meaningful relationship with modern men who are too wrapped up in banking or computer programming to ever take time out of their busy schedule to love a woman right or shoot arrows into a rampaging dinosaur's eye. But as the cavewoman Ka-Laa notices as she watches Yor bound mightily from boulder to boulder one fine, sunny day, Yor is not like other men. Yes, Meg Ryan, now more than ever, as you see the roles you used to play being filled by younger actresses despite the fact that you are still "cute as a button," I think you have a little something to learn from the man called Yor. Yor lives in "Barbarian Times," and comes from "the high mountains." I have a feeling Antonio Margheriti was pretty high in the mountains himself when he co-wrote this script. Yor spends his days scrambling over rocks and saving some cockeyed Jack Elam looking guy named Pag (Luciano Pigozii) and sexy cavewoman Ka-Laa from screaming, roaring, huffing, house-size dinosaurs that somehow manage to sneak up behind people in the woods. Most people can't sneak up behind other people in the woods without at least stepping on a twig, but what do I know? I've never been stalked by a dinosaur. Thankful for blond, loincloth-clad Yor's randomly showing up and saving them from a dinosaur (shades of Fire Monster Against the Son of Hercules), Pag and Ka-Laa invite Yor back to their village to eat "the choice meats" and watch women drape themselves in cargo nets and spin around. The difference between Yor and the rest of the inhabitants of this primal world is immediately evident. He has mastered hair bleaching and body-waxing; they possess tangled brown hair. He is clean-shaven while the rest of the men sport scraggly Mujahadeen beards. Only Ka-Laa's grooming prowess and hair teasing ability rivals Yor's. It is obvious he is "not like the others." Unfortunately for Yor's new friends, everyone is a musical theater critic, and a neighboring, even more primitive tribe of hairy blue cavemen pillage the village and put an end to the twilrling rope dress dance, fulfilling the basic requirement of any sword and sorcery film that someone's village get pillaged, preferably fairly early in the film. It's likely that Pag's tribe was slaughtered on account of their phenomenally stupid "twirling rope dress" dance, but even if not, there's no arguing with the notion that the world was better off minus a tribe full of people who were continuously sneaked up on by snorting, stomping, bellowing dinosaurs. Only Yor, Pag, and Ka-Laa survive the slaughter. Yor decides he wants to find out the origin of the strange metal medallion he wears, and thus discover the mystery of his own past. Pag and his big-haired daughter, Ka-Laa, join Yor on his quest. What else are they going to do? Their village was just destroyed. Along the way, they'll fight more dinosaurs, some monkey men, and Yor will grab a giant hairy bat-monster and use it to hang glide through a cave while the prog rock music screams out in joyous ovation to his heroics. Whenever Yor does something especially heroic, like hang onto a giant bat, we're treated to a thunderous explosion of prog rock glory that would be very much at home on Rick Wakeman's "Myths and Legends of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table," the ice ballet for which was considerably less corny than Yor. Yor eventually discovers a blonde woman living amongst the diseased primitives of the wasteland, and he is shocked to see that she possesses the same funky medallion as him. In her cave are other people, frozen in ice, and more clues to Yor's origins. As they quest about the prehistoric future, they slowly unravel the mystery of the disco medallion Yor wears, and they discover a group of advanced humans living in a space-age facility on an island. What mystery is this? As Yor draws closer to the truth, your mouth will be agape at the final, shocking revelation. These aren't prehistoric times at all! This is...the future! But who are these strange men in Ming the Merciless cloaks, and what manner of magic weapon do they possess that can issue forth a slow-moving neon pink dollop of light that kills a man? Gods, such sorcery! It turns out these are the last remaining survivors of a once-proud and technologically advanced civilization that was destroyed by nuclear war. All the pieces fall into place when Yor's medallion is revealed to be a recording of his family history. Why is Yor not like the other men? Because he is the child of one of the advanced survivors, a group of rebels who sought to overthrow the "Overlord" and were victims of a spaceship crash that left young Yor and that other blonde chick stranded in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. But Yor survived yet, and grew strong and heroic, and where his father failed, Yor shall lead another band of advanced survivor rebels in another bid to overthrow the Darth Vaderish Overlord, who seeks to obliterate all life and replace it with a new race, half-android, half-Yor. If you think a mad scheme like that is going to cause Yor to have to do all sorts of crazy shit that demands prog-rock synth ovations, then you've been paying closer attention to this movie than most people. Amid it all, various people get on the space-age facilitiy's loudspeaker and wax philosophic at great lengths on assorted points pertaining to topics such as the folly of man, the worth of man, the future of man, and overloading the atomic reactor. Yor's "message" is, needless to say, half-baked and completely ludicrous, but heck. How many other sword and sorcery movies from the time even made an attempt at having a message, however cliche it may have been? You know, I was all for nuclear proliferation, brinksmanship, and the whole arms race until Yor, The Hunter from the Future opened my eyes and really made me think about how man harbors a tendency to abuse power he doesn't fully comprehend. Athough Yor isn't a time-traveling barbarian movie in the strictest sense of how the intellectuals and academics of the world define "time-traveling barbarian," it's close enough to lump it in with the little sub-genre that erupted in its wake. Hard to believe that Yor could start a trend within a trend, but as one of the early entries in the sword and sorcery genre, it gets the dubious credit of having inspired the other time-warp barbarians like Beastmaster II and the dreary Time Barbarians. Ancient warriors traversing the fold of the space-time continuum in much the same way Conan trod the sands of the earth beneath his sandaled feet may be historically questionable (it's more historically viable to have barbarians traveling into space, like in the Gor movies or the second Lou Ferrigno Hercules movie. Or was it the first one? Whichever one where he goes to the moon), but it made good financial sense. Most of the cheap barbarian movies that came out in the 1980s required little more than some fake swords, fake armor, and only a couple locations: usually, a forest, a rocky desert, and at least one castle chamber that could probably be rented cheap from Roger Corman. But you could save even more money by sending your barbarian forward in time, almost exclusively to modern-day Los Angeles. Then you only needed a few barbarian outfits and probably only one or two forest shots before you could throw a goofy "time portal" effect up on screen and spend the remainder of the film simply following your muscleman around the parking garages of LA. And there in lies the truly admirable - and I use that term loosely - thing about Yor. It isn't happy living within its means. Time Barbarians was cheap, and they knew better than to do much other than have some barbarians in the woods and then stage a fight in a rented warehouse. Yor, on the other hand, has dinosaurs, monkey monsters, bat hang-gliding, a city of tomorrow, mutants, messages about the folly of man, the twirling rope dress dance, laser battles, a robot army -- basically, enough stuff for the entire Star Wars series, all crammed into one cut-rate Italian fantasy/sci-fi action film. Almost none of these things are realized well. The dinosaurs are OK so long as they don't have to do much beyond swing their head back and forth. The fight choreography is sluggish and seems designed to maximize the number of times Reb Brown is shot from a low angle, jumping through the air to allow his loincloth to flap up and give the world a cheeky show. The city of the future (actually the past, I suppose) is about on par with the cut-rate "future city of the past" from the cheapskate Battle for the Planet of the Apes, which means there's some matte paintings, and then the whole thing was filmed in a pump factory somewhere, with some red and blue blinking lights attached to the pipes and metal railing. And don't even mention the laser effects, which result in an animated beam that moves about as fast as someone walking across a room. But that doesn't stop Yor, which was based on a comic strip I assume looked a lot like a comic out of Heavy Metal magazine, from pulling out all stops and attempting to serve up a visual extravaganza that is far beyond its hope of ever successfully achieving. It's a naive movie on many levels. Though Margheriti obviously knew he was making something bad (the original version of Yor is a four-part mini-series that rarely, if ever, aired), the film itself doesn't seem aware of this, and it never seems to think it's doing anything other than telling one of the most important stories of all time. The lack of wink-and-nudge self-awareness is refreshing from today's standpoint, seeing as how we're buried under an avalanche of self-referential "ironic" movies that think they're the first ones to ever be so clever. But Yor plods along with a blissful earnestness that makes it charming in a weird way. It's also naive in that it really is fairly kid-friendly. There is no nudity, unless you count the disturbingly frequent Reb Brown buffalo shots (I am not a man who is afraid of male nudity, but that angle just isn't appealing no matter how buff you are). There's a lot of killing but very little bloodshed. And Yor is a decidedly classical hero -- well, respective to the standards set by this film. Let's just say he's a nice guy who does the right thing, as opposed to the grittier, lustier anti-heroes that populated saltier barbarian fare. The acting is pretty bad, and there's a reason that Reb Brown never became a household name like Sam Jones. Still, it's not as if Reb is a total unknown, at least among the sorts of people who who would refer to Sam Jones as a household name. I mean, Reb Brown may not be Sam Jones, but at least he's not Dack Rambo. Reb starred in such direct-to-the-bargain-bin favorites as Strike Commando (yes, I own it), Roboforce (yes, I own it), and Space Mutiny (yes, I...oh, never mind). He appeared in another perennial sword and sorcery hit, Sword and the Sorcerer, though not in the lead. His brush with respectability came with an appearance in the film Uncommon Valor. He's probably "best known" for his turns in a couple abysmal made-for-TV Captain America movies and the film Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, which, oddly enough, I don't own even though it's one of my favorite awful movies. And just to ensure that no women ever want to talk to me again, his first film was, I believe, Sssss (give or take an "s"), and to tie this all in with Conan once again, he was in Conan director John Milius' 1970s surfing movie, Big Wednesday. What's really scary is that I am writing all this from memory, with no help from the imdb or any other source. So yes, with that amount of information, I believe I qualify as a Reb Brown biographer. Reb has the sort of good looks you expect from a guy who isn't too bright (whether or not he's actually bright, I don't know, but he has managed to sustain a career). He's the good-hearted football player who falls for the cute, brainy girl with glasses and tries to impress her by making an earnest attempt to understand poetry (also an apt description of Yor the movie). He might never understand Longfellow, but he'll valiantly defend the brainy girl's honor against her nemesis, the mean football player with the catty cheerleader girlfriend. Since I mentioned the movie earlier, allow to once again make a connection only I would make: he's a lot like fellow bleach-blond superior caveman Reg Lewis, star of the sixties caveman/Hercules peplum adventure Fire Monster Against the Son of Hercules. There's a good-natured, everyman goofiness about him that takes the edge off the muscles. Still, he's not an especially good actor, but he's not required to do much more here than look muscular (but not bodybuilder muscular) and hang-glide on a giant bat, so that's fine. His main squeeze Ka-Laa is played by one-time Bond girl Corrine Clery, who has a massive list of Italian film and television credits to her name (those, unlike Reb's, I had to look up) but is best-known for her turn in Moonraker as "that chick who flies James Bond around in a helicopter then gets killed." "Artful erotica" fans might remember seeing her naked in the title role of The Story of O, and less artful erotica fans might remember her from Lucio Fulci's Devil's Honey. It's hard to judge her acting here since she's dubbed, but she goes through most of the movie with a slightly dazed look, for which you can't really blame her. Completing the core cast is Luciano Pigozzi as Pag. For years, I thought this role was played by Jack Elam. Looking back, I realize that Pigozzi is more like Jack Elam crossed with Lucio Fulci. Whatever, he has more Italian genre credits than a sane man can count, including countless appearances in many of Margheriti's other films, often under his Americanized name Alan Collins. Margheriti himself was rechristened Anthony Dawson whenever his films came to America. As if anyone cared whether or not the director of Yor was Italian. Pigozzi has his "stooped old man" bit down pretty good, but like everyone else, he's dubbed and has pretty inane lines anyway, so judging acting is moot. At least he has more facial expressions than Reb and Corinne. Everyone else in the movie is either a caveman or a future man, and they're primarily there to die, be menaced by dinosaurs, get shot by slow lasers, or make monotone speeches about the aforementioned folly of man. The movie was made on location in Turkey, so there are quite a few Turkish performers sprinkled into the mix, including recognizable names like Aytekin Akkaya, who appeared in the beloved Turkish sci-fi kungfu extravaganza The Man Who Saved the World (aka "The Turkish Star Wars") alongside Turkish matinee superstar Cuynet Arkin, as well as playing Captain America (just like Reb Brown!) in the curious 3 Dev Adam, in which Captain America and Santo the masked Mexican wrestler team up to defeat the murderous, chain-smoking Spider-Man, who likes to shove women's faces into outboard boat motors (which is much better than what happened in Reb Brown's own Captain America movies). Akkaya also worked with Margheriti again on the decent Indiana Jones cash-in Ark of the Sun God, starring David Warbeck. So really, when you think about it, Yor is an amazing multi-national nexus point of exploitation movie talent. Margheriti was one of the most prolific directors working in the Italian exploitation genres, and amid all the movies made so he could pay his bills, there are actually quite a few gems. Some are simply delightfully bad, while others are genuinely good. And his moody, atmospheric Gothic horror film Castle of Terror is a bona fide horror classic. His specialty eventually ended up being action, though like any Italian exploitation director, he's worked in pretty much every genre and scored a memorable (if not always good) film in each one, including science fiction (Wild Wild Planet), peplum (Hercules, Prisoner of Evil), Eurospy (Lightning Bolt), western (And God Said to Cain), and giallo ( Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye), but his specialty became cheap action films in the 1980s, often working with David Warbeck to knock off Vietnam war movies or Indiana Jones adventures. Even in his worst films, Margheriti infuses the proceedings with energy, and while his statements betray the fact that he really has no love for Yor (I think "No Love for Yor" might be the title of his autobiography), the movie still benefits from his touch. Special effects are bad, acting is bad, and the script is daft, but Margheriti is still professional enough to make sure he turns in a technically competent directorial job (decent lighting, no boom mics in the shot, etc). As for that theme song -- I loved it when I was young, and I think it's still thoroughly rousing and utterly absurd, boasting all the theatrical bombast of Queen's work for Sam Jones' Flash Gordon movie (a Dino De Laurentiis production!), but relying less on guitars and more on synthesizers. Years later and farther down the road of no return, I'm a little more familiar with the stable of guys who wrote music for Italian genre films. My first guess, given the vocals and the over-the-top synths, was that this was probably the work of Guido and Maurizio DeAngelis, one of the most prolific score writing teams in the Italian film industry. They always relied pretty heavily on synths. A quick check of the credits revealed that, yes indeed, the DeAngelis duo was responsible. This correct guess coupled with my disturbingly exhaustive knowledge of Reb Brown's filmography should really make me worry. Anyway, beyond the theme song, the rest of the score is pretty standard "future synth" stuff. They didn't have the money to try and mimic Conan's even more bombastic "barbarian brass" orchestration. Guido and Maurizio DeAngelis have written some spectacular scores for some spectacular films. This isn't one of them, but man! I wish I had a recording of that theme song. Most people list Yor among the worst movies of all time. It may have even won some awards to that effect. All I can say is that if this is the worst movie you've ever seen, then you haven't seen enough movies. I admit I have a soft spot for the hunk of junk, the same "saw it in the theaters" soft spot that makes me crack a warm smile even for a film like Treasure of the Four Crowns, and I still find myself enjoying Yor far more than I should. The revelation about the past being the future is not exactly as stunning as that first time you see Chuck Heston stumble upon the Statue of Liberty, but I don't figure anyone goes into Yor expecting stunning revelations. You go in because you want to watch cavemen do somersaults and have laser battles with robots. Just remember, next time some half-crazed man in a leather cape stops you on the streets and demands, "WHO is the hunter from the future?" you just crack a smirk, take a swig of tequila, and say, "YOR the hunter from the future." Labels: Director: Antonio Margheriti, Fantasy: Sword and Sorcery, Science Fiction: Post Apocalypse, Year: 1983 posted by Keith at 2:36 PM | 6 Comments Wednesday, November 30, 2005Lightning Bolt
1965, Italy. Starring Anthony Eisley, Wandisa Guida, Folco Lulli, Diana Lorys,
Luisa Rivelli, Francisco Sanz, Bernabe Barta Barri. Directed by Antonio Margheriti. Written by Alfonso Balcazar and Jose Antonio de la Loma. Eurospy films are like any other continental knock-off of a popular American or British genre. Some are very good and quite lavish, managing to rise above small budgets to deliver a slick looking little thriller full of beautiful women, sets, and locations. Others are threadbare pieces of junk that will bore you to tears. And some are utterly bizarre and incompetent in the most wonderfully enjoyable of fashions. Lightning Bolt falls closer to the last description, but as always, how much of that is the fault of the original filmmakers and how much is the fault of American distributors who recut and dubbed the thing I cannot say. These days, even old porn movies get digitally remastered and restored to their original, uncut version, but no one seems interested in providing widescreen, subtitled prints of the original cuts of cheap European spy capers. So we're left scrounging on the gray market for the dubbed American versions, which isn't a bad thing really, in terms of pure entertainment, but does make it tricky to honestly judge the merits of the film in its original form. So we'll dispense with honesty and simply go with what we have. Just about every Eurospy film that got made during the craze that began right after the death of peplum and right before the rise of spaghetti westerns got made because of the success of the James Bond films, and most of the Eurospy movies aren't shy about wearing their influences on their sleeve. For some, it was by way of casting one of the many European actors who played a villain or a love interest in a Bond film. Thunderball's Adolfo Celli appeared in several Eurospy productions, as did Bond girls like From Russia With Love's Daniela Bianchi. Bernard "M" Lee and Lois "Miss Moneypenny" Maxwell actually both starred as characters very similar to their Bond characters in a Eurospy film starring Sean Connery's younger brother, Neil, who was passed off as 007's brother in a way vague enough to avoid being sued by the producers of the Bond films. For most, however, it was simply a case of repeating the formula and mimicking the ad campaigns. Lightning Bolt is particularly obvious about its intentions to compare itself to Thunderball, which came out in the same year, right down to the tag line, "Lightning Bolt -- He Strikes Like a Ball of Thunder!" The main villain, however, is straight out of Goldfinger with a dash of the Matt Helm film The Ambushers, of all things, thrown in. The original Italian title, in fact, works as hard to recall Goldfinger as the American one does to recall Thunderball. Unless you think Operacione Goldman is a coincidence. The plot -- in which a nefarious arch villain is using laser waves to misguide and blow up moon rockets launched from Cape Canaveral, is actually quite similar to the plot of the Nick Carter novel, Operation Moon Rocket, which was published in 1968. Although it seems unlikely that an obscure Italian spy movie would have been an influence on the Nick Carter novels, it's certainly still a possibility. The Nick Carter stable of authors was varied, after all, and they were drawing ideas from everywhere. So here we go. NASA is in trouble. Every moon rocket they've tested has exploded into a great, fiery ball, though whether or not it's a thunderball remains debatable. The scientists are convinced that computers and technology behind the rockets are sound, so the only answer must be sabotage. Lt. Harry Sennet (American actor Anthony Eisley, who has an impressive b-movie filmography on both sides of the Atlantic) is called in to get to the bottom of things. His cover, naturally, is that of a rich, womanizing playboy looking for good times and big boobs along Florida' coast, which has been visited by just about every 1960s spy from James Bond to Matt Helm. Assisting Sennet on his mission is bombshell captain Patricia Flanagan, another genre stalwart who had appeared in everything from The Awful Dr. Orloff to Superargo and the Faceless Giants. In between gratuitous but welcome scenes of Sennet cruising around the bikini-clad babes lounging about the hotel swimming pool area and frequent grainy stock footage of rockets from NASA, our tale of intrigue is woven, and it leads to a powerful, um, beer brewer (thus the Matt Helm movie similarity). But this is a Eurospy film, and one of the wackier ones at that, so this particular evil brewmeister (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Gert "Goldfinger" Frobe), has a laser he uses to blow up rockets from his -- get this -- space age underwater lair where he keeps his biggest enemies frozen in a state of suspended animation so he can thaw them out from time to time to taunt them and get them up to speed on the success of his mad, evil schemes. Although the production is cheap and the plot is outlandish, this is actually a pretty fun little adventure. Anthony Eisley looks tough and handsome, and he's probably one of the few spies in any of these movies who begins his mission by trying to buy off the bad guys -- with a check! Imagine Sean Connery asking Robert Shaw how much money he'd need not to kill Bond, then saying, "OK, mind if I write you a check?" They don't even accept checks at the grocery store where I shop! The women surrounding Eisley are ridiculously gorgeous, which is one of the things even the cheapest of Eurospy films could get right. The set designs are actually pretty impressive considering the budget and have a swanky 1960s pop art feel to them. There's plenty of fist fights, lots of clumsy sexual innuendo, shoot outs, sea plane flying, and then the whole finale in the undersea fortress. A-ha! James Bond producers must have paid this movie back by stealing that idea for The Spy Who Loved Me. A lot of the film's energy undoubtedly comes from director Antonio Margheriti, possibly the most prolific of all Italian action and thriller directors. Margheriti, who was often renamed "Anthony Dawson" when his films were exported to America, directed his fair share of clunkers, but the bulk of his career is filled with perfectly acceptable genre films, and a few genuine classics like Castle of Blood. You don't get very far in a cult film fan career without getting acquainted with Margheriti, and for the most part, I've always enjoyed his film. Even his weaker work is often infused with a sense of energy and gusto that lifts it above the material and makes it better than it should be. Lightning Bolt, like most Eurospy films, is completely ludicrous, but it's not as if anyone involved with the film doesn't seem aware of that. There's a playful sense of fun, almost tongue in cheek, that makes the film a great deal more entertaining than it might otherwise be. Labels: Director: Antonio Margheriti, Espionage, Eurospies, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 3:25 PM | 0 Comments Sunday, December 16, 2001Last Hunter
1980, Italy. Starring David Warbeck, Tisa Farrow, Tony King, Bobby Rhodes, John Steiner, Massimo Vanni, Margit Evelyn Newton, Luciano Pigozzi. Directed by Antonio Margheriti
Imagine, for a moment, that you were going to make Apocalypse Now, only you were going to do it with a budget of about $25 and some change. If you are lucky, the results could very well come out looking something like The Last Hunter, an Italian shoestring-budget rip-off of Apocalypse Now and assorted other "man on a mission" type war films. Because of a lack of talent, or at least a lack of hashish, you would be unable to come up with the twisted psychedelic imagery and symbolism of Apocalypse Now, so you'd go instead for more gratuitous violence and things blowing up. Of course, you don't have much money, so most of the things you blow up would be trees and coconuts, but that's neither here nor there. Last Hunter is exactly what you expect it to be: a cheap, derivative, totally satisfying wartime action film. Hey, not everything can be deranged art from the feverish minds of a bunch of stoners in the jungle, so sometimes you just gotta settle for a war movie in which the basic plot is "guys run around and shoot each other while cursing and sweating." That's exactly what Last Hunter wants to be, and that's exactly what it is. The movie starts off on the right foot by starring David Warbeck. Most people who know David Warbeck know him as the somewhat dim but good-hearted doctor from Lucio Fulci's supernatural zombie bloodbath, The Beyond. Fans of genre films know him as one of the coolest, friendliest guys ever to set foot in front of the camera or on the stage at a convention. Warbeck was famous for being a great guy, someone who had a sense of humor about his work but, at the same time, avoided being condescending toward it, always exhibiting respect for the genres and their fans. He never got full of himself or became "too important" for the fun horror and action films of his past. He knew his role, knew it well, and relished it. B-movie fans lost a tremendous fellow when Warbeck died of cancer. Warbeck plays a very Martin Sheen-esque army captain named Morris who is given a mission: go up a river and destroy a radio tower that is being used to broadcast around the clock anti-American propaganda. I've always thought it would be much simpler to not send the mission to destroy the radio tower, and instead just tell everyone not listen to whatever channel was broadcasting the anti-American hate messages. But I suppose if you have to chose between "Go home yankee GI" or Robin Williams screaming at you and doing his "gay guy" voice and his "southern preacher" voice for ten hours a day, you'd welcome the Vietcong propaganda network. The movie begins with a cool slow-burn segment set in a brothel. One of Morris' buddies is starting to freak out as a result of the combined effects of too much war and too many drugs. Just when things seem to simmer down a bit, he goes totally nuts and opens fire on everyone, including himself. It lets you know right away that while this may not be the artiest war film you'll ever see, it sure isn't going to go down without a very bloody fight. Morris leaves for his mission in a departure that doesn't seem all that thought out. The mission hits its first snag when he jumps out of a helicopter into the river and is immediately foiled in his attempts to climb ashore by a very small but determined snake. Damn godless Commie VC snakes! After losing most of his equipment and valuable time, David bests the diminutive reptile by doggy paddling a little ways down and getting out of the river there. Along the way he manages to lose just about all his equipment. Score one for America, baby! Morris soon meets up with the small squadron of poorly dubbed soldiers, including one ARVN soldier named, wittily enough, Hu Phlung Dung, and a female war correspondent played by none other than Tisa Farrow, another Fulci alumnist (she was in Zombie) and the larger breasted of the Farrow sisters. Tisa enjoyed fame and we all enjoyed her nudity in countless Italian exploitation films while her more respectable sister had sex with Woody Allen. Now seriously, which one would you rather hang out with? As the merry band traipses through the jungle, they discover a bunch of rotting American pilots. This being an Italian film, the camera does not miss the opportunity to zoom lovingly in on the oozing wounds and decaying flesh. See, that's the grim, gritty reality of war. If this had been a Fulci film, the corpses would have attacked, and we would have had ourselves one of those Weird War Tales type movies. I always wondered why there weren't more of these. As a kid, I was always entranced and terrified by the covers to these comic books, which always seemed to involve some American soldier hiding in a trench while a bunch of skeletons in tattered Nazi uniforms marched by. Seems to me to be obvious fodder for a fairly ass-kicking horror/action film, but no one really ever seized on them. Okay, you had that weird slew of "zombie Nazis rising from the lake" movies, but that's not really the same thing. Anyway, this is all a rather moot point, as these bodies don't do anything but hang there looking gross. So it's off to a village where they can have a big ol' shoot-out with the forces of Communism. Lots of stuff explodes and there's at least one spot where a guy gets shot so his buddy can avenge him by yelling, "Mutha fuckahs!" as he goes apeshit with his M-16. This seems to happen about every ten minutes and is the sure sign of an idea well that has run dry. Just have your guy shout "mutha fuckahs!" and cut loose with his machine, possibly in slow motion. It's a surefire way to give your movie that extra emotional impact that is lost if your guy shouts something else, like "Poo-poo heads!" while leveling a village. Whatever the case may be, it doesn't quite achieve the same sense of creeping insanity that was achieved in Apocalypse Now with scenes like "Chef freaks out over the tiger," but it's still more entertaining than Saving Private Ryan's nine million "Ed Burns gives a sassy speech" scenes. Allow me to take a moment to comment on how much I didn't care for that movie: I didn't care for that movie. Not one bit. No sir. It garners its entire reputation from the admittedly exhillerating opening sequence, but after that it becomes an incredibly predictable rehash of every World War II movie ever, right down to the "sassy guy from Brooklyn" and the German soldier they free out of compassion who comes back to kill them later, and even the "timid peaceful young guy who learns that sometimes you must kill." Write it off as satire if you want; I say there's more originality in the cheap ol' Last Hunter than there was in the over-blown, over-praised Saving Private Ryan. Plus, Last Hunter starred David Warbeck. Okay, so the opening battle was pretty cool, but that's about it. Anyway, back to the movie at hand. After blowing a lot of stuff up, our merry little band heads to an army outpost that, once again, is supposed to remind us of the insane outpost at the Do Lung Bridge in Apocalypse Now. Once again, it doesn't quite work. The outpost commander is John Waters, or at least a guy who looks quite a bit like him, which is probably why all the soldiers are crazy. I don't care how much you like his movies, if you are trapped in the jungle taking orders from John Waters, you're probably not going to come out of it with your mind intact, especially when he introduces you to your new leader, Captain Divine. Most of the insanity manifests itself in social functions like taunting the VC by running after coconuts, threatening to rape Tisa Farrow, and doing a whole lot of drinking. The base is mostly a series of tunnels, caves, and underground bunkers, and when the Vietcong tunnel their way in, all hell breaks loose once again. There's a huge battle in the tunnels, with just about everyone getting shot all to hell except, of course, for David Warbeck and the black guy who shouts "mutha fuckah!" all the time, which he does on at least a dozen occasions during this fight. Tisa survives, too, but is captured by the VC. Warbeck and his last remaining soldier make their way down to the river and hop in a boat which floats very slowly, with no weapons or armor, down the water, which seems not to be the best mode of transportation when both banks are lined with well-armed North Vietnamese soldiers. I guess moves like this are why we lost the war. Warbeck finally ditches the boat and heads out to the radio tower on foot, while the black guy props himself up with his machine gun and eventually gets killed because, well, he was floating slowly down the river in a very flammable boat in an area totally controlled by the enemy. About all he needed to do was hoist the Stars and Stripes and belt out "America the Beautiful." Instead, he goes out with guns a-blazin', his last words being "mutha fuckahs!" If I gotta go, and I am one of those people who answers the question "Do you want to live forever?" with a very simple, "Well, yeah," I at least want to go while shooting off a machine gun and yelling "mutha fuckahs!" even if I am in a room all by myself. David Warbeck reaches the base where the radio tower is located and promptly gets captured since it's not a Vietnam exploitation movie without one scene of a guy in one of those bamboo cages hanging halfway in the river full of rats and leeches. Tisa is at this camp as well, but she's bought herself some time to come up with a plan by promising to "tell their story to the world." She then manages to free David, who goes out to complete his mission, only to discover, in a shocking twist of events, that the voice of propaganda is his old girlfriend! No, seriously! She's not even Vietnamese; she's just some Commie, spoiled-rich white girl. We then have to hear the whole long story about how back in "the world," they all planned to make a stand against the government and their unjust war, but David sold out and didn't burn his draft card, so on and so forth. The movie hasn't exactly been realistic up to this point, but this is really stretching things a bit. Oh well, at least it wasn't his evil twin with a goatee. The Last Hunter will not go down in the annals of cinematic history as the greatest war movie of all time. No one will watch it, nod grimly, and mutter, "That's the way it was." What they will do, instead, is howl wildly and laugh a hearty laugh. It ain't art, but it is action-packed and entertaining. David Warbeck doesn't do much other than look tired and confused, but he manages to get by on charisma alone. He does a good job with a meatless role. Everyone else, especially the crazy captain who looks like John Waters and the black guy who yells a lot, are about ten miles over the top, but it fits perfectly in a movie this completely silly. We're not really looking at an exploration of man's journey into the darkness of his own soul. We're mostly looking at guys shooting things and yelling. This is a simple-minded, bloody action film. That's all it wants to be, and it delivers in a completely satisfying way. Antonio Margheriti directs with gusto, and what he lacks in originality and budget, he more than compensates for with relentless action and gore. Margheriti was a fairly accomplished Italian action director, with a number of cool crime and spaghetti western films to his name, including another "Vietnam" film, Cannibal Apocalypse, in which John Saxon and a friend return from Vietnam to discover they've contracted a virus that causes them to have an insatiable appetite for human flesh! Margheriti's direction shines during the film's many action sequences, and he holds nothing back. The remainder of the film is filled with over-the-top shenanigans, so while things are never very believable, they're always fun. Actually, given how the whoel world has become totally neurotic and whiney, I guess over-the-top scene-chewing actually is pretty realistic. You obviously can't take this movie very seriously. I mean, the shock ending is that the soldier's old girlfriend from America is the voice of Communism in Vietnam. How did she even get that job? And why was anyone listening to her in the first place? Oh yeah, their other choice was Robin Williams. But still! This movie throws every cliche possible at you, including guys dying in slow-motion while their buddies try in vain to save them. To the film's credit, it takes every cliche and turns it up to about eleven, making the whole thing so wildly over the top that you are quick to forget the lack of originality and feasibility and simply sit back and enjoy the mayhem. I had no intention of taking this movie very seriously. All I wanted was a violent, action-packed shoot-em-up, and that's exactly what I got. On that level, The Last Hunter is totally satisfying and enjoyable. It shows us that war is hell, men are grim, and sucking chest wounds, unlike this movie, are not very much fun. Labels: Action: War, Director: Antonio Margheriti, Stars: David Warbeck, Year: 1980 posted by Keith at 4:29 PM | 0 Comments Tuesday, February 13, 2001And God Said to Cain
1969, Italy. Starring Klaus Kinski, JoaquĆn Blanco, Antonio Cantafora, Peter Carsten, Lucio De Santis, Guido Lollobrigida, Marcella Michelangeli, Luciano Pigozzi, Giuliano Raffaelli. Directed by Antonio Margheriti.
You know things are going to be weird when Klaus Kinski is your hero. Without even trying, Kinski is one of the creepiest stars to ever grace the screen. Never mind that he, like another creepy liittle guy by the name of Dario Argento, managed to apply his gene pool to an absolute wonder of a daughter (in this case, Nastasia Kinski). When Klaus steps into a scene, it immediately acquires a sinister edge. Being able to exude that sort of subtle influence is quite an accomplishment, though it must make him a real downer at parties. Spaghetti Westerns generally rely ont he age-old "vengeance seeking stranger" plot. A mysterious wronged man rides into town and starts offing the evil men responsible for the injustices he has endured. Something like 95% of all Spaghetti Westerns adhere to this formula, which was pretty fun for a while. But you can only watch so many gunslinging angels of death before you start wondering if maybe they shouldn't try something else. Well, that something else isn't And God Said to Cain, which is about a vengeance seeking stranger. The stranger in this case is a guy named Gary (Klaus Kinski). I know, I know. Gary isn't a very heroic or tough name. I bet in all the annals of cinema you would be hard pressed to find many heroic Garys (or is that Garies?). Not that there's anything wrong with being named Gary. It's a fine name. But it's not like being named "Maximillan Savagewood" or "Jack Deth." Gary is doing hard time for a crime he didn't commit. When a presidential decree sets to releasing convicts who are veterans of the Civil War, Gary gets his ticket to freedom and hops on a stagecoach ridin' headlong into the bloody red sun of revenge. How's that? The guy who framed Gary for a robbery is now living the posh life as a rich guy, which is par for the Spaghetti Western course. No one ever sets up their friend and then generally has a bad time of it. No, they must always go on to lives of gluttonous prosperity so the hero can come and shoot their bourgeois ass dead. And that's what Gary is going to do. Of course, in another convention of the genre, the evil robber baron type has a noble and honest son who is unaware of his father's treachery and dark past. Oh yeah, there's also a wicked deceitful woman and a crazy old coot. In fact, Spaghetti Western formula requires that the old coot and a beautiful but lower class Mexican woman help our hero out. And they sure do. You're life is pretty good if at every turn you have the help of a beautiful Mexican woman or a crazy old coot. You just know everything is going to be okay as long as you have the senorita and some jig-dancing, grizzled old bearded codger in red ass-flap jammies. So far there's nothing to set this film apart from the rest of the pack. It plays it pretty much by the book, with one interesting twist. Gary arrives to deal out deadly justice on the night of a big storm and tornado. He uses guerrilla tactics, stalking around in the shadows and burial catacombs beneath the town, popping up from time to time to give his shotgun a workout and fill the bad guy's lackeys full of lead. Occasionally, he takes time out from his stalking and killing to ring the church bell, much to the annoyance of the bad guys and probably anyone else within earshot. The storm and catacombs lend the film a more gothic, almost horror setting, which is appropriate for the creepiness that Kinski can't help but exude even as a protagonist. In fact, adding elements of horror and surrealism is how directors tried to keep the vengeance seeking stranger plots going while providing a new twist, and for the most part I'm a fan of the move. No one, and I mean no one, can do spooky imagery like the Italians, with the exception of French surrealist-horror director Jean Rollin. Of course, you can't talk about any Spaghetti Western without mentioning the music. Even the worst Spag Westerns often have amazing scores. And God Said to Cain has a decent soundtrack by Carlo Savina, though it's nothing that really sticks in my head. Kinda bluesy sounding in a lot of spots. The horror elements, along with a brisk pace and solid acting make And God Said to Cain a thoroughly enjoyable, if not entirely outstanding, piece of cinema. It doesn't stray too far from the formula, and it has no interest in sub-plots or anything beyond "Klaus Kinski is going shoot them," but even a generic plot can be great fun when done well, and it's done pretty well here. The horror elements and lurking about in the church lend the film a differentiating element that make the movie among the more enjoyable vengeance seeking stranger films around. Labels: Director: Antonio Margheriti, Spaghetti Westerns, Stars: Klaus Kinski, Year: 1969 posted by Keith at 11:06 PM | 0 Comments |
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