Saturday, May 10, 2008The Seventh Curse Release Year: 1986Country: Hong Kong Starring: Siu-Hou Chin, Maggie Cheung, Dick Wei, Sau-Lai Tsui, Chow Yun Fat, Elvis Tsui, Ken Boyle, Yuen Chor. Writer: Daniel Ullman Director: Lam Ngai Kai Cinematographer: Chiu-Lam Ko Music: Gam Wing Shing Producer: Raymond Chow, Leonard Ho, Jing Wong Original Title: Yuan Zhen-Xia yu Wei Si-Li Alternate Title: Dr. Yuen and Wisely Promote It: Digg | del.icio.us Suit work! It's the two words that all young aspiring actors dread, but hey, when the rent is due and the cupboard's bare, a person's gotta do, what a person's gotta do, right? But where do you draw the line? Is appearing at your local metropolitan shopping centre as a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger acceptable? How about a cartoon character at a Hollywood theme park? Sure it's all show business, but walking around all day with a giant fibreglass cat's head on your shoulders can hardly be called acting. But I guess nobody can see the actor's face -- they get paid for the gig -- and they can keep auditioning for the big role that one day will make them a star. Then there's maybe the one or two actors who enjoy the anonymity of suit work. They enjoy being a part of the creative process, giving a performance, and at the end of the day, going home to their family without the pressures of celebrity. At this stage I feel an urge to talk about Barney The Dinosaur, but I will refrain at this stage.
But suit work doesn't belong solely to the world of children's entertainment. Where would we be without David Prowse, Peter Mayhew and Anthony Daniels all kitted out in the Star Wars movies? ...hang on, maybe they are kids films too! How about the guys who played aliens in Alien and Predator? And who can forget King Kong and Godzilla. Finally, where would Hong Kong cinema be without the guy who played the Ancient Ancestor in The Seventh Curse? Oh, you're not too familiar with that one...allow me to elaborate. Welcome to weird eighties Hong Kong horror. Pardon my French, ladies and gentlemen, but The Seventh Curse is one fucked up movie. Oh man, this film is all over the place, but at the same time, it is an incredibly enjoyable movie experience, one that I couldn't take my eyes off. I had no idea where the story was going and what was going to happen next. By the 22 minute mark, when the first of the many truly 'What the fffff...' moments occur, this film has you totally within it's long, spidery, and sometimes slimy grasp. The film opens at an elaborate cocktail party, with famous novelist, Mr. Yi being asked where he gets all the ideas for his fantastical stories. He says at parties like this. He says a good story starts with a good wine, and then begins to tell the story of Dr Yuan and Dr Wei -- both of whom happen to be at the party. The film then jumps to a siege situation. Police have surrounded a building, which houses six armed bandits and a group of hostages. One of these bandits is a sharpshooter and he shoots the negotiating police officer with the megaphone. This results in all police officers opening up on the building with a variety of weapons. In the firefight, the police accidentally shoot one of the hostages. The bullet doesn't kill him, but he has a heart attack. The bandits call for a cease fire, and ask that a doctor be sent in. The police call for the courageous Dr. Yuan (Siu-Hou Chin). The police ask Yuan, once inside, to plant a smoke bomb for them, so they can storm the building and save the day. Yuan agrees, and to assist him, a policewoman is to accompany him, posing as a nurse. Nosey reporter Tsai Hung (Maggie Chung), sees an opportunity for a scoop, and clocks the policewoman on the head with a brick and then assumes her nurses apparel and follows Dr. Yuan into the building. Of course Tsai Hung's meddling causes complication, but ultimately the smoke bomb goes off -- the police storm the building and kick the shit out of the bad guys. For his part Yuan is a hero, and now Tsai Hung wants to do a story on him. He is not interested and heads home. At home he has two surprises in store for him. The first is that there is a naked woman in his bathroom. And second, and not quite so welcome is a mysterious, black clad kung-fu guy named Heh Lung (Dick Wei). Heh Lung kicks Yuan's ass all around his home, destroying glass tables, bookshelfs, statues...everything and anything. But despite Heh Lung's aggressive and destructive demeanour, he is actually a friend and there to help Yuan. He says that Yuan has a 'blood spell' upon him, and will relapse soon. Yuan must go to Thailand. And he mentions that the girl has a 'ghost spell' on her. What girl? Yuan, at this stage, doesn't seem to comprehend what his ass-kicking friend is saying -- and we viewers are equally in the dark at this stage. Before leaving, Heh Lung also warns Yuan about having sex. This will only bring on the relapse of the 'blood curse' quicker.
After Heh Lung has left, Yuan ignores all warnings and engages in a bit of 'rumpy-pumpy' with his beautiful house guest. During their sexual encounter, strange things begin to happen to Yuan's leg. It is almost as if something is alive beneath the skin. Then all the veins begin to bulge, and then finally one of the veins erupts. Alarmed, Yuan seeks the advice of his rather comfortably dressed colleague Dr. Wei (Chow Yun Fan). Wei asks about the 'blood curse', and Yuan relates a story from one year ago... Yuan was part of a medical expedition to North Thailand, where they were searching for herbs that would benefit in the treatment of AIDS. The leader of the expedition, Professor (Ken Boyle) warms all members that they shouldn't wander off too far from the camp, because in a nearby camp is the Yunnan Maio Tribe. The Yunnan Maio are a worm tribe that specialises in witchcraft. So what does Yuan do? He wanders off from the camp. And at a rockpool, sees a beautiful tribeswoman, Ba Chu (Sau-Lai Tsui) swimming all but naked. Well the dialogue call her Ba Chu, but the subtitles call her 'Betsy'. Yuan is instantly smitten. He goes back to his camp and gathers a few friends, and they foolishly decide to pay a visit to the worm tribe's village. Every year, the worm tribe's ancient ancestor is awoken from his slumber, and is offered two people as a sacrifice. Overseeing the ritual is the Shaman, Aquala (Elvis Tsui). Aquala wants Ba Chu to be his mistress. When she refuses, he arranges for her to be one of the sacrificial victims. As Ba Chu is the daughter of the previous leader of the Yunnan Maio people, one tribesman speaks out against Aquala. However, the tribesman's act of dissent is short lived, as Aquala has a blood ghost hiding beneath his cloak. The blood ghost is a vicious worm muppet with sharp teeth. The muppet, er...blood ghost flies through the air onto the tribesman, and begins to chew on the guy's face and neck. Then the little blighter burrows into the guy's body and bursts out of the tribesman's chest. The scene is obviously inspired by Alien. Having successfully mutilated the objector, the blood ghost returns to Aquala and tucks itself, once again, behind his cape. After this spectacle, the rest of the Yunnan Maio people have no objections to Ba Chu's sacrifice. Yuan and the other men from the medical research team have been watching the ritual, and are a little shocked. Yuan decides to rescue Ba Chu, and he sends his colleagues back to camp to get weapons. Ba Chu and the other victim have been taken inside an underground temple. Before them, is a giant stone tomb. Aquala pours some blood on the lid of the tomb and then leaves the chamber. The stone lid flies off, and from a screen of smoke emerges the Ancient Ancestor. And I've got to admit, that Ancient Ancestor look exactly like you'd expect him to. He's a skeleton...albeit, a skeleton with glowing eyes. He rattles his way out of his crypt and makes his way towards Ba Chu. Just as it looks light it is curtains for Ba Chu, Yuan steps into the fray and engages in a kung-fu showdown with the ancient bag of bones. Yuan doesn't exactly win the fight, but somehow he manages to hold his own and free Ba Chu. Then both of them flee. Yuan drags Ba Chu back to the medical research expedition campsite, chased by legions of Yunnan Maio warriors. The tribesmen make short work of the medicos, leaving only the Professor and Yuan alive (and Ba Chu of course -- she is one of their own). The Professor and Yuan are dragged back to the temple, and are brought before Aquala, who plans amusing deaths for both men...amusing if you are a sick, twisted Shaman type, which Aquala is. For us normal people, it's all kinda icky. Firstly Aquala pours something on the Professors head. It acts instantly, and in seconds the Professor is screaming and ripping off his face, and if that isn't enough, then he rips open his stomach and a whole lot of worms wriggle out. I hope you're not reading this over dinner! Mmmm Mmmm.
Then Aquala turns his attention to Yuan. First he walks over to the body of a dead tribesman, burrows in and pulls something out -- I am not sure what it is -- but it can't be good. The Shaman then returns to Yuan and forces the objects down his throat. Immediately, the evil magic begins to work. Yuan begins to convulse and then blood blisters erupt all of his body. Aquala then leaves Yuan to die. This is the second time, that Aquala has just left people to die, without watching and checking to make sure. He is a lazy villain. As Yuan is left alone with no guards to watch him, he manages to escape, all the while; the giant blood blisters continue to burst. He makes his way to the rockpool where he first encountered Ba Chu and collapses. Ba Chu finds him. To revive him, she disrobes, produces a knife and cuts out a section of her left breast and feeds it to Yuan. Yuan passes out...and this is the end of the flashback sequence. We are back in Dr, Wei's office. Dr Wei tells Yuan what we already know -- he has a blood curse. As they sit in the office, Yuan experiences another rupture; his second. Wei tells him that he will suffer one blood curse a day, until the seventh day, when the curse will explode in his heart and he will die. As Yuan has already used up two days, he has five days to save himself. He immediately makes plans to go to Thailand and meet Heh Lung. It's now that Tsai Hung enters the room. She is Dr. Wei's cousin. Ever the persistent journalist, she is still after an interview with Yuan, and now insists upon going with Yuan to Thailand. Naturally both Yuan and Wei advise against it. But, you know, she's a reporter and heads along anyway. Now in Thailand the story rapidly moves along. I won't outline it all, or there will be no surprises left for those who choose to see this film, but needless to say Yuan soon teams up with Heh Lung and they start working out a way to cure Yuan's Blood Curse, and Ba Chu's Ghost Curse. And, luckily for them, there is a way. In a sacred temple, hidden in the eyes of a giant stone Buddha are two eggs filled with magic grain. Here the story moves into Indiana Jones territory, and as our two intrepid heroes start to climb the Bhudda, lot's of sharp pointing objects pop out. Not only do they have to contend with the booby traps, but also protecting the Buddha and the magic eggs is a team of butt-kicking monks. After a fast and furious battle on the statue, Yuan and Heh Lung retrieve the eggs. Yuan gobbles down the grain inside one, just in time as his seventh blood curse in about to erupt. So now Yuan is good. But you're probably wondering where the girls are during all this? Well they have got themselves captured by Aquala and now need rescuing. Aquala, the FIEND, has Tsai Hung and Ba Chu tied up, ready to be sacrificed to Ancient Ancestor. But in the nick of time, Yuan and Heh Lung arrive on the scene. Heh Lung knocks Aquala back onto the lid of Ancient Ancestor's tomb. Suddenly Ancient Ancestor's arm reaches out, grabs Aquala and drags him into the tomb, and no doubt carries out some nasty medical experiments on his body. Tsai Hung and Ba Chu are freed and the four of them make a run for it before Ancient Ancestor can climb out of the crypt once again. Strangely, and I never really got this, the large concrete tomb structure chases them. I mean it kinda drives down one of the passageways after them. Our four mortals are chased into a giant chamber, and the stone coffin races in after them. It crashes into a wall, the stone lid flies off and out creaks the skeletal form of Ancient Ancestor. But then strange things begin happening to Ancient Ancestor's bony structure. He starts to swell and mutate into another creature. This slimy full-bodied creature looks remarkably similar to the beasties in Alien, but I am sure no intentional plagiarism was meant -- just like the chest bursting scene earlier on -- it's just a lucky coincidence! At that moment, reinforcements sent by Dr. Wei arrive. They bring semi-automatic weapons and plenty of people for Ancient Ancestor to kill. This new incarnation of Ancient Ancestor is a lot more dexterous than the kung-fu skeleton. This bad boy can fly and has pointy claws to grab, slash and mutilate the disposable underlings in the chamber. Which he does, very effectively. I ask you, is there anything more threatening in filmdom than a 'man in a monster suit'? Yep! A 'man in a monster suit on wires'! This motherfucker just won't stand still and be killed like any normal monster. No, he has to jump and fly about the chamber. He's not one to give our heroes a sporting chance.
Now I don't want to give everything away, but of course this film has a slam bang ending which features the slimy rubber Ancient Ancestor, the killer muppet, and Chow Yun Fat. Yep, Dr. Wei finally does something. One of the running jokes throughout the movie, is that Dr. Wei never gets involved in the action. He continually says 'you go ahead, I'll join you later!' Well this is 'later', and Dr. Wei turns up carrying a bloody great rocket launcher. Here I have outlined large portions of the plot for you, but words cannot do the visuals justice. This is one film that has to be seen to be believed -- whether it be kung-fu skeletons, flying killer muppets, or the 'man in a monster suit on wires' -- this film has some crazy scenes. As you may have ascertained from the plot description, this film features quite a bit of gore. Those of you who have read any of my other reviews will know that I'm a squeamish kind of guy. But in this film, everything is so stylised and jaw-droppingly out there, I didn't feel put-off by the more bloody aspects of this film. There is a truly weird psychosexual undercurrent to The Seventh Curse, which cannot be ignored. If you think about it too much, you may find it a tad unsettling...then again, it may excite you and add to your viewing experience. In no particular order, here are some of the twisted sexual imagery that The Seventh Curse showcases. Firstly, when we first witness Yuan's blood curse, as I mentioned earlier, it arrives mid coitus. It manifests itself with Yuan's veins in his legs bulging, and ends with an orgasmic eruption over his partners face. It may be a mild horror moment, but it owes more to John Stagliano than John Carpenter. The next strange sequence involves Ba Chu's revival of Yuan, after the Shaman initially infects him with the blood curse. Ba Chu revives him by cutting out a section of her breast and feeding it to Yuan. I suppose in a clumsy symbolic way, a breast gives life by providing nutrition for babies, so eating a piece of a life giving breast, will er,...give life. But I don't think this film works on that level. I get the feeling, that the film-makers asked the question 'What will freak out the audience the most?' Then we come to Aquala, The Shaman of the Worm Tribe. The fact that they are a 'worm tribe' should tell you something? When we first meet Aquala he kills a tribesman by releasing the Blood Ghost upon him. They may calls this creature a Blood Ghost (well in the subtitles anyway), but the mini-beast looks like a cross between a penis and a tadpole. Aquala fires off this creature to do his killing for him. It almost a symbol of his extreme male potency -- all this from a character who has a squeaky effeminate voice. I could go on, but I don't really know what all this means. I am not a psychologist or a sex therapist, but it's all kinda creepy. It probably just means I have a diseased mind, but then again, I didn't make a film about a flying 'dick with teeth'. Well I have dragged this review into the gutter for long enough. It's time to climb out into the light and talk about the stunts. Those of you who have seen the film know what I am going to say, don't you! There's this scene where Yuan and Heh Lung drive their four-wheel-drive into the Worm Tribe Village. As the vehicle crashes through the huts and clotheslines, all the tribe members go scurrying for their lives. Unfortunately one of the 'scurryees' did not scurry quite quickly enough and is collected quite solidly by the four-wheel-drive. I don't know what the aftermath of this stunt was, but it can't be good.
If you'll pardon my very clumsy analogy, The Seventh Curse is a bit like the blood curse in the movie. Once you have seen this film, it slowly infects your whole body, and while your veins don't explode, there is a certain amount of 'verbal' eruption. I have told so many people about this film since I have seen it. I just want to infect everyone with it's dynamic exuberance. And I hope by reading this review, that some of that 'infection' has rubbed off on you. If you haven't seen The Seventh Curse, track down a copy, switch on your lava lamp, pull up your candy coloured beanbag, pour yourself a decent measure of Scotch (you're gonna need it) and prepare to be thoroughly entertained! Before signing off on this review, it's best that I go back to 'suit work' and 'men in monster suits', where we started. In a film like The Seventh Curse, you cannot hire any hack actor to jump into the monster suit, especially with the wire-work and stunts featured in the film. You need someone tall, strong and acrobatic. And you need them to be acrobatic while wearing a giant rubber suit. Whoever the guy is in The Seventh Curse, my hat comes off to him. He is a master of his profession. Sure he could have eked out a living playing a jolly green dinosaur at a local shopping centre, but instead chose to push the boundaries of suit work. His spinning, twisting, aerial display sets a standard that other men in monster suits can only help to emulate. ![]() Labels: B-Masters Roundtable, Country: Hong Kong, Horror: Just Plain Weird, Year: 1986 posted by David at 6:26 PM | 3 Comments Thursday, May 08, 2008The Maze Release Year: 1953Country: United States Starring: Richard Carlson, Veronica Hurst, Katherine Emery, Michael Pate, John Dodsworth, Hillary Brooke, Stanley Fraser, Lillian Bond, Owen McGiveney, Robin Hughes. Writer: Daniel Ullman Director: William Cameron Menzies Cinematographer: Harry Neumann and William Menzies Music: Marlin Skiles Producer: Richard Heermance, Walter Mirisch Promote It: Digg | del.icio.us There are a lot of times when I don't remember a movie (sometimes mere hours after watching it), but I remember a particular scene or vague theme from the movie. This has come up several times before. For instance, before I rewatched it, all I could remember about Treasure of the Four Crowns was the scene where fireballs on ridiculously visible wires were flying around. With Sword and the Sorcerer, even though I watched that movie about seven billion times when I was ten years old, all I could remember was "guy falls into room of naked women" and "guy makes witch's chest explode, then catches her heart." Although there were many times when I remembered both the scene and the title of the movie in which it appeared, there are many other times when I have no recollection at all of the film's title. It is in these instances that the Internet has proven to finally be worth all the trouble. Thousands and thousands of years of social and technological evolution finally lead to the moment when I can look up "screaming banshee on moors" and find out in which movie it appears. That movie was, of course, Darby O'Gill and the Little People. I thought it was Cry of the Banshee, but when I rewatched that film, I found that it contained no screaming banshee on the moors, or any banshee of any type for that matter. Luckily, the internet was there for me. And it was there for me again, very recently, when I was trying to remember the title of a movie about which all I could recall was, "frog man in center of hedge maze." Actually, I remembered one other scene, which was of a woman looking out a dusty window and seeing some creepy guy in a cape dashing across the moonlit lawn, but it turns out that was a bizarre combination of a bit from The Maze combined with a bit from, I've been told, Munsters Go Home.
This time, the movie was The Maze, and when I finally tracked it down (because even if something isn't in print, the internet also helps you find old copies), I discovered two ways in which my memory was faulty. First, of course, was the fact that I couldn't remember the title of the movie I'd seen. Second, it turns out I'd never seen the movie. Yet still the concept "frog man in center of hedge maze" haunted me. It turns out that, when I was a little kid, my mother used to tell me the plot of this movie as a spooky bedtime story. Granted, stories about murderous frog men lurking in the center of a hedge maze may seem like a strange bedtime story, but I was a strange kid, and anyway, children's bedtime stories used to be all full of cannibalism and witches and trolls who steal the fingernails of naughty little boys and girls who don't eat their stinky boiled kale. In comparison to the Grimm Brothers' fairy tales, regaling me with the adventures of a man-frog in a hedge maze is small potatoes. But it did result in me spending most of my life thinking I'd seen the movie -- which, as I explained, I discovered to be untrue once I actually did watch it. It also fueled, or so my theory goes, by continuing obsession with hedge mazes, especially hedge mazes that are occupied by weird magical creatures and monsters. Preferably sexy, naked nymphs and such, because if I have to be murdered by a charming but malicious magical being, I'd much rather it be a sexy flying girl with pointy ears and no clothes than a lurching man-frog in a threadbare suit or a shirtless guy with goat legs and a fondness for Zamfir records. While I was disappointed in the subjectivity of my memory -- what other grand adventures are merely lies I told myself so many times that even I started to believe them -- I was happy to have this movie on hand to watch for the first time, even if the big reveal of the ghoulish dark family secret was already known to me. In fact, knowing the shock ending ahead of time is probably or th better. If you went into this film with some degree of anticipation, after all, the big reveal would be something of a letdown, to say the least. Conversely, if you go into a movie knowing little about it other than "frog man in center of hedge maze," it's much easier to be pleasantly surprised by the bulk of the film and pleasantly amused by the shoddiness of the nightmarish man in a monster suit waiting for you at the center of the labyrinth.
The Maze is a film tailor-made to appeal to me. It has a gloomy castle, gratuitous fog, a hedge maze, a cute woman in a bullet bra, creepy butlers, secret passages, and a "jolly good, old chap" kind of guy who smokes a pipe and enjoys motoring through the countryside whilst wearing his Harris tweed. And, of course, it's got the man-frog. It's black and white, and since it's the sort of movie that is unlikely to ever be lovingly restored -- that exhaustive process being restricted to classic works of art like Caligula and Zombie Lake -- it remains available primarily in grainy, murky bootleg copies. Now, I've never been a quality freak, especially for old films. For newer ones, yeah sure. I want them looking the way they're supposed to, at the correct aspect ration, in the correct language, with all the scenes intact. But for a lot of old films, I kind of like seeing them all grainy and beat up, with the dust specks and the random missing frames and that greatest of old film friends, the stray piece of hair. Not that I would turn down a proper copy of The Maze, or of any old film, but having a pristine and remastered version doesn't mean that I'll be willing to get rid of my crappy old copy. What I would like to see is a copy of The Maze that restores the film to its full 3D glory, even though from what I can judge, the 3D would be pretty lackluster, unless you are really excited by gratuitous "bat flies at the camera" 3D effects. Gerald MacTeam (Richard Carlson) is about to married to his lovely fiancee, Kitty (Veronica Hurst), and to celebrate they are frolicking in some sun-kissed paradise with, for some reason, Kitty's dry-witted aunt Edith (Katherine Emery). Fun in the sun is interrupted when Gerald gets an urgent telegram from his uncle. It turns out that Gerald has a family castle in the highlands of Scotland, and all sorts of weird things happen in it. As a boy, Gerald remembers being locked in his room at night whenever he and his family visited the castle, and that there was a massive hedge maze into which no one was ever allowed. He departs to tend to whatever emergency his uncle has been contacted about, but Kitty and Edith become increasingly worried when they receive no word from him. When a letter does arrive, it only distresses them more. Gerald calls off the wedding, breaks his engagement to Kitty, and forbids them from ever visiting or contacting him again. Kitty is understandably perplexed, and rather than merely accept Gerald bizarre, out of the blue proclamation, she and Edith pack up and head for Scotland to see what's up at the ominously named Craven Castle. Gerald is, needless to say, distressed by their sudden arrival, just as they are distressed by the fact that his hair has turned white and he seems to have aged considerably. He is adamant that they must leave immediately, but Kitty keeps devising excuses to stick around until she has figured out what the heck is going on and why Gerald has suddenly become so hostile and elusive. Clues begin to prevent themselves later that very night, when they hear Gerald and his two servants dragging something out of the off-limits guard tower and into the maze. Kitty discovers a secret passage in her room that leads to a long-forgotten room with a window (most of the windows in the castle have long since been bricked up) and observes the men hauling something into the maze. On the second night, Edith fakes out Gerald and leaves her room before it is locked for the night. While exploring the castle, she stumbles across...some hideous thing...that scurries from her view an disappears into the shadows before she can get a proper look at it. This tears it for Gerald, who insists that they get lost. Kitty counters by arranging to have a group of their friends show up, hoping that familiar faces and friendship will snap Gerald out of his funk and force him to come clean about the mysterious shenanigans. Her scheme almost works. Gerald even smiles at some point. But then it all goes horribly wrong. Everything comes to a head that night, and the horrible truth is revealed.
The Maze depends heavily on atmosphere. For the bulk of the movie, very little actually happens. Small tidbits are thrown the viewer's way to keep them interested -- a fleeting glimpse of a glistening creature, a weird webbed footprint, the frequent foreboding stares of the butlers -- but if this sort of movie isn't your thing, it's going to bore you pretty quickly. Lucky for me, this sort of movie is my thing, and I found the whole thing engrossing. Richard Carlson, who already had a long list of credits, including at least one other Scotland-based horror tale (an episode of Lights Out entitled "The Devil in Glencairn"), does a wonderful job of transforming Gerald from happy-go-lucky regular guy to world-weary crank, and he does so in a manner that makes you both sympathetic (you know he bears some horrible family secret) and irritated (why won't he just trust someone?). But then, I guess I've never had a giant frog for a great great great great uncle, so who am I to judge? I do, however, have an uncle who refuses to put his teeth in, and I don't think it's an entirely dissimilar circumstance. Veronica Hurst, aside from being gorgeous, also does fairly well with a character who stays within the realistic bounds of femininity at the time (oh for the days women investigated unspeakable horrors whilst dressed in a shimmering cocktail dress and heels) but also emerges as strong-willed and determined in her unwillingness to simply let Gerald be a spooky jerk. That said, she may be one of the worst amateur sleuths in the history of amateur sleuthing. Although she constantly foils Gerald's plans to send her and Edith away, nothing ever really comes of the time she buys herself. Edith, for that matter, is set up as sort of the stolid voice of reason, but her sneaking about never bears much fruit, either. It gets to be frustrating at points, and even though both women are fairly well portrayed for the time, one can't help but with there was a bit more of the modern in them, thus allowing Kitty to grab Gerald by his tweed lapels and knock some sense into him. I mean, he has a dark spooky family secret, but it's not that dark or spooky. Kitty sort of stand sup to him by defying his orders to skedaddle, but it would have been nice to see her actually confront the guy and not let him glower and frown his way out of it. The supporting cast,lead by Katherine Emery as Edith and Michael Pate as William the butler, is also excellent. With the exception of Veronica Hurst, who was only in her very early twenties at the time, The Maze is yet another in a long line of classic examples of how a film can be lent an added air of gravity and importance by filling the cast with actual adults rather than teenagers. These are all experienced players, and they handle the film with dedication, so much so that when the final reveal of the creature proves to be somewhat comical both by today's standards as well as, I would assume, the standards of the time, it hardly matters. They sell it regardless, and after the initial guffaw at the sight of this man-frog, The Maze makes it really easy to get over creature design short-comings. It helps that the creature is only on screen for a brief moment, but what helps more is that the entire cast sells the tragedy of the situation.
There is also some attempt to justify scientifically the appearance of the creature, who it turns out, is a horribly deformed member of the MacTeam family. Kitty discovers Gerald reading a book about human deformation, and Gerald explains that the human fetus goes through many stages of evolution before obtaining its final form, including one that is amphibian in nature. As with most horror film science, the end result is somewhat dubious but wholly believable within the confines of the film's reality. Once again, this is the product of a cast that is committed to selling the plot of the film, even at its most outlandish moments. Complimenting and, usually, overpowering the cast is the cinematography, production design, and director. William Cameron Menzies isn't exactly a well-known name among modern horror fans, but he directed a number of early horror efforts, including 1931's The Spider and 1932's Chandu the Magician, both films that drew heavily upon the world of magic and illusionists, as well as 1936's Things to Come (based on the predictions of H.G. Wells) and 1940's The Thief of Baghdad. However, what's probably more important to the success of The Maze is his long career and vast experience as a production designer and art director. In this role, Menzies is perhaps better known. His experience in this field reaches as far back as 1918 and includes a whole slew of famous films such as the 1924 version of The Thief of Bagdhad, Pride of the Yankees, and in 1939, a little something called Gone with the Wind. A couple Oscars and a few other assorted awards later, he found himself directing The Maze, as well as serving as the film's art and production designer. These multiple roles make it possible to say that the movie is, every step of the way, the director's vision. It also means that the guy responsible for the burning of Atlanta sequence is also the guy responsible for the man-frog in this film. Menzies was no stranger to horror of science fiction, having previously directed the sci-fi cult classic Invaders from Mars. Although the direction itself in The Maze is best characterized as "blandly competent," the unassuming nature of the direction allows the mood to take center stage. And that's a wise decision, since it's the film's strongest character and was obviously the aspect in which Menzies was more interested. We barely get a glimpse of Craven Castle (obviously because of budgetary concerns -- this is a low budget film, after all), but when we do, it is all twisted brambles and gnarled trees. When Kitty and Edith first arrive, the moors are awash in fog. Everything inside the castle is shadows and gloom. Even when sets aren't draped in moroseness and cobwebs, it feels like they are. When the atmosphere takes front stage, the film is very effective. When it relies on the script, it is decidedly less so. And even within Menzies' otherwise acceptable if pedestrian directing style, there are a number of curious decisions. Most noticeable is the bizarre set-up during narration sequences featuring Katherine Emery, which are framed so that she is visible from the chin up at the very bottom of the screen, with the rest of the frame filled with nondescript ceiling and room. If I had to guess, I would say this was not an artistic decision, but was rather the product of a camera being improperly positioned and there not being enough time, money, or interest in reshooting these sequences. Still, these are minor gaffes in comparison to the film's biggest misstep, which is promising a horrible monster terrifying beyond all belief and then delivering...well, you know by now.
Augie Lohman was the special effects supervisor, so one has to assume that blame for the appearance of The Maze's signature monster should be pinned on him -- though Menzies ultimately made the decision to go with the creation. Judging by his long list of credits, which includes special effects for everything from John Huston's Moby Dick to Barbarella, one has to assume that Lohman was good at what he did. But The Maze represents his first real foray into the realm of the fantastic, having previously worked on adventure and crime films. I don't know if it was his relative inexperience (hard to believe since three years later he was working magic in Moby Dick), or a function of time and money that resulted in the final product. To some degree, he was hamstrung by the story. The Maze was based on a novel by Maurice Sandoz, so the nature of the beast as already set. I would imagine that even the most adept effects man in the early 1950s would have a hard time when saddled with the assignment "make me a man-frog!" Modern effects technology could probably dream up something more effective, but then, modern scripting would probably ditch the idea of a frog entirely and go with something more legitimately terrifying, like a boll weevil or a marmoset. So maybe Lohman was just faced with an impossible task and did the best he could. Which, in all honesty, was pretty bad. If you didn't know ahead of time that the monster was going to be a colossal let-down, then that first reveal, when Kitty stumbled upon the creature while wandering desperately through the maze, would pretty much undo all the hard work the atmosphere of dread put into the rest of the film. To make matters worse, rather than walking upright like a man, the frog creature is down on all fours -- which might have worked it the suit was designed to better mimic a four-legged creature. Instead, it's designed in the same way that the Anguilas costume from the Godzilla movies was designed, meaning that the hind legs are bent because the guy in the suit is just crawling around. And as if that wasn't enough, it seems like even the makers of The Maze couldn't justify trying to pass off a frog's "ribbit" as a terrifying noise and so instead rely on...elephant noises? Huh. How about that? The end effect is singularly laughable. On the scale of scary animals, frogs have to be at the bottom of the list. I mean, maybe even lower than giant killer bunnies. Sure, some people think frogs are "icky," and like me, many of you know from first-hand knowledge that if you catch one, they are going to defend themselves by peeing on your hand, but other than that, the number of people genuinely terrified by frogs must be very small and limited to a few women who had bad experiences as girls with naughty little country boys dropping frogs down the back of their dress (not that I ever did that to anyone), and members of various Amazonian tribes who have to deal with those frogs that are the size of a fingernail but will cause you to die an agonizing and certain death by poison if you touch them. Oh, and maybe Spider-Man, who I think once tackled a dastardly frog guy. Even the Australians, who have come as close to anyone to doing actual real world combat against giant frogs, consider them a nuisance more than a nightmare of hell that will cause a woman to hold her left hand up in front of her face while biting the knuckles on her right. I mean, sure. If I was out at night, wandering through the hedge maze of a spooky Scottish castle, and I stumbled upon a gigantic frog, I'm sure I'd be taken aback, perhaps even a little startled. But once the initial shock wears off, and provided he doesn't shoot a gigantic sticky tongue out at me, I think I'd recover fairly quickly and go into "I say, that's a tremendously large frog you have there, old chap" mode -- which is a mode I go into with disturbing frequency. It should be noted, however, that the above statement is only suitable for instances in which you encounter an actual giant frog in a hedge maze or a haunted cove. Saying "I say, that's a tremendously large frog you have there, old chap" whilst in a gym locker room or standing at the urinals lends the phrase an entirely different and perhaps controversial air.
In the end, though, the monster is played more for tragedy than terror, so if you know in advance that the build-up is let down by what's being built up to, you can relax and enjoy the rest of the movie, have you chuckle at the sight of the monster when it finally shows up, then move on with very little harm done. There have certainly been sillier looking monsters (Giant Claw, I'm looking in your direction), but few that are surrounded by as much somber atmosphere and seriousness. I have a tremendous affinity for this film, even though I think when my mom told it to me as a bedtime story, she changed things up a bit. Because I'm pretty sure in my version of the movie, the man-frog lived in the center of the maze (in actuality, he lives in the locked guard tower and is carried tot he maze at night so he can swim in the pond in its center) and the dragging and scraping sounds were made by the servants dragging some poor chump out to the maze to be eaten alive (the reality in the movie being that the monster never actually kills anyone, though one maid dies of fright upon seeing it). But still, after setting the record straight in my own mind, I still think The Maze is an enjoyable, if somewhat silly, film that boasts some tremendous mood and a hearty chuckle. The script does tend to run in place for too long -- Kitty diligently investigates the situation but never makes any real progress -- but I have a pretty high tolerance for films comprised mostly of well-dressed people sitting in comfortable chairs, sipping scotch and pondering things. I didn't find The Maze to be boring even when it was biding its time, and I think the build-up is quite nice even if the pay-off is more side-splitting than horrifying. Screenwriter Daniel Ullman, who worked mostly in television but also wrote the screenplay for Mysterious Island (where his script is once again upstaged by production design and special effects), redeems himself int he film's final moments, which actually succeed in making you feel sorry for our doomed man-frog beastie, but the bulk of The Maze, be warned, is people sitting in chairs discussing things that should be resolved much quicker than they are. So I reckon if you are looking for a great monster and cracking good dialog, you're probably better off elsewhere. But I found a lot to like in The Maze, even if my mom's version of the movie was better, and I would gladly wander through it again...even knowing what's waiting in the center for me. ![]() ![]() Labels: B-Masters Roundtable, Horror: Just Plain Weird, Year: 1953 posted by Keith at 4:16 PM | 0 Comments Monday, April 07, 2008Hausu Release Year: 1977Country: Japan Starring: Kimiko Ikegami, Yoko Minamida, Kumiko Ohba, Saho Sasazawa, Haruko Wanibuchi, Eriko Tanaka, Miki Jinbo, Masayo Miyako, Mitsutoshi Ishigami Director: Nobuhiko Obayashi Writers: Chiho Katsura, Nobuhiko Obayashi Cinematographer: Yoshitaka Sakamoto Music: Asei Kobayashi, Micky Yoshino Producer: Nobuhiko Obayashi Promote It: Digg | del.icio.us I once read a review on some site that contained the statement "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is not for everyone", which is my favorite line ever from an online review of a cult movie. Not only is it admirable for being refreshingly direct, but also for how it so clearly provides the guidance that we depend on from such reviews. It makes you truly grateful that the internet exists, especially if you're one of those people who might otherwise have considered purchasing Slaughtered Vomit Dolls as a Mothers Day gift. In the spirit of those words, then, I would like to begin this review by stating that Hausu, the 1977 debut feature from Japanese director Nobuhiko Obayashi, is not for everyone. However, if you are one of those people whom Hausu is for (or for whom Hausu is?), I think that you will find it not only fascinating, but addictive. I myself have seen it five times now, and it's a testament to its uniqueness that each time I watch it I find myself surprised anew at just how strange it is. It's as if it contains too much that's beyond the normal frame of reference for the brain to adequately retain it all. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is one of the most unique horror films that I have ever seen. Obayashi came to Hausu from a background in television advertising, and, in making it, he not only employs all of the tricks of that trade, but also turns many of them on their head. This is a film in which no fraction of any one frame escapes being stylized to within an inch of its life. In addition to working with a woozy pallet of saturated and uniformly unnatural colors (not to mention a chaotic sound design), Obayashi uses every special effect technique available at the time, in concert with a large repertoire of "naive" optical effects not typically seen since the early talkies, to create layers of visual and aural signals that constantly bombard the viewer at every level. While this can at times come off like a first-time director simply showing off, the film is far from an empty exercise in style. Hausu is simply energized by too much passion (and perhaps rage) for there not to be a vision--and heart--behind its madness. Obayashi, at least in his early directing years, seemed to be drawn to fantastic stories that centered on school-aged protagonists, especially those that played on themes of teenage angst (his other films include Exchange Students, The Little Girl Who Conquered Time and the manga adaptation Drifting Classroom), and Hausu is no exception, following the fate of a close knit group of seven teenaged schoolgirls. Of these seven, only the ethereally beautiful Oshare (Kimiko Ikegami) is provided with any kind of back-story--or character, for that matter. The remaining six are simply an assortment of types, each paired down to a descriptive nickname and one corresponding signature behavior: Mack (for "stomach") overeats; Fanta (Kumiko Ohba) is prone to romantic daydreams; Melody (Eriko Tanaka) plays piano; Kung Fu (Miki Jinbo) practices Kung Fu and has her own action theme music, etc. Collectively these girls inhabit a world straight out of a seventies Saturday morning cereal commercial, one in which people rise to greet the day with arms outstretched to the sun as cartoon rainbows play across the horizon to the strains of treacly soft rock. As Obayashi presents it, you wouldn't be at all surprised if one of those freaky psychedelic football mascots from Syd and Marty Kroft's PuffnStuff or Lidsville were to bound into frame at any moment. Oshare's life outside of the group, however, is presented a little differently, though in no less cavity-promoting terms. Hers is a world of movie-fuelled romanticism with the kitsch level pushed to belligerent extremes (think Douglas Sirk on eleven): Beyond the balcony of her father's high-rise flat, a permanent artificial sunset stretches across the sky like a glorious, lurid bruise, and, as we watch Oshare, all of the camera's means of idealizing dewy young womanhood--gauzy soft focus, halo lighting, fan-blown hair captured in dreamy slow motion--are amped to the level of the grotesque. Taken together, the world that's presented in the first section of Hausu is one in which a malignant, over-ripe greeting card sentimentality has poisoned the very atmosphere. And, given that, it should come as no surprise that rottenness lurks just around the corner--or, at least, just a short train ride away. Things start to turn when Oshare, heartbroken over the prospect of her widowed father marrying a creepily serene younger woman named Ryoko (Haruko Wanibuchi), reaches out to her beloved dead mother's sister, an aunt (Yoko Minamida) whom she hasn't seen for many years. That aunt has remained in the family home, alone, honoring a decades old promise to wait for the man to whom she was engaged, even though, as we have seen, he was long ago killed in the war that took him away in the first place. (In keeping with the psychotically chipper tone of Hausu's first act, the flashback of the aunt's tragic story is played out as a silent era film while, on the soundtrack, the girls coo inanely over how cute and quaint it all looks.) The aunt in return invites Oshare and her friends to come stay at the remote family house for the holiday. Quickly after the group of girls arrives at the house it becomes apparent that, not just something, but everything isn't right. The aunt, they eventually learn, has long ago died and become a ghost whose vengeful spirit has infected the very house itself. Furthermore, in order to maintain itself, the house must literally devour any virgin girl who steps within it. It is at this point that Hausu resoundingly turns against its first half, and the opening scenes' creepy yet chaste fetishizing of the young girls gives way to an explosive sexuality so uncontainable that it literally permeates and animates the physical environment that they inhabit. It is also at this point that Hausu takes on the structure of a conventional modern horror film, with the girls being picked off one by one by a variety of gory means. But the nature of those means, given that it's the house itself that is implementing them--combined with the delirious, candy colored nightmare of their presentation--makes those sequences anything but conventional. The scene in which we watch Melody getting eaten, and then digested, by a grand piano is probably the most memorable, but there are a number of others that equal it in terms of their combined horror and absurdity. Obayashi here performs a neat (and, to my mind, never repeated) trick by drawing on the queasy, hallucinatory imagery of Italian horror directors like Argento, while replacing their languid, dreamy pacing with the sugar rush velocity of a particularly demented Saturday morning cartoon. The result is as intoxicating as it is overwhelming. Hausu, perhaps surprisingly, dates very well. Despite its surface appearance, it manages to escape itself being 1970s kitsch by presciently recognizing that kitsch for what it was in its own time. From that vantage point, it can treat those treacly feel good excesses, not with nostalgic affection or condescending dismissal, but as a telling symptom of something malignant underneath. It may just be wishful thinking, but I like to believe that it's no coincidence that Hausu came out in the year commonly associated with the birth of punk--that, though not apparent on the surface, hidden within it is a mischievous punk sensibility. After all, what better symbol of everything that punk rose up against than the smiley face? If Obayashi did not officially count himself among punk's practitioners, he at least attacked that symbol and everything it stood for with a bile and passion equal to theirs. Hausu also benefits greatly by comparison to contemporary Japanese horror movies, which typically suffer from their makers' grim determination to make every moment pregnant with ominousness and foreboding--with the end result being films that are pretty much uniformly tedious and annoying. In contrast, Hausu, a film that is rich with humor and a subversive sense of play, not only delivers a number of effective scares, but also manages to be profoundly disturbing as a whole. At a time when it is becoming distressingly apparent that the Japanese have forgotten how to make horror movies that are actually scary, it might just be that their film industry could take a lesson from Hausu. Perhaps they could learn from it that their taking the horror genre too seriously could be the very thing that is leeching it of all of its horror, and that it's time to bring a sense of fun and mischief back into the process. The American film industry, on the other hand, should continue in their benevolent ignorance of Hausu, because no one wants to see a remake of it starring cast members of Gossip Girl. So, if you think that Hausu is for you, that's the good news. The bad news is that, though long a soft and grainy staple of the grey market, Hausu is, as of this writing, only legitimately available as a German PAL region DVD without English subtitles. That shouldn't be too much of a deterrent, however, because its simple story and emphasis on visuals make it a perfect example of the type of film that's easy to enjoy without understanding the spoken language. Still, given the ready availability of so many old Japanese genre titles on the market, it's somewhat astonishing that no one has seen fit to give a film as ripe for cult appreciation as Hausu a proper American release. Mind you, it's no Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, but it still deserves to be seen. Labels: Country: Japan, Horror: Just Plain Weird, Studio: Toho, Year: 1977 posted by Todd at 1:03 PM | 1 Comments Monday, March 05, 2007Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf
DIGG THIS ARTICLE. 1985, United States/some Eastern European country. Starring Christopher Lee, Annie McEnroe, Reb Brown, Marsha Hunt, Sybil Danning, Judd Omen. Directed by Phillipe Mora. Written by Gary Brandner and Robert Sarno. Buy it from Amazon
![]() There are those among us who, in a moment of moral weakness, find themselves unwilling or unable to turn away from a grisly situation. As to the psychological motivations behind this tendency, they are legion and vary from person to person. Perhaps it is a desire to affirm that someone is worse off than you, that even though your rent is overdue and your daughter is hopped up on the goofballs, at least you're not a corpse being yanked out of some twisted, smoldering wreckage along the interstate. Perhaps, instead, it is little more than a reflex reaction symptomatic of the seemingly insatiable human hunger for spectacle, however grim it may be. Perhaps, in some, it is a genuine perversity, a wicked satisfaction gleaned from witnessing the suffering of others. And finally, it may be that some of us look out of guilt -- that we are torn between not making a gawking spectacle of suffering and ignoring suffering. Whatever the case may be, the urge is there, commonplace, and hardly solely the purview of the misanthropic. It manifests itself in a variety of forms, everything from slowing down to stare at a traffic accident to gathering on the street corner to gawk at a crime scene to greedily devouring the sensationalist news about the sordid downfall of a celebrity. Or, in my own peculiar case, it manifests itself in a complete inability to not watch Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf every single time I run across it on television.
I have no reasonable explanation for my addiction. At least heroin makes you feel good for a little while. I garner no pleasure from my addiction to Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. There is no benefit to me in staying up until three in the morning yet again just because Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf happens to be on. And yet there I am, never the less, Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf on the television, a tumbler of bourbon in my hand to help dull the pain, and a deep-seated loathing of myself gnawing away at my very soul as I catch myself tapping my foot in time with that horrid pseudo new wave band that appears in the opening scene. But as much as my hate myself in the morning, as much as my addiction may cripple me socially and bankrupt me morally, I can still go to bed at night with a single dab of salve to soothe my troubled conscience: at least I wasn't in the movie, which is more than venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee can say.
In 1981, up and coming horror film luminary Joe Dante (who would give the world one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time in 1984, and had already given the world Piranha) teamed up with writers Terence Winkless and John Sayles (of all people!) to direct The Howling, an updated werewolf tale released at roughly the same time as John Landis' An American Werewolf in London. It was a good year to be a werewolf (better than the year in which Van Helsing was released, anyway), because both films were greeted with enthusiasm by fans and praise from a number of hot shot critics. Sequels were in order, but while Landis' film had to wait roughly sixteen years to get its first godawful sequel, Dante's own werewolf film wasted no time. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, also known as Stirba: Werewolf Bitch, was released in 1985 and quickly went down in history (and flames) as one of the worst goddamned movies anyone had ever seen. I'm not really one to argue -- almost nothing about this film resembles anything remotely close to competence. The script by Robert Sarno and Gary Brandner (who's never written anything but Howling scripts) is dreadful. Direction by Phillipe Mora is passable, but there's a reason he didn't go on from here to direct movies that weren't Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills. The acting is almost uniformly awful, anchored as it is by none other than our good friend Reb Brown, last seen on Teleport City back when we reviewed Yor, The Hunter from the Future, and an embarrassed venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee, who must have been thinking that all those Dracula roles he bitched about his whole career were looking pretty good now that he had appear in movies like this or the one where he fights Chuck Norris. Oh, there's also Sybil Danning as the alternate title titular werewolf queen (or bitch), Stirba. And some chick named Annie McEnroe who was in Warlords of the 21st Century.
And yet, as undeniably bad as it all is, there I am, every time it's on television. And what makes it worse is that I own the DVD! I own the goddamn DVD, and still I watch it whenever it's on television. Let this be a lesson to anyone who ever takes my advice on anything; if you ever find yourself faced with a difficult decision and ask yourself, "What would Keith from Teleport City do?" then your immediate next thought should be, "Who cares? That guy watches Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf all the time." Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf is one of those early movies, alongside classics such as Beastmaster and Revenge of the Ninja that I got to see thanks to a friend with cable television (I couldn't just have him tape them for me though, because while he had a newfangled VHS machine, my family went Betamax). But even nostalgia can't excuse my adoration of this truly unwatchable film. Things start out OK. Venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee shows up to harass Ben (Reb Brown), who is supposed to be the brother of one of the chicks who turned into a werewolf in the first movie. Ben and and his girlfriend Jenny Templeton (Annie McEnroe) don't take too kindly to this nine-foot-tall guy lurking around the cemetery during the sister's funeral, constantly walking up to them and, in gravest tone imaginable, delivering the line, "Your sister is a werewolf," over and over. When, during the next full moon, the sister does spring forth from her tomb and make with the lycanthropy, they are more disposed toward believing venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee, whose character is named Stefan Crosscoe (oh good grief -- did a spooky high schooler come up with that name? At least it wasn't Chris I. Fixtion or something).
Somehow through a series of events I don't care about, they all end up going to Transylvania together, because it is the heart of werewolf power. But they don't do that before venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee gets to go to the punky club and put on a pair of those plastic wrap-around new wave sunglasses. If any scene justifies watching this movie, this is it. But when, "venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee dons amusing new wave sunglasses" is the high point of your movie, you know you're in trouble. Actually, pretty much everyone agrees that if there is a high point in this movie, it's "werewolf orgy," but we haven't gotten to that part yet, and honestly, it's not as good as " venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee dons amusing new wave sunglasses." When "werewolf orgy" isn't as good as "venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee dons amusing new wave sunglasses," you're in ever deeper trouble than you were when it was just " venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee dons amusing new wave sunglasses."
So next we're in one of those secret warehouse clubs where the usual assortment of movie punks/new wavers/dominatrixes/neon freaks are hanging out listening to a crummy band called Babel -- and by "crummy," I mean, yes, I did search around for mp3s. I couldn't help myself. While the band goes through their wolfy song about howling (what a coincidence!), a hot chick named Mariana picks up a couple of typical goofball movie punks who I'm sure had names like Razor and Chainlink and Puke. She shows them her boobs (quite nice of her), then turns into...I guess it's a werewolf. It looks more like one of those monkey men from 2001 though. Anyway, she gets all hairy and toothy and rips them apart. When The Rolling Stones wrote the song "Brown Sugar," it was about Marsha Hunt, the actress who plays Mariana. I bet they didn't envision her turning into a hairy monkey-woman werewolf, but then, maybe they did. I mean, it is the Stones, after all. Whatever, she's still dead sexy, had a huge 'fro in the 1970s, and we all saw her die in Dracula A.D. 1972, though I doubt she and venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee looked upon Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf as a grade-A reunion. It turns out that Stirba, the queen bitch of the werewolves, lives in a castle in Transylvania, which in this movie is a country rather than a region or town, and the seat of werewolfery (which I prefer over lycanthropy) rather than the seat of vampirism -- but whatever, man. Any chance to needle venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee about the Dracula movies is worth taking. Venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee, Ben, and Jenny must unite to destroy Stirba and her werewolf legion, which includes Brown Sugar and Mickey the escaped con who hung out with Pee Wee Herman. That actor's name is Judd Omen. Seriously, man, if they had named one of the characters Judd Omen I would have complained about that, but then it turns out there's really a guy named Judd Omen. I hope he hung out at some point with Thurl Ravenscroft. When Stirba and her minions aren't messing around with punker dudes at new wave clubs in Los Angeles, they're busy having werewolf orgies where they all grow lots of hair but don't quite turn into werewolves, then writhe about on the big ornate bed in Stirba's antechamber. It's sort of like watching a bunch of hirsute hippies makin' out, except with more growling.
While this is going on, our trio of half-assed vampire killers, err, werewolf hunters, show up and, in one of the movie's most nonsensical scenes, stumble upon a car wreck out in the middle of nowhere. While all the colorful, toothless local peasants vanish into thin air, Jenny, Ben, and venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee are attacked by werewolves. In broad daylight. And after venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee battles the murderous locals, he sort of just randomly wanders off and says, "We'll meet back in the village." But aren't they all going to the village right now? Why the hell does venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee wander off at random, except to go weep quietly behind a nearby tree? Sure enough, as soon as he's gone, one of the dead daylight werewolf things springs back to life to menace our remaining heroes for a little while. When we finally get to the town, it's one of those typical bad Eastern European movie towns where everyone is a medieval peasant clad in a colorful array of rags and potato sacks and ill-fitting wool suits, and they all spend every waking hour cackling insanely and making "crazy eyes." We spend a lot of time watching people wander around the town square or chase midgets in disturbing Punchinello masks. I'd say it's pointless, but this movie pretty much lost any point it might have had right after venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee took off those sunglasses. So basically, after some random town nonsense, some lame werewolf ambushes, and that werewolf orgy seemingly playing on loop, we discover that Stirba and venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee are brother and sister (oh SNAP Stefan Crisco or whatever your name is -- your sister is a werewolf, too!), and it is his destiny to put an end to her reign of terror, which seems to consist largely of killing jerks at new wave clubs and inconveniencing the local fall festival or whatever it was that was going on in that town. Eastern European towns are always having some sort of festival in the town square, complete with medieval era puppet shows instead of discotheques and David Hasselhoff concerts like actual Eastern Europeans like. No matter what year it is, they're always watching medieval puppet shows, and no matter what time of year it is, they're having a festival. It's sort of how any film that has a chase scene through a Chinatown will run into a lion dance or dragon parade or something, no matter what time of year it is, like they have those things every day in Chinatown.
Oh folks, it's just terrible. And when I sit down and try to write about this film, it becomes even more evident just how bad it really is. And when the true depths to which this film plummets become thusly crystal clear, my fondness for it is only amplified. In fact, right now, I'm sitting here, writing this, and thinking to myself, "Man, this movie really is horrible. I wish I was watching it right now." This week, I will have the choice to either go out and get a lapdance from a cute Cuban chick or stay home and watch Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, and right now I can't decide!!! I guess we should go step by step, and start with the acting. I don't think I really need to even comment on Reb Brown. I'm pretty sure the big lug might not even know he ever had a film career. He goes through pretty much every film with the same dazed look of confusion on his face, and he doesn't stretch his acting chops here. Man, I wish someone had put him, Sam Jones, and Miles O'Keefe in the same movie. That would have been a classic. And as for Annie McEnroe -- really, do you even care? She looks like Jamie Lee Curtis' little sister, and neither she nor Reb serve any real purpose than to spout lines like, "What's going on?" and "Stefan!" Similarly, Brown Sugar and Mickey from Pee Wee's Big Adventure are mostly there to wear a leather catsuit (what self-respecting canine would wear a catsuit???) and a jaunty circus knife-thrower gypsy outfit respectively. Sybil Danning is in the film primarily to preside over her werewolf court, then rip her bodice open. Oh, and she wears possibly one of the worst outfits ever made -- the pointy-hipped baggy leather catsuit covered in angular mirrors. What in the the hell???
Sybil Danning has never really done it for me. From all I hear, she's a spectacularly friendly and charming person, and I would love to hang out with her for hours on end and listen to ridiculous stories about the making of Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf or Panther Squad. But I'd like to do that with David F. Freidman, too, and I certainly don't think of him as a sex symbol. But as a sex object to fawn over, I think I was turned off by her frizzy blonde 80s hair. No matter how nice the boobs and legs may be -- and on Sybil, they are both spectacular -- frizzy blonde 80s hair will kill it for me. I'm sure Sybil Danning stayed up crying late into the night because some twelve-year-old kid thought to himself, "No, I would rather jerk off to Marsha Hunt." But still, the makers of Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf must have known that Sybil's boobs were a much bigger potential attraction than her flashy animated laser beam showdown with venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee, because her bodice-ripping scene (or whatever you call a leather halter top plastered with giant mirrors) is repeated over and over in the movie -- twice during the end credits alone. I guess they paid her for a boob flash, and this was their way of getting their money's worth out of that couple of seconds of upper nudity. And if it seems like I'm base and degrading because I'm talking about Sybil's boobs instead of her acting in this movie -- trust me. I am doing her a favor. And then there's venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee, who intones every single line with -- well, honestly, it's pretty much the same acting job he always does. No more, but no less, even though the material isn't just below him -- it's also below Reb Brown. "Material not worthy of Reb Brown" is really something, but venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee still gives it the ol' college try and treats every single line, no matter how ludicrous, as if it was the single most important line of dialogue ever uttered. That said, venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee's acting style is not well-suited to making this movie more tolerable, and here in lies the big difference between him and fellow venerated horror film icon Vincent Price. Price would have had a field day with this movie. Lee is way too solemn, which is my polite "I respect venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee" way of saying he's boring. In the right role, his booming voice and towering presence is extremely effective. But it's pretty much the only trick he has. He lacks the versatility of Price, or even of fellow Hammer horror alumnus and venerated horror film icon Peter Cushing.
Not to say that it isn't amusing to watch venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee go about the role of Stefan with the same approach, method, and gravitas as he did that of Sauruman in The Lord of the Rings. And I will always appreciate that whenever I watch one of those pompous interviews where Lee drones on and on about literary tradition and the craft of acting, or about the tragedy of being typecast as Dracula, I can always let out some of the hot air by remembering fondly his time spent getting kicked in the face by Chuck Norris or shooting glowing beams at Sybil Danning, who is wearing a suit of leather and mirrors. Lee's acting actually works well with the movie's overall tone. Where Joe Dante's original was fused with his usual tongue-in-cheek humor, Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf plays it completely straight. As far as Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf is concerned, this is nothing short of the greatest story ever told, and it goes about the whole nutty affair with a seriousness and complete lack of humor generally only found in adaptations of the various books of the Bible (of which, this might be one, as the whole film opens with venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee solemnly reading from a giant leather-bound tome while he and that skeleton from the old House on Haunted Hill float around in space).
As goofy as the acting may be, the sets and special effects are even worse. The Howling was famous for its revolutionary (within the world of special effects, anyway) werewolf transformation scenes, which may have been overshadowed by the same in An American Werewolf in London but remain impressive never the less. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf achieves its transformation scenes by showing Sybil Danning making "growly face," then cutting to someone else making growly face, then cutting back to Sybil, only this time they've pasted some mangy hair to her chest. There's almost no effort put into making any of these werewolves look like werewolves. They mostly look like humans with some fake hair pasted to them. The town/country/region of Transylvania is realized via a painting of some hills and a castle, then one street carnival set. An annoying guy does get his eyes gouged out, but other than that, we're in pretty shoddy special effects territory this time out. And the werewolf lore is almost as jumbled and hodge-podge as Underworld, which may or may not be a worse film than Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. It's really a toss-up. Silver bullets, it turns out, are not what kills werewolves. No, you have to use titanium bullets. Isn't titanium an alloy? I'm no metallurgist, but isn't it not a naturally occurring material? How can a werewolf's fatal weakness be something that didn't even exist prior to whenever the hell some guy mixed some stuff together and said, "Hey! Titanium!" But no fear, because if the grubby peasants of yore had no titanium bullets with which to dispatch the werewolves, they could always use the trusty old wooden stakes. I guess a wooden stake will kill pretty much anything in Transylvania. Oh yeah -- garlic wards off all evil, too. And there's apparently a full moon every night. As bad as all this may be, at least the werewolves just go out and see crappy bands that only have two songs in their entire set, then they go have hairball orgies. I'll take that any day over yet another scene of Larry Talbot looking dejected and moaning about his terrible curse.
As bad as Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf is, it's also strangely compelling. Lots of people try to make films this flaky and weird on purpose, and it never works. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf is one of those rare occurrences where a tremendous lack of care, talent, and sanity combined to make a completely warped and absolutely awful movie that never the less has immense entertainment value, provided werewolf orgies and midgets getting thrown out of windows are what you consider entertaining (and why wouldn't you?). Mora pads out his film with inexplicable cut-aways to puppets, people in masks, fake werewolf heads, owls, some complex grim reaper clockwork scene, and whatever the hell else he found lying around the place. It gives the film a completely bonkers sense of surrealism, though I will bet good money it was less an artistic decision and more an "I really don't give a crap" decision. Whatever the case, the end result is an off-kilter weirdness I find endearing. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf isn't the worst movie ever made, but it's pretty bad. Still, I really enjoy it. I know I try to cover for the fact by pretending that it is in some way painful for me to watch Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, but that's not true. I lied. I experience no pain. Partially, this is because I died inside a long time ago. But also it's because I just like Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf despite its being a truly odious example of filmmaking. And I like that as bad and as goofy as it is, this isn't the worst movie in Sybil Danning's filmography. Hell, it's not even the worst movie in venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee's filmography. And yes -- as much as I have insulted the film, as much as I have poked fun at it and told you how awful it is, rest assured the next time I'm flipping through my DirecTV programming guide and see that Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf is on, I will be on that channel, bourbon in hand, giddy with the anticipation of seeing werewolf orgies, mirror-plate jodhpurs, and venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee in plastic wrap-around new wave sunglasses. Labels: B-Masters Roundtable, Horror: Creepy Cults, Horror: Just Plain Weird, Horror: Werewolves, Stars: Christopher Lee, Stars: Reb Brown, Stars: Sybil Danning, Year: 1985 posted by Keith at 3:56 PM | 11 Comments Monday, February 05, 2007Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend
DIGG THIS ARTICLE. 1989, Japan. Starring Yasunori Matsumoto, Koichi Yamadera, Yoko Asagami, Daisuke Gori, Tomohiro Nishimura, Maya Okamoto, Hirotaka Suzuoki, Yumi Takada, Norio Wakamoto. Directed by Hideki Takayama. Written by Sho Aikawa. I was having a hard time starting this review, and I'm not sure why. I don't mean that I was caught in some moral dilemma, wondering if I should dare discuss such a filthy, irredeemable piece of trash -- I think we all know how such a moral dilemma would hash out if I'm involved. I guess it was just a case of writer's block, or exhaustion. Or maybe it was the fact that there were just so many things to say, so many approaches that could be taken in discussing the source material, that I was overwhelmed. Perhaps even spoiled for choice. And under a bit of pressure. An epic as vast and sprawling and serious as this demands an appropriately grave and serious demeanor. Would I do the subject justice? Would my review be deserving of such a monumental work of art? In the end, I simply had to accept that sometimes words don't come easy, even to a rambling windbag like me, but like the titular character of the Overfiend, while words may not come easily, they must come never the less. Which brings me to the disagreeable preface that must be applied to a review of a film of this nature. As regular readers know, I pride myself in ardently defending the standards and decency of the community. Luckily, since the community to which I refer is the Internet, which means pretty much anything short of Hitler jerking off on Jesus while the Savior makes sweet love to a little boy can be considered decent and acceptable. Still, even with the community standards of the Internet thus established, I feel like I should warn some of our less seasoned and no doubt happier readers that the movie about which we're going to talk today is a work of questionable morality and ill repute.
At this point in my career, I don't think any recreated act on film or video could manage to shock or offend me. Amuse, perhaps. Disappoint, sure. But when you've been at this for as long as I have, the disconnect between make-believe and reality becomes crystal clear, and once you've managed that, there's not much point in getting offended by goofy make-believe sleaze. But I understand that not all of you share this particular immunity toward offense, for a variety of valid personal reasons, so allow me to warn you now: Legend of the Overfiend is utter and absolute filth. Unless, like me, what was human in you died a long time ago, you will find this series inexcusably tasteless, offensive, and perhaps even upsetting. In a couple weeks, I'll be reviewing the ridiculously fun and enjoyable Bollywood caper Shaan, and I suggest that if you have heart or soul left in your being, you simply rejoin us then and give this whole horrible Legend of the Overfiend thing a miss. On the other hand, if you find cartoon tentacle porn more absurd than upsetting, and if you want to slog through a film that is indeed filthy and wretched, but also one of the single most important titles in the history of anime in the United States, then steel yourself, make sure your boss isn't working (I'm writing this at work -- I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be reading it there), and prepare to submerge yourself in a series that is impressive both for how callously offensive and perverse it strives to be while also striving to be colossally epic and vast in scale -- sort of like the Old Testament.
When, during the summer of 2006, Teleport City decided to dig about in the waters of anime from the 1980s, we mentioned on more than one occasion that the eighties were probably the most glorious decade of unfettered excess and decadence in the anime world. The giant robots and melancholy space pirates of the 1970s gave way to hot chicks in battle armor, exploding heads, and the now infamous birth of tentacle porn, among other things. While today's anime market may be choked with cheap hentai titles full of tentacle rape and nurses pooping on each other, it's neither as shocking nor as notable today as it was in the eighties, for two main reasons. First, the eighties did it first, and just about everything that happens today is derivative of the sleazy pioneers of the 1980s. Modern sleazeball anime may have plumbed further into the depths of human perversions and replaced magical demon bodily fluids with actual human bodily fluids, but given how mainstreamed porn and sexual deviance has become (and God bless it!), even the most shockingly sick and twisted modern hentai lacks the punch of its forefathers, if for no other reason than we've seen it all before. I don't know what it says about me or society that a title like Cool Devices can come out, and my reaction is a decadent sigh of boredom and, "Oh, ho hum. He's peeing on his sister." Second, modern hentai (for you people who don't take time to acquaint yourself with esoteric terms, "hentai" is what people call porn anime so they don't have to call it porn anime) exists largely and almost exclusively within the confines of the porn ghetto. There is very little, if any, cross-over between hentai and the more mainstream world of shrieking blonde ninjas in orange jumpsuits telling me to "believe it!" Of course, I speak only of official production anime; if one needs to find the crossover between porn and mainstream anime, one need only turn to our dear old friend, the Internet, which will allow you to access a whole world of fanfic in which the characters of Naruto lick each others buttholes while fending off an endless attack of bad grammar and spelling mistakes. But that's fanfic, and it's a ghetto all its own. Only Dragonball filk is lower.
There was plenty of underground hentai in the 80s, of course, but there were also several titles which crossed the line (in more ways than one) and either flirted with or achieved legitimate mainstream crossover success. Here in the United States, when anime broke in the latter half of the Reagan era, it was defined primarily by three titles, though only two are ever really acknowledged as having reigned supreme, while the third is filed away as sort of this guilty curiosity that no one really saw, but don't let that sort of anime history revisionism fool you. There were three king hell titles: Akira was the obvious top of the heap, followed by the OVA Bubblegum Crisis, which dominated the home video market for reasons I still cannot fathom to this day. I guess it was all we had at the time, and it was better than watching MD Geist. The third title comes to us courtesy of one of the creators of the classic anime series Yamato, aka Starblazers in the United States, and even though Akira is named time and again as the defining moment in 80s anime and one of the landmark accomplishments in the history of anime as a whole, it was the bastard son of a writer-director-producer Yoshinobu Nishizaki -- The Nish, as he has become known lately -- that really defined anime in the mainstream press. In between creating Starblazers, delighting generations with Odin: Photon Space Sailer Starlight, and shooting cannons off on his private yacht, Nishizaki found time to serve as producer for a new series which, unlike all his previous ideas, wasn't just a rehash of Yamato. Following the lead of Lovecraft-inspired horror that flirted with graphic sex presented to us in Wicked City, Nishizaki decided that the one thing wrong with that movie was that it only featured some sex thrown in with its violence, and never had the guts to show full-on penetration of a woman by a gigantic demon penis.
And so, as the 90s came to a close and the window for getting a high-profile work of such decadence and depravity was closing, Nishizaki collected together a crew that included director Hideki Takayama (still brand new to the game in 1989, but he's since gone on to direct all sorts of screwed-up demon rape porn, and for some reason, Sakura Wars) and writer Sho Aikawa (who was fresh off the popular title Vampire Princess Miyu and would go on to write for Fullmetal Alchemist), and together, they made a little OVA series called Urotsukidoji, more popularly known as Legend of the Overfiend. This is a pretty dubious assembly of talent, and one sort of has to stretch the meaning of the word talent to really fit them all in. After all, Nishizaki hadn't really come up with anything memorable since Starblazers, and he seemed to be batshit insane in addition. Sho Aikawa -- who I'd like to think is the same Sho Aikawa who would go on to acting fame in Takashi Miike's Dead or Alive trilogy, but I'm pretty sure it isn't -- may have achieved some degree of respectability with Vampire Princess Miyu, but that was flirtation with respectability, at best, and you have to do much better work if you want to make people forget about you also having written Dog Soldier and Angel Cop. And director Hideki Takayama? Other than becoming the go-to guy for Overfiend sequels and rip-offs, he doesn't have much to offer. But the fact remains that while they may not have been impressive names, they were still names, and they had some legitimate work under the belt. And The Nish, crazy or not, still had Yamato era clout that helped make his own private exploration of ridiculously grotesque and pornographic extremes more of a high profile release than the average piece of hentai naughtiness.
But whatever respectability the Overfiend saga -- and porn aside, it is a saga, complete with a vast and ambitious personal mythology and epic scope -- may have squeezed out in Japan is nothing compared to what happened to the thing when it hit the United States. It became a cult phenom that, for a brief time, very nearly rivaled the status of Akira, albeit with a decidedly different tone in those who talked about it. I remember seeing it for the first time in 1990, when a friend who was heavy into trading VHS tapes to get obscure horror films, ended up with a copy on a tape where it shared space with some Japanese porn movie about a woman pursued by a garbage bag containing her murdered husband, and an underground video of some chick performing "hanadensha," or "pussy arts," such as blowing up balloons, shooting a dart gun, smoking a cigarette, and, umm, filling herself up with squirming, live eels. Yeah, I really don't have any excuse whatsoever, other than it was pretty late, and we sure did laugh a lot. It was just the first episode of Overfiend, fuzzy and with no translation, so | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||