Monday, September 29, 2008Angelfist Release Year: 1993Country: Philippines and United States Starring: Cat Sassoon, Melissa Moore, Michael Shaner, Sibel Birzag, Tony Carreon, John Crank, Roland Dantes, Sheila Lintan, Ken Metcalfe. Writer: Anthony Greene Director: Cirio Santiago Cinematographer: Joe Batac Music: Stephen Cohn Producer: Cirio Santiago and Roger Corman Alternate Titles: Fatal Angel Angelfist, aside from being a nonsensical title, was a video box cover that haunted my friends and I for many years. It was perched right up at the front entrance of Pick of the Flicks in Gainesville, Florida, and featured a blonde chick in an ugly leotard doing what has to be one of the most awkward high kicks I've ever seen, while holding her arms in this weird little curled-up T-Rex position. It was perhaps the single most ludicrous martial arts movie box cover pose I'd ever seen, at least until those Matrix movies made that completely silly looking Spiderman-meets-chicken jump/pose/kick inexplicably popular. I know guys did it in old kungfu films too, and it looked just as silly then, unless they happen to be wearing one of those silver wigs that is supposed to make you look like an old master even if you have the face of a guy in his twenties. Also, if you do that kick, the only way to get any power from such an awkward position is if a foley artist loops in the screech of a hawk or an eagle right as you jump Anyway, as much as we pointed and laughed at Angelfist, which also triumphantly proclaimed "Starring Eight Billion Time American Karate Champion Cat Sassoon" or something to that effect, we never actually got around to renting it. At the time, we had so many old Shaw Bros. and Ocean Shores releases to work through that piddling around with a Roger Corman karate movie seemed rather a poor use of our time. Alas, I was so young and naive back then, and in my then recently discovered fervor for Hong Kong action cinema, I turned my nose up at so many films that deserved to have noses turned up around them. But now I know better and willingly embrace such films. Thus, back when skinnyguy.com was still around and you buy 50 crappy VHS action and kungfu films for like five bucks, I ended up with my very own copy of Angelfist, along with about a hundred Godfrey Ho/Thomas Tang/Joseph Lai ninja movies starring Richard Harrison. So whenever I complain to you about financial woes, you can always respond by going, "Don't you own copies of Ninja Phantom Heroes and Diamond Ninja Force?" And I will have to hang my head in shame, even if deep inside I am secretly proud of owning such movies.
Just as I was pleased that "post apocalyptic rollerskating movie" is not a description of a single film but of an entire genre, so too am I happy that "movies featuring nude kickboxing" yields expansive enough results that I can sit back and say, "You know, I think I'm going to become an expert in films that feature nude kickboxing." Angelfist certainly doesn't fail to deliver in the nude kickboxing arena, though it does fail to deliver in just about every aspect that a movie might otherwise strive to achieve. It joins a storied list of films that includes Angel of Destruction, Redline, Girls on the Run, Rolls Royce Baby, and Kungfu Leung Strikes Emanuelle in my collection of nude kickboxing movies. Rolls Royce Baby in particular teaches us that there's nothing appealing about watching a sleazy Eurotrash lounge lizard do full frontal nude katas. In general, nude karate is not a sport that lends itself to the male anatomy, though I don't begrudge any man who chooses to make it his chosen form of exercise. If only they'd had the good sense to accompany his workout with a similar scene of Lina Romay, but she's spending too much time in that movie standing on her head while nude for no good reason other than it never hurts to feature Lina Romay nude and standing on her head. I know there are plenty of other films out there featuring nude martial arts, and I intend, one by one and while dressed like Coffin Joe, to possess them all. So it turns out the awkward looking blonde on the video box isn't Cat Sassoon at all. We'll get to the blonde later. It turns out Cat Sassoon is the daughter (in real life, that is) of shampoo empire tyrant Vidal Sassoon, who I assume achieved his high rank in society through liberal use of karate fighting thugs, and even now he forces hobos and prostitutes to fight in underground martial arts tournaments where the combat takes place in huge pools of mousse. Catya's biography is one of a typical "live fast, die young" (she did both) Hollywood kid, and I'm not sure at what point she picked up the various karate championships the movie celebrates as being in her possession. She seems to have spent most of her short life doing drugs and being a supermodel thanks, in large part, to the fact that she was the daughter of Vidal Sassoon and Beverly Adams. At some point, she parlayed her modeling and "daughter of Vidal Sassoon and Beverly Adams" gig into a movie career and appeared in the film Tuff Turf, the movie that had the unenviable task of making James Spader seem like a bad-ass. From there, it was straight to the bottom of the barrel, and before too long she found herself in The Philippines working in films by our main man, Cirio Santiago.
As far as authentic martial arts bad-assery, and despite the claims made on the cover of this movie, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Cat Sassoon was possibly one of the very worst of the many "next female martial arts superstars" that surfaced in the 80s and 90s with dubious claims about winning international tournaments and Vidal Sassoon Hair Mousse Kumutes. She's definitely not to be measured alongside actual bad-asses like Cynthia Rothrock and Karen Shepherd, both of whom made awesome movies in Hong Kong before coming back to America to make movies that were just awesomely bad. But they both knew their stuff, cut their teeth in Hong Kong, and had easy to verify martial arts careers. The waters get murky really quickly beyond them, though. I'm ranking Sassoon -- who must have been slapped on the back while eating lemons, thus freezing her face in an expression of pouty disgust (Joe Bob Briggs described her as having "the fist of an angel and the face of a fist") -- below Mimi Lesseos (who at least worked as pro wrestler before trying her hand at being the next direct-to-video female martial arts superstar), although Angelfist is remarkably better than anything Mimi Lesseos ever starred in. Probably above Maria Ford, who did time in her own bargain basement Filipino nude kickboxing movie, Angel of Destruction). It's a hard call. And maybe above some of the women who tried to do martial arts in various Andy Sidaris T&A masterpieces. But whatever the case, when you're locked in a battle for last with Maria Ford and former Playboy Playmates, well, you're a long way from the surface. Plus, the trailer for Angel of Destruction has the narrator saying "She gets caught between a rock...and a hard place!" as they show Maria Ford kicking a rapist in the balls.
The claim is that she's a "WKA North American Forms and Weapons champion," but if this is true, the WKA doesn't seem aware of it. Of course, I suppose Cirio Santiago could have created a different WKA than the World Kickboxing Association. Maybe it stands for "Women Kick Ass" or "Wonderfully Krappy Awfulness." I think everyone who ever starred in a martial arts movie got to be the champion of some organization or tournament. In 1992, my friends and I shot about two minutes of an epic we were going to make about a Misfits-loving zombie who returns from the grave, is disillusioned by how punk went all hippie-crusty or metal, and so decides to destroy the world, with only the staff of a local Chinese restaurant to stop him. I think as a result of filming those two minutes, which consisted I think of footage of me jumping over a railing in a parking garage, I became de facto two time world champion in forms and combat for the Global Regional Karate Union of North Florida, twice removed. So if we're going to drown at the bottom of the barrel with the late Cat Sassoon, we might as well do it in the company of another daft movie by Cirio Santiago. Of course, this movie, with its gratuitous martial arts tournament footage, is positively rational compared to some of his more feverish efforts, but that still leaves plenty of room for you to shake your head and say, "No! No. Wait, what?" The gist of the thing is this: while either vacationing or working as a photographer or participating in a karate tournament, a woman named Kristie (Sibel Birzag, who appeared in Angelfist and...oh, just Angelfist) catches an assassination on film. Although she phones the American embassy with news that one of their top generals has just been murdered by dudes with pantyhose on their head, and that she has photographic evidence, no one seems to consider it all that big a deal. Must be the same army as we saw in American Ninja, where the continuous slaughter of American soldiers at the hands of Filipino ninja hijackers didn't really raise much of an eyebrow. So rather than go into the embassy or the police or anything, she goes and competes in a round or two at a karate tournament where all the women wear sexy leotards, halter tops, and thongs instead of actual martial arts clothing. She then has the film delivered not to the embassy or the police, but to a friend who works as a nude dancer at a club that specializes in the world's least enthusiastic stripping. And then, of course, she gets murdered.
When the woman's Los Angeles cop sister (Cat Sassoon) gets wind of the murder, she travels to the Philippines to solve the case and deal out plodding kungfu justice to those responsible, even though the local authorities use the "I know you're a cop back in LA, but this is Manila. We do things different here," shtick, which has never deterred a single rogue cop ever. It's no more effective than "I just spent the entire morning getting my ass chewed out by the mayor," or "your methods are too extreme, Inspector Nico!" Along the way, Cat will enter the martial arts tournament in place of her sister, since movies have taught us that all gangsters and would-be revolutionaries are also shady martial arts tournament promoters. Ostensibly, this has something to do with getting close to...I don't know. There were some Mexican drug dealers, or something, and some of the revolutionaries responsible for the murder are involved. Look, I srt of lost track, so I'm going to say that Cat enters the tournament so that she can keep land developers from knocking down the local community center in order to make room for a shopping mall. The primary purpose of the tournament really is to pad out the film's running time with lots of really bad martial arts bouts and only slightly more interesting shower scenes in which Cat Sassoon proves that no amount of shampoo empire money can buy you decent martial arts skills or a decent pair of fake boobs in the early 1990s. I'm sure hers, which she shows often in this film, cost a lot of money, but that doesn't stop them from looking like someone took a couple honeydews, wrapped them in those pointy little knit caps worn by Tibetans and hippies, then strapped them to Cat's chest. There's just nothing right about them, and this is one of those extremely rare moments where the nudity comes and I say, "You know, why don't we just put those away for now?" I mean, they're not Minka absurd -- not that I know who Minka is or know anything about her ludicrously gigantic novelty breasts -- but seriously. Knocker-related technology still had a long way to go when young Catya bought hers. Anyway, you better get used to them, because as I said, she pulls them out pretty often, God bless 'er, including during a scene where she is attacked in her hotel room by a bunch of ninjas and has to fight them off while wearing nothing but a pair of panties. The two most striking things about this scene are how awful Cat's martial arts are, and how no matter how much she tumbles and stumble around, her breasts remain completely motionless, like a couple of gyroscopes with a fake tan.
And she's not alone. Joining her in her quest to showcase gratuitous boob shots and astoundingly awful karate fights is lovely Melissa Moore and her much more natural breasts, a Versailles (that's vur-sails to y'all -- if the French didn't want you to pronounce the "L's" then they shouldn't have put them in the word), Kentucky native who found herself slumming it in all sorts of movies like Hard to Die, Vampire Cop, and Sorority House Massacre 2, among many others. She's the one who gets to do the silly pose that so intrigues me on the box cover, and the martial arts she showcases in the film don't look any less awkward. You know, though, maybe it's me. I mean, I'm no kungfu master, so maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe the proper fighting stance for the martial art they're using is indeed to curl your arms up like an Incan ice mummy and mash them against your boobs. Whatever the case, I like Melissa regardless, even though her part consists mostly of sitting in the audience and watching Cat fight while nodding to herself. Well, when she's not busy taking showers. And apparently someone else likes her too, because there's a comic book about her, Melissa Moore, Bodyguard from Draculina Publishing. I'm not a big reader of comic books, so I don't know too much about it. Somehow, I think that even if I was a big reader of comic books, I still wouldn't know too much about it. Never the less, I'm still glad it exists. So now that I've had some fun ribbing the ladies, let me say that I love that both of them are willing to give their all, however much that may be, for a movie like this. I mean, good or bad, Moore and Sassoon are in there, taking their lumps, showing the goods, and starring in crummy kungfu films. I love 'em both for it. Working the Corman-Santiago Manila circuit can't be steak and onions, as stories from the likes of Walter Hill and Pam Grier attest to. And I don't know about Melissa Moore, but Cat Sassoon certainly didn't have to do anything more than sit back and live off the sudsy wealth of her family. Instead, she went to the Philippines and made low budget action films. Good for her! And as for Moore -- what can I say? I have a soft spot for Kentucky girls. I'd love to do a long interview with her or pay to have her write a book. As I've said many times before and will doubtless say as long as I keep reviewing crappy low budget Roger Corman productions shot in the Philippines, the stories behind these films is probably way more interesting than both the film itself and the making of stories behind the standard Hollywood project. So if I poke fun at the ladies, it's done out of love and with nothing but good nature.
Not so much, though, for the comedy relief male sidekick and the usual host of "You kicked their ass? But...but...you're a woman!" and "That was amazing! Could you teach me some of that kungfu jazz?" shtick that invariably follows him and his Chess King wardrobe around. And since I've cracked jokes at the expense of poor Cat Sassoon, who wanted nothing more than to make shitty kungfu films and show us her fake boobs as often as possible (and don't think I don't appreciate her for that), I might as well mention that actor Michael Shaner looks like someone mashed Matthew Modine and John Malkovich together. There's something not quite human about him, like he's a clay-faced shape shifter doing its best to approximate what a human douchebag looks like. The big difference between Shaner and Sassoon is that by the end of the movie, Sassoon's crappy acting, terrible martial arts, willingness to show off her weird fake boobs, and her overall strange appearance won me over. Heck, I'm ready to buy more Cat Sassoon action films on 50 cent VHS. Conversely, I want to punch Shaner in the face, even though I know it's sculpted out of clay and butterscotch pudding, or whatever shape shifters are made of. You know what, Shaner? Your wardrobe isn't even good enough to be Chess King. Both Moore and Sassoon turn in nude kickboxing scenes, though I think Moore's only counts half a point since it's just a ripped shirt. But Sassoon goes full on, in just her lacy red panties, showing off her otherworldly fake boobs and accompanying fake tan that, coupled with the oily misting job they did on her to give her that fresh out of the shower appearance, makes her look like a particularly aggressive Nathan's brand hot dog. This is without a doubt the second finest nude kickboxing scene I've witnessed (it's going to be hard to beat the scene from Girls on the Run, though, because that's a nude kickboxing scene directed by Cory Yuen Kwai). But Cat Sassoon holds nothing back. She throws all her energy into the scene, jumping around awkwardly, growling, yelling, and a few times doing spinning kicks while her face is obscured by a huge dollop of Vaseline or something on the lens.
I think they might have been trying to obscure the fact that a male stuntman with fake orange boobs attached to him was standing in for Sassoon. If that's the case, oh man! What must that guy's day have been like? One stuntman shows up and hears, "Well, you're in the fight, and Cat Sassoon is going to be all greased up and naked, and she's going to kick you then straddle your face." And yeah, Cat may look a little weird, but she has an odd sort of cuteness about her, and if she's nude and straddling my face then I still call that a good day at work. So the other stuntman is like, "This is gonna be an awesome day!" until he finds out that his job is to grease up, put on fake boobs and a pair of red lace panties, and be a stand-in for a nude kickboxing woman. And then his children will ask, "What did you do at work today, daddy?" The rest of the cast seems comprised largely of Filipino kickboxing women who show up for matches and disappear again during the shower scenes (I've never seen a Filipino martial arts tournament locker room with so many white women in it). I guess most of these women have some actual martial arts background, but that doesn't matter all that much since real life tournament martial arts are pretty boring to watch if you're not an avid practitioner. They're not any better here and are probably somewhat worse. There are also a couple rebels, and the usual assortment of white guys playing generals, diplomats, and other figures of authority. None of them are really worth mentioning. There is a guy named Mr. Carrion, which I suppose is a slightly better name than Mr. Rottin' Guts McGee, but just barely.
This is one of the films, one of the many films, that force me to grapple with an assortment of moral questions related to passing judgment. Because this is a terrible, terrible movie, and I like it. It's completely idiotic, and I like it. I have no justification for this adoration, and certainly I hesitate to tell others they should check it out. The acting is bad, the martial arts are worse, and the direction is nondescript. But like Cat Sassoon herself, somehow all the negatives add up to a decently dumb and entertaining 80 minutes. The action may indeed be bad, but there's a lot of it. Like Melissa Moore and Cat Sassoon, all this movie wants to do is entertain you. And like its stars, the results are pretty feeble even if the effort is enthusiastic. Liking bad movies is pretty common. Liking bad martial arts movies is a much more, let's say exclusive, calling. They're still way easier to like than bad comedies and bad Steven Seagal films, but in a genre where bad stories and acting are glossed over in light of good action scenes, you better have good action scenes. When you don't, there's not much going on. Except, you know, nude kickboxing. Odd that movies like this are why, in the 1990s, I would write long screeds about how dreadful American martial arts movies are and how it's a shame the US isn't paying more attention to Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Now that the US is paying more attention to those guys -- a bit too late for them to really deliver much that is worth paying attention to, sadly -- I find that the crummy little low-budget productions from America and the Philippines have grown more attractive to me. And isn't it funny that a number of the Hong Kong action stars of the 80s and 90s, once the action boom faded, sought to ply their trade in The Philippines. Somewhere in Hong Kong, the Chinese Roger Corman has Yuen Biao and Yukari Oshima in his office and is, no doubt, reaching for the bright red rotary dial phone that connects all producers in the world directly to Cirio Santiago. ![]() ![]() Labels: Director: Cirio Santiago, Martial Arts: Karate, Series: Project VHS, Year: 1993 posted by Keith at 3:42 PM | 10 Comments Wednesday, August 20, 2003The Executioner (Sonny Chiba)
1974, Japan. Starring Sonny Chiba, Doris Nakajima, Makato Sato, Ryu Ikebe, Yasuaki Kurata. Directed by Teruo Ishii. Available on DVD (HKFlix).
Chiba Shinichi - Sonny Chiba if you're nasty. The name takes me back, way back, to a golden era of action cinema known as the 1970s. Indeed there was a lot about the 1970s that was about as enjoyable as plunging a fork into my eye in an effort to recreate this "plunging a fork into your eye" trick Penn and Teller do with a fork, a cupped hand, and a well-concealed little packet of half-and-half. Yes, up until the Ramones staggered onto a beer-soaked stage in New York's Lower East Side, the music was slightly more painful than whittling Zuni fetish dolls out of your own arm bones while they're still attached to your body. The fashion of the time possessed all the charm and appeal of chugging a six-pack of live hornets. The less said about the hairstyles, the better. On the plus side though, besides the Ramones and The Clash, there were things like Oscar Gambles giant 'fro puffing out from the sides of his cap in his 1976 Topps baseball card picture, a distinct lack of Gap and Starbucks stores, and one of the greatest eras in the history of action films, if not the flat-out greatest. While all genres of film enjoyed an amazingly high degree of quality productions throughout the decade, action films in particular shined like they never had before and, quite possibly, never will again. The Shaw Brothers were cranking out an endless stream of kick-ass kungfu classics, and Bruce Lee was making history as one of the greatest bad-asses in the history of film. Pam Grier, Jim Kelly, Fred Williamson, and Rudy Ray Moore were leading the revolution in black action cinema. In the States, guys like Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson were kicking ass in the name of righteousness, while over in Italy, cats like Maurizio Merli and Thomas Milian were sticking it to criminals with a level of grim violence never before seen on screen. Perhaps it was the freewheeling spirit of the 1970s, or perhaps it was just the fact that so many studio executives were coked out of their heads, but movies enjoyed a degree of freedom unlike any they'd enjoyed before or after. This new freedom meant that screenwriters were allowed to indulge their every creative fancy regardless of how much previously taboo material it meant dragging onto the screen. After all, in light of the horrors of Vietnam and Cambodia, how could anyone be offended by a little make-believe sex and violence on the screen? The result of this lessening of ratings and censorship pressures was an unprecedented number of incredible films even in previously disrespectable genres like horror and action. Part of the appeal of the films from this era comes from how much more believable they were. Sure, they took plenty of liberties with what was probable in life, but they were made with such a no-nonsense, grounded-in-reality approach that they seemed far more convincing than they would had they been filmed in the 1980s or 1990s, when special effects, greater restrictions on violence, and an infatuation with highly choreographed ballet-like action moved films more into the realm of cartoons. Where as the action of the 1980s and 1990s is often described as slick and highly stylized, epitomized by the slow-motion gunplay antics of John Woo films and the special-effects overload of stuff like The Matrix, the action and violence in the 1970s is most often described as gritty, brutal, and grueling. No one walked out of one of these films thinking that fighting and violence resulted in anything but tragedy and crunching bones. Over in Japan, the man doing most of the placing of foot to ass was a guy named Chiba Shinichi, though he'd been born Sadao Maeda. He took the Chiba from the Chiba prefecture of Tokyo where he grew up after his test pilot father was transferred there during World War II. Early in his life, Shinichi developed an avid interest in the martial arts, training under legendary Japanese master Mas Oyama Koncho (whom he would later play in a biopic) and attaining black belts of various degrees in judo, ninjitsu, shorinji kempo, and kendo. It was stuff like this that would eventually turn him into one of the most believable bad-asses on film. There were plenty of guys who played the part well, but few made you believe it quite like Chiba. In the late 1950s, the man who would be Sonny Chiba was well on his way to competing in the 1964 Olympic Games in Tokyo when a hip injury sustained on the job (he was a construction worker at the time) dashed any hope he had of Olympic glory. So in 1960, he entered and won a new talent contest at Toei Studios. Adopting the stage name Chiba Shinichi, the aspiring young star began his acting career - much to the disappointment of his father, who so disliked his son's chosen profession that he disowned the lad. Despite his new career, Chiba was in a state of depression in account of his father's reaction and the fact that he was barely making enough to pay rent, let alone lead a decent life. Luckily for the struggling young actor, veteran action star Takakura Ken befriended him and took him under his wing. Takakura Ken was one of the biggest action stars in Japan after appearing in countless yakuza films like Abashiri Prison. Chiba began appearing in more and more films, usually yakuza or samurai dramas, until 1967 when some guy named Bruce Lee got a job on an American television show called Green Hornet. Bruce's role opened the floodgates and, in at least some way, was a major contributing factor to the birth of the kungfu and karate film. Until then, everyone had been happy making samurai, gangster, and swordsman films. Although there were karate and kungfu movies here and there, most were highly stylized and had more in common with stage plays than with actual fighting. What Lee brought to the table was basically the next step in the onscreen fighting developed by old-timers like Kwan Tak-hing and Kien Shih in the "Wong Fei-hung" films of the 1930s and 1940s. Kwan was the first guy to think about movie martial arts as something more than just swingy-arms and Peking Opera movements. It wasn't until Bruce Lee took the reigns decades later that what we know as the modern non-sword-oriented martial arts film was born. One of the first films out of the gates starred a swordsman-movie superstar named Jimmy Wang Yu. His Chinese Boxer is generally looked at as the starting point for kungfu films as we know them today, and hot on the heels of that film came dozens upon dozens of others. Bruce Lee himself was, obviously, quick to get in on the game when in 1971 he starred in The Big Boss. Other kungfu film legends like Ti Lung, David Chiang, and Lo Lieh (another huge star from Hong Kong's swordsman films of the 1960s - he was a lot less ugly back then for some reason than he would be in the 1970s), also broke out around the same time. In Japan, Chiba Shinichi had become known as Sonny Chiba, and his popularity was skyrocketing after he starred in several successful action and science fiction films and TV shows. Sensing that this whole ass-kicking trend might result in an increased demand for people willing to get their ass kicked for a living, Sonny founded the Japan Action Club, a school and representative association for would-be stuntmen, stuntwomen, and action stars. Throughout the ensuing decade, almost every highly regarded (and some not so highly regarded) action show involved members of the JAC, which included such future superstars as Sanada Hiroyuki (Royal Warriors, Ring, and about a million ninja movies) and Shiomi Etsuko (Sister Streetfighter, Streetfighter, Dragon Princess, Kikaider 01). It was popular in Hong Kong to cast Japanese as the heavies in films, so it was only natural that eventually they would come calling at the door of Sonny Chiba. He was one of the few action stars anywhere besides Bruce Lee who had a legitimate background as a martial artist before he became an actor. Chiba, however, was swamped with work at home, so it was several years before he was able to answer the call and head to Hong Kong to film a movie alongside Nora Miao, who had worked with Bruce Lee on Fist of Fury and Way of the Dragon. Chiba was excited about the prospect of meeting Bruce Lee, whom he greatly respected, but more delays meant that Chiba arrived in Hong Kong only to find out that Lee had tragically passed away a few days before. When Lee's Enter the Dragon opened in Japan, it was as huge a hit there as it was everywhere else. The previously held notion that these sort of fist-to-face kungfu films wouldn't fly in Japan was quickly tossed to the side, and in 1974 Sonny Chiba starred in what is more or less the first karate action film, The Streetfighter. It ushered in the era of karate exploitation, not to mention a level of violence and brutality that shocked everyone. The rest is pretty much history, as they say. Chiba became the number one action star in Japan, and his Japan Action Club became the premiere organization for stunt people and action stars. Even though the quality of his films suffered because of the increasingly cheap and rushed productions that plagued all Japanese films during that decade, his charisma and physical prowess kept him at the top of the heap. In many cases, it was much easier to be a fan of Sonny Chiba than it was to be a fan of any one of his films. Hot on the heels of Streetfighter, Chiba starred in what, for my yen, is his best film, and one the best karate films of all time, The Executioner. Packed with the same censor-enraging buckets of gory violence that made The Streetfighter such a feel-good hit, but tempered also with a twisted sense of humor, The Executioner is a wild, action-filled ride through the seedy underbelly of Tokyo and still one of the best looks at just how good Sonny Chiba could be onscreen when he wasn't suffering at the hands of incompetent editors and cameramen (two problems that would severely mar many of his later films). The Executioner opens with a guy instructing his sexy accomplice to recruit three street toughs for a job. The first is Koga, played by our man Sonny Chiba, one of the last descendents of the famed Koga ninja clan (for more on their history, check out our review of Enter the Ninja). We first meet him in a series of flashbacks featuring one of those insanely abusive martial arts grandfathers. Geez, you think soccer moms throwing rocks at ten-year-old children during games is bad, but that's nothing compared to martial arts in-laws. Gramps makes young Koga do things like jump over swords sticking out of the ground. When Koga clears the sword but gashes his leg in the process, his grandfather expresses his approval of the boy's vertical skills by screaming, "Weakling!" and slapping him around. If you have kids and want to get a rise out of their teachers at school, when you go in for the next parent-teacher meeting and the teacher says your kid is getting solid A's across the board, grab your kid, slap them around, and scream, "Weakling!" Then enjoy the good laugh you've all had as you're carted away by The Man. When next we see Koga, he has grown into Sonny Chiba, and his grandpa is still kicking his ass and berating him for not being able to dislocate all his joints on demand. In a bit of realism, the grown Koga's response to all this is, "Man, screw grandpa." He goes out to get a real job, but ends up just getting his ass kicked by the old man again! Good thing no one ever calls Child Protection Services on these parents who teach valuable life lessons to their progenies by screaming, "Worthless piece of shit!" and trying to spear them while tossing lime powder in their eyes. We assume that eventually Koga gets good enough to best his hateful, bitter old load of a relative, or at least that the old guy died and left Koga free to go out and get a real job. Unfortunately, ninja skills are not in demand in this modern workplace, and when employers looked at Koga's resumes and saw job skills like "can spear old men with eyes shut" and "can stick to walls and ceilings," (two skills I have since added to my own resume, right next to proficiency with Adobe Photoshop) they determined that he was only fit to be a failed private eye or a vice-president of Microsoft. Since Microsoft wasn't really a major force at the time, Koga went with the failed private eye gig. Next on the list of recruits is a grim ex-cop turned underworld hitman named Hayabusa, played by Makota Sato. Sato is disturbing in that he looks like someone took the face Henry Silva, mashed it up with the face of Jack Palance, and left it in a tanning salon bed for a few hours too long. When we meet Hayabusa, he's busy punching criminals in the head so hard that their eyeballs ooze out of their skulls, followed up by some hot lovin' with the nearest prostitute. The fact that he will slap a man's eyeballs out of his head then make love to the dead guy's mistress right there with the corpse still lying next to them doesn't mean he's a bad guy, though. He's noble in his own eye-popping, neck-snapping way. Noble or not, you can never go wrong having on your side the guy who can punch so hard it'll make eyeballs pop out. Third on the list is a horny karate master named Sakura, whom Koga must first bust out jail so that the guy can sit around trying to double-cross the men and cop a feel on the ladies, or at least on Doris Nakajima. Of course, given how much of a bombshell Doris is, you can't really blame the guy. I mean, come on. He's been in prison for a long time, and he was horny to begin with. Although they aren't so good at getting along, these three bad-asses are hired by Doris' boss to put the squeeze on a local drug lord, who's been using a crooked female diplomat as a transport for his cocaine. The drug lord, of course, has all sorts of fighters in his employ, so we're treated to a steady stream of Sonny Chiba kicking as much ass as has ever been kicked on screen. Sakurai, for being the resident karate bad-ass, des precious little ass-kicking but more than enough ass-grabbing. We're also treated to a steady stream of shockingly ugly naked Western women. I guess no one in Japan gives a rat's ass if the white chick is hot, but even so, you're better off hiring one who is anyway. You know, just in case. Not that I want to come down on the rights of ugly people to get naked, or to get naked on film. That's cool with me, but if I personally want to see ugly naked people on screen, I can just film myself cooking some tacos in the nude. I don't need to tune in to The Executioner to see some freaky man-woman in the buff and looking like a hybrid of Mia Farrow and Jake Busey. The diplomat woman also sheds her clothes, and I guess she's okay looking if you are into haggard 1970s coke addicts. Misguided decisions about nudity aside, The Executioner is one bad-ass little film. Chiba wouldn't make one as good as this unless you count his co-starring role in Sister Streetfighter, but even that doesn't tarnish just how much fun this flick is. First of all, Chiba looks incredible. Later films would be hindered by choppy editing and shaky, handheld camerawork that ended up obscuring most of what Chiba was doing on the screen. The Executioner benefits from steady cinematography that knows when to simply sit still and let Sonny kick some ass. This is probably the best look at Sonny's on-screen karate prowess that audiences ever got, even better than Streetfighter. Chiba's on-screen style freaked a lot of people out, and some were even offended by it. If you've never seen him in his prime, Sonny was fond of crouching like an animal and emitting long, wheezing breaths not unlike what you might here coming from the bathroom stall occupied by a guy trying to pass a floater the size of Lemmy from Motorhead. It's not pretty, nor are Sonny's movements, which were a deliberate move in the opposite direction of the fluid, highly choreographed looking kungfu from Hong Kong. Chiba's karate was rough and brutal, far closer to what you might see in a real fight than what was being seen in Hong Kong kungfu films. Well, it was far more realistic up until the point where he starts flinging people around like rag dolls and sticking to the ceiling. Even though his less glamorous style annoyed some people who only wanted the martial arts to be portrayed as beautiful, or as beautiful as something can be that involves tearing out eyeballs and skewering people with your spear, his asthmatic exhalations became a trademark, not unlike Bruce Lee's equally bizarre yelps and shrieks. It's all about channeling your chi, or your Chiba. It's also about psyching out your opponent, and having Sonny Chiba crouching in the corner and hissing at you is certainly enough to psych out most people. And if that isn't enough, keep this in mind: when he moves from that position, he's going to be ripping off your testicles or yanking out your eyes or something similar. The action choreography is quite good and perfectly compliments Chiba's wild style. Japanese karate films were never well-regarded for their choreography, which was often shoddy, poorly filmed, and just plain bad - even a lot of Sonny Chiba films. Here, however, we get a lot of nice long shots of Sonny in action, and it looks great. There's also plenty of slow-motion ass-kicking, which was quite popular back in the day. Now everyone kicks ass in fast motion aided by epileptic super-fast jump-cuts and under-cranking. I'd much rather watch Chiba send someone flying through the air in slow-motion, though. The violence is incredibly brutal and personal. It's crushing bones and bloody knuckles, squishing eyeballs and shattering jaws. It's odd how the bodycounts in action films have increased twentyfold since the days of old, but the actual impact of the violence has become disturbingly sanitized and clean. For some reason, blowing up a hundred people is a PG-13 affair, but Sonny Chiba ripping off one guy's testicles gets an X rating. Violence today has become whitewashed - bigger, louder, and a lot less realistic. It doesn't engage the viewer, and as a result, it fails to remind you that the end result of violence is a whole lotta pain. You forget that in movies where people die with hardly any blood being spilled, where everything that happens is slick and video game-like in nature. You can't forget it when Sonny Chiba is standing over you pounding your skull with his fist. On the writing and acting end of things, everything is competent. Everyone is either playing a broad caricature or they're just there to do some fighting and keep their trap shut. You can't go wrong with that set-up. The main cast is good, with a tendency to ham it up from time to time. The comedy is weird, but it helps lighten the mood and turn this into a faster-paced film than more somber productions like The Streetfighter. Long-time kungfu movie fans will recognize Yasuaki Kurata in the film's finale as a karate master employed by Hayabusa to help them take out the drug dealers once and for all. Unlike Chiba, Kurata was a huge part of the Hong Kong martial arts explosion, starring as the villain in dozens of kungfu films before finally getting to play a noble Japanese character in Liu Chia-liang's spectacular Shaolin Challenges Ninja. Despite being a Japanese villain in almost every film, he became popular with Hong Kong audiences. In the 1990s, when Jet Li and Gordon Chan teamed up to remake Bruce Lee's classic Fist of Fury, they cast Yasuaki Kurata as the tough, noble, and sympathetic Japanese karate master. In much the same way, years after his star had faded somewhat, Sonny Chiba himself would have his career revitalized after starring in the Hong Kong fantasy film extravaganza The Storm Riders. Kurata's performance here is short but sweet, and he showcases a spectacular style that illustrates why he would become such a sought after foil in kungfu films. He is a more fluid but no less powerful looking fighter than Sonny Chiba is. Not as scary, but more in tune with the pace of kungfu film fighting. Had Lee not died an untimely death, it's likely that Yasuaki Kurata, who was friends with Lee, would have appeared in Game of Death (at least as it was conceived by Bruce Lee), and between him and Nora Miao being mutual friends of both Lee and Chiba, it's likely that Bruce Lee and Sonny Chiba would have ended up working together as well. Hayabusa and Sakurai both dole out a fair amount of beat-downs, but the real show in the action department is Chiba. The rest of the guys are just along for the ride, even though Hayabusa gets to be the one in charge, presumably because he resembles one of those folk art carvings made from a rotten potato. The writing is about what you would expect. Some things, like Chiba's ability to stick to walls, the relative ease of the escape from prison, and the abusive ninja grandfather, tug the lines of believability, but within the context of the film, they're integrated well. The fact that this movie injects a dose of comedy into the proceedings helps in making it easier not to take everything so seriously. As far as low-budget action films go, this one makes the wise choice of playing it pretty down to earth and never attempting to live above its means. This is a violent, sometime silly action film, and it never aspires to be anything else. Even though this movie is less known in the West than The Streetfighter, I feel it's the better film, and it's definitely the one to watch if you are new to Sonny Chiba and want to get a feel for what his films are about. It's fast, violent, and occasionally funny. Sonny fights like a madman, especially during the no-holds-barred finale where he chooses to don a fishnet, one-sleeve, ninja half-shirt that could have also been used as a costume for any Gloria Gaynor appearance. Flares and a tight fishnet half-shirt are not the clothes to wear if you want to inspire fear (at least of toughness) in your opponent, but I guess it's all some more of those ninja mind tricks. The Executioner sports pretty much everything that made action exploitation great during the 1970s and everything that's sorely missing these days. There's tons of great fighting, loads of violence, gore, nudity (most of it unwelcome), lots of ugly villains (and some ugly "heroes" too), sleaze, and mayhem. Those who prefer things scrubbed and sanitized, or at least devoid of naked coke whores and eyeball gouging, will want to seek out alternate films like Mac and Me or Unidentified Flying Oddball. I don't think there were naked crack whores in either of those, though I distinctly remember wanting to gouge my own eyes out during both. For those of you with better taste and whoa re looking for a trashy, bloody, convoluted masterpiece of cheap action exploitation, well you folks can do much worse than popping the wonderfully gritty Executioner into the DVD player and allowing Sonny Chiba to take you back to a time when men were men, and they crushed each other's skulls with a single punch -- all in good fun, of course. Labels: Country: Japan, Martial Arts: Karate, Stars: Sonny Chiba, Year: 1974 posted by Keith at 12:33 PM | 0 Comments |
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