film    print    sound    leisure    forum
company line »

shopping guide »

contact us »

get reviewed »

get published »

expand yourself »


find it »

Teleport City search allows you to search our entire site as well as our favorite sites about cult films, obscure music, literature, and swank living.


film home | a-b | c-d | e-f | g-h | i-l | m-n | o-q | r-s | t-v | w-z

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Be-Sharam

Release Year: 1978
Country: India
Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Sharmila Tagore, Amjad Khan, Nirupa Roy, Deven Verma, Bindu, Helen, Urmila Bhatt, Uma Dhawan, Dhumal, A.K. Hangal, Iftekhar, Imtiaz, Jagdish Raj
Director: Deven Verma
Writers: Nerupama, Rahi Masoom Raza, Nayyar Jehan
Cinematographer: A.K. Nigam
Music: Kalyanji-Anandji
Producer: Deven Verma


If you wanted to, it seems like you could draw up a sort of family tree of the films Indian superstar Amitabh Bachchan made during his late seventies to mid eighties prime, tracing each of those movies' origins along three very distinct lines, each leading back to a particular career-defining blockbuster that provided the template for much of what was to come. Of course, while Bachchan would star in films that were virtual remakes of Deewaar, Sholay and Don over the course of his career, the lines leading back to those three classics would not always be perfectly straight. For one would also have to consider films like 1978's Be-Sharam, which draw upon elements of all three.

Be-Sharam probably bears the strongest resemblance to 1978's Don because, like that film, it's a tale--set against a funky urban backdrop--of a peaceful innocent masquerading as a suave underworld figure. At the same time, like the "angry young man" movies that descended from Deewaar, it includes the theme of the martyred father--his life taken and good name tarnished by the forces of corruption--whose fate motivates the actions of the main character. Finally, as in Sholay, Bachchan is faced with a larger-than-life, seemingly unstoppable villain, who is here played by the very same actor who essayed that role in Sholay, Amjad Khan--who here makes just one of the numerous bad guy turns his iconic portrayal of Sholay's Gabbar Singh appears to have doomed him to.


Now, what Be-Sheram does with these combined elements is nothing original, but it does distill them quite nicely--making the violence nice and bloody, the men's wear as funky-hideous as you could ask for--and wraps them up in a nice, fairly tight little package. In fact, while lacking the sheen and dramatic flair of its more crafted antecedents, it may exceed some of them in terms of consistent--by Bollywood standards, mind you--energy and pacing. All of which is to say that, yes, Be-Sheram is a by-the-numbers Amitabh action movie, but it's also a very good by-the-numbers Amitabh action movie.

In Be-Sheram, Bachchan plays Ram, a humble insurance agent whose father, a righteous man and dedicated pacifist, manages to get elected to public office despite ample interference from the aforementioned forces of corruption. One of these shadowy figures behind the scenes is Prince Digvijay Singh (Khan), who, like the seedy remnant of monarchy that he is, finds the idea of adapting his lifestyle to one amenable to the rule of law and democratic will distasteful. Singh dispatches his sister, the Princess Rinku (Sharmila Tagore) to insinuate herself into young Ram's life by posing as a slumming college student, and thus keep tabs on the family's movements. Of course, Rinku quickly falls in love with Ram in earnest, leaving the Prince to consider plan B.


Since no honest man can survive long in such a hotbed of malfeasance, the enemies of Ram's father soon succeed in embroiling him in a manufactured scandal and driving him from office, after which he dies in an apparent suicide. The grieving Ram is promptly called to the office of the police commissioner (played by Iftekhar, who played a virtually identical role in Don), who informs him that his father's death was actually a murder, and that it was perpetrated by the forces of a mysterious drug smuggling kingpin known only as Mr. Dharamdas. Furthermore, the commissioner tells him, the authorities have reason to believe that Mr. Dharamdas and the Prince are one in the same, but have yet to find the proof, since the base of his smuggling operation remains hidden. Being that the grieving son of a murder victim who has no training in law enforcement is the ideal choice to take part in a delicate undercover operation, the commissioner asks Ram to pose as a fellow smuggler in order to gain the Prince's confidence and get the information needed to bring him in.

The commissioner makes some reference to giving Ram some kind of "training" which we don't actually get to see, but the next time we see Ram, it's obvious that that training mainly involved him learning how to be a seventies-style badass. Posing as a South African diamond smuggler with the very un-South African name of Chandrashekar, Ram glides through the upper reaches of the underworld swathed in hip-hugging seventies finery with fists always at the ready to do his talking. Of course, everyone is fooled, including--initially--Princess Rinku (because, I suppose, exact duplicates of people are always turning up in these movies, and hence pose no particular cause for concern). Now armed with professional police training in suavity and sweet talk, Ram/Chandrashekar sets about romancing both Rinku and the Prince's mistress Manju in order to gain access to the inner circle, thus setting the stage for his confrontation with the Prince.




And the Prince, as portrayed by Amjad Khan, is a winning amalgam of all of that actor's most time-tested villainous tics--blessed with a sweaty brow, leering eyes, and a tendency toward bouts of unhinged giggling. Khan is a master of a particular style of slow-burn, maniacal tantrum, which starts out quietly and tentatively, with a hint of wounded sincerity, then subtly becomes more taunting until, suddenly, like a Pixies song, it burst into full blown homicidal rage. In fact, just as Be-Sharam is a workmanlike distillation of a certain type of Amitabh movie, Khan's performance in it is a workmanlike distillation of the type of performances he typically gives in those movies. Which is not to say that the Prince is a generic character, by any means. For one, his obsessive fondness for snakes and trademark use of cobras to dispatch his enemies both sets him apart from his peers and makes for some of the film's best moments.

Scattered among the cobra killings, fistfights, and Amitabh's modeling of the latest fashions, Be-Sharam, of course, features musical numbers. Lucky for us, these are all written by Kalyanji-Anandji, a team that has become a staple of hipster Bollywood music comps thanks to their hard hindi-funk soundtracks to movies like Don, Qurbani, and Bombay 405 Miles. In addition to their driving, wah-wah drenched instrumentals, the duo also had a knack for writing extremely catchy, Western pop flavored songs, of which many of the songs in Be-Sharam are fine examples. The song "Mere Kis Kaam Ki" in particular will stick in your head for days. But, in terms of presentation, my favorite number has got to be "Iraade Dil Tumhara", a climactic piece featuring Bollywood dance queen Helen. Leading us into the film's explosive final act, this bit follows something of a tradition for such numbers, in which the hero sits impassively listening while an anonymous item girl sings about all of the bad things that are about to happen to him. Strangely enough, this song follows not too far on the heels of one in which Ram similarly watches Princess Rinku performing in a pageant and is struck by the fact that she is singing about how she has seen through his disguise. Helen, similarly, sings of how Ram's cover has been blown--and with much more at stake--but this time the message is lost on him. Without spelling out too much, the consequence of his heedlessness leads to a prolonged brawl involving a hidden lair beneath a cemetery, a tiger pit, snake wrestling and, of course, Ram's mom (played, as is so often the case in Amitabh's films of this vintage, by Nirupa Roy).




While comparatively lean, Be-Sharam still bulges in places with the type of padding that we've come to rely on from Bollywood. (How else, after all, would the film reach its full two-and-a-half-hour running time?) Probably the most obvious example of this is the screen appearance by the film's director, Deven Verma, who--anticipating Eddie Murphy's midlife career by a good thirty-odd years--not only plays Ram's comic relief buddy, Laxman, but also Laxman's comic relief mom and comic relief dad, none of whom seem to have much utility in terms of the actual story--and whose comedic necessity in a film where a grown man wears a polka dot tuxedo with a straight face is doubtful at best. Despite this, however, Verma deserves credit as a director for his efforts elsewhere to streamline Be-Sharam, especially in his treatment of the film's elements of family drama--usually something of a narrative log-jam in these action films--which are here nicely integrated within the larger plot.

Further serving to grease Be-Sharam's narrative wheels is the fact that, while it cribs elements from some of Amitabh's most iconic films, unlike those films, it doesn't seem to have much in the way of larger themes of its own that it's trying to put across. As such, it can simply use it's resemblance to those other films as a terse signifier of those themes (the fetters of family honor, the value of friendship and community, etc.), while it goes briskly about its real business of being a violent and somewhat trashy little potboiler. This, of course, gives the movie something of a throwaway feel, but that just contributes all the more to it being such a fun experience. After all, if you're reading this review in the first place, you're well aware of the fact that a movie doesn't need to be a classic to be great. And while Be-Sharam is certainly no substitute for Deewaar or Sholay, there is something to be said for how it so compactly serves up the undiluted joys of Amitabh at his most funky and fightingest.

Labels: , , ,

posted by Todd at | 2 Comments


Saturday, April 19, 2008

Toofan

Release Year: 1989
Country: India
Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Goga Kapoor, Meenakshi Sheshadri, Amitra Singh, Farooq Shaikh, Kamal Kapoor, Raza Murand, Pran, Sushma Seth, Zarina Wahab, Sudhir Dalvi, Ramesh Deo, Mahesh Anand, Jack Gaud, Bob Christo
Director: Ketan Desai
Writers: Salim Khan, K.K. Shukla
Cinematographer: Peter Pereira
Music: Anu Malik
Producer: Manmohan Desai
Promote It: Digg | del.icio.us


Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan and ramshackle low budget superhero spectacle are both subjects that get a lot of play here at Teleport City, and when a film brings the two of them together we're pretty much fated to cover it, no matter how underwhelming that film may be. Fortunately the 1989 movie Toofan comes to us wrapped in some particularly interesting context. It's mildly depressing context, mind you, but interesting nonetheless.

These days, nearly forty years into his career, it's hard to imagine Amitabh Bachchan being any more famous or respected than he is. When he's not gracing some freshly minted Bollywood blockbuster with his distinguished presence, he's appearing in public as the proud patriarch of a white hot acting dynasty comprised of his superstar son and daughter-in-law, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai. Hell, even Stephen Colbert has given him shout-outs. This combined with the amount of attention paid to his early successes might lead one to get the impression that his was a smooth and gradual--if you will, Al Pacino-like--transition from his breakthrough days as an iconic angry young man to the role of venerated elder statesman. That impression, however, would be quite wrong. In fact, the road that lead from Bachchan's funky and fighting late seventies heyday to his living legend status today is one marked by some considerable stretches of rough pavement, of which Toofan is one small artifact.

Though the youthful Amitabh personified the hardscrabble working class hero onscreen, the reality of his circumstances was a bit different, a reality underscored by the fact that, when he first arrived in Bollywood, he did so armed with a letter of recommendation written by Indira Gandhi herself. Amitabh was a lifelong friend of Ghandi's son Rajiv Ghandi, and his family (headed by his father, the renowned poet Harivanish Rai Bachchan) enjoyed a close relationship with the Nehru-Gandhi clan. These close ties would serve to alter Bachchan's career path dramatically after the assassination of Indira Gandhi, when Rajiv, now the newly named Prime Minister of India, asked Bachchan to support him by seeking a parliamentary seat as a member of his Indian National Congress party. At the time, Amitabh was still at the peak of his phenomenal popularity. His serious injury during the filming of Coolie the previous year had lead to a national vigil that saw people lining up at temples to give prayers in his name, and the finished film was a runaway success as a result. Given that he was easily the most famous person in India at the time, popular election was a simple matter, and Bachchan ended up winning the parliamentary seat for his home town of Allahabad by the widest margin in Indian history.




Bachchan has since freely admitted that he was in way over his head in the political arena, and the rigors of his new calling ended up removing him completely from the acting sphere (though he would, thankfully, take time out from overseeing matters of state to make the wonderfully insane Mard). Things would become much worse for him with the eruption of the Bofors Scandal, ignited when evidence surfaced of Rajiv Gandhi and some associates receiving kickbacks--brokered by an Italian businessman who was a close friend of the Gandhi family--from the Swedish arms manufacturer Bofors in exchange for lucrative government contracts. The matter was one of the biggest corruption scandals in the history of Indian politics and, while Bachchan was ultimately cleared of involvement, he was tainted by association nonetheless. Thanks in no small part to the aggressive attentions of a press drunk with the smell of celebrity blood, the public perception of him shifted away from that of a populist hero toward that of a representative of an appetitive and hypocritical elite. Understandably burned by the experience, Bachchan resigned from his seat after serving three years, vowing never to return to politics again, and began the process of getting his acting career back on track.

Unfortunately, Bachchan returned to a Bollywood that had largely moved on in his absence. A new batch of young stars had emerged, and new types of films--reflecting what was considered to be a more hopeful and less "angry" time--were being made. Not helping matters was the fact that Amitabh--thanks in no small part, I'm sure, to the stress of his political adventures--had not aged all that gracefully over the intervening years. He'd put on a few pounds, and his once youthful face had become somewhat puffy and haggard looking--neither of which are good things for an actor who has made his fame as an exemplar of burning youth. In short, Bachchan was a star in desperate need of reinvention. However, what successes such a reinvention might have engendered we will never know, because what the forces guiding Bachchan's career--or, indeed, Amitabh himself--chose to do instead was to desperately cling to what had worked in the past. As a result, Bachchan closed out the eighties with a string of resounding box office failures. Among the earliest volleys in this barrage of cinematic duds was Toofan.

Toofan was one of a small handful of films directed by Ketan Desai. Though he would go on to become a successful producer, what was most noteworthy about Desai at the time was that he was the son of director Manmohan Desai, who had directed a number of Amitabh Bachchan's beloved hits, including Amar Akbar Anthony, Parvarish, and the aforementioned Coolie, as well as numerous successful masala entertainers for other stars, such as the delirious Dharmendra-fronted costume epic Dharam-Veer. Unfortunately, Manmohan had chosen the previous of Amitabh's late eighties flops, Gangaa Jamunaa Saraswathi, as his directorial swan song, and--perhaps due to failing health--served only as a producer on Toofan, which would be the last film he worked on. Manmohan's is just one example of a power who had fueled Bachchan's previous success having only a vestigial involvement in Toofan, the other being that of Salim Khan, just half of the screenwriting team--completed by Javed Akhtar--responsible for creating Amitabh's most career-defining roles, including Zanjeer, Sholay, Deewaar and Don. I'm not sure what happened between Khan and Akhtar, but they appear to have parted ways after 1987's Mr. India, which is admittedly a career peak that would be pretty hard to top.




You get a sense with Toofan of a creative team that's grasping at straws, trying to assemble various successful elements from past films, along with a few tentative new ones, all in a somewhat messy attempt to rekindle their star's earlier heat. Manmohan Desai was known for his "lost and found" dramas, which featured families torn apart by fate only to be reunited after much travail at the film's conclusion, and one example of those, the aforementioned Amar Akbar Anthony, had been one of Amitabh's most loved films, so that element is included. Bachchan also had great success with films in which he played dual roles, such as in Don and The Great Gambler, so that element is included as well. Finally, during the late years of his peak, Bachchan's stature was such that his characters--such as those in Coolie and Mard--had begun to take on an almost superheroic cast, so it seems it was decided to push things just that much further and make his character in Toofan an actual costumed superhero.

The prologue that establishes Toofan's premise is elegant in its simplicity. Psyche! Seriously, given that this is a Manmohan Desai-produced masala film in the "lost and found" mold, you can be assured that simplicity has nothing to do with it. In fact, the plot of Toofan is so serpentine in its convolutions that it makes the labyrinthine Dharam-Veer look like No Exit by comparison. Once the film starts rolling, we still have thirty minutes to go before the opening credits, so just sit tight.

Ramesh (Ramesh Deo), a magician and escape artist, and Hanuman Prasad (the mighty Pran), a noble and upright police inspector, are friends. Ramesh and his very pregnant wife leave Bombay to visit Hanuman in his hometown of Udhampur on the occasion of his also very pregnant wife giving birth. However, on arriving they find that Hanuman's wife has died in the process of birthing twin boys, and the shock of this revelation causes Ramesh's wife to faint and fall down a flight of stairs. She miscarries as a result, and in response to Ramesh's concern that his still unconscious wife will not be able to survive the news, Hanuman says, basically, "here, I have two", and gives Ramesh one of his twins to raise as his own. Time goes on, and Ramesh schools his adopted young son, Shyam, in the magician's trade, while Hanuman trains his son, Toofan, in being righteous and upright. Unfortunately, Shyam's magician training is abruptly cut short one day when Ramesh fails to execute the old "locked box submerged in a body of water" escape, a turn of events that prompts the child to vow that he will himself master the feat one day.




Young Toofan's relationship with his dad is equally short-lived. Asked by his superior, ACP Sharma (Kamal Kapoor), to escort a large shipment of gold on its way to the reserve bank, Hanuman finds himself made the patsy in a scheme between the corrupt Sharma, his lieutenant Patil, and the notorious bandit Shaitan Singh (Goga Kapoor) to steal the gold for themselves, and is fired from the force in disgrace as a result. The wild-eyed Shaitan Singh, however, has a bad habit of shooting absolutely everyone who works with or for him (a habit that makes it remarkable that he's consistently able to find new recruits for his gang), and when he does the same to Patil, the crooked cop uses his last breath to inform Hanuman of Sharma and Shaitan Singh's involvement in framing him. Rushing off to capture Shaitan Singh, who is escaping by train, Hanuman leaves a note written on a handy chalkboard for his sleeping son, detailing the particulars of Patil's confession. What follows is some classic Action Pran as Hanuman jumps the speeding train and manages to cuff Shaitan Singh before the two of them end up in a violent brawl that leaves Hanuman hanging from the train car, still cuffed to Shaitan Singh, as a train approaches in the opposite direction on a parallel track. Unfortunately for Hanuman, Shaitan Singh is just about as badass as these Bollywood bandits come, and cuts off his own fucking hand in order to send Hanuman crashing beneath the wheels of the oncoming train.

At the moment of his father's death, a violent wind blows open the shutters in young Toofan's room, awakening him, and some highly selective drops of rain manage to erase both the names of Shaitan Singh and, partially, ACP Sharma from the blackboard, while leaving the rest of his father's message intact. Toofan none too wisely runs with the blackboard to ACP Sharma, who, obviously not having mastered the poker face, freaks out and chases him away (though, strangely, without taking the blackboard, an oversight which enables Toofan to improbably hold on to it and the message it contains--apparently without once thinking to transcribe it in some more portable and permanent format--for the many intervening years between its first being scrawled and the events of Toofan's denouement). From this point on, Toofan is pretty sure that Sharma had something to do with his dad's death, and vows to find proof of that fact, along with the identity of Sharma's mysterious partner in crime. But to do so he'll need some divine assistance.

The young Toofan prays to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman for help, and in response to his plea a violent wind sweeps through the temple, causing a nifty six-shooter crossbow to fall from the shrine and land at his feet--and it's not an ornate, mythological-looking crossbow, either, but a rather sporty one with the brand name clearly visible on the front. A robed sage says something about a righteous cyclone ("toofan") sweeping through the land to clean it of wrongdoers, and there we have our origin story. Meanwhile, Shaitan Singh goes to see a doctor about the profusely bleeding stump that's cropped up where his hand used to be and the doctor, having seen Shaitan Singh's picture in the paper, dopes him up and calls the police, after which Shaitan Singh is carted off to jail, swearing eventual vengeance against the doctor.




Now, allow me to backtrack a bit to discuss the matter of Hanuman. I am woefully ignorant about the Hindu religion, and what I do know about Hanuman, as with many things, I know only from watching movies. But based upon that meager amount of no doubt highly dubious information, I think that Hanuman is awesome. As he's depicted in the several Bollywood "mythologicals" I've seen, he's similar in character to the Monkey King from Chinese folklore as he's portrayed in the Shaw Brothers "Journey to the West" movies. His unwavering sense of justice is tempered by an antic sense of mischief, and he's just as likely to shrink himself down to bite-size in order to tamper with an adversary's insides as he is to swell to enormous proportions to simply step on him or kick him into the next life. Plus, he's the only Hindu deity, as far as I know, who is friends with Ultraman, as evidenced by the Thai movie The 6 Ultra Brothers vs. The Monster Army--which, to my mind, is the highest endorsement that any religious figure could attain. If Ultraman is on board, then I'm just a miracle away from signing up myself.

Anyway, we now advance forward twenty-seven years to the introduction of Toofan as we will know him for the rest of the movie, prompted by a gang of scruffy bandits terrorizing a wedding party. Toofan's entrance is announced by a cyclone, and accompanied by a snappy theme song that is by far the highlight of an otherwise unremarkable score by Anu Malik. When we see him, it's Amitabh wearing his best mien of righteous fury, dressed in black genie pants with a bright orange cape, sash and scarf, and charging in on horseback with his trusty crossbow ready for action. As his theme song thunders away on the soundtrack, Toofan dispatches most of the bandits by means of arrows that are shot with uncanny speed and precision, then kung fus the stragglers, all the while booming away in a voice equipped with its own reverb chamber, just to further underscore his divine origins.

Now, admittedly, Amitabh does look slightly silly. But, still, Toofan the superhero sounds kind of cool, doesn't he? And, having established that, we next encounter what turns out to be the major problem with Toofan the movie. Because, once this scene has concluded, we will not see Toofan again for a solid hour, and will instead be spending hard time with Toofan's twin brother, Shyam, as irritating a comic ne'er-do-well as has ever been seen. While there is some awkwardness to the less-than-fighting-trim Bachchan's portrayal of Toofan, it's still a role that he's relatively at home with, whereas his performance as Shyam reeks of desperation. In his efforts to sell Shyam as a lovable goofball, he mugs away frantically like a coked-up borscht belt comedian, and the result is unbearably corny and cloying. Of course, we've seen Big B in comedic mode before (such as in the role of the double Vijay in Don and in much of Amar Akbar Anthony), but those performances were aided, first of all, by his confidence as an actor, which kept him short of overselling in the manner that he is here, and, secondly, by stories that kept those characters integrated within a narrative context that didn't leave them just hanging out to become little more than annoying, human-shaped roadblocks to audience involvement, which is what happens here.




I'm going to take the Shyam portion of Toofan at speed because, even though a bunch of things happen during that hour, very little of them have any impact on the larger plot of the movie. Suffice it to say that Shyam, who is making his living as a magician performing at children's parties (and whose magic consists of a combination of cheap novelty store gags and Bewitched style special effects--confusing the issue of whether he's supposed to be performing sleight-of-hand or actual magic) gets hoodwinked by a corrupt hotelier and his gang into aiding in a robbery, and ends up in trouble with the police as a result. After he is bailed out by his cab driver friend, Gopal (Farooq Shaikh), the two of them set about trying to prove his innocence, setting in motion a series of searingly unfunny slapstick episodes helped not in the least by lots of under-cranked camera work and wacky sound effects. Finally things turn serious when the gang tries to silence Shyam, and Gopal, throwing himself in front of an oncoming car to protect him, ends up losing both of his arms. After leaving the hospital, Gopal, not wanting to be a burden on his friend, goes to visit his family, who have been living at home with his father while he makes his living in Bombay. As fate and the frantic loose-end tying of screenwriter Salim Khan would have it, Gopal's father's home is in Udhampur, both the stomping ground of Toofan and the hiding place of the gold stolen by Shaitan Singh at the beginning of the movie--and Gopal's father, furthermore, is the very same doctor who turned Shaitan Singh in all those years ago. (Gopal's homecoming also provides us with a replay of that famous scene in Sholay in which the wind whips away the blanket wrapped around Sanjeev Kumar's shoulders, dramatically revealing that he has lost his arms.)

Meanwhile, back in the movie that we wish the rest of Toofan was more like, Shaitan Singh has escaped from prison, a feat he has accomplished in part by means of setting himself on fire (badass). To be honest, I'm not sure that the whole setting himself on fire part was all that necessary to his escape, but the shot of him emerging from his cell in slow motion, on fire, while shooting everyone in sight was definitely necessary to me being able to make it through the remaining hour of Toofan. Once doused, Shaitan Singh makes his way to Udhampur and regroups with the members of his old gang whom he hasn't already shot, who fill him in about Toofan. Toofan's presence, they tell him, has not only kept their criminal endeavors in check, but also emboldened the local populace, a situation that must be dealt with if they are to successfully extract their treasure from its hiding place (a task which now, for reasons I won't go into, will involve excavating a temple that has been built over the burial site). Shaitan Singh manages to draw Toofan out, after which a tremendous fight ensues, ending with Toofan dangling perilously over the edge a sheer waterfall. Unfortunately, the only thing that's keeping Toofan from falling is the fact that he's handcuffed to Shaitan Singh's prosthetic hand, which comes with a convenient spring latch that, when released, sends the poorly composited Amitabh/Toofan tumbling down into the raging waters below. Now free to terrorize as they please, Shaitan and his gang go to take vengeance against Gopal's father, killing Gopal and his wife--and orphaning his young son--in the process.




Soon after, Shyam arrives in Udhampur looking for Gopal. Since Shyam is still considered a criminal and is jumping bail, the Bombay police arrive hot on his heels, but instead find the unconscious Toofan at the base of the waterfall and take him back with them under the mistaken impression that he is Shyam. Upon finding himself in Bombay, the noble Toofan ends up taking on the guise of Shyam out of compassion for Shyam's long suffering mother, who is obviously so incapable of handling bad news that anyone within a five mile radius of her would rather attempt to shift the tides than be the bearer of it. So, in case you missed it, let me point out that we were once again given a brief scene of Toofan being awesome to the accompaniment of his snappy theme song, immediately after which he was again effectively removed from the action, not to return in superheroic form for another good chunk of the movie. Instead, as might be predicted, Shyam finds himself convinced to impersonate Toofan in order to thwart the bandits and embolden the populace, and so, not only do we have an absence of Toofan, but an absence of Toofan filled by Shyam's cloyingly goofy impression of him.

Shyam's stint as Toofan goes pretty much as would be expected, except for one odd aspect that I wanted to point out. In those instances where Shyam does do battle with Toofan's foes, he does so with his magic, and his magic, as I've alluded to earlier, appears to be actual magic, including the abilities to levitate himself and others at will, make objects in plain sight turn into other objects (such as when he turns an attacker's sword into a snake), vanish things into thin air, and instantly hypnotize people to do his bidding. In short, Shyam's powers are far more limitless and god-like than those of the real Toofan, who basically just hits people and shoots them with arrows, yet these scenes are played as zany comic relief bits. In fact, when Shyam really wants to get results, he uses his fists, even though, from what we've seen, it looks like he could simply wiggle his nose and make Shaitan Singh and his men disappear. Of all the weirdly sloppy plot elements that litter Toofan, I think this one may have been the weirdest and the sloppiest--but, then again, that may just be because it's the one that I'm focusing on at the moment.

Back in Bombay, Toofan's impersonation of Shyam leads to a lot of other business that has no bearing whatsoever on the main plot of Toofan, but to its credit does ultimately lead to Toofan, as Toofan, returning to Udhampur to settle things once and for all with Shaitan Singh. And it is here, in like fashion, that the movie Toofan finally becomes a Toofan that we can all get behind. Shaitan Singh and his men perform a daring recovery of the stolen gold by burrowing from underneath the temple through the roof of a conveniently located train tunnel, finally dumping the treasure into a waiting freight car, after which Shaitan Singh celebrates by summarily blowing away his entire crew. Shyam tries to intervene, but ends up handcuffed to Gopal's son in a model train boxcar that plunges off an elevated bridge into the river below (meaning it's time to make good on that vow to successfully execute that failed stunt of his father's). ACP Sharma shows up to claim his share of the gold from the traitorous Shaitan Singh, leading to a bloody confrontation. Finally, Shaitan Singh commandeers a plane to make his getaway, with Toofan in hot pursuit. In what is by miles the film's most memorable scene, Toofan uses his crossbow to shoot a line into the plane--the end of which spears itself not only through the floor of the plane, but through Shaitan Singh's foot as well--and then scales up the line (which hangs slack in a straight vertical line from the underside of the airborne--and no doubt rapidly moving--plane) into the plane's cabin for a final balls-out smackdown with his nemesis.




Admittedly, the final twenty minutes of Toofan are amazing--so amazing, in fact, that if the rest of Toofan were even half that good it would probably be one of my all time favorite films in which a somewhat out-of-shape guy in an ill-fitting superhero costume runs around kicking ass. By a fair account, there are probably about forty-five minutes to an hour of really good movie hidden within Toofan and, if I was inclined to do such things, I would take that forty-five minutes to an hour of really good movie and cobble together my own version of Toofan, which would consist of the fight between Pran and Shaitan Singh on the train, every scene where Toofan is riding around shooting people with his crossbow to the accompaniment of his snappy theme music, Shaitan Singh escaping from prison on fire, and those final twenty minutes. Of course, what I would then have would be something very far from the crazy Bollywood masala movie that Toofan was obviously intended to be.

That is not to say, however, that the fault with Toofan lies necessarily within the sprawl of its story or the convolutions of its plot. In fact, one of the great pleasures of watching a well made masala film of this type--like, say, Amar Akbar Anthony or Dharam-Veer--is in seeing the ingenious, albeit far-fetched, ways in which all of the many disparate strands of character and circumstance that the filmmakers have laid out ultimately end up falling into place. The problem with Toofan is that so much of what it lays out never really comes to anything, and only serves to distract from the parts of the movie that are actually entertaining. For instance, note that I am only now mentioning the film's two female leads, Meenakshi Shehadri and Amrita Singh, who are so poorly integrated into the story as to become superfluous, and who disappear from the film without remark well before the climax as a result. (It appears that no trouble was taken to even give Amrita Singh's character a name, despite the fact that it seemed like she was being set up to be Toofan's love interest.) In like fashion, the whole subplot involving the crooked hotelier who frames Shyam--which is revisited at length during the segment of the film in which Toofan is masquerading as Shyam--never ties into the larger plot in any significant way, and isn't interesting enough on its own to merit the amount of time it's given--even though it provides an opportunity for the appearance of the always welcome Bob Christo.




All of this is a shame not just for the audience, who must suffer through Toofan's vast stretches of unengaging filler, but also for Amitabh Bachchan, who so desperately needed for the movie to be a hit. Because, as I've indicated, Toofan contains all the makings of a very entertaining film; it's just that those involved in its creation were too busy throwing anything that they thought might stick at it to take stock of exactly what those makings were. And so a lot of fun, cheesy thrills--as well as a serviceably heroic performance by its star and some pretty well-staged scenes of violent action--ended up getting buried in a storm of half-baked contrivances and unnecessary shtick. As a result Toofan was a film that was pretty hard to love--and Amitabh was still left with a long climb ahead of him in his struggle back to the top.

And to belabor things, perhaps the image of Amitabh wearing a somewhat unflattering and ungainly costume while trying to climb up a rope into a moving airplane provides a suitable metaphor for that struggle. He would eventually succeed, of course, but not until a lot of time had passed in the wake of Toofan's inauspicious release. As mentioned earlier, more box office disappointments would follow, and in response Amitabh decided to take another break from acting to try his luck on the corporate side of the entertainment industry. The result was Amitabh Bachchan Corp., Ltd. (ABCL), an ambitious film production, marketing and distribution company. Unfortunately, that venture failed spectacularly due to mismanagement within just a couple of years, and Amitabh returned to acting once again, only to produce yet another string of sinkers. Strangely, the thing that facilitated Amitabh's eventual return to the diamond glow of superstardom was not any kind of breakthrough film role at all, but rather his becoming host of the Indian version of the TV quiz show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? By becoming a familiar presence in their homes week after week, the Big B once again endeared himself to the Indian public, making them receptive again to his presence on the big screen. This was also helped, I imagine, by the fact that, with a string of grizzled patriarch roles, Amitabh was playing characters appropriate to his age for the first time in 20 years.




So there you have it, boys and girls: The legend of Toofan, a story of crashing falls from great heights, tears, struggle, and ultimate triumph over adversity, all far more interesting then the legend that the makers of Toofan the movie set out to tell. So next time you're watching some current Bollywood hit and you see Amitabh Bachchan making a cameo as an aging kingpin or a lovable uncle with an annoying catchphrase, keep in mind that this is a man for whom the privilege of phoning in performances in fluff roles that are largely the result of stunt casting has been especially hard won. But I jest, of course. Being huge fans and supporters of Amitabh, we here at Teleport City wouldn't have wished anything but a happy ending for him. That doesn't mean I'm not going to send him a bill for the time I spent watching Toofan, though.

Labels: , , ,

posted by Todd at | 6 Comments


Monday, February 05, 2007

Shaan

DIGG THIS ARTICLE. 1980, India. Starring Sunil Dutt, Shashi Kapoor, Amitabh Bachchan, Shatrughan Sinha, Rakhee Gulzar, Parveen Babi, Bindiya Goswami, Johnny Walker, Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Mazhar Khan, Helen, Sudhir, Dalip Tahil, Mac Mohan. Directed by Ramesh Sippy. Written by Javed Akhtar, Salim Khan.

Shaan is an over-the-top Bollywood masala film that plays in very much the same vein as Don or The Great Gambler -- which makes sense, since all three of them star Amitabh Bachchan. For me, they work as sort of a trilogy, even though none of the films is technically connected to the other in any official capacity. But they share so much, both in terms of pacing and overall atmosphere (and the fact that Amitabh's character is named Vijay in all three films), that I like to think of them as some great, flared slack-clad, bow-tie sporting, kungfu-packed epic saga. Shaan is actually the least of the three films, but that by no means implies that it is anything less than absolutely sublime. Heck, as soon as the credits start rolling, projected as they are on the swaying rump of a sexy lass, you know you're in for a real treat.

Sunil Dutt stars as DSP Shiv Kumar, the top cop of Bombay and an all-around man of action despite his advancing age and tendency to wear pristine white short-sleeve suits with ultra-tight flared slacks. Sometimes, his mere entrance onto a scene is enough to wash out the color. Maintaining proper exposure and white balance must have been a real chore. Kumar is the typical man of honor, happily married and with a lovely young daughter. His brothers, however, are what you might call a couple of rascals. Ravi (Shashi Kapoor) and Vijay (the Big B) spend most of their time hatching elaborate cons and other get-rich-quick schemes. When first we meet them, Vijay is posing as a diamond merchant who has just robbed his employer, an act that requires Vijay to bite down endlessly on the collar of his black trenchcoat, for some reason I can't fully fathom. Suffice it to say that the schemes these two dream up are far more complex and convoluted than the crimes call for -- which will sort of become a reoccurring theme in Shaan. Despite being criminals, both Vijay and Ravi are fundamentally good-hearted guys, and it seems their life of crime is less about being criminals and more about just having some fun.


After successfully snookering a crooked hotel manager out of a huge stack of cash, Vijay and Ravi are themselves snookered out of the very same cash by two more con artists, Renu (Bindiya Goswami) and Chacha (comedian and scotch brand Johnny Walker). The two sets of con artists spend some time trying to out-con one another before deciding to team up and steam a valuable necklace off the neck of a princess -- a scheme that goes awry when yet another thief show sup out of nowhere to sing, dance, and show off a lot of cleavage. That would be Sunita (Parveen Babi). She and Vijay hit things off immediately, and before too long, this chance meeting of con artists and ne'r-do-wells results in the formation of a happy little gang that performs only the most delightful and jauntiest of robberies. It's a good set-up until they attempt their most ridiculously lavish con, which apparently involves renting out the community center pool and posing as holy men to bilk suckers out of cash. I can't imagine that they made any more money than they must have spent on costumes, building an ornate stage, and renting out the swimming pool, but whatever. All in good fun, I suppose.

Well, fun until Ravi and Vijay get busted for the ploy, and by their own brother no less! But Shiv has bigger problems to contend with than just his screwy brothers. It seems his effectiveness as a cop has but the serious hurt on a crime boss named Shakal (Kulbhushan Kharbanda). But this is no ordinary crime boss. This is a crime boss who, despite being involved in what sounds like fairly mundane rackets such as gun running, has a secret space-age underground lair on his own private island. He also wakes up every morning and models himself as much as possible after Telly Savalas as Blofeld from the James Bond film On Her Majesty's Secret Service. When Shakal isn't orchestrating criminal enterprises, he sits in his throne room equipped with a rotating platform of death chairs that can dump victims into a tank containing a giant crocodile! He also has a window looking out onto his vast undersea view, which is realized via rear projection of completely improperly scaled underwater life footage, which results in things like hand-sized fish appearing to be larger than a man.


So basically, what you have for the first hour of the film is a pretty straight-forward crime flick. And then all of a sudden, here we are in a space-age secret lair, looking at a bald guy in his Blofeld jacket, employing a uniformed private army, and trusting the successful execution of his schemes to a quartet of managers that includes that wolfman guy (Mac Mohan) that seems to be the evil henchman in every 70s Bollywood action film and Dalip Tahil, last seen here as the villainous sweater-wearing manager from Commando. Shakal, being a man of impeccable mad villain fashion sense, also insists that his four lieutenants dress equally as swanky, so they all get to wear slick white suits. So at least Dalip gets something better than the holiday sweaters and mock turtlenecks he wore in Commando.

Annoyed that Shiv is cutting into the profits of evil, Shakal forces circus performer crack shot Rakesh (Shatrughan Sinha) to assassinate the inspector. I'd like to think that Rakesh works at the same circus as JJ from Don. Considering that Shakal has a space-age underground lair, a crocodile pit, four lieutenants in flared white suits, and an army of henchmen, you would think that he could recruit an ace assassin from the criminal underworld instead of kidnapping a circus guy's wife in order to make him turn to a life of crime. But much like Vijay and Ravi, Shakal is absolutely committed to doing things in the most lavishly complex and overblown fashion imaginable. So why hire a seasoned underworld hit man with no moral qualms about killing a cop when you could devise an elaborate scheme involving a circus sharpshooter instead?


Ravi and Vijay get out of jail and swear to go straight, but it's not too long before the crosshairs in which Shiv finds himself pull the younger brothers and their crew of con artists into the struggle against Shakal.

There is very little about Shaan that isn't totally absurd. Shakal is a cartoon James Bond/spy caper villain who somehow wandered into a gritty 70s-style action film. One minute, it's all guys in dungarees and open-neck shirts kicking each other on the streets of Bombay, and then all of a sudden Ravi and Rakesh are fighting gas-mask clad super villains in a pristine white secret lair throne room while Amitabh wrestles a rubber crocodile. Anyone who watches masala from the 70s and 80s has to be prepared for dramatic shifts in tone, but while the tone of Shaan remains fairly consistent, the setting seems to switch for the final hour to an entirely different movie. Not that I'm complaining. I think pretty much every type of movie could be improved by the inclusion of a bald criminal genius with a space-age secret lair and crocodile pit and female assistants clad in mini-skirts and silver go-go boots.

But the fact that Shaan is very, very silly doesn't mean that it's not also very, very fun. It's tremendously enjoyable, even if we do spend a little much time with the legless dude on his rolling platform zipping about Bombay at speeds exceeding those of the cars around him. Shaan is basically a Don style Amitabh action film with a James Bond film grafted onto the end, which is really the best of both worlds. You get to watch Amitabh kungfu the crap out of people, then you get to watch him run around in futuristic passageways and battle dudes with machine guns. Plus, yeah, he wrestles a crocodile and kicks down a door. If they'd let him jump a car through the open door of a moving box car, it would have been perfect. By 1980, Amitabh's "angry young man" trend,which he'd started with films like Zanjeer and Deewar, had just about run its course. What had once been something daring and fresh was becoming routine. Everyone knew what to expect, and Amitabh could play these types of roles with his eyes closed. But that doesn't stop him from putting a lot of charm and effort into the film. Vijay is a well realized character, equal parts lovable rascal, suave playboy, and steely-eyed instrument of destruction. He looks great in the action scenes, and though there are fewer kungfu fights than in Don, the choreography in Shaan is much better orchestrated.


Playing second banana to Amitabh is Shashi Kapoor in a harmless role that simply gets lost in the over-the-top glory of Amitabh and Shakal. Ravi gives off a definite "yeah, me too!" vibe as he follows Vijay around. But he fares better than the women in the film. After Zeenat Aman in Don and Great Gambler, Parveen Babi and Bindiya Goswami are a major step down. The movie doesn't really offer them very much to do other than be present and occasionally show some cleavage. They get to throw some chops and kicks and flip some dudes over during the finale, but that's really not enough to make them in any way memorable. I'm not sure what Zeenat was doing. Maybe if she'd been on hand, we would have a better showing on behalf of the ladies.

Surprisingly, comedian Johnny Walker is not the least bit irritating as Renu's con artist uncle. I always have major reservations about "famous comedians" in any role, be they slapstick comedy relief or otherwise. This is usually because famous comedians are almost never funny to me. Franco and Cicci, Jerry Lewis -- I'm looking in your direction. But Walker plays it pretty straight for the most part, and only really has a couple scenes. In fact, most of the cast that isn't Amitabh, Shashi, or Shatrughan Sinha tends to disappear for long stretches of film. It wouldn't be hard to forget that Renu, Chacha, and Sunita are even in the film.


As forgettable but harmless as those three may be, with Shashi being only marginally more memorable, Shatrughan Sinha makes up for it as the circus hitman blackmailed into trying to kill Shiv Kumar.He's the only character with any back story (as simple as that back story may be) that explains his motivations. And for being in what is ultimately a silly overblown action movie, Shatrughan brings a surprising level of depth and dignity to his role, even when wearing a billowing black silk circus shirt which I think might have also been worn by JJ in Don. In fact, I'm just going to pretend that not only were Rakesh and JJ in the same circus, but Rakesh was JJ's son (though Rakesh himself does not know this). And it was on his deathbed that JJ bequeathed the flowing black silk Renaissance shirt to Rakesh, his final words being, "Wear it...with pride."

But none of this matters. Because no matter how good Amitabh Bachchan and Shatrughan Sinha may be, this movie belongs to Kulbhushan Kharbanda. As the devious and dastardly Shakal, Kharbanda hams his way through a ridiculously over-the-top performance complete with weird twitching, copious amounts of booming evil laughter, and a scene where he inexplicably has his evil villain jacket unbuttoned to reveal his hairy, shirtless chest even though he's in his throne/control room and never takes his jacket off at any other point in the movie. I guess he figured that if everyone else got to wear those big-collared polyester disco shirts unbuttoned to the navel, he should get to show off a little chest as well, despite being clad for the entire movie in a jacket with a high Mandarin style collar. Shakal is not the greatest onscreen Bollywood villain of all time -- it's only right that that honor would go to a character played by Amrish Puri (and that the character be named Mogambo -- but that is another story) -- but he's pretty damn good. I think if he hadn't been quite so serious with it, he would have reached those rarefied airs where only the best and most scenery-hungry villains exist. But while he may fail to attain a state of cartoonish villain manna, that doesn't mean Shakal isn't a bundle of fiendish giggling and ominous flashing button pressing.


Aside from a solid cast, Shaan boasts much that is worth celebrating. The set design, when it kicks into high gear, is really something. Most of the movie takes place on fairly standard locations -- the streets, a garage, a bar, Shiv's living room, so on and so forth. But in two instances, Shaan gives in to its flashier, more decadent art design tendencies. When Amitabh and his crew mount the theft of a diamond necklace, it occurs at a dance club that must be seen to b believed. Beth Loves Bollywood described it as a universe within an inside-out disco ball, and I can think of no better description. And sure, the plunging neckline and swinging hips of Suria's dress are supposed to be the star attractions of the number, but that's not to say one can't become easily distracted by Amitabh's pimp outfit, complete with giant roger Moore sized bowtie and a crystal-tipped walking stick. And I haven't even mentioned the cheerleader go-go girls with the silver pom-poms.

Even that pales into comparison the instant we're transported from the familiar sights and sounds of the Bombay streets to Shakal's pop-art lair. There's no excuse for a villain of his caliber to have such a lavish lair. You should only get lairs like this when you are blackmailing the entire world or stealing nuclear power plants or teleporting the entirety of Washington DC onto the moon. Shakal seems to be running guns and hassling a dude from the circus. But whatever. Since Shaan was made in 1980, I assume that the market for opulent 60s-style villain lairs had really bottomed out, so he probably got the whole package off Craigslist for super-cheap. Shakal's lair is a dream -- very Ken Adams on a Bollywood budget, or even more accurate -- it looks like they somehow got access to the same sets Toho Studio used for the Planet X space base in Godzilla vs. Monster Zero. One -- should one be like me -- half expects Amitabh to run into Akira Takarada and Nick Adams while they're all prowling the same halls. Now that would have been one hell of a team.


As far as musical numbers go, you have two spectacular ones, and other acceptable ones. The dance club/necklace heist scene has a great number, and the finale is a spectacular blow-out that reminds me of the finale of Jewel Thief. Vijay, Ravi, Rakesh, and the gals somehow employ a entire gypsy dance and acrobat troupe and use it to infiltrate Shakal's fortress -- because as much as bald megalomaniac super villains love the privacy of a private island space-age lair, they love a sumptuous floor show even more. The whole number turns into a wild, action-packed free-for-all that includes kungfu, shoot-outs, Rakesh and Ravi fighting supermen in gas masks in a chamber filling with poison gas -- in which Shakal himself is sitting without a gas mask! -- and, of course, Amitabh wrestling a crocodile. The other musical numbers are all right. The number with the legless Abdul (Mazhar Khan) zipping about town is pointless and overlong, but the awful blue screen projection should help you get through. The other numbers are the usual "wooing the chick" and "conning the masses" type of numbers, and while they're perfectly acceptable, they just can't compare to that dance club number or the big show at Shakal's place.

This was director Ramesh Sippy's first film after the spectacular career-making Sholay, and despite the all-star cast, Shaan didn't do that well. It was sort of on the tail-end of the trend that allowed for this sort of 60s-inspired mod-meets-psychedelic pop art fantasy. A couple years later, Sonny Deol would be running around in ugly, padded jackets and parachute pants, blowing up warehouses that lacked any of the panache of Shakal's lair. So perhaps Shaan is just a 70s movie at the dawn of the 80s. Whatever the case, Sippy's direction isn't as crisp and expertly paced as it was in Sholay. If there is a flaw anywhere in Shaan, it's the usual problem of certain scenes that wouldn't be that good in short form being drawn out much longer than they need to be.


I already mentioned Abdul's overly lengthy roll about town, but there's also the midway assassination attempt on Shiv that consists of nauseating scenes of Ferris wheels and rides spinning around. Later, after Shiv is kidnapped by Shakal and escapes from the secret lair, he is mercilessly pursued down the beach by Shakal's dogs and armed gunmen in a helicopter. Now that in and of itself is a fine scene. It just goes on way too long. Plus, umm, the dogs are beagle puppies. Not Dobermans. Not German Shepards. Beagles. And little beagles at that. It just proves my point that Shakal was a cut-rate chump villain who just lucked out at some supervillain's estate sale.

Some of the comedy drags on, too, but I find that to be the case in almost all films, especially comedies.

But those are nitpicks, at best. For the most part, Shaan is nothing but one big rollicking ball of ridiculous action, energetic songs, kungfu, guns, car chases, crocodile wrestling, disco shirts, laughing villains, secret lairs, and stuff getting' blowed up.

Labels: , , , , , , ,

posted by Keith at | 7 Comments


Monday, November 27, 2006

Boom

Digg this article. 2003, India. Starring Amitabh Bachchan, Jackie Shroff, Gulshan Grover, Padma Lakshmi, Madhu Sapre, Katrina Kaif, Javed Jaffrey, Zeenat Aman, Seema Biswas, Bo Derek. Written and directed by Kaizad Gustad.

Whenever someone names a predictable title like Plan 9 from Outer Space or Robot Monster or Yor, the Hunter from the Future as one of the worst movies of all time, my inevitable response is that if they think that's one of the worst movies of all time, then they obviously haven't seen enough movies. Certainly not enough to be making such bold proclamations such as naming it one of the worst of all time.

Now as you can imagine -- I've seen some bad films in my time. Not just, "so bad it's good" bad, or "guilty pleasure" bad; no, I mean "gnaw your own paw off to escape the trap" bad. I mean "I'd rather gut myself and strangle myself with my own innards than watch another second of this film" bad. More than all that -- I mean "boring" bad. As I've said before, there is no greater sin in cinema, in my opinion, than being boring and tedious. I can take pretty much anything else. Hit me with your worst shot. But boring? That takes me out of the game almost instantly.


The 2003 mega-budget disaster Boom has a reputation as one of the worst movies in Bollywood history. That's one hell of a claim, I tell ya what. And Boom is certainly an utter and complete fiasco of a movie. There isn't a single competent second in the entire overlong running time. Despite a bloated budget, international locations, the glam and glitz of the fashion world, and ample displays of writhing female flesh, the movie still manages to look ugly and grubby. The cinematography is mishandled, the direction never attains any sense of pacing, and the script seems to have been assembled in cut-up Burroughs style using the scripts of the complete filmography of Andy Sidaris as the source material. And the acting? Man, there's no word to even describe it. No adjective has yet been invented that satisfactorily expresses just how phenomenally atrocious the acting is. It's somewhere below the worst acting in micro-budget horror films -- and not the relatively competent (by comparison) modern micro-budget horror film. I'm talking, these people may one day achieve the level of acting we saw in Splatter Farm.

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you? Everything in this movie is so inexpressibly, mind-blowlingly awful that Boom becomes one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. When I reviewed Asambhav, I said that as bad as the film was, I still thought fans of bad action films should see it because it was so absurd. In the case of Boom, however, let me state straight-out: absolutely, under no circumstances, should you take my advice regarding Boom. Do not listen to me. No matter what you hear, no matter how much I scream and beg, you must not listen to me, because I'm going to say, "Dude, you haven't seen Boom? You have to see Boom. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's awesome." It's the equivalent of, "Oh man, this milk has gone sour. It's awful. You have to smell it." Boom is that foul yet enticing carton of spoiled milk that gets shoved to the back of the refrigerator and forgotten until one day, you notice it there behind the half-finished jar of BBQ sauce and the half-dozen Coronas, can't help but open it and take a whiff, and then realize with horror that the rotting, curdled stench overpowers all else in the house and demands, as if possessed by some otherworldly power of mind control, than you immediately rush out and find others to share in the putrid rot. Boom is the cursed video from Ring. Once you've seen it, you will feel the overwhelming urge to make someone else see it, lest your head explode, the last image in your mind being a buff guy in giant nylon raver pants doing the pelvic thrust and shouting, "come on, baby, yeah!"


What really pushes Boom into the realm of the sublime and makes Krishna himself weep sweet, sweet tears of humiliation, is the fact that the film is stuffed with brand name talent. Eternal king of Bollywood cinema and de facto Prime Minister of India, Amitabh Bachchan, is on hand looking resplendent in his white suits. Queen of Bollywood and the unchallenged queen of 70s Hindi cinema, Zeenat Aman, came out of retirement to appear in this film. Jackie Shroff took time out to appear in the film as well. These are actual actors -- which is more than can be said for the rest of the cast. Seeing these proven, seasoned veterans showing up in this film, some after a fifteen plus year retirement, only to have the film be so jaw-droppingly horrendous is, honestly, as sweet as magic gumdrops.

The goofiness begins right at the concept: during a flashy fashion show, two models get into a cat fight, resulting in a pile of stolen antique diamonds falling out of the hair of one of the models. You might think that if you were smuggling stolen diamonds, you wouldn't stick them in your hair and bring them to your fashion show, but really, that'll be the least of your concerns once this film gets rolling. The smuggler-model flees and goes into hiding, which means the gangsters who stole the diamonds have only one lead to finding them: the other model.


The other model, Anu (beauty pageant veteran Madhu Sapre) lives with her two model friends, Sheila (model turned Salman Rushdie wife and spice food spokeswoman, Padma Lakshmi) and Rina (Katrina Kaif). There is, however, absolutely no reason to remember their names. Just remember that there's the tough one, the smart one, and the dumb one. Of these three characteristics assigned to each of the women, only one of them is communicated onscreen with any hint of believability. I will not be handing out any prizes for correctly guessing which one it is. The brainy one communicates her braininess by continuously yammering out figures to the tenth decimal place, though they stopped short of having her constantly pushing up a pair of big-rimmed glasses (she does wear glasses in one scene, though). The tough one communicates toughness by emoting as little as possible. And the dumb one effectively communicates her idiocy by, it seems, just being herself. All three of these women are models. None of them are actresses. It shows.

The gangsters (middle man Jackie Shroff, whose character consists of "he snorts coke," and big cheese Amitabh, whose character consists of "he reads comic books") send goofball muscleman Boom Shankar (Javed Jaffrey, the only legitimately entertaining part of the whole movie) to kidnap the models and give them a choice: either they perform fashion shows until the cost of the diamonds is paid off, or they become whores until the price of the diamonds is paid off. The girls, of course, decide for a third option which consists of using their incredible talents to beat the most dangerous criminal in the entire world at his own game. Keep in mind that the last plan they hatched was to keep anyone from finding out about the fashion show debacle by sending their maid out to try and purchase every single issue of the India Times in Mumbai before anyone else saw it. Another of their plans will involve robbing a bank while wearing masks of their own faces, which I have to say, is absolutely fucking brilliant.


A lot of the criticism that was leveled at Boom in the Indian press at the time of its release dealt with how foul-mouthed and crude the movie was, and I guess by Bollywood standards, it is foul-mouthed and crude. But I'm an American, damnit, and I say to the people who though the worst thing about this movie was that it was a tad dirty that there are plenty of other things that make this movie worth ripping to shreds. So many, in fact, that I'm almost overwhelmed, like a kid in a candy store, if the candy store didn't stock Now and Laters and Laffy Taffy but did have shelves stuffed with giggling killers in raver pants and Amitabh Bachchan in a little novelty kiddie car.

I'll start with the writing, assuming any of this movie was actually written down at any point. Back in the late 1990s, there was a trend in Hong Kong action films of filming the movie, or at least a large chunk of it, in English. Ostensibly, this was done to give it a hip, international edge. Practically, speaking, however, it resulted in films packed with some of the worst acting and most nonsensical dialogue ever as actors who often had limited English-language skills read English-language lines written by scripters with limited English-language skills. The result, perhaps best epitomized by Gen-Y Cops and China Strike Force, was the creation of an entirely new language, one comprising of English words but not English sentences. Everyone was stilted in their delivery (often because they were unsure of their language skills, but just as often because, although the actor was a native English speaker, they were just really bad, or didn't give a damn), which only augmented the fact that the dialogue completely failed to reflect any semblance of actual spoken English. No one talks like that, or says those things. And English speakers listening to the English dialogue actually have a better chance of deciphering the meaning of the Chinese language dialogue. It was even better when these lines were read by people you know speak English fluently. Michael Wong (the world's most dedicated bad actor), Daniel Wu, Mark Dacascos, Coolio -- these people speak English. But I guess they just weren't that interested in reading the lines and changing them on the fly to something more akin to real English. And so a new and baffling mutant language has been born, with roots that can be traced back to bad English subtitles in old Hong Kong films and the similarly baffling mangling of English that happened when Italian films got dubbed.


At no point is the lack of understanding of the nuances of the English language more evident that when the characters start cursing or talking in slang. Back in the day, I worked at a college bookstore that served as the headquarters for the university's "English as a second language" courses, so everyone had to buy their books from us. One of the titles required for an advanced English class one year was something like, "Speaking Real English," and it was meant to teach students who had learned formalized "language class" English how to speak and understand the real thing as used by real people. And I felt so, so sorry for any poor kid from China or Ghana who picked up this book and went to a party a week later spouting off hip, 1990s slang like, "Hey my jive turkey brother, what's rad with you, Holmes," (actual sentence from the book). It was like some horrible joke a bunch of racists played. "If we publish a fucked up book of slang, then Chinese kids will get their asses kicked at parties."

Anyway, whenever one of these movies starts to have their characters curse in English, it sounds like something out of that book (and I'm sure my "How to Speak Saucy Japanese" book is just as bad in the other direction). Effectively cursing requires an intimate knowledge of the language. I know people who are offended by cussin' fall back on the tired old, "it's a sign of a limited vocabulary, my jive Holmes street brother," chestnut, but I disagree. Being an effective curser is a sign that you have truly mastered the nuances of a language. I don't mean just blunt "screw you" stuff; I mean the really complex, foul-mouthed poetry. Listen to a cranky old Chinese woman curse out another cranky old Chinese woman who snaked her seat on the subway. That's a stream of misanthropic beauty that rages with the poetic grace, unbridled rage, and stinky pollution of the Yangtse River itself. I could never do that. At best, I can muster a feeble, "Hwai dan" or "ma bi," but that's mostly going to amuse people rather than infuriate them. Hell, I'm not even sure I'm saying it right. I don't speak Chinese fluently, and as a result, I can't curse in Chinese. It's no different for English.


But that never stops these movies from trying. And Boom really tries hard, peppering the dialogue with a steady stream of inappropriately used inappropriate words. throwing English words and sentences into the mix has been common in Hindi cinema for decades, but this is the rare instance where English is the primary language of the film. It's like a bunch of little kids who have just learned some bad words but haven't mastered their proper application, but that doesn't stop them from using them non-stop in the most comically unsuitable fashion. It's also kind of desperate, like when a comic book proves it is mature and adult by having superheroes who say "fuck." Rather than being cool or tough, it just sounds pathetic, like a meek whimper for attention. Look at me! I'm tough! I am! Far from setting the film apart as edgy or international, the foul-mouthed English-heavy dialogue in Boom is the spoken word equivalent of a greasy fat kid with a bowl haircut and "fat guy lisp" showing off his bo staff skills at a comic book convention.

I know some of the people in this movie probably know some English (actually, I assume that Amitabh knows everything about everything) but none of them show any skill with it in their acting. Which brings us to the acting. Our three female leads are dreadful. It's almost inconceivable that stars in a major, professional film could be this bad. I mean, I know you people think Tom Cruise is bad, or Paul Walker, or even Paris Hilton. Forget it. This is a whole different level of game. Watching these three idiots try to act is going to make you realize how good those other supposedly bad actors really are.


But these gals have an excuse, right? They're models. They were cast for their looks, not their talent. Even this baffles me, though. Because, as I said to a friend, only in Bollywood could you eschew your usual pool of actresses, cast three supermodels in your movie, and still come up with women who are less attractive that your average Bollywood actress. Come on, man. Bollywood actresses are hot. I don't think there's any other film industry in the world that can boast so many gorgeous, and often genuinely talented, actresses as Bollywood has at its disposal. Bollywood has so many beautiful actresses from which to chose that it almost becomes humdrum. Yes, we know Aishwarya Rai is the most beautiful woman on the planet. We get it. Let's move on (actually, Manisha Koirala is the most beautiful woman in the world, but that's another debate entirely).

Given that, why would a casting director even think to look to the throng of wannabe supermodels for their leads? I mean, nothing against these three women, but why go for second-rate looks and acting talent when you have so many better prospects? Maybe every name actress in Bollywood read this script and turned it down. Well, every one of them except Zeenat Aman. Zeenat ruled the 70s, and a good portion of the 80s, starring as a kungfu ass-kicker alongside Amitabh in movies like Don and The Great Gambler, along with being an industry-challenging pioneer who fought for substantial, strong female roles, and even starred in some of the first non-arty Bollywood productions to not feature musical numbers. She was a risk-taker and an ass-kicker, and she looked better than anyone else while she was doing it. In 1989, she retired from filmmaking (though she is credited with an appearance in the 1999 film Bhopal Express, but I have no idea how substantial her role in that film was). Whatever the case, that's more or less a decade and a half of virtual absence from movie screens.


And then, in 2003, someone -- or something -- convinced her that she should make a glorious comeback, and that this movie would be the one. It's sort of like if Hank Aaron came out of retirement in 1982 but did it by playing for the Toledo Mudhens in a game against the Norfolk Tides. Seriously, what the hell? What was it about this movie that suckered Zeenie Baby in? I can only assume that her old buddy Amitabh approached her with piles of cash, keys to a new Aston Martin, and a gun to the head of her firstborn. Nothing less than that could explain her agreeing to appear in this movie. I mean, Amitabh may be the emperor of the universe (a throne vacated upon the death of Testuro Tanba earlier this year), but he's also got a case of the Michael Caines (or the Tetsuro Tanbas). He'll appear in any damn movie. They probably could have gotten him to be in Splatter Farm if they'd asked. Amitabh, especially Amitabh from the late 1990s on, is a seemingly permanent fixture in awful movies, the go-to guy when you want to trick people into thinking there might be some redeeming factor to your movie. So seeing him in Boom was embarrassing, but it certainly wasn't unexpected or out of the ordinary. But Zeenat? She got out of bed for this?

Notably, however, in her one brief musical scene (she slinks around a posh office to the tune of Hare Krishna Hare Rama, from the movie of the same name, which also happens to be the one that made her a cinema icon), she manages to be sexier than all three of the vapid young leads combined. Zeenie Baby, you're still tops in my book.


As for Amitabh, the former coolest man in Hindi cinema still looks cool, with his white hair and white suits, but he was apparently bitten at some point by a radioactive Robert DiNiro, giving him the proportional strength and speed for destroying prior respectability as the actual Robert DiNiro. Boom is Amitabh's Bullwinkle. Watching the scenes where he tools around a toy store in one of those novelty kiddie cars, or when he frolics down the beach shouting "Bo!" as an imaginary Bo Derek emerges from the water (played by the actual Bo Derek, in a pointless five-second cameo), and you'll start to wonder why anyone thought this guy was cool. Trust me, he is, and one need only return to the Fertile Crescent that is Don to be reminded of how cool Amitabh is when he's not in a movie as wretched as Boom.

Jackie Shroff just sort of mumbles his way through his lines. The only guy really putting any oomph into his role is Javed Jaffrey as Boom Shankar (is that a Young Ones joke?), the shiny-shirt wearing professional hitman who is easily the least professional professional hitman I've ever seen. He bugs out his eyes, barks nonsensical lines, and generally seems to at least be enjoying the time he gets to spend in the company of three supermodels, one of whom (Madhu Sapre) looks sort of like a tired, past-his/her-prime transvestite in many scenes (shallow insult, but frankly, if you are going to try and get by on your looks, then I get to criticize you based on those looks).


Shankar's not even that likable, but he's still the most likable character in the movie. The three leads are nightmares. I can't imagine anyone having the slightest bit of sympathy for them. They're annoying, shallow bitches when the movie begins, and when it ends, they're still annoying, shallow bitches. Every time they open their mouths, the results are shrill and grating. I spent the whole movie wishing that Boom Shankar would just kill all three shrieking harpies, and we could move on to some other movie that was merely "incredibly bad," instead of "nightmarishly atrocious." And the scene where the three girls get in their post-robbery tiff -- that's got to be one of the single worst scenes ever filmed.

Oh man. You know, I thought I was going to end up telling you that this movie is so awful, you really should see it. I was wrong. This movie just irritates me. It's sloppy and boring, and nothing makes any sense. The cinematography is ugly and awkward -- scenes that should be well-framed are always a bit off, so that everything looks like it was shot by a first time camera operator with a permanent crick in his neck. The lighting makes everything look grubby. And what's the deal wit the sound recording? Not that I really want to hear it, but come on! If you're going to have dialogue, even idiotic and nonsensical dialogue, at least mix it in a way that it can be heard. All the dialogue sounds like it was recorded with the actors standing across the room from the microphone.


This movie cost a ton and ended up being one of the most expensive films in Bollywood history. I have no idea where that money went. It's certainly not on the screen. The costumes are boring. There's nothing lavish about the production. The sets are dull and plain. I assume that a vast amount of the cash went to convincing Zeenat, Jackie, and Amitabh to show up for it. Otherwise, I have no idea where all that money went.

Oh, it's just awful. Everything is awful. The bank robbery? It's the worst. Somehow, we're supposed to be convinced that these girls have been transformed into bad-ass robbers by Boom Shankar, despite all the evidence to the contrary in the movie. And come on, this movie was made in 2003 -- there is absolutely no excuse for having your characters hold their guns sideways. That's so 1999. The bank robbery is also the moment in which the film indulges in its one full musical number, and it's as sloppy and poorly staged as everything else in the movie.

I'm starting to lose myself in just how bad this movie really is. Let's come back to the major criticism leveled at this film by many members of the public in India and the Indian film industry: it's dirty. And yes, it does feature the rare on-the-mouth kiss. And yes, there are a lot of poorly-used English curse words. And yes, boom Shankar makes dick jokes. But the girls aren't as hot as the average Bollywood actress, and there's not nearly as much sexual suggestiveness or skin on display as you can get from the average Bollywood masala. If you are going into the film looking for cheap titillation and skin and all that lewd perversion some people seemed to see, you're actually going to be pretty disappointed.

Likewise if you are looking for action. The only action scene is the bank robbery, and the action there consist of nothing but three models wobbling in on high heels and yelling "Everybody get the fuck down!" over and over until they finally make a clean getaway via a slow-moving RV. The rest of the movie is just a bunch of people sitting around in an office or a living room, having conversations that don't make any sense. At no point is there a pay-off to any of the tedium. Even the finale is a total bore.


Boom -- it's really just incredibly awful. I like to always try to think up something positive to say about any movie, and with Boom, about the best I can come up with is, "It's only an hour and forty minutes long." That's practically non-existent by Bollywood standards, and even at that brief running time, you're going to be checking the watch and hitting the fast-forward button. I thought, when I began writing this review, that I was going to tell people this movie was so awful that you should see it, but now, you know what? Fuck Boom. See this movie if you need a solid example of how bad a movie can be. I alluded earlier to this being sort of the Bollywood equivalent of an Andy Sidaris movie without actual nudity, but that's not being fair to Andy Sidaris. Boom wishes it could be as bad as an Andy Sidaris film, but it's so much worse.

Someone watched Boom at some point and must have realized how awful it was, because the movie was quickly retooled to be marketed as a "comedy." This smacks of a preemptive attempt to derail inevitable criticism by hiding behind the aegis of "parody." But it's not parody. It's just a really, really horrible failure of an action film that was ret-conned into being a comedy. But just as it's not a successful action movie, it's also not a funny comedy. It's not anything but a dreadful, boring mess. I can hardly even believe a professionally made movie can be this bad.

Labels: , , , , ,

posted by Keith at | 15 Comments


Friday, October 24, 2003

Don

1978, India. Starring Amitabh Bachchan, Zeena