Wednesday, October 17, 2007Devils of Darkness Release Year: 1965Country: England Starring: William Sylvester, Hubert Noel, Carole Gray, Tracy Reed, Diana Decker, Rona Anderson, Peter Illing. Written by Lyn Fairhurst. Writer: Lyn Fairhurst Director: Lance Comfort Cinematographer: Reg Wyer Producer: Tom Blakeley Music: Bernie Fenton Alternate Titles: Talisman Availability: Buy it from Amazon So let's say, just for the sake of argument, you're a vampire. Not one of those post-Anne Rice vampires with the leather trenchcoat and the bad poetry and the ill-advised appreciation of Pigface. No, I'm talking about one of those older, more distinguished vampires. Not too bad, huh? I mean, yeah, there are drawbacks. I, for one, would miss the sun and a good day's surfing. On the other hand, if you were to become any monster, a vampire would be pretty sweet. A mummy or Frankenstein monster would be the worst, of course. Mummies only have one outfit, and they have to spend the entire afterlife shambling around in pursuit of some dame who looks like some other dame the mummy loved back in ancient Egypt, and then a dude in a tweed jacket sets you on fire. And Frankenstein monsters have to do pretty much the same thing in terms of shambling, though at the very least they get to smoke cigars and drink wine. As for werewolves -- sure, cool power, but you have no control over it, it only happens once a month, you can't remember anything afterward, and your clothes are constantly getting ruined by your transformations. But vampires -- vampires are all right. Yeah, there's the sun thing. And you're going to have to put up with the occasional fat goth girl who calls herself Cassandra and wants to read you her Lestat fanfic. But luckily, when that happens, all you have to do is turn into a bat or some mist and get out of there. And like Keifer Sutherland, or maybe Wilford Brimley, said, you won't get any older and you won't ever die. Not unless someone kills you in one of the various ways a vampire can be killed -- but honestly, what are the chances of that? Have you seen the people who believe in vampires? They're not all Blade-y and full of kungfu fury. They're fat goth girls who call themselves Cassandra and want to read you their Lestat fanfic they wrote in their notebook with the Sisters of Mercy logo drawn on the cover. And what's the deal with all the kungfu fighting with vampires? Seriously, who fights a vampire with kungfu? All the vampire has to do is turn into some fog and wait it out while the vampire killer spin kicks himself into a state of exhaustion. Plus, you're like ten times stronger than a human anyway, so big deal with your kungfu.
So let's say you are a vampire who has survived through the ages. Also, your name is Sinistre. That would be a pretty cool name, at least until you realize that a vampire might have trouble being named Sinistre, because it's the kind of name that sticks out. You might as well be called Spooky McGhoul or Gregor O'Bloodsucker. I think if I was a vampire named Count Sinistre, no matter how cool that would look in album liner notes, I'd probably change my name to Steve Smith or Mike McGill in order to maybe not stand out as much and attract the attention of Cassandra. But that's neither here nor there, and I've been over the territory of fruity vampire names before (hint for all vampires: no one is named Tristan anymore except for porn stars). You're a vampire, and your name is Count Sinistre. Pretty cool, right? But no, you're not satisfied with just being a vampire named Sinistre with all your vampire named Sinistre powers like flying and commanding the will of rats. Like a greedy corporate raider, you want more, more, more. And so you also appoint yourself the head of a Satanic cult comprised largely of mod young hipsters and sophisticated older folks who, when they aren't busy gadding about in bright red devil cloaks, like to talk about antiques and collectibles, sort of like if The Monkees, Anton LaVey, and Antiques Roadshow all got in a car wreck. But such is the ambition of Count Sinistre, menacing vampire leader of the Satanic cult in Devils of Darkness, a previously forgotten horror film in the vein of AIP's Poe films or Hammer fare like The Devil Rides Out. Devils of Darkness pits our sinister Sinistre against -- well, basically, it pits him against a dad from some early 60s sitcom in a veritable whirlwind of opera capes and devil cloaks versus cardigan sweaters and well-pressed slacks. This is the sort of movie where square-jawed everymen sit on couches with their legs crossed and stare intently at their cigarettes while saying things like, "Vampires? But this is the 20th century!" and everyone seems to know a guy who happens to be a professor of the occult. You know, I went to college, and all I learned about was physics and John Adams and whatever the hell it was I didn't pay attention to in that macroeconomics class everyone was required to take to get into the school of journalism. As far as I know, there were no professors whose entire tenure at the university involved them sitting around giving speeches about Pazuzu and magick circles, but maybe I just didn't take the proper classes. Or maybe by going to a public university in America, all I got to learn about was the coefficient of friction and the tragedy of the commons while guys at upper-crust British colleges got to learn about wizards and Ouija boards and how to set rampaging mummies on fire.
Lucky for me that I love movies where guys in sweaters sit around in well-appointed dens, smoking cigarettes and saying, "But you can't entirely discount the stories of vampires" as they drink brandy or some other beverage only Peter Cushing drinks. Lucky for me that I love movies where people put on bright red devil cloaks and hang around in old basements, drawing circles on the floor and lying out scantily clad kidnapped women on stone altars. Devils of Darkness is exactly the kind of fun, old fashioned horror film that makes me happy, so I was pretty happy watching it. William Sylvester stars as the aptly named Paul Baxter -- these guys always have exactly the sort of name you expect them to have -- on vacation with friends and loved ones in some remote part of France where gypsies frolic and dance and emerge from the shadows to point at you and administer ominous proclamations regarding your fate. You know -- the usual gypsy stuff. It turns out that this quaint little vacation village is lorded over by the sinister Count Sinistre, played with Udo Kier-like effete weirdness by Hubert Noel. The exact nature of the seemingly benign Sinistre is called into question when all of Paul's friends start vanishing or turning up dead. Unfortunately, the local police are no help, and when Paul attempts to have the bodies returned to England for examination, all the coffins go missing. Luckily, while all the French are busy being hypnotized and submitting to the will of Sinistre, Paul and some other guys in England are on the case. But then, so is Sinistre, who trails Paul to England to retrieve a talisman and set up a new cult with acolytes culled from the bored and decadent fringes of wealthy society. When Paul falls for an aloof model, Sinistre targets her to become his next bride, something vampires are always doing. How many times did Dracula try to seduce the daughter or granddaughter of some rival? These guys would die a lot less often if they could lay off trying to marry the daughter or girlfriend of their arch enemies. If you like the old style horror of Roger Corman's Poe films, or if you like what I'll call the Hammer B-Team (meaning, not Dracula or Frankenstein) movies from the 60s, then I think Devils of Darkness will please you. It's brightly colored, especially when everyone throws on their devil cloaks, solidly lensed, and ably acted by a cast of B-movie stalwarts who never turn in anything less than a professional performance. William Sylvester is a bit stiff as Paul, but since Paul is a bit of a stiff, that suits him well. Sylvester was a veteran television actor with some notable appearances in a couple B-movie faves, including Devil Doll and Gorgo. His role with the highest profile was probably as Dr. Heywood Floyd, creator of HAL, in 2001: A Space Odyssey, though honestly, who remembers any of the human characters besides Dave from that movie? As the straight man fighting the occult and going to the library to look up ghoulish subject matter, he's all right.
The star of the film is the villain, of course, and as Sinistre he's perfectly creepy and menacing even though he doesn't have the sort of build one would consider menacing. Hubert Noel. Noel was an accomplished actor in France with appearances in a ton of films, often period pieces, that I've never seen but would like to, because they all seem to be full of cavaliers and highwaymen. Like many continental actors tapped to play vaguely menacing, vaguely effeminate villains, the strength of their native career doesn't really translate into international stardom, unless you count the apt appearance of Noel as "Citroen Driver" in an episode of CHiPs. Still, as Sinistre, he's pretty great, and he's convincing as a guy who could work some magic on ladies, especially when he backs it up with his vampiric mojo. The female spotlight is on two actresses: Tracy Reed plays Karin, the model for whom Paul falls, and Carole Gray plays Tania, the gypsy woman who was Sinistre previous main squeeze until Tania came along. Karin barely registers, as she shows up, wears some sunglasses, then spends the bulk of the film lying in a bed or sitting listlessly in a trance. But Carole Gray's gypsy Tania is a fireball of beauty and rage, introduced to us via one of those colorful gypsy dance numbers that are always happening. She didn't have much a career -- a couple appearances here and there on television shows like The Avengers and The Saint, a role in Brides of Fu Manchu -- and I can't understand why, because she's quite engaging in her role here as the vampire woman scorned.
The rest of the cast is comprised largely of people who have to chant about Satan and wear devil cloaks, or make speeches about the possibility or improbability of vampires in modern society. The basic philosophy is summed up by Paul Baxter's professor friend, played ably by Eddie Byrne (The Mummy, Hammer version). As he explains, there were trials for witchcraft up until the 1920s, and in many places, belief in the supernatural remains the mainstream rather than a fringe belief as it would be in modern London. Vampire movies that attempt to transport a basically Victorian character into modern times have to tackle the "unstuck in time" aspect of their character in a variety of ways. Dracula A.D. 1972 does it by confining Dracula to a single location, which happens to be Gothic in design. Satanic Rites of Dracula does it by dropping pretty much everything that made Dracula Dracula and turning him into a pulp novel style super-villain straight out a James Bond movie. Devils of Darkness takes the same route as the American Count Yorga films, allowing Sinistre to operate first in a somewhat small (though by no means remote) village where he can exercise his will over the locals and leverage the innate superstition of the local gypsy population. When he comes to London, he survives by moving in relatively small circles on the fringe of polite society -- rich decadent freaks, the kind I want to be friends with so I can sit around in posh dens, smoking hookahs and debating philosophy and the supernatural in a bored tone as a naked girl covered in body paint flowers dances on a table in front of me. I have failed at so many of my former life goals.
Sinistre covers his vampire tracks, more or less, by becoming a member of a social circle that values odd behavior and late nights. Anything out of the ordinary he may say or do is casually disregarded (yes, this means that those vampires who hang out in industrial clubs are a logical evolution of guys like Sinistre, but there's still no excuse for their woe-is-me self-ildulgences). He is an artist, after all, and an eastern European. He further controls his environment and expands the power of his influence by tightly controlling where he is seen and by whom. He hangs round an antique store, goes to parties at the pad above the store, and holds his Satanic rituals in an old, remote farmhouse near a cemetery. By and large, he has adapted well to his surroundings -- it is unclear whether he has been around for hundreds of years, changing with the times, or whether he has recently been resurrected by some ritual that involves, frankly, little more than the lighting of a candle that causes his stone sarcophagus to collapse, presumably on Sinistre's face. What parts of modern society to which he has not been able to adapt he has keenly excised from his life. Once again, you find a similar evolution of the vampire in Count Yorga, who hangs around a remote farmhouse and befriends people who are already flaky and into the occult.
As with many B-movies, there are points at which you can poke around and find some flaws in the film. In particular, the script by Lyn Fairhurst places an undue amount of importance on Sinistre's talisman. It is pegged as the source of the vampire's influence over others, so valuable to Sinistre that he would risk coming all the way to London and exposing himself on order to retrieve it. And yet, the loss of the talisman doesn't seem to have any impact whatsoever on his power. He still manages to hypnotize and convert a whole room full of revelers in a remarkably short period of time, and once he fixates on Karin, he forgets the talisman almost completely. I think he just thought it was cool and was afraid Paul would pull some nonsense like putting it on a thick gold chain and wearing it around. And as is often the case, everyone from Paul to the police are pretty quick to shrug their shoulders and go, "Yep, must be a Satanic cult lead by a vampire." Additionally, Baxter and Sinistre never really go toe-to-toe. There is no battle of wits or battle of fists, and when the final showdown does come Sinistre is quick to turn and run. Dracula usually turned and ran, too, but he would hiss while he was doing it, and usually take at least a little time out to throw Peter Cushing across a table. But all in all, I think the story for Devils of Darkness is well written and executed. It could be simply because I like movies of this sort, but even though much of the film is research and guys sitting around, smoking cigarettes, and talking about vampires, I didn't feel the movie dragged. The tight direction by Lance Comfort (sounds like a character from a romance novel, the less threatening cousin of Rock Slabchest) adds to the feeling that something is happening even when very little is. There is almost no on-screen violence and very little blood, but Comfort's eye for composition is great, and he creates an otherworldly atmosphere that carries the otherwise dialog-heavy film. Additionally, though this was a low-budget affair, Comfort had access to Pinewood Studio's massive pile of old sets, and so he could pilfer the goods from much more expensive films to dress him own modest production in much fancier duds than it might otherwise have had access to.
Although the main villain is a vampire, this is much more like Hammer's The Devil Rides Out than it is any vampire film. Sinistre feels similar to Charles Gray's ominous Mocata than he does Dracula. He's sort of like a dry run for Mocata. Not nearly as imposing but still ominous enough despite his slight build. William Sylvester's Baxter is certainly no Duc de Richleau, but then Duc de Richleau was one of Christopher Lee's best roles. It's also very similar to AIP's color horror output, both in look and execution. Corman's Poe films were always heavy on dialog and atmosphere, and the juxtaposition of bleak, decaying sets with vivid colors. Like the Poe films, Devils of Darkness moves slowly until the enthusiastic finale when all hell -- literally, more or less -- breaks loose. Ultimately, it may be a lesser devil cult film, but it was one of the earlier "vampire in post-war times" movies, and one of the only "vampire leads a Satanic cult" movies. It may far short of the mark set by two of the best examples of occult thriller's -- Hammer's The Devil Rides Out and Jacques Tournier's Night of the Demon (which I would assume was a major influence on Devils of Darkness), but I still think Devils of Darkness, especially if you like the AIP Poe films or don't mind lots of dialog, is a good old-fashioned occult thriller that winds up being a great way to spend midnight, provided you don't have any decadent rich parties that devolve into an orgiastic ritual lorded over by a vampire to attend at midnight. Labels: Horror: Creepy Cults, Horror: Satan, Horror: Vampires, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 3:06 PM | 5 Comments Sunday, December 03, 2006Face of Fu Manchu
Digg this article. 1965, England/Germany. Starring Christopher Lee, Nigel Greene, Joachim Fuchsberger, Karin Dor, James Robertson Justice, Howard Marion-Crawford, Tsai Chin, Walter Rilla, Harry Brogan, Poulet Tu, Eric Young. Directed by Don Sharp. Written by Harry Allen Towers.
It seems fitting that my first post-thanksgiving review should be of a film this goofy. Thanksgiving back home in Kentucky was grand, as it included a visit to Churchill Downs where I raked in a small fortune in winnings (and by small, I mean small, like fifty bucks), bourbon drinking, fried chicken and fried biscuits at Joe Huber's Orchard, Winery, and Family Restaurant, a visit to the Bass Pro Shop where I got to go on a light gun safari (end conclusion -- you don't want to hire me as your crack shot assassin -- the only thing I could consistently hit was the turtle, and that was by accident), and a late-night conversation with my sister, my best friend from high school, as well as another friend newly met, about cadaver dissection in East St. Louis, machine gun battles in Guyana, and watching sub-dermal parasitic worms from the Amazon crawl around beneath the skin of your ankle. It also included the traditional Thanksgiving dinner culminating in the company of my uncle and his five children, almost all of whom were sick. As a result, predictably enough, I have contracted a bit of the sore throat, which means I rely once again on my sweet and sour colored medicine of choice, DayQuil, which tastes like rotting hippie foot but takes care of the pain and makes my head feel light and magical. It also means that, when I sit down to write a review of a film like The Face of Fu Manchu, the review, like the movie, is going to be a little goofier than usual. I should write all my reviews while high on cold medicine. It would be good for my readership and give this site that unique hook it's been missing. I've always assumed that my writing would be better if only I was more whacked out or drunker.
And whacked out or drunk is a pretty good state to be in when you venture into the murky waters of Fu Manchu. In case you need one, the brief history of the name goes a little bit like this. Back in the second decade of the 20th century, there was a British pulp writer by the name of Sax Rohmer, whose specialty -- speciality if you're British like Sax -- was tales revolving around Chinatown and its many shady inhabitants. Much of the imagery Western culture has regarding Chinatown and the Chinese can be traced directly to the fantastical works of Rohmer, who envisioned Chinatown as an impenetrable tangle of secret passages, opium dens, brothels, trap doors, and long-fingernailed assassins wielding ancient ceremonial daggers lurking in the shadows. The Chinese themselves in Rohmer's world were frequently described as cunning, deceitful, and perhaps most pervasive of all, inscrutable. Rohmer was tapping into the Caucasian fear of what became known as the "Yellow Peril." For much of the 19th century, several Western powers, most notably among them Great Britain, maintained substantial control over key ports and cities in China, and managed to wrangle some small manner of control (though to a far lesser extent) over areas of Japan. It was an arrangement that wasn't going to last forever, though, and rightfully so if you were one of the natives, who often found themselves second-class citizens, if indeed they were considered citizens at all, in their own countries. The Boxer Rebellion got the ball rolling, even though the rebellion itself was crushed, but things really came to a head during the Russo-Japanese War, which was fought primarily in China and for control of what would logically be considered Chinese territory. The Japanese had seen the writing on the wall and began an extremely diligent and rapid campaign to modernize their system of government as well as their military to more closely reflect and take advantage of advances that had occurred in the West. Most famously, this included the abolition of the samurai class and the sword and armor in favor of a national army trained and equipped with rifles, Western military structure, and lighter, Western-style uniforms. In contrast, China had sort of piddled about with similar modernization here and there, but they never really took it seriously, and no substantial progress was ever really made.
So China found itself remaining a largely untrained and almost medieval country caught in between the powers of the West and an increasingly ambitious Japan, who was identifying herself far more with Western nations than with her Asian neighbors. With no real standing national army and no navy to speak of, especially when compared to the modern navies of Japan, Great Britain, and the United States, China -- despite its size and population -- was a ripe plum waiting to be plucked. Its most important city and port, Shanghai, already belonged by default to a consortium of Western powers. It's other most important port, the island-city of Hong Kong, had been British territory since the Opium Wars. Japan, now modernized and ready to rumble, wanted to expand its own influence in China, and their initial dreams of manifest destiny brought them in direct conflict with the vast and mighty empire of Czarist Russia. Well, vast and mighty by reputation, anyway. In reality, Czarist Russia was a creaking, feeble dinosaur on the verge of total collapse. Although it boasted the biggest army in the world, the majority of Russian soldiers were poorly equipped and poorly trained, often charging into battle armed with little more than bladed farm tools. The officers, more times than not, attained their position through political maneuvering or nepotism and were, by and large, ill suited for the actual demands of being a military officer. Russia assumed, for the most part, that the sheer threat of Russia was enough to keep them from conflict, and so the machine fell apart without anyone noticing. Anyone but Japan, that is. Either because they were giddy with their newfound weapons and training, or because they sensed the core incompetence rotting away the Russian military machine, Japan decided to pick a fight. Now excuse me here, because that wicked combination of DayQuil and an obsession with military history is going to kick in and result in a long-winded and ultimately unnecessary look at all this stuff, when in fact, all I really need to do is say, "by the turn of the century, lots of Asians didn't like the West, and lots of Westerners didn't like Asians, and that resulted in the 'inscrutable Oriental' becoming a major villain in Western pulp fiction." But you know how I am. I like to hear myself ramble, especially when I'm light-headed and have had nothing to consume all day but caffeine and cold medicine.
So China and Japan had already gone to war over who got to control Korea. In what became known as the Sino-Japanese War, China was soundly trounced by her better trained and more modern island neighbor. This resulted in Japan gaining dominance in Korea, as well as picking up control over Taiwan and a little place called Port Arthur. Port Arthur isn't the sort of place lost of people hear about and go, "Oh yes, dear, dear Port Arthur! What a fine place!" But if you were Russian at the end of the 19th century, Port Arthur was a big deal, because it was that empire's only warm-water port in the Pacific. They had signed a lengthy lease on the port with China and were none too pleased to see their tenancy voided once Japan won control. So troops were deployed to defend Russian interests in Port Arthur. Additionally, Japan was grappling with maintaining control of Korea, with whom the Russians had signed a mutual protection pact -- presumably for the sole purpose of sparking conflict with someone else, since it was unlikely Russia was going to ever see Korea galloping to their defense against some European country (it was just this sort of tangled network of mutual protection pacts that pulled most of the world into World War I). As a result of the pact, Russia further deployed troops throughout Manchuria and the northern reaches of the Korean peninsula. Needless to say, diplomacy failed and war broke out in the early months of 1904. The long and short of it is that by September of 1905, Russia had been beaten into submission, and a cold, hard slap to the face had been delivered to the empire that had previously assumed that, even with poorly trained and equipped soldiers, they would be able to crush any enemy by sheer force of numbers. Japan felt cheated by the peace treaty brokered by Teddy Roosevelt, feeling that they were robbed of both territory and reparations they deserved, as well as feeling that the West was refusing to give them the respect due to a country that had just proven itself a major global power (there must have been similar feelings about the rapid ascension of the United States back in the day). Additionally, the rest of the Western World received a similar wake-up call. Here was an upstart country of Asians, barely out of their feudal era, and they'd just delivered a crippling defeat to what was supposed to be one of the preeminent powers in the world. Anger and fear resulted, and such paranoia about these devious Orientals was bound to enter into the psyche of the mainstream by way of its popular culture -- which, at the time, would have been manifest primarily in pulp magazines. At the same time, other Asian countries suffering under the yoke of Western "influence" -- and by other I mean China -- were emboldened by the Japanese victory and so decided it was just about time for people to get discontent and uppity with colonial masters who were showing the first signs of losing the grip they had on their territories in the East. And all this brings us to Sax Rohmer.
Born in 1883, Rohmer would have grown up between the era that included the post-Opium war domination of China by Great Britain and the gradual erosion of power and influence that came in the wake of the Russo-Japanese War. He would have been hit by the full force of growing Yellow Peril paranoia at a very impressionable age, and it would seem that the fears, apprehension, and racial condescension that came from growing up in an empire and are often amplified to desperate levels when that empire seems to be slipping, took firm root in the mind of young Rohmer. In 1912, after publishing a few stories and working as a skit writer for comedic stage performers, Sax Rohmer published the serialized adventure The Mysterious Dr. Fu Manchu, featuring the "Oriental" criminal mastermind who would become the embodiment of all the West's fears about Asia getting all uppity and in-their-faces. Rohmer was sort of the quintessential pulp writer: he really wasn't especially good, but he dreamed up some outlandish ideas and knew how to keep you excited and reading regardless, sort of like the precursor of all those people who write airport bookstore spy and thriller novels. Rohmer was writing Fu Manchu stories well into the 1950s, long after the Yellow Peril had overstayed its welcome, and the stories made him phenomenally rich. With such popularity, it was only a matter of time before Rohmer's signature villain found his way onto both stage and screen. The early Fu Manchu films were serials, featuring bad acting, cheap sets, and clumsy writing, but also packed with all that dark, shadowy Chinatown exoticism that made the original stories such hits. Fu was played by a variety of actors, all of them Caucasians in fake eyelid make-up, of course, and the most famous of which was Warner Oland. He wasn't famous at the time, mind you, but he would soon be going on to play another famous "Oriental," albeit a decidedly more heroic one in the form of Charlie Chan. During the 1930s and 40s, as tensions between the West and Japan escalated (never mind that Fu Manchu wasn't Japanese), the character got more impressive screen treatments, being played by none other than Boris Karloff in a relatively lavish adventure. By the end of the war, however, though there was no end of Caucasian actors in Asian make-up hamming it up in Poverty Row potboilers, Fu Manchu and his trademark moustache (which he is never described as having in the stories) pretty much faded from the scene. Until 1965.
By that year, the concept of the Yellow Peril had pretty much vanished, replaced as it was by the Red Scare (as a people, we are terrified of the colors that come together to make McDonalds). The British Empire was finished, Japan was our friend, and though Communist China was a major concern to the powers of the West, Russia and other Communist countries were of equal or greater concern. So the Chinese had to share the duties of playing the boogeyman of the West with other Communist nations. There were still plenty of tensions even between the West and friendly Asian nations. The United States was still grappling with an Asian immigration boom, and there was a bit of nastiness brewing in a little country known to most in the West as French Indochina. But for the most part, things were far more relaxed than they had been in the past hundred years. Which is why dusting off the hoary old visage of Fu Manchu for a new series of films seemed like rather a daft idea. And it would have remained so, had The Face of Fu Manchu not been clever enough to recognize the inherent goofiness of its own premise and arch-villain. Unlike the Yellow Peril serials and stories of the past, this was Fu Manchu for a new, swinging society -- one that had started going nuts over the globe-trotting, smirking espionage adventures of the newly launched James Bond franchise. It was to these films, rather than the Fu Manchu films of the past, that writer-producer Harry Allen Towers and director Don Sharp were looking, and as a result, The Face of Fu Manchu bursts with energy and a sort of good-natured awareness of it's own campiness -- a self-awareness it never lets develop into farce or parody. Towers and Sharp knew that the entire concept of a Fu Manchu film in 1965 ("Not the Yellow Peril again!" one character exclaims in exasperation when the hero of the film mentions Fu Manchu) was joke enough, and the best way to satirize the entire concept of Fu Manchu and the Yellow Peril was to play the film straight and let the concept itself be the joke. It was important that a Caucasian actor be cast. In the past, this had been done either because: 1) while there was no shortage of Asian actors in Hollywood during the 30s and 40s, there was a dearth of Asian actors who could speak precise and clear enough English to make the jump from silent films to talkies, or 2) Hollywood was just racist and didn't really want to work with actual Asian actors. The truth is likely some combination of the two, as is so often the case. By 1965, however, there were plenty of American, Canadian, and British born Asian actors who spoke fluent English (often as their native language), but Towers and Sharp decided that in the case of Fu Manchu, the character should be played by a Caucasian because, in a way, the character was a Caucasian. There was no Asian like Fu Manchu. He was purely the creation of feverish Caucasian imaginations, and so it made thematic sense -- as well as satirical sense -- to cast a white actor in the part. And when that actor is Christopher Lee (last seen in fake eyelids in the early Hammer adventure film Terror of the Tongs when he was a relative unknown), who was by 1965 recognizable and internationally known as Christopher Lee, then it should have been obvious that there was a bit of a joke going on. No one could possibly look up at the screen and think they were watching anyone but Christopher Lee. There was no attempt at all to ever really pass Fu Manchu off as an Asian, or they would have gotten someone less well-known or layered more make-up on (his henchman are even worse, as they slap on some eye shadow and call that "Asian").
The rest of the cast is comprised of well-known British character actors, and the quality of everyone involved should go a long way in telling you that, while they may all be out on a bit of a lark, this is still a big-time production. Set in the era of Sax Rohmer's original stories, British acting stalwart Nigel Greene plays Sir Nayland Smith, the intrepid defender of all things white and British who has spent his life chasing Fu Manchu around the globe and now finally stands, during the credit sequence of this film, present at Fu Manchu's capture and beheading at the hands of the most Caucasian looking Chinese government ever to preside over the Middle Kingdom. But something in the back of Nayland's mind keeps him thinking that, although he's seen Fu Manchu's head roll, the evil criminal mastermind has somehow pulled a fast one and remains alive, in hiding, and plotting his next devastating attack on the white race. This seems to pan out when a famed scientist goes missing. Nayland ends up working with the scientist's daughter, Maria (played by Karin Dor, an experienced vet of European gothic horror films who would go on to become a mainstay in Eurospy films, as well as playing a major roll in the 1967 James Bond adventure You Only Live Twice, featuring Sean Connery as the one white actor in the world even less convincing as an Asian than Christopher Lee), to track down her father and prove that Fu Manchu is indeed alive and behind the kidnapping. Although the Fu Manchu character often results in this film being instantly discarded onto the rubbish heap of racist misfires, that sort of pre-judgment is unfair to The Face of Fu Manchu, which freely acknowledges its own absurdity and pokes a subtle fun at it that may, at times, be too subtle for modern audiences, bred as they are on broad farce and wacky obviousness. Not that I have any problem (sometimes) with farce or wackiness, but The Face of Fu Manchu comes from the school of thinking that holds that the best form of satire is one that doesn't beat you over the head with the fact that it's satire. Instead, it plays it straight, strives to be a damn good example of the type of film it satirizes, and lets the premise be the gag -- in other words, the thought of having Christopher Lee play a towering Chinese guy is silly enough without heaping extra silliness on top of it. Now whether or not you accept The Face of Fu Manchu as satire, successful or otherwise, will have a lot to do with coloring exactly how you react to it. Because if you don't see the joke the makers of the film see, then the movie is going to come across as old-fashioned and racist. But if you do accept that The Face of Fu Manchu is, at its core, poking fun at itself, then you can sit back and enjoy what turns out to be a completely absurd and thoroughly enjoyable blend of comic book super-villainy and sixties style espionage capers wrapped up in a turn-of-the-century cloak. The Face of Fu Manchu is briskly paced, full of action, and packed with all the secret passages, trap doors, and horrible tortures one expects from such a film. It also boasts some great performances, though you wouldn't expect anything less from such a solid bunch of pros. Lee is hilariously pitch perfect in the lead role, adopting all the stereotypical mannerisms and appearances that Sax Rohmer wrongly envisioned the Asians to have. Matching him squarely is Nigel Greene as the stick-up-his-ass defender of the white race. Dor is wonderful as well, and my only complaint about the cast is that Tsai Chin, who plays Fu's equally evil daughter (and would go on to appear in a few Eurospy films, before appearing in You Only Live Twice as the girl Bond is in bed with when he gets "killed" during the pre-credit sequence), isn't given a chance to shine. She's a good actress, and the character of Lin Tang is just as -- perhaps even more -- open to ripe satirization than Fu Manchu himself.
The setting of the film is occasionally problematic, and if you're the sort who gets bent out of shape over anachronistic costumes, weapons, and cars in a sixties pulp action movie about an eight-foot-tall Chinese criminal mastermind with a penchant for kidnapping scientists, then The Face of Fu Manchu might give you pause. The makers of the film play pretty fast and loose with authenticity, but considering the subject matter and the fact that Sax Rohmer's original stories were practically warped fantasy lands unto themselves, I'm not going to get too concerned about guns that don't belong in the era. There are also some plot holes here and there, including the small one of how Fu Manchu escapes his own execution. A double is obviously employed by Fu, apparently because eight-foot-tall Chinese guys are a dime a dozen, and the Chinese government apparently verifies the identity of the greatest villain in the history of the world before Hitler using the method of, "Now you promise you are the real Fu Manchu?" If Harry Allen Towers was writing reality instead of Fu Manchu movies, then we'd be seeing Saddam Hussein hijacking our broadcast airwaves to taunt us with news that we had only hanged his double, and even as we speak, the real Saddam is plotting to hold the world ransom by kidnapping the top scientist in Sweden to force him to invent a lipstick that would kill the leaders of the world when they kissed their mistresses. Not scary to George W. Bush, maybe, but imagine the bullet Bill Clinton dodged! Oh wait...Saddam did use a lot of doubles, didn't he? And the moustache...great Scott, man! SADDAM HUSSEIN IS FU MANCHU!!! Don Sharp (who had recently directed Hammer Studio's superb Kiss of the Vampire), working with cinematographer Ernest Steward (who would go on from this film to work as a cinematographer on the exceptionally enjoyable Deadlier than the Male, as well becoming a regular cinematographer for The Avengers television series), paints a gorgeous picture, full of nice sets and vivid colors. The action (if not the actual location shooting) wanders from China to London, and finally to Tibet for the explosive showdown between Nayland and his army of good guy Asians (played by actual Asians) against Fu Manchu and his evil Asians. Producer Harry Allen Towers also wrote the screenplay, which is clever and enjoyable without ever becoming annoyingly jokey. Towers was still early in his career both as a writer and a producer, but this film helped springboard him to fame and fortune, enabling him to produce a whole slew of Fu Manchu movies, European sexploitation films, and those Gor films, among countless others. His films may not be respectable, but frankly, if you're a regular Teleport City reader, chances are you've not only seen a Harry Allen Towers films; you've probably also claimed it to be one of the greatest movies ever, at some point. I wouldn't call The Face of Fu Manchu the greatest movie ever, but it is a damn good film. If you don't accept it as satire, then yeah, the racial implications may be a little hard to swallow. At the same time, it's awful hard for me to imagine anyone sitting down to watch something this utterly daft and coming out of it with a newfound paranoia regarding sinister eight-foot-tall Chinese dudes. Satirical or not, what I definitely find The Face of Fu Manchu to be is a rollicking good adventure yarn, full of fist fights, car chases, exploding monasteries, underwater lairs, and fiendish traps. A good-natured sense of humor permeates everything, even though the actors themselves play it dead serious, and the overarching feeling of amiability and excitement is as infectious as the snappy Gert Wilden soundtrack. The film was a big success, and that meant more would follow. Some of those retained the lavish look, knowing wink, and sense of fun and adventure that make The Face of Fu Manchu such a delightful films. Others in the series, however, were directed by Jess Franco, and we shall come to those in due time. Labels: Espionage, Eurospies, Series: Fu Manchu, Stars: Christopher Lee, Stars: Karen Dor, Stars: Nigel Greene, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 10:47 PM | 1 Comments Wednesday, November 30, 2005Lightning Bolt
1965, Italy. Starring Anthony Eisley, Wandisa Guida, Folco Lulli, Diana Lorys,
Luisa Rivelli, Francisco Sanz, Bernabe Barta Barri. Directed by Antonio Margheriti. Written by Alfonso Balcazar and Jose Antonio de la Loma. Eurospy films are like any other continental knock-off of a popular American or British genre. Some are very good and quite lavish, managing to rise above small budgets to deliver a slick looking little thriller full of beautiful women, sets, and locations. Others are threadbare pieces of junk that will bore you to tears. And some are utterly bizarre and incompetent in the most wonderfully enjoyable of fashions. Lightning Bolt falls closer to the last description, but as always, how much of that is the fault of the original filmmakers and how much is the fault of American distributors who recut and dubbed the thing I cannot say. These days, even old porn movies get digitally remastered and restored to their original, uncut version, but no one seems interested in providing widescreen, subtitled prints of the original cuts of cheap European spy capers. So we're left scrounging on the gray market for the dubbed American versions, which isn't a bad thing really, in terms of pure entertainment, but does make it tricky to honestly judge the merits of the film in its original form. So we'll dispense with honesty and simply go with what we have. Just about every Eurospy film that got made during the craze that began right after the death of peplum and right before the rise of spaghetti westerns got made because of the success of the James Bond films, and most of the Eurospy movies aren't shy about wearing their influences on their sleeve. For some, it was by way of casting one of the many European actors who played a villain or a love interest in a Bond film. Thunderball's Adolfo Celli appeared in several Eurospy productions, as did Bond girls like From Russia With Love's Daniela Bianchi. Bernard "M" Lee and Lois "Miss Moneypenny" Maxwell actually both starred as characters very similar to their Bond characters in a Eurospy film starring Sean Connery's younger brother, Neil, who was passed off as 007's brother in a way vague enough to avoid being sued by the producers of the Bond films. For most, however, it was simply a case of repeating the formula and mimicking the ad campaigns. Lightning Bolt is particularly obvious about its intentions to compare itself to Thunderball, which came out in the same year, right down to the tag line, "Lightning Bolt -- He Strikes Like a Ball of Thunder!" The main villain, however, is straight out of Goldfinger with a dash of the Matt Helm film The Ambushers, of all things, thrown in. The original Italian title, in fact, works as hard to recall Goldfinger as the American one does to recall Thunderball. Unless you think Operacione Goldman is a coincidence. The plot -- in which a nefarious arch villain is using laser waves to misguide and blow up moon rockets launched from Cape Canaveral, is actually quite similar to the plot of the Nick Carter novel, Operation Moon Rocket, which was published in 1968. Although it seems unlikely that an obscure Italian spy movie would have been an influence on the Nick Carter novels, it's certainly still a possibility. The Nick Carter stable of authors was varied, after all, and they were drawing ideas from everywhere. So here we go. NASA is in trouble. Every moon rocket they've tested has exploded into a great, fiery ball, though whether or not it's a thunderball remains debatable. The scientists are convinced that computers and technology behind the rockets are sound, so the only answer must be sabotage. Lt. Harry Sennet (American actor Anthony Eisley, who has an impressive b-movie filmography on both sides of the Atlantic) is called in to get to the bottom of things. His cover, naturally, is that of a rich, womanizing playboy looking for good times and big boobs along Florida' coast, which has been visited by just about every 1960s spy from James Bond to Matt Helm. Assisting Sennet on his mission is bombshell captain Patricia Flanagan, another genre stalwart who had appeared in everything from The Awful Dr. Orloff to Superargo and the Faceless Giants. In between gratuitous but welcome scenes of Sennet cruising around the bikini-clad babes lounging about the hotel swimming pool area and frequent grainy stock footage of rockets from NASA, our tale of intrigue is woven, and it leads to a powerful, um, beer brewer (thus the Matt Helm movie similarity). But this is a Eurospy film, and one of the wackier ones at that, so this particular evil brewmeister (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Gert "Goldfinger" Frobe), has a laser he uses to blow up rockets from his -- get this -- space age underwater lair where he keeps his biggest enemies frozen in a state of suspended animation so he can thaw them out from time to time to taunt them and get them up to speed on the success of his mad, evil schemes. Although the production is cheap and the plot is outlandish, this is actually a pretty fun little adventure. Anthony Eisley looks tough and handsome, and he's probably one of the few spies in any of these movies who begins his mission by trying to buy off the bad guys -- with a check! Imagine Sean Connery asking Robert Shaw how much money he'd need not to kill Bond, then saying, "OK, mind if I write you a check?" They don't even accept checks at the grocery store where I shop! The women surrounding Eisley are ridiculously gorgeous, which is one of the things even the cheapest of Eurospy films could get right. The set designs are actually pretty impressive considering the budget and have a swanky 1960s pop art feel to them. There's plenty of fist fights, lots of clumsy sexual innuendo, shoot outs, sea plane flying, and then the whole finale in the undersea fortress. A-ha! James Bond producers must have paid this movie back by stealing that idea for The Spy Who Loved Me. A lot of the film's energy undoubtedly comes from director Antonio Margheriti, possibly the most prolific of all Italian action and thriller directors. Margheriti, who was often renamed "Anthony Dawson" when his films were exported to America, directed his fair share of clunkers, but the bulk of his career is filled with perfectly acceptable genre films, and a few genuine classics like Castle of Blood. You don't get very far in a cult film fan career without getting acquainted with Margheriti, and for the most part, I've always enjoyed his film. Even his weaker work is often infused with a sense of energy and gusto that lifts it above the material and makes it better than it should be. Lightning Bolt, like most Eurospy films, is completely ludicrous, but it's not as if anyone involved with the film doesn't seem aware of that. There's a playful sense of fun, almost tongue in cheek, that makes the film a great deal more entertaining than it might otherwise be. Labels: Director: Antonio Margheriti, Espionage, Eurospies, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 3:25 PM | 0 Comments Wednesday, December 03, 20032+5: Mission Hydra
1965, Italy. Starring Leonora Ruffo, Mario Novelli, Roland Lesaffre, Kirk Morris, Alfio Caltabiano, Leontine May, Nando Angelini, Giovanni De Angelis, Mirella Pamphili, John Sun, Gordon Mitchell. Directed by Pietro Francisci.
Futures come and futures go, and every decade seems to bring a different version of the future. In the 1990s, it was Blade Runner meets gothic fetish. In the 1980s, we were all going to wear big shoulder pads and do our hair up like new wave women. In the 1970s, we were all going to wear drab coveralls and live in domes or something. All these futures are pretty lame, and we can each be thankful that we have yet to do that "passing the glass orb" dance that was all the rage in the Buck Rogers television show. I think most readers of this website will not bother to argue with me (since you either agree or know I won't listen) when I assert that far and away the best future we've ever had was the future as imagined during the 1960s. Now that was some great stuff. All us guys were gonna kick ass and have cool suits, and all you gals were gonna sport outlandish miniskirts and see-through tops. And best of all, we were all going to do it to really cool music. Those people who got their future from the 1990s have to listen to Ministry and Ramstein. Sad sacks who got their future from the 1980s have to listen to the most godawful synthesizer scores imaginable as they tease their hair and layer on the make-up for that look best described as "like Grace Jones, but gaudier." And of course the 1970s people have to listen to even lamer synthesizers and sometimes even "futuristic" disco music that uses the sound effect "byew" a lot. If you get your future from the 1960s however, you get to fly around with a sexy sidekick while your futuristic hi-fi blasts some swanky lounge tune or crazy electronica full of moogs and theremins. While most everyone had it pretty good in the future of the 1960s, no one had it better than the Italians, and I still mourn the day that we diverged from the vision of the future as imagined by 1960s Italian science fiction. While woman's miniskirt was short, the Italians went and made them that much shorter. 2+5: Mission Hydra is a perfect example of what the future was supposed to be like according to the Italians, and damn it, we should have listened to them! Our movie opens with a peasant making some discovery that may very well change the life of every single human being on the face of the planet, while a narrator explains to us that a peasant is busy making a discovery that may very well change the life of every single human being on the face of the planet. Shortly thereafter, we follow a group of scientists, one of whom is old and the rest of whom all look like bodybuilders. Just how many bodybuilding scientists are there in the world anyway? I'm not saying that scientists can't be buff, or that bodybuilders can't have an interest in quantum mechanics, but to be either a bodybuilder or a scientist requires extreme dedication to your institution. It seems like you wouldn't have enough time to be both. These scientists are the kinds that were all over the place back in the 1950s and 1960s. They are good at everything. According to the plot, they are investigating a geological anomaly, which would make you think they were all a bunch of very buff geologists. But as we will see later on, not only are all these guys masters of all things having to do with the crust of the Earth, but they are also accomplished astrophysicists and spaceship pilots. Apparently, the geology department at the university I attended was sorely lacking in some of the basics of the field, such as being able to instantly comprehend and fly alien spacecraft. All they did was fiddle about with rocks. As was often the case, the aging Professor Solmi has a daughter named Louisa who is so beyond hot that you can't even measure her with a standard thermometer. Her job will be to sass the men and walk around in hot pants, panties, mini skirts, and those leathery see-through space bikinis we all know and love. The investigation of the anomaly is apparently some sort of classified project, so exactly why Solmi is allowed to bring his daughter along is puzzling, but I guess the official reason would be, "She's really sexy." When the team finds an entrance to a vast underground cave, they decide to investigate. What they find surprises everyone: a spaceship buried beneath the earth. Then two Chinese secret agents show up. Actually, they say, "We are not Chinese. We are oriental. We do not work for that People's Republic that has chosen to work with your country." So who do these guys work for then? And was there really mass secret agent mutiny over China's decision to "work with" Italy? I mean, the Chinese gotta get their hot pants from somewhere. Back down on the spaceship, we learn that in accordance with most 1960s science fiction, it is captained by a real bombshell of a gal, and her and her crew are waking up. What do you know? Her crew consists of two guys - one of whom is Kirk Morris! Any fan - or enemy - of sword and sandal films will be very familiar with him, as he was one of the real workhorses of the peplum genre. Morris starred in one of all-time favorites, Conquest of Atlantis, in which the mighty Hercules teams up with some Arabs to battle the underground forces of Atlantis, their sexy queen, foppish wizard, and army of prancing bronze robots in blue body stockings. Director Pietro Francisci was himself a veteran of the peplum genre, which had begun dying a slow death round about the time this movie came out. Morris had already worked with Francisci on the films Hercules, Samson, and Ulysses, and was also director of the two films thay pretty much started the entire sword and sandal genre, 1957's Hercules and 1959's Hercules Unchained, both starring the legendary Steve Reeves. Just to make the sword and sandal connection that much more complete, another staple of the genre, big man Gordon Mitchell, shows up in a cameo via a viewscreen as the high commander of the aliens! The captain of the ship, Phena, also has at her disposal some colossally useless robots who were apparently modeled after the Archie Bunker body type. Why would you build your robot to be fat and out of shape? I mean, your regular crew consists of two huge, buff guys. Why not model after them instead of thinking, "Hey, let's make a robot who would fit the name Corky!" The robots are there to basically wander very slowly around the cave before getting shot to death by one of the Chinese agents who is not Chinese, but is instead oriental. In the 1960s, just about all robots moved with the grace, dexterity, and speed of a wingless, one-legged buzzard. I don't know why no one ever thought to build robots that haul ass and could do flips. What the hell good is a robot who walks around with all the mobility of a corpse or can't even bend its legs? Those people from Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, may have chosen to build a robot with a receding hairline, but at least they made him able to run really fast. The Chinese agents who are not Chinese but are instead oriental march everyone down into the cave, where they shoot the robots and then all get captured by the woman in charge of things. She seems polite enough, but insists that they help her and her measly crew repair the spaceship, which crash landed on earth some two years before. Rather than work on the ship then, the aliens decided to simply take very long naps in hopes that an old scientist, his bodybuilding assistants, and his ultra-hot daughter with lots of eyeliner on might happen along to lend a hand. What can I say? The plan worked perfectly. In order to ensure cooperation, Phena makes everyone put on very bulky orb necklaces that can film and record every move as well as deliver a deadly shock of electricity should people get out of line. It would seem to me that politely asking for help would have been a better idea, but whatever. I guess if you have an all-seeing death ray orb necklace thing, you might as well use it. Everyone sort of putters around for a few minutes while Louisa tries on a variety of sexy outfits. She apparently went spelunking with a bag packed full of various flashy garments. One of the scientists gets a little too uppity, so overzealous crew member Murdu kills him with that orb thing. He then waltzes in and announces their plan to take the humans with them after the ship is repaired, which is accidentally broadcast to those Chinese guys because Phena was still pressing the "let everyone hear our secret plan" button. Pretty lame technology that lets the people you're spying on spy right back at you. Everyone is pretty angry about the whole Murdu killing a guy thing, but just as the authorities figure out something sinister is afoot, the captain makes everyone help her launch the spaceship, which they do. I don't know why. This results in much hilarity as Louisa forgets there is no gravity. Every single film made in the 1960s features a person in space who forgets there is no gravity, but unlike them, this one was wearing a short skirt and sexy black thigh-highs. Despite the fact that one of their friends has just been murdered by a space alien who has kidnapped them all and made them fly into space, the scientists all take time out to have a good laugh as Louisa writhes around with her dress floating up around her head. Wouldn't you do the same? Cap'n Phena explains that she is sorry for kidnapping them, but she needed their help in order to launch. She says she'll return them to Earth as soon as possible, though I'm not sure that isn't right at the moment. Everyone seems to be a good sport about it except those Chinese guys, who at this point are coming across as the only two intelligent people on the whole damn ship. One of the scientists whiles away the hours by flirting with the captain while Louisa flirts with crewmember Belsi (or something like that), played by Kirk Morris. When they aren't engaging in the age-old ritual of courtly love, Phena and Louisa enjoy swapping clothes so the captain can feel what it's like to be a real 1960s Italian hipster and Louisa can feel what its like to wear a leather bikini with a fishnet midriff. Meanwhile, the space forces of Earth sort of mount a really lame pursuit of the ship, with some guy at a Mission Control type console yelling about how "The fate of the planet hangs in the balance. All our lives depend on this." It is never explained why the lives of everyone on Earth depends on a few guys catching a few other guys in a space ship. It's not like they triggered a doomsday device or are going out to fetch a conquering fleet. The only damage they did to Earth while taking off was maybe scorching an acre or two of farmland. Anyway, everyone is floating around in space, and the Chinese guys eventually get fed up with all this and stage a revolt, which succeeds in about one minute when they just haul off and shoot Belsi and Murdu. For some reason, this pisses off all the hostages despite the fact that, well hell, they've just been shanghaid a million miles from home and Murdru mercilessly slaughtered one of their best friends. They argue about whether they should go to planet Hydra like Phena wants, or just head back to Earth. That would seem to be a foregone conclusion. Whatever the case, they decide to land on a random planet. Something about a misalignment of rotors or something like that. You know, spaceship stuff. They also do a blood transfusion which, for some reason, restores Belsi and Murdu to full health. While the captain gets to give the usual space alien speech about "my people do not have this human emotion you call. love," everyone gets ambushed by some shaggy sasquatch monsters who wave sticks around. Deciding that this is, perhaps, not the best place for the picnic, they all hop in the rocket and take off again, frying most of the sasquatches in the process. They then stumble across a derelict spaceship and argue over whether or not the transmission coming through is in Russian or Bulgarian. What they should be amazed by is the fact that there are Russians or Bulgarians flying around hundreds of millions of miles away from Earth. They do some space walking where they need to wear nothing other than a plastic little snorkel, only to discover that the inhabitants of the Russian - or possibly Bulgarian (what with the Bulgarians being so advanced in the space race) - rocket are long dead and somehow turned into skeletons. When the professor replays the flight recordings, everyone finds that the Earth has been destroyed by nuclear war. Phena then gasses all the men for no good reason, and they land on her home planet of Hydra, where they find that Hydra's civilization has been destroyed by nuclear contamination! Ha ha ha! Joke's on you! What a weird, downbeat ending to an otherwise stupid but enjoyable sci-fi adventure. It comes out of nowhere and I assume was meant to be a real "makes you think" sort of shocker. It just seems a bit goofy to me, but then we are talking Cold War here, and we all moved with broad, obvious strokes back then. I guess the plot is sort of a rip-off of This Island Earth, only with both planets getting destroyed instead of just one. Most of this movie makes no real sense, and for the most part people behave in absurd ways simply because the script demands it. Everyone seems real laid back about the whole kidnapping thing, including the kidnappers, who allow their captives to pretty much wander around and do whatever they want. But of course, the Italian genre films that make much sense are few and far between. What people want from them are wild sets, outlandish sexy costumes, crummy special effects, and guys punching stuff. Well, you get all that, and sometimes it is being done by Kirk Morris. Although not a whole lot happens from scene to the next, there is still a decent pace that prevents the movie from getting boring, and just as you're starting to feel your patience nagging you, they'll toss around some space monkey monsters or the Chinese guys will do something rational like try to take over the ship since it's established early on that everyone on board instantly figures out how to fly the thing around. The special effects are on the cheap side even for the 1960s, but all things considered, I've certainly seen worse. The shaggy monsters are alright, and anyone familiar with the science fiction of the time will be happy with all the wobbling planets and shots of rocket ships emitting flame and blue smoke that wafts upward even in the vacuum of space. The scenes of the destruction of Earth are pretty good, so I assume they were clipped from another movie. The futuristic city of planet Hydra look like a really well done middle school diorama. All things considered, I can safely say there is not a single special effect in this movie that is less believable than something you might find in Angry Red Planet. Besides the puzzling hopeless ending, the other curiosity about this film is the title. I understand the "Mission Hydra" part, but what's the deal with "2+5?" I guess maybe there were five scientists kidnapped, plus the two Chinese secret agents in their sunglasses and black suits (standard issue for all secret agents at the time), but that's really not a detail that I feel is so important it must be highlighted in the title. In 1977, in the wake of the phenomenal success of Star Wars (I refuse to call it A New Hope), someone got the bright idea to retitle this movie as Star Pilot and release it in an attempt to cash in on the science fiction craze. It didn't really work. Italian science fiction can often be a long and difficult experience, but this movie manages to be good in a very classic b-movie sort of way that simply doesn't exist anymore. It's corny, shoddily written, and full of the most astoundingly bad logic you can imagine, but it's also a glorious look at the sort of Saturday matinee fare that can be tremendous fun in spite of, and probably because of, it's sundry shortcomings. While the apocalyptic ending comes completely out of left field and seems to have absolutely nothing at all to do with the rest of the movie, it's easy to ignore it since you've just watched ninety minutes of strapping men and buxom Italian beauties in crazy little outfits. Now honestly, isn't that the way things should have been? Labels: Science Fiction, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 5:58 PM | 0 Comments Monday, November 05, 2001Conquerors of Atlantis
1965, Italy. Starring Luciana Gilli, Piero Lulli, Kirk Morris, Andrea Scotti. Directed by Alfonso Brescia. Available on DVD (Amazon).
Oh man, this one is really going to make your head hurt in the most glorious way. By this point, we've pretty much established that if you are looking for historical accuracy, or even mythological accuracy, the Italian peplum films of the 1960s are not the place to turn, though they are certainly better than relying on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. But up until now, minus a few minor details like having Greek legends battling prehistoric cavemen or helping 13th century Christians combat the Mongol hordes, the offenses have been relatively minor, and are certainly no different than an ancient Greek playwright inventing his own Hercules stories for the stage. At no point did anyone have Hercules fighting space aliens. Oh wait, they did that in 1983 with Lou Ferigno. Well, then at least they never had anything where Hercules scares little old ladies as he flies by their airplane window en route to modern-day New York. Oh wait, that happened too, didn't it? Well, if you are thinking to yourself, "Sure all that may be true, but Hercules never fired a laser beam at an army of bronze robots commanded by an evil Ming the Merciless wizard from Atlantis," well brothers and sisters, you are wrong. Conquerors of Atlantis takes the Hercules myth to its most illogical extremes and clocks in as the most absurd, yet also one of the most entertaining entries into the sword and sandal genre. The film sees a returning Kirk Morris, star of Colossus and the Headhunters, still looking a little too GQ for my tastes, but I'm beginning to soften to the guy. I found him terribly bland in Headhunters, but he's better this time around, probably because he's surrounded by such an outlandish scenario. The director, Alfonso Brescia, would later go on to make a string of science fiction movies in the 1970s, and his predisposition toward that genre is already evident here in what was one of his only sword and sandal films. Rather than rely on the age-old blend of muscles and fantasy, Brescia opts to make use of his position as a resident of the latter half of the 20th century, invoking elements of sci-fi that look like something straight out of an old Flash Gordon serial adventure, complete with subpar special effects. This time around, Morris is referred to as Hercules, or Heracles rather, but it's all the same beefy guy. As usual, it's doubtful the character was meant to be Hercules in the original version, but since he seems to be the only Greek hero anyone can remember, there you go. The ancient Romans really dug Hercules anyway, even moreso than the Greeks who invented the guy. In Greek stories, Herc is generally a moron who blunders his way through a series of adventures and tragedies caused by his own stupidity and bull-headedness. For the more satirical Greek writers, Hercules became a frequently used comic character, and they reveled in using his idiocy as an example of the foibles of relying solely on might to make right. When they moved in and took over all the ancient Greek ideas, the Romans were much kinder to ol' Herc, transforming him into a far more respectable and capable hero with a strong sense of justice. He was admired for his strength, and it was used as a tool for victory rather than the source of his folly. Obviously the Hercules of the movies is much closer to the Roman version than the original Greek version, but hell, it was Romans making the movies, so what do you want? The movie begins with what seems to be a never-ending caravan of horses and camels walking across the desert as the credits roll. Just when you think you've seen the last camel, a couple more will trot by. It's sort of like waiting for a Bruce Springsteen song to end. Just when you think things are winding down and you start to applaud, suddenly he's swinging his arms again and has a whole new verse to get through. Listen to "Dancing in the Dark" if you need an example. I think Adam Sandler even spoofed this in a skit somewhere. Not that I'm all that familiar with the work of Adam Sandler. I did see Shakes the Clown though. The caravan, which is of course led by a stunningly beautiful princess, discovers Hercules passed out on the beach. A night of Bacchanalian revelry that leaves you waking up on the beach going, "Am I wearing a little leather loincloth?" Lord knows I've had nights like that. Or perhaps we're actually seeing some sort of continuity between Hercules films. After all, if Kirk's last film, Colossus and the Headhunters, we see him setting sail on a little raft to parts unknown. Could it be this opening is actually related to the end of the last film? Well, I fell for that old trick once, coincidentally at the beginning of Colossus and the Headhunters, which seems at first to be directly related to the end of Fire Monster Against the Son of Hercules. A mere fool was I, and like Roger Daltry, I wasn't going to get fooled again. Sure enough, as soon as Hercules wakes up, he explains that he was leading a ship either to or from the Peloponesian War, and the thing sank. So yet again, Hercules has the good fortune to stumble upon a remote corner of the world where he just happens to meet a gorgeous princess. What is it with this guy? The princess he meets is the daughter of the leader of one of the two big-time groups battling for control of the region, which is mostly arid, sandy desert. She talks about what a cool guy her dad is, which means he has a pretty good chance of being exposed as right evil, and how a band of brigands are giving him a hard time, which means the brigands will probably turn out to be pretty noble after all. Hercules and the princess part company, but not before he notices she has dropped an earring. Is it a golden earring? Looks like it, and Herc's radar love targets her immediately. Unfortunately, she and her band have disappeared far into the desert. Given that they only left about thirty seconds earlier, I have to assume they are simply squatting behind a dune waiting for Hercules to go away. He trots off after her and quickly stumbles upon a skirmish between a caravan and some raiders. Using his keen powers of perception, Hercules instantly figures out who is good and who is evil and joins the fray. Hooray! His side wins. The leader, who he discovers is the leader of the aforementioned bandits, greets him in a hearty, manly way. They have a test of strength which literally brings the tent down, and the two of them laugh heartily and roll around with each other in the sand. Sword and sandal movies never did shy away from homoerotic imagery. Hell, how can you when your entire film focuses on a beefy, oiled-up man in a loin cloth wrestling with other men in loin cloths? I mean, through a gay cop mustache and a leather cap on these guys, and you have a Tom of Finland story. When the bandit king explains that his people are not bandits, and it is the princess's people who are doing all the raiding and oppressing, Hercules decides to get to the bottom of things, or least get to the bottom of the princess. You know, he may be all homoerotic and he may like to wrestle with other men on a plush carpet, but at the end of the day, 'tis the firm buttocks and ample bosom of a curvaceous female that doth light aflame the loins of Hercules. And if she's dressed like a belly dancer, so much the better for all of us. Hercules trades in his loin cloth for a Lawrence of Arabia outfit and bounds across the desert to settle this whole mess. Along the way he stops at the Oasis of Exposition, where a couple grizzled old Arabs tell him a story about strange desert phantoms attacking people, then disappearing into the sands. Even a blockhead like Hercules starts to put two and two together and come up with three, as in there are actually three groups operating in the desert, with the third one being a phantom group no one knows about and is manipulating the attacks to frame the other groups in each other's eyes. Hmm, a sword and sandal version of the James Bond film? Ahh! But Conquerors of Atlantis came years before You Only Live Twice in which an evil phantom organization with an underground lair attacked both the Russians and the Americans and tried to make it look like Americans were attacking Russians and vice versa. So obviously, the entire Bond franchise was stolen from sword and sandal films. Actually, I think that whole manipulating the superpowers plot has been used about a billion times, but they always fall for it. Suckers. Sure enough, Hercules shows up at the princess's tent at about the same time weird "weee-ooo-weee" electronic sounds of the future make everyone wonder who's listening to the Forbidden Planet soundtrack. This is, of course, the futuristic sounds of the desert phantoms, who use them for no real reason other than to fuck with everyone. I mean, it's not a death ray. It doesn't really initiate anything, nor is it followed by the echoing "Surface dwellers! We shall crush you!" speech that you'd be expecting. No, they pretty much just have this machine that makes woo-weee-wooo tones, and they use it to mildly annoy their enemies. It sort of like if you attacked your enemy with a copy of Raymond Scott's "Soothing Sounds for Baby, Volume One." Well, as the fates would have it (and it is "the fates" instead of the singular "fate," as there were a lot more fates back then), the noble leader of the other tribe shows up, everyone sorts out the whole business about the desert phantoms, and they all become friends. This precious moment is interrupted when the princess is kidnapped by the desert phantoms, something that actually once ruined a fairly touching moment in my own life. That's what I like most about Hercules; I can relate to him. Hercules and his manly pal decide to launch an expedition into the desert's "Forbidden Zone," where they hope to either discover the true nature of the planet of the apes, or simply go kick some desert phantom tail. I'll let you figure out which one. Fans of the genre may be worried about the inability of Hercules to perform his most famous feats of strength, which include boulder hurling and the pushing over of columns. After all, boulders and columns are both hard to come by in the open desert. Luckily, they soon stumble across some ruins, which will give Herc ample opportunity to ply his shtick. After stumbling around the ruins for a spell, Herc and the Arabic guy fall into a trap door and are immediately held at spearpoint by a squad of beautiful subterranean ladies with blue hair. They also meet a crazy evil wizard who looks like a cross between Ming the Merciless and the dotering old wizard portrayed by Ralph Richardson in Dragonslayer. It's at this point the fashion really kicks into high gear. Gold lame, shiny blue spandex, glittery silver, massive, ornate headdresses, and more mind-altering sparkle, glitter, and sequins than even Sigfried and Roy could handle. Kinda makes you wonder how these guys went unnoticed for so long. I mean, it's like an army of Rip Taylors coming at you. Effective, maybe, but certainly not discreet or subtle. Herc and his toned but not so toned as to make Herc look smaller pal are led around the underground kingdom revealed to be Atlantis. They are as surprised as I am given that Atlantis supposedly sunk into the ocean hundreds of thousands of years ago. How the hell did it wind up in the middle of the Sahara Desert? Must be some of that continental drift we hear so much about. Almost as surprising as finding Atlantis in the desert is the discovery that the Arab princess has been brainwashed and will become the next queen of Atlantis. Hercules is, of course, heart-broken. Our two heroes are placed in a prison cell and watched over by a video camera. In one of the most ridiculous bits in the whole film, Hercules devises an ingenious plan to obscure the eye so he and his friend can search for weaknesses in the cell. The plan consists primarily on the Arabic guy standing in front of the camera and talking loudly while Hercules frantically searched for any possible means of escape. Strategies like this might explain why Hercules sunk his ship and ended up here in the first place. I bet when he shoplifts he wears a big overcoat and walks around looking at the ceiling and whistling. The Mad Wizard then takes our heroes on a sight-seeing tour of his underground kingdom, including showing how they turn dead warriors into scrawny bronze robots with gingerly prances and shiny blue body stockings. Now here's a reaaaalllly long stretch. The bronze men are, for those in the know, a pretty common element in a lot of Hong Kong kungfu films, usually as Shaolin bronzemen who are sort of the last test before a student can become a real bad-ass. Curiously enough, director Alfonso Brescia would direct one of the several rather awful Italian/Hong Kong kungfu co-productions of the 1970s, Supermen Against the Amazons, a kungfu/superhero/spy comedy sequel to 1974's Supermen Against the Orient, which starred kungfu big-wig Lo Lieh. So what we have here are Italians really exploring the proto Shaolin bronzemen. Sorta. The only difference is that these bronzemen are not undead Shaolin monks, nor are they very good at fighting though several were obviously dancers or professional acrobats at some point. As far as henchmen go, they're pretty fruity looking, but I guess no one can look tough painted gold and wearing a metallic blue spandex body stocking. The Mad Wizard also shows Hercules his special brain controlling machine, which allows him to control all the bronzemen and the princess. he then goes on to explain how, if the machine was ever destroyed or its rays reversed, all the soldiers, princess, and all the slaves would regain their free will and revolt, so please don't go fiddling with the controls. Yet another graduate of the Bond Villain School of Evil. The brawn of Hercules and his pal overcome a couple slave girls, who slip everyone a mickey so they can have a night of pleasure with the surface dwellers, promptly proclaiming their eternal love for two men they met mere seconds before. This is another pretty standard thing in a sword and sandal film. Women fall hopelessly in love with the hero in a matter of seconds, even if all he's done is walk across the room. To be fair, the hero is usually a pretty big sap himself, but this is something even more extreme than love at first sight. It's like primitive love. Unfortunately, the girls seem as good at planning as Hercules himself. After pulling their little stunt, they simply take the heroes back to the regular quarters, and are caught about five minutes later. For loving a man, the Queen of Atlantis kills the two women with the laser or whatever it is. Seems a bit drastic, but then the evil queen in these movies is always pretty casual about murdering her minions. Hercules doesn't care for her attitude and stages an escape during which he manages to unbrainwash (braindirty?) the princess, steal the laser, shoot the queen dead with it, and lead his trio back to the surface for a big fight with the bronze robot men. All in all, this is a pretty damn good fight, with lots of acrobatics, flipping around, and lackey tossing. It's among the more exciting, better choreographed hand-to-hand fight scenes in any of the peplum films. The Arab guy and the princess escape, and just as Hercules is about to plod after them, out come the sexy female archers. Hercules grabs one of the the robot men as a shield, which is good since the guy is like half the size of Hercules and leaves plenty of wide-open target for the women, who promptly shoot Hercules in the shoulder. In a way, this buffoonery is pretty on target with a lot of the characterization of Hercules in ancient Greek plays. No one ever said he was the brightest bulb in the sign. Luckily, the women don't seem much brighter than Hercules. They leave him lying there with the idea that they will "pick him up later." Why? I mean, what else do they have to do? Sure enough, Hercules wakes up, grimaces and clutches his shoulder, and then in the next scene, presto! The wound is gone, and Hercules is as strong and healthy as ever. He invades the inner sanctum of the mad wizard guy while the Arabs mount a full frontal assault and battle the bronzemen, who are suddenly a lot harder to beat than they were in the last fight. So Hercules, the strongest man in the world goes after the frail old scientist while the weaker mortals have to fight the well nigh invulnerable army of robotic bronze men. Maybe Herc isn't so dumb after all. Of course we all know that the righteous will prevail and the evil will be vanquished. You don't go to these movies hoping to see everyone fail. All in all, it's a pretty wild ride with lots of great fights, a fast pace, and a completely insane plot. The set designs and costumes are colorful and outlandish, Kirk Morris does a decent job, and you get lots of heroic Arabs for once instead of treacherous ones. Conquest of Atlantis is definitely the weirdest and most far-out of all the old sword and sandal films, but it's also one of the most energetic and fun. You may not believe what you're seeing, which is all the more reason to make sure you see it. Labels: Fantasy: Peplum, Stars: Kirk Morris, Year: 1965 posted by Keith at 5:16 PM | 0 Comments |
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