Saturday, July 26, 2008Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom Release Year: 1973Country: Japan Starring: Miki Sugimoto, Reiko Ike, Seiko Saburi, Misuzu Ota, Rie Saotome, Tsunehiko Watase, Yuuko Mizusawa, Yukiko Asano, Ryoko Ema, Emi Jo, Rena Ichinose, Rika Sudo, Takako Yamakawa, Kaya Hodumi, Nobuo Kaneko, Kenji Imai, Nobuo Kaneko Writer: Tatsuhiko Kamoi Director: Norifumi Suzuki Cinematographer: Jubei Suzuki Music: Masao Yagi Producer: Kanji Amao The Pinky Violence films of Norifumi Suzuki represent one extreme of the tendency of Japanese exploitation films of the seventies to combine a very high level of craftsmanship with an unflinching preoccupation with human behavior at its most sleazy and mysteriously perverse. I've found some of his films very difficult to get through, while others -- such as Convent of the Holy Beast and the film I'm discussing here, Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom -- I was able to ride out on a seductive wave of Norifumi's combined visual imagination and sheer audacity. However, unlike Shunya Ito, whose distinctive vision lifted the Female Prisoner Scorpion films damn near the level of art, Norifumi produced trash that, while littered with artistic touches and surprising moments of beauty, never really quite rose above the level of trash. This is in part due to the fact that, unlike Ito, he had a habit of punctuating the episodes of exaggerated sexual violence that characterize much of his work with moments of direly unfunny juvenile comedy, a mixture that in most cases added up to one pretty noxious cocktail. Further making Norifumi's films a tough proposition is the fact that -- unlike tamer examples of the Pinky Violence genre, such as those in the Delinquent Girl Boss series -- he never gives us a relative innocent to root for amongst the hard cases that populate the amoral universe he creates. His heroines have typically been reduced by their surroundings to being little more than cold-eyed engines of vengeance, and we side with them only because they are the least odious of the options we're given to choose from. Furthermore, because the society they inhabit is one that has so clearly gone completely off the rails, we can't realistically root for them to triumph over it, but rather to simply tear the whole fucking thing down once they've come out the other side. Still, I have to admit that I get a kick out of some of Suzuki's films -- Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom in particular -- for how he so spiritedly endeavors to offend seemingly every conventional notion of decency that he can get within his sights. His masters at Toei Studio, seeking to boost their audience by courting controversy, encouraged him to do this, of course -- and judging from the results, that encouragement was akin to coaxing a chronic binge eater toward a free buffet. While I'm pretty sure that his motivations didn't go beyond the commercial, Suzuki, in the course of exercising his aesthetic scorched-earth policy, seems to have tapped into the subversive spirit of certain underground filmmakers of his era, delivering an all-inclusive "fuck you" to society and its combined pieties and hypocrisies with the gleeful enthusiasm of a confirmed outsider. In fact, if its female cast were to be replaced with a troupe of drag queens, Lynch Law Classroom would be in many ways indistinguishable from one of John Waters' early movies. But the stars of Lynch Law Classroom are, of course, not drag queens, but real women, a fact which the film offers ample proof of by having their clothing rent from their bodies as often as possible. In the case of leads Miki Sugimoto and Reiko Ike, they are so womanly, in fact, that, despite both actresses putatively being in their early twenties at the time, its difficult to buy them as highschoolers. However, this is not only pretty much par-for-the-course for this type of film, but also one of the least credibility-challenging aspects of the insane alternate reality that it presents, and in the end is only one of the things that contributes to the movie coming off as some kind of surreal allegory. The Terrifying Girls' High School series, which was comprised of four films in total, came into being as sort of a companion to Toei's popular Girl Boss -- or Sukeban -- series, the first four of which were directed by Suzuki. Running from 1971 to 1974 -- and spanning six entries in total -- the Girl Boss movies each starred one or both of the studio's top two ass-kicking, clothes-shedding female stars, the aforementioned Ike and Sugimoto. Though Ike was the bigger star of the two, Sugimoto was a close enough second to keep Ike on her toes, and the two, when sharing the screen, were usually cast on equal terms, often as leaders of rival girl gangs. Being that they were so identified with the Girl Boss films, it was only good business to cast them as the leads when Suzuki set out to direct the first Terrifying Girls' High School film, Women's Violent Classroom, in 1972. Sugimoto would only stay with the series as long as Suzuki, however, and both she and the director would leave after the second entry, making Lynch Law Classroom their farewell to the franchise. (I know next to nothing about the remaining two films in the series, but the title of the third entry, Delinquent Convulsion Group, is pretty hard not to be tempted by.) Lynch Law Classroom lives up to any possible interpretation of its title by setting its action in a girls' reform school that is not only terrifying as advertised, but also populated by girls who themselves are mostly terrifying. That this institution is named The School of Hope for Girls is just one of its many distinctly Orwellian attributes, seeing as its dungeon-like jail is referred to as the "Introspection Room" and its doddering, clueless administrator, Principal Nakata, natters on about turning wayward girls into "good wives and wise mothers" while all manner of depravity and vice plays out under his nose. Those who truly set the tone at the school are its chairman, Sato (Nobuo Kaneko), a corrupt politician with ties to the Yakuza and seemingly the entire city bureaucracy in his pocket -- and who treats the student body as his personal harem -- and the cravenly ambitious vice principal Ishihara (Kenji Imai), who operates the school as a front for Sato's various unseemly dealings while scheming to further his own designs on power. Acting as Ishihara's personal police force within the school is the Disciplinary Committee, a sort of schoolgirl Gestapo lead by the sadistic Yoko, who keep their fellow students in line by means of lots of diabolically imaginative -- and mostly genital-based -- torture, while also assisting Ishirara in his criminal activities outside the school walls. The members are compensated by Ishihara with funds from a bogus scholarship. This film is indeed strong medicine, but the faint-hearted viewer can at least be assured in the knowledge that he won't be lulled into a false sense of security before it delivers its worst. On the contrary, you will know in no uncertain terms within the first thirty seconds of Lynch Law Classroom whether it's something you're going to be able to hang with, and can then plan your next ninety minutes accordingly. Greeting us with the distorted sound of a woman screaming in agony and fear -- accompanied by the familiar Toei logo -- the film quickly proceeds to a shot of a bound woman's blouse being torn open, and then of a scalpel being drawn across the exposed breast beneath. This is the handiwork of the Disciplinary Committee -- kitted out in school uniforms uniquely accessorized with fascistic armbands and matching bright red surgical masks -- who have decided to teach their latest charge a lesson by forcing her to watch as her blood is slowly drained into a series of beakers in the school's science-lab-cum-torture-chamber. Before this can be completely accomplished, however, the terrified captive manages to make a break for it, ending up on the school roof, where, outnumbered by the evil Yoko and her fellow D.C. members, she is forced over the edge and plummets to her death. Making this sudden visual assault just that much more jarring is composer Masao Yagi's nerve-jangling musical accompaniment, which is made up of ominous analog synth washes perforated by hysterical stabs of abstract guitar and saxophone. We will soon learn that this latest victim of the Disciplinary Committee was a student by the name of Michiyo Akiyama, who, in her life on the outside, was lieutenant to a notorious Yokohama girl gang leader known -- thanks to her ever-present crucifix necklace -- as Noriko the Cross -- or, more poetically "The Boss With the Cross". And it's not long before Noriko (Sugimoto) -- either by coincidence or design -- arrives at the school herself, bringing along with her two other hard cases, Kyoko Kubo (Seiko Saburi) and the inexplicably cowgirl-attired Remi "The Razor" Kitano (Misuzu Ota). Noriko is soon made aware of Michiyo's fate by Tomoko, an over-achieving young innocent whose angelic demeanor (a) makes it something of a mystery as to how exactly she ended up at the School of Hope in the first place and (b) in the shark infested waters of Lynch Law Classroom, has the virtual effect of painting a gigantic, day-glo target on her forehead (which doesn't make her eventual fate, however predictable, any less disheartening when it comes). Noriko vows to avenge Michiyo's death, shrewdly perceiving that it's not just the girls of the Disciplinary Committee, but the whole school (and by extension -- given that the film so obviously presents the school as merely an organ of the corrupt society it serves -- the whole world) that is her enemy. Remi and Kyoko pledge to help her bring the school down, and are joined in doing so by two other inmates, Junko "The Jacker" and Nobue "The Pipe Basher", both of whom are former gang members impressed by Noriko's street credentials. Eventually the group also comes to benefit from the assistance of Wakabayashi (Tsunehiko Watase), an unscrupulous tabloid journalist who hopes to in turn use the girls in a blackmail scheme against Sato and the various officials who make up his power base. It's fitting that Wakabayashi, the only man to side with Noriko and her crew, would do so out of purely mercenary interests. Lynch Law Classroom is a Pinky Violence film, after all, and as such presents a world whose male population is made up exclusively of cartoonish grotesques who are as oafish as they are predatory (in one scene, for instance, Principal Nakata is shown literally drooling). Less "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", these films' portrayal of the disparate spheres in which the sexes travel is more like "Men are from the Hell, Women are Just Visiting... and Will be Leaving as Soon as They Can Work Out How". In the meantime, while negotiating this hostile terrain, the only way that these women can survive is by hewing close to their own. In this light, the women of the Disciplinary Committee are as despicable for being traitors to their gender as they are for their murderous acts (a fact that's placed in unflattering relief when, as we'll later see, other of the film's female rivals initiate a temporary laying down of swords to deal with the threat at hand). Other movies in the genre mitigate this message somewhat by including at least one marginally sympathetic male character, who is usually a love interest for one of the female leads. But Lynch Law Classroom is the rare exception that doesn't even toss us guys -- nonetheless drooling oafishly at home over all of the flesh and smut that's being proffered -- that thoroughly gnawed-over bone. The result is that the most flattering reflection of ourselves that we have to gaze upon is the oily, cash-driven manipulator Wakabayashi. Given this milieu, it's not surprising that the women of Lynch Law Classroom view sex as little more than a tool of brute exchange. Correspondingly, most of Noriko and her crew's master plan to bring about the school's downfall involves them plying their bodies like so much insensate meat. The first such gambit involves the bisexual Kyoko engaging in a furtive bathroom stall seduction of Toshie, a member of the Committee who, after a little below-the-belt coaxing, freely confesses to the group's involvement in Michiyo's death. This indiscretion leads to Toshie being on the receiving end of one of the Committee's more creative acts of pelvic retribution, involving her doing lots of push-ups with a light bulb housed in her nethers. This is followed by an episode in which the girls lure old Principal Nakata to a no-tell motel and basically gang rape him. His resistance is short-lived, of course, and soon his cries of joy at winning the jailbait jackpot are being broadcast over the school P.A. system with predictably career-ending results. The girls' final act of strategic harlotry involves them tricking a group of Sato's influential supporters into participating in an "orgy" while Wakabayashi secretly photographs them for blackmail purposes. This is an inexplicably creepy scene, shot under an eerie red light and depicting the girls, all wearing masks to hide their identities, lying as silent and motionless as corpses as the goonish officials maul and grope them to their hearts' content. Filmed with the same voyeuristic eye for pervy detail as the previously described erotic episodes, this was just one of the sex scenes in Lynch Law Classroom that left me wondering exactly who was meant to be titillated by it. (Another was the one in which a profusely sweating Nobuo Kaneko gives a matronly middle-aged teacher a thorough going over with a vibrator.) These films are, after all, meant to function as soft-core sex films to some extent, but Suzuki, in signature fashion, seems to have abandoned that mandate in favor of simply trying to freak his audience out. Reiko Ike finally makes her entrance at Lynch Law Classroom's midway point, playing Mako, a rival gang leader who shows up at the school to settle an old score with Noriko. (An interesting aspect of The School of Hope is that, despite it being a reform school, both students and outsiders are apparently free to come and go as they please.. or at least whenever the plot requires it.) Noriko pleads with Mako to set aside her beef until after Noriko has settled her own score with the school, and Mako agrees, though not before forcing Noriko to jump over a bunch of oil barrels on a motorcycle -- a scene that will no doubt hold a special place in the hearts of audience members with a fetish for schoolgirl stunt cyclists. Ike doesn't really end up having a whole lot to do in the film, and seems to be gracing Lynch Law Classroom with her presence mainly for her marquee value. Still, she's a welcome presence, injecting the film with a bit of flashy style thanks to her gold lame motorcycle jacket and pleather pants ensemble, as well as providing a mutually complimentary contrast with Sugimoto. The pair work well together, Ike being more of a traditional sexpot, and Sugimoto, lean and intense, cutting a figure more akin to that of fellow Toei action heroine Meiko Kaji. From this point out, both the action and the depravity in Lynch Law Classroom kicks into high gear, with Noriko and her gang's clashes with their enemies escalating toward the final showdown. With all of the Christian iconography that's getting hurled around -- not to mention the Pinky Violence genre's typically literal approach to feminine martyrdom -- it can't come as too much of a shock when the girls of the Disciplinary Committee finally manage to get Noriko trussed-up in a crucifixion pose with electrodes jiggered to her tender bits. Fortunately, Mako barges in to save the day before too much of a crack can be put in Noriko's stoic exterior. Meanwhile, the powers that be at The School of Hope prepare for the institution's twenty-fifth anniversary celebration, and Chairman Sato's first order of business, upon arriving in town, is to select a virgin to defile from among the student population. We know, with a queasy sense of inevitability, that when he points into the yearbook and says "that one" he's singling out the trusting young innocent Tomoko. Given all of the callous and exploitative sexual shenanigans that have preceded it, it's somewhat surprising when Suzuki ends up playing the rape of Tomoko for all its tragic weight. Though neither graphic or prurient in its presentation, it's an excruciating scene to watch, and Suzuki -- who has spent a good piece of the preceding running time training the camera on his actresses' crotches --- suddenly transforms himself into an outraged moralist, effectively shouting at the audience "My god, look what is happening to this child!" Amazingly, it's an abrupt tonal shift that works, and we're startled to learn that, all this time -- and despite all appearances -- Lynch Law Classroom actually had a soul and a conscience. And it was Tomoko. Which of course means, given the film's worldview, that Tomoko is not long for this life. Suzuki handles Tomoko's subsequent suicide with the same solemnity and funereal sense of visual poetry as he did her defilement, closing the episode with a visceral emotional punch and setting the stage for the unhinged catharsis that is to follow. That Lynch Law Classroom ends with a nihilistic orgy of violence pretty much goes without saying. Given all that has lead up to it, it really couldn't be any other way. Still, that doesn't make the sight of hundreds of screaming schoolgirls frantically smashing the School of Hope to pieces with bats and throwing rocks at cowering riot police from behind makeshift barricades any less exhilarating. It's the hard-earned, protracted howl of rage that the film has been implicitly promising us all along, and Suzuki doesn't shortchange us in the least. In fact, he even throws in a shot of a burning Japanese flag for good measure. Sure, no solutions to society's ills are offered, but for anyone who has ever, in a weak moment, seen the world as this movie presents it -- as a place in which anything innocent or pure exists only to be shit upon -- it definitely hits a sweet spot. There's no escaping the fact that Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom is one nasty little beast, and I have never been more serious in saying that a film is not for everyone than I am in this case. There is, however, the possibility that some viewers might even get a secret thrill out of hating it, and decrying it for all of the many things it contains that are vile and offensive. Me, I like it. Sure, it has a sleaziness that prevents it from completely rising above its tawdry skinflick roots, but it also has a genuinely feral quality that goes way beyond the bounds of typical exploitation fare. And the intermittent flashes of beauty that it contains only serve to further spotlight that convulsive wildness. The movie has real teeth, and it makes me glad that, for all the antisocial madmen out there who have devoted their energies to activities that have perhaps left this world a worse place than they found it, others, like Norifumi Suzuki, have simply picked up cameras and committed their visions of it to film, as seriously fucked up as those visions may be. Labels: Action: Pinky Violence, Country: Japan, Director: Norifumi Suzuki, Stars: Miki Sugimoto, Stars: Reiko Ike, Year: 1973 posted by Todd at 1:16 PM | 3 Comments Monday, August 20, 2007Iron Fist: The Giants Are Coming
DIGG THIS ARTICLE. 1973, Turkey. Starring Enver Ozer, Feri Cansel, Suleyman Turan, Orcun Alkan, Altan Gunbay, Kayhan Yildizoglu, Huseyin Zan, Tarik Simsek. Directed by Tunc Basaran. Buy it from Xploited Cinema.
I gather that there are people out there clamoring to see a Batman vs. Superman movie. I'm pretty sure those two squared off in comic books, too. Well frankly, I'm not sure why. I don't understand the appeal of seeing two entirely different characters pitted against each other in what could only be extremely artificial circumstances--and that notwithstanding the general unlikelihood of most comic book plots to begin with. To that same end, I've only seen bits and pieces of Freddy vs Jason and Alien vs. Predator, but I loathed everything I saw, and I don't really understand why, in a movie market already hypersaturated with sequels and prequels and remakes, we need to take franchise characters or monsters and find some stupid reason to put them in a movie together to duke it out. It's not as though I don't have my own love of stupid things in movies, but... I dunno, I guess I'm just too focused on each artistic creation (regardless of how "artistic" it is) as a contextual artifact; Batman's very essence is almost inseparable from the brooding and shadowy Gotham City, for instance, and I feel like he doesn't belong in a universe that also has a planet Krypton from which an essentially magically powerful man hails. You might argue that I'm just nitpicking, I guess, but in reality I'm dissecting the issue so that I can try to explain my feelings; on a personal level, it just doesn't feel right, and so these crossover gladiator bouts bore me. However, Turkish writer/director Tunc Basaran took a different approach to this crossover idea when he made Demir Yumruk: Devler Geliyor. It's more like if Batman and Superman got in a fight and killed each other, and then some bystander came along and robbed their corpses for his own costume. Mind you, he's a bystander who can hold his own in a fight against international criminals, but he still seems to be just a guy whose only superpower is the ability to wear bulletproof vests and pretend he's dead. His name is Enver, by the way, and I'm not sure if he's supposed to be a superhero. I'm told that there are some books about him in Turkey which I guess expand on the universe in which this movie takes place, and maybe there's some backstory as to how and why he has this composite Batsuperman costume. I don't know. All I do know is that he's a Turkish spy in this movie, and after faking his own death to throw one of two major villains off of his trail, he starts wearing said costume, but he's pretty much doing the same stuff that he did before he put it on. So he might be a superhero with an extraterrestrial or radioactive origin, or he might just be a Turkish spy/cop who likes to wear masks and capes while he beats up troublemakers. Of course, either way I like his style. However, the movie does not begin with Enver. The movie begins with Lady Fumanchu. Lady Fumanchu is possibly my favorite villain in all of Turkish cinema. I think this is mainly because s/he's a magical transvestite supervillain in a wheelchair. And aside from her top aide, who's a Turk dressed up to look like an austere Chinese guy, her staff appears to consist of sexy women in flowery bikinis who all carry large guns. Lady Fumanchu is in a race to obtain a cross that will lead her to some kind of special dagger. It doesn't seem to be a notably potent weapon, but for some reason this dagger has scrawled on it the secret location of untold riches plus a cache of uranium. If your mind is filled with questions about the history of such an item, it will be best to suppress them in an attempt to join in the spirit of this sort of Turkish cinema. "Why" is not really a question that's addressed in Turkish weird cinema. Things just happen. And in Turkish weird cinema, while actions and zany schemes are powerful, explanations and logic are for the weak. Weakness is not a flaw of Lady Fumanchu, and she realizes that she not only needs that secret dagger, but she needs it before her rival of some sort, Zagof, gets it. I'm assuming Zagof is Russian, first because Russian makes a good pairing with Lady Fumanchu's presumable "Chinese" in a movie like this, and second because he demonstrates in the dialogue that whatever he is, he's not Turkish. He is entirely bald, however, and has a scar across his eye, so we can be sure that if he isn't a particularly good fighter, he must at least be ruthless as a villain. Anyway, the film then steps away from the great race for the cross that will lead to a race for the dagger, and we get to meet Enver. Enver is not only not in costume, but he's not wearing much at all; he just got done seducing some young woman. Then the door opens and we see Zagof's secretary come in and smack that young woman around a bit until she leaves. Angered at Enver's infidelity, that "secretary,"Meral, threatens to kill him. He wrestles her onto the bed and kisses her until they're both giggling, at which point she just starts relating the events of her day. It's hard to tell if they're actually swingers who find it kinky to pretend that they're not swingers, or if we're just meant to assume that either Enver is that good with women or Meral is that hopeless in a relationship. However, if you're concerned about the possible misogyny of the situation, you're in luck. Just like that out-of-place rape scene in Horror of the Zombies, after this scene is over, it's as though it never happened and it has absolutely no consequences for future events. Meral's day at work, of course, was tiring. She's a spy, you see, just like Enver. Her assignments include undercover secretary work and undercover (so to speak) bellydancing, as well as the odd jailbreak. By contrast, Enver's assignments seem to include fighting and occasionally getting caught (we'll touch upon this in a minute). There are not just two heroes, however, but four. Their friend Orhan is the comic relief--as you can tell by the jaunty angle of his hat--and although he's not really comical or relieving, he probably doesn't qualify as being odious. And in addition to Orhan, Murat is the son of a professor condemned to starve to death by Lady Fumanchu because he wouldn't reveal to her the secret location of the cross (which, again, would reveal the dagger, which would reveal the uranium and money... as a side note, I first read about this movie in Turkish, and I felt certain that I was mistranslating something, but it turns out that I got it right). Murat's a good fighter as well, which is good because you can't have too many good fighters on your side when you're saving the world... especially if your superhero is actually just some regular guy who likes capes. Basically, the plot goes as follows: each of the three groups tries to outmaneuver the other in finding the successive artifacts. Zagof tends to be very straightforward in his pursuit, while Lady Fumanchu tends to use a bit more deception. The spies come up with weird plans like apparently letting Zagof capture Enver and Murat just so Enver can fake his own death and then come back in his costume to free Murat. It's sort of like giving someone a gift and then coming back with a disguise on, punching them, and taking the gift back before anything happens to it. At one point, Lady Fumanchu demonstrates her "powers," which consist of disappearing in smoke that magically puts her enemies in jail. That might sound pretty useful, but later it looks like her powers have been reduced to little more than male pattern baldness. With that and the facts about Enver in mind, I guess this film might be tough for you if you like your superheroes and supervillains to have, you know, super powers. But hey, that's not a problem for me. Give me lots of Turkish fistfights, belly dancing, and a magical balding transvestite in a wheelchair; and unless the movie was somehow associated with Full Moon or Fred Olen Ray, I know I won't be disappointed. Labels: Action: Superheroes, Country: Turkey, Turkish Superman Double Bill, Year: 1973 posted by Ryan at 9:29 PM | 1 Comments Saturday, May 21, 2005Battles without Honor and Humanity II: Hiroshima Death Match
1973, Japan. Starring Kinya Kitaoji, Meiko Kaji, Sonny Chiba, Bunta Sugawara, Asao Koike. Directed by Kinji Fukasaku.
Before I begin the review proper, I should explain that for some time now, I've been sitting here trying to think of an adequate way to describe exactly what it is that Sonny Chiba does and wears in this second film in Kinji Fukasaku's high enjoyable, highly influential Battles without Honor and Humanity series of films that delve into the world of organized crime and the role it played in rebuilding post-war Japan. The closest I can come up with to summarize the acting display by Chiba is to say that you should try to imagine William Shatner and Jimmy Walker being merged into one creature, which the director then instructs to "stop being so subtle." Chiba is one half of the two characters this second entry in the series focuses on, relegating characters like Bunta Sugawara's Hirono from part one to supporting players. The year is 1952, though as with the first film, everyone still dresses like it's 1972. After years of economic turmoil, Japan has found sure footing again thanks to a boom in the marketplace caused by the war in Korea (that would be the Korean War). The number of gangs and players on the board that made part one such a headache to follow at times have been pared down to a relatively lean and manageable number for part two. The gang war that raged in the first film as the newly formed yakuza gangs that emerged from the ashes of the atom bomb has simmered down a spell, though the days of peace and prosperity are hardly stable. The action picks up shortly after the end of part one. Young Shoji Yamanaka of the Muraoki Clan gets sent to prison for stabbing a couple gambling cheats, and while there he meets Hirono, who is currently doing time for killing the boss of the Doi Clan in part one. When he gets out on parole, Shoji meets the niece of the Muraoki Boss and also manages to get on the bad side of young blood Katsutoshi Ootomo (Chiba), the quintessential yakuza without honor, humanity, or decent fashion sense. Once again, Jimmy Walker comes to mind as Sonny's costumes all closely resemble something you'd expect to see Jimmy strut out in on an episode of Good Times. Ootomo is head of the Ootomo Clan's gambling ring and a relative of the elder of the gang. But things aren't all rosy between Katsutoshi and the mainstream of the gang. It's that old chestnut again, the one about the young maniacs who are upset because the stodgy old timers are holding them back and refusing to pass the torch to the next generation, possibly because the next generation insists on wearing loud Aloha shirts. But by this point - roughly ten minutes in - the names and gangs are flying so fast and furious that one needs to devote several watchings of the film to developing some sort of flow chart to keep track of everything. At the very least, the viewer can relax a little knowing that, despite the many characters, most of them are background players, and one not need struggle to keep track of five hundred different names and faces all betraying one another and stabbing one another in the back like in the first film. The action in part two boils down primarily to Shoji and Katsutoshi as the former falls for the boss's niece and seeks his fortunes as an assassin while the latter fumes in unbridled bug-eyed glee as he plots to take over the Ootomi gang and return things to the good ol' state of chaos, violence, and war that Katsutoshi and his young crew found to be so much fun. Shoji has trouble since the niece is the widow of a Japanese war hero, and the boss doesn't take too kindly to Shoji poking around in her personal life. Katsutoshi has a hard time for the obvious reason" old men in charge of vast criminal empires hate to be shot and beheaded and things of that nature. And of course, a war is eventually going to break out among rival clans, and plenty of backs will be stabbed. One of the film's best and most energetic scenes involves an assassination attempt perpetrated by Katsutoshi on the Muraoki boss. It's all screaming, insanity, blood, sword waving, and guys in their underwear falling down stairs. All the while, Bunta Sugawara, once out of jail, does his best to run his own little group and stay uninvolved in the politics of the greater yakuza landscape. Of course, seeing as everyone thinks of him as the last honorable man in the underworld, they're always looking to him to mediate differences and solve their problems. Just when he thinks he's out, they pull him back it in -- and isn't weird that one of the most quoted lines from The Godfather saga comes from the one everyone hated? Anyone familiar with the first film is going to familiar with this follow-up. In fact, since the entire Battles without Honor and Humanity series concerns the same group of people and was directed by Fukasaku over a period of just a couple years, they play less like separate movies and more like one long, bloody saga. The separate films are really only convenient chapter breaks that allow you to come up for breath and try to figure out which clan is allied with which other clan, and who just swindled who. Thus, it makes writing about the entire series one film at a time a bit challenges, since much of what was said about the first films in terms of style, approach, and messages applies to this and all subsequent films as well. That said, there is something about part two that sets is apart from the other four films in the series. Fukasaku was never one to rest on his laurels, and the obvious course for a sequel would be to simply continue following the exploits of Bunta Sugawara's Hirono and the various Shakespearian levels of plotting and machination that characterize the first film (and, as it would turn out, subsequent entries as well). Instead part two focuses on relatively minor characters. Shoji is a nobody, and his struggle is a relatively minor one when placed against the greater backdrop of Machiavellian manipulation running rampant in the yakuza world. And Sonny Chiba's Katsutoshi, for all his bluster and big floppy pimp hats, is just a two-bit punk. The major players here are all in the background, and instead we're afforded a more intimate look at the small potatoes who, despite their lack of rank, manage to affect the course of events. As nerdy as it is of me to draw this comparison, think of the guy who assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand. How many people even remember his name without having to look it up (it was Gavrilo Princip, but I only know that because I'm weird about World War One)? And yet this guy, basically by sheer dumb luck, manage to kill a man and, in turn, spark the first world war, which because of the grossly unfair treaty at its conclusion, helped spark the second world war and the rise of Adolf Hitler. Funny what one guy can do, isn't it? Shoji and Katsutoshi are a lot like Princip. Nobody's who get their fifteen minutes on the big stage. The series would return to what made the first film so popular and difficult to follow, and thus part two serves as sort of a little breather, an aside almost, a look at a couple of the small lives affected by and caught up in big events. Stylistically, Battles Without Honor and Humanity II follows part one's lead. Fukasaku employs an almost news report-like approach to his film. There is lots of shaky handheld camera work thrust into the middle of the action, a novel approach at the time which is still used today to endlessly irritate me. It works here, where everything is presented in a gritty, street-level fashion and the action involves only a few people. Not so much, though, in movies like Troy. A cast of thousands epic battle scene is just poorly served by ground-level handheld camera work. But I digress. As with part one, Fukasaku plays hard and fast with violence, presenting it not as heroic or graceful, but as mean, gory, and perpetrated by people whoa re basically assholes. You'll find nothing of the honorable criminals of older yakuza films nor of the heroic bloodshed poet-assassins that dominated the 1980s thanks to John Woo. These guys just want to cut your ear off. Even Shoji's battle for the love of a good woman is presented with unflinching brutality and nary a moment during which you can relax and say, well, for this one time, he's having a golden moment. Everything is going to end bad, and what's worse, even the road there is hard and unrewarding. If these movies are Shakespearian in the number of alliances and double-crosses they contain, then they're decidedly un-Shakespearian in their total lack of romanticism about anything, from war to love. The performances are all very good, although Sonny Chiba may go just a tad over the top from time to time. Pulling back a distance from Bunta's character allows Kinya Kitaoji to shine as the beleaguered Shoji, and he manages to invoke sympathy in the viewer without ever actually becoming a completely nice guy. He is, after all, a yakuza thug and killer. If he's our good guy, it's only because Katsutoshi is so much worse. It's wise of Fukasaku to limit Sugawara's screentime, because once he steps into a scene, he commands everything around him, and you forget just about everything else, except maybe Sonny Chiba flapping his arms wildly and snarling in the background. That Bunta is seen here as a background character eking out a living as the head of a tiny gang that tries not to involve itself too heavily in yakuza politics also whets your whistle for later installments, because everyone knows that Bunta will be the main focus again soon enough. Until that happens, however (which doesn't take long), Battles Without Honor and Humanity II is a worthy and enjoyable follow-up to the first film. Because it limits its focus, it's a more accessible film than others in the series. But let's face it, as good as part two may be, we just can't wait to see Bunta Sugawara and his flat top back in the foreground. Labels: Action: Yakuza, B-Masters Roundtable, Country: Japan, Director: Kinji Fukasaku, Series: Battles Without Honor and Humanity, Stars: Bunta Sugawara, Stars: Sonny Chiba, Year: 1973 posted by Keith at 12:04 AM | 1 Comments Monday, March 21, 2005Battles without Honor and Humanity
1973, Japan. Starring Bunta Sugawara, Hiroki Matsukata, Tatsuo Umemiya, Tsunehiko Watase, Nobuo Kaneko. Directed by Kinji Fukasaku.
If I say "post apocalypse film," then chances are, one of two things will pop into your mind. If you are my age or younger, or slightly older for that matter but not by much, then it's entirely likely you'll immediately picture Road Warrior and its many imitators often of an Italian origin. Pink mohawked men running wild in the desert atop supped up dune buggies while a stoic hero in leather mumbles and saves some band of peaceful folk trying to re-establish civilization. If you're older, or more in tune with the length and breadth of exploitation film, then you might also drum up less-than-fond memories of those old 1950s atomic paranoia films, or the more interesting sci-fi films set after such a war had devastated the world and left it populated by nothing but nubile, sexy young women and virile, two-fisted scientists from the 20th century. What you won't think of, I'm willing to bet, is a gritty Japanese yakuza film set in the years immediately after the end of World War II, but that's exactly what Battles Without Honor and Humanity can be construed as. It is, after all, taking place in the wake of the one atomic war we've actually had, and you can't get more post-apocalyptic than Nagasaki or Hiroshima after the Bomb. And while you may not, thankfully, spy any pink-haired men in assless leather pants or bodybuilders in a Quiet Riot mask imploring a bunch of people in shoulder pads and burlap sacks to, "just walk away," and while there may be no rolling deserts in sight, there are roving gangs of hooligans in leather jackets wreaking havoc on the innocent. The only real difference is that in the postwar chaos of Hiroshima, no hero emerges to defend the honor of the downtrodden. Everyone is too desperate, too defeated, too decimated to worry about heroism or honor - a state that seems foreign and inconceivable in a nation preoccupied with such notions. Here the hooligans are no better off than the citizens, and everyone is wracked by a panicky confusion that manifests itself either as defeatism or rage. This being a yakuza film, we'll focus on the group of people who react with rage. But if this is a post-apocalypse film of a different color, it is also a yakuza film quite unlike most anything that had come before it, and that difference stems entirely from the challenges facing postwar Japan, when survival suddenly seemed a hell of a lot more important than honor. Honor was paramount as a theme in yakuza films. Always there is the righteous gangster with an impeccable sense of honor and loyalty who stands in stark contrast to his foil, who will inevitably be the yakuza or samurai who has turned his back on "the code." Even among thieves, there is still honor. Maverick director Kenji Fukasaku, however, would put an abrupt and bloody end to the classically romantic notion of the honorable gangster. After all, it is and always has been a load of crap. But no number of backstabbers, internal wars, hits, or squealers ratting out their fellow gangsters to the police seemed able to tarnish this idea of honor bound warriors abiding by a code of fair play, loyalty, and decency. Fukasaku's films sought to debunk this myth by portraying the yakuza as what gangsters and criminals often were - petty, vindictive, deceitful, and ready to exploit any vice if it'll increase their power or the size of their bank account. He never dismissed the notions or any of the other conventions that were expected of the yakuza film as set down by the great icon Takakura Ken, who starred in dozens of post-war yakuza films that all seem to start with him being released from prison. Fukasaku knows the genre inside and out, and he makes sure he includes each of the clichés - the main character fresh out of prison, notions of honor, someone cutting off a pinky, so on and so forth; Once they're in there, however, he twists them around wildly and turns them inside out in a way that hadn't been done since yakuza genre deconstruction got its start under Seijun Suzuki in films like Tokyo Drifter and Branded to Kill. At the same time, however, he hasn't set out to simply make a movie full of seedy characters in sunglasses shooting each other and selling drugs to little kids. At the center of it all is the motivation, the reason, these men have abandoned honor, and that is the war. It all comes from a long lineage and the yakuza film's peculiar position as one of the true Japanese cult genres. Samurai films were obviously Japanese, but they were also easily adaptable to other genres - as a good many Western has proved. And although they had in them the ideals of honor and loyalty, there were also swashbuckling sword films that could be, at least on the surface, translated into any number of other genres, such as sci-fi or fantasy. Yakuza films, on the other hand, are often so obsessed with the esoterica, Japanese tradition, secret codes, handshakes, and minutiae of their subject matter that it can't be repeated without losing almost all its meaning. Strip it away, and you just have another gangster films, and while yakuza films were, on the surface, gangster films, they were also something quite different. There aren't very many action-oriented shoot-em-ups in the yakuza genre. Most of them are fairly slow moving, and that's because most of them aren't about the crime as much as they are about the criminals and the counter-culture they inhabit. A yakuza film without it isn't a yakuza film; it's just an action film. At their core and below the violence and gruff men shouting at each other, these are movies about a culture with roots stretching as far back as the Tokugawa Shogunate that first unified Japan and introduced to it a whole class of disenfranchised wandering samurai, or ronin, who basically lost their jobs when the petty warlords and regional masters become obsolete under the one government, one country system. Suddenly, and in a way that eerily mirrors the post-bubble Japan of the early 21st century, these men who thought they'd been guaranteed jobs for life as noble samurai were out on the streets with nowhere to go and no one in need of their skills. Bands of ronin started forming their own societies, some acting almost like local police defending villages from marauders and greedy officials (like the chaps in Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai), others acting like local thugs. These bands of ronin eventually became known by the name yakuza - Japanese for the unlucky 8-9-3 combo in dice gambling that means you just lost. The early yakuza films dealt primarily with these historic and usually heroic samurai. 1927's Chuji's Travel Diary was the first of the bunch, but others quickly fell in and began writing the rules by which the genre would play. After World War II, however, yakuza films were more or less banned under the thinking that, to keep the Japanese from standing up to fight again, you had to strip them completely of their dignity and take away anything that might showcase that famous fighting spirit. Hey, it was MacAurthur's idea, not mine. The result, of course, was the desperation we see in the beginning of Battles Without Honor and Humanity. When we first meet our rowdy bunch of central characters - and there are a lot of them, with plenty more on the way, so you better keep a flow chart handy - they are bitter hustlers trying to stay alive in the turmoil and madness of post-bomb Hiroshima. Ostensibly, our main character is a young hustler named Shozo, played by yakuza film staple Bunta Sugawara. Sugawara became one of the most recognizable and beloved faces in the yakuza films of the 1970s, thanks in large part to his partnership with director Kenji Fukasaku. Shozo and his mates live in a world without a future. They've just survived the most horrific single attack man has ever seen (and no, I'm making a pro- or anti-atomic bomb statement there - I think proponents and opponents of dropping the bomb on Japan can agree at least on the fact that it was a pretty big deal), and in the aftermath, they find themselves at the mercy of an occupying force determined (so the story goes) to strip them entirely of what little dignity they may still retain. In such an atmosphere, honor and humanity was a distant consideration to simply staking out a claim, and if the myth of the yakuza code had ever been real, it was certainly killed in the atomic blasts. When, in 1951, the Japanese regained much of their freedom as a nation, period films were back in action, but most of these were samurai films. They were the best way for the Japanese to recapture their lost glory and start to rebuild a sense of self-worth. Honor, nobility, self-respect - these were the things that made the samurai movie tick. And loyalty - loyalty was essential, both to the samurai and to the mid-century Japanese who were trying to forge a new nation and establish a new government unlike any they'd had before. The era of shoguns and emperors had given way to the Japanese Diet, or parliament, and democracy. If there weren't many yakuza on the screen, then it was compensated for by the fact that so many of them were involved behind the scenes. Bored with turf wars among themselves and with the Chinese and Korean minorities who formed their own gangs, the postwar hooligans saw money to be made in the newly revitalized Japanese film industry. Many of them became involved as scouts, producers, and a few even became studio heads. Eventually, of course, yakuza films started creeping back onto screens, this time set primarily during the period of rapid modernization just prior to World War II and involving a heroic gangster usually stubbornly clinging to traditional Japanese clothing facing off against corrupt gangsters who had usually sold out and started wearing Western style suits - very similar to what we'd see again in the 1970s when Hong Kong kungfu films invariably featured a guy in that traditional Chinese shirt and pants and slippers kicking the crap out of a bunch of thugs in bell bottoms and those Little Rascal caps. When the yakuza films started toying with a more modern, post-war setting, the films were still richly melodramatic and steeped in nostalgia for the old ways. Takakura Ken became the poster boy for the new yakuza film and starred in more than a sane person would want to count. By the end of the 1960s, the social upheaval that was engulfing much of the world was just as strong in Japan as anywhere else, and people weren't buying these sentimental doomed heroes bound by codes of honor and love. Seijun Suzuki had started messing with the truisms of the yakuza film, but his wild pop-art experiments were more a rebellion against assembly line, characterless filmmaking than they were against the yakuza genre itself. The real hit on honor-heavy yakuza films came in 1967 with the release of Junya Sato's Organized Violence starring Tetsuro Tanba (best known to Western audiences as Tiger Tanaka from the James Bond film You Only Twice) and Sonny Chiba. In 1973, Kinji Fukasaku upped the ante with Battles Without Honor and Humanity, a cutthroat, unflinching, and decidedly unromantic look at the world of post-war gangs in Japan. At the center of the maelstrom is Bunta Sugawara, a former matinee idol turned iconic bad boy and sporting a severe flattop and all-around stern, militaristic look. After striking back at some rowdy American GIs, typically portrayed as loud-mouthed, swaggering, and ready to beat up or rape anyone in sight, Bunta's Shozo goes to prison, where he becomes blood brothers with another inmate, Hiroshi, played by Tatsuo Umemiya. When he gets out, Shozo is taken under the wing of the boss of Yamagumi Gang, but he quickly learns that the yakuza world is not as it was, if it was ever that way in the first place. His boss is a coward, ready to backstab at the drop of a hat, and equally ready to cower and sob if he can't get a sucker punch in. Shozo is bewildered by the array of gangsters all fighting amongst themselves and jockeying for political alliances and territorial gains. It gets to the point where so many players are introduced and so many loyalties switch back and forth that it soon becomes impossible for the viewer to keep everything straight - which is precisely the effect Fukasaku is going for, as it mirrors perfectly the feelings of the confused and frustrated Shozo, who wanders through this madness in a half-dazed state, harboring still some notion of loyalty and honor that manages, paradoxically, to both make him the center of attention and marginalize him completely, to keep him in the crosshairs but also safer than most. When an old friend makes a dramatic power play, Shozo is caught between him and his old boss, who is hardly worthy of Shozo's continuing loyalty. Battles Without Honor and Humanity was based on a book by journalist Koichi Iiboshi chronicling the history of the real life Mino gang. As such, the film rings especially factual in its documentation of dirty yakuza life, playing at times almost like a series of yakuza home movies. The film is brutally violent but not action-packed. The drama between the character, and the stripping away of every lofty romanticized delusion regarding the yakuza and the yakuza film are the film's primary weapons. When the violence does come, it is fast, ugly, and street-style. You'll see no white-clad gangsters with two guns leaping through the air in balletic slow motion. Instead, there is only sweating, grunting, screaming, and blood. Fukasaku employs a lot of street-level hand-held cameras - something that was in vogue at Toei Studios, owing mostly to the fact that they were cheap, easy to use, and resulted in faster shooting schedules. The effect was often detrimental to the film, as in many of the Sonny Chiba karate flicks whose action was undermined by blurry, shaky handheld camera work. Here, however, it serves to throw you into the thick of the action and further confuse you and make you relate to Shozo and makes the movie feel even more like a piece of guerrilla documentary filmmaking. Although the sheer number of characters keeps you from ever becoming too emotionally attached to any one person, Shozo included, it's still an emotionally engaging film. It's the entirety of the situation that pulls you in, the mere act of watching these people pull themselves - and ultimately, their entire country - out of the ashes only to self-destruct once the hard part was over. It's a common occurrence that continues to play itself out on a daily basis. It's easy to find unity when there is a common struggle, but once the struggle has been surmounted, once the battle has been won, people find it's even harder for them to hold things together. The experiences in the desolation of Hiroshima pulled these men together, and the increasingly secure and prosperous times that followed tore them apart. The peace, as they say, is always harder to keep than to win. Compare these post-war yakuza, then, to something like the criminal gangs and militias of Chechnya. Like the yakuza, they banded together against a common enemy, in this case the Russian army and the utter ruin visited upon the country of Chechnya. Like Hiroshima after the bomb, Chechnya has been reduced almost to ashes, its infrastructure shattered, it's people hopeless and angry, and its future even bleaker than that of Japan at the close of World War II. Gangsters became politicians became resistance fighters and military heroes, and after years of bitter struggle the inhumanity of which may be unparalleled in the 20th Century, even by the standards set by such atrocities exhibitions as Sierra Leone and Pol Pot's Cambodia, the Russians finally withdrew, claiming a bogus victory in the war and leaving the Chechens with a wasteland to rebuild. Unfortunately, the men who proved so valiant, fearless, and admittedly bloodthirsty and brutal in (and out of) combat could not rebuild the nation they defended. The war had been their element, but peace and rebuilding proved too much. In the end, at least for Chechnya, it didn't matter, since as soon as Vladimir Putin was elected president of Russia, he made a point of resuming hostilities with a shocking ferocity that should leave the world aghast if the world ever bothered to pay attention to some bunch of mountain rabble with ties to fundamentalist Islam. The bitter cold of the Caucasus Mountains seems an odd place for jihad, accustomed as we are to seeing it played out on the sands of the Middle East. But then that whole area where the Middle East collides with Europe and Asia is a fascinating, confusing, and endlessly tumultuous corner of the world that few people seem to understand or take much interest in. That nations are often built on the backs and from the sweat and blood of criminals is a frequent theme in history, and indeed most human history is little more that a chronicle of criminal acts committed in the name of god, king, and country. Martin Scorcese's Gangs of New York sought to examine that very piece of the history of New York in particular and the United States as a whole, as did Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather before it.. Kinji Fukasaku's Battles Without Honor and Humanity does the same for Japan, and later entries into the series would trace the development even further, going so far as to make the claim, perhaps not outrageously, that much of Japan's emergence as a global economic power is the result of the machinations of driven but corrupt criminal gangs. For the first entry in the series, we see simply their emergence from the war and subsequent failure to work cohesively without the immediate threat of US occupation. Left to their own devices, boredom sets in and brings with it violent internal conflict and turf wars. They were born of chaos and need chaos to survive. If there is no external threat to unite them, after all, then they will create an internal one to rip themselves to shreds. Fukasaku's film is not completely devoid of the yakuza genre trappings; it simply presents them so that it can dispel them. Indeed the beginning, in which Shozo is sent to prison and we meet him again as he is released after some brief scenes while incarcerated, could be the opening to any of a number of Takakura Ken films. The only difference is that there is very little in the way of nobility to any of it. Takakura Ken was always a majestic figure who radiated righteousness and honor even as a criminal. He was strong, confident, and trustworthy. Bunta Sugawara, however, plays his part with a sullen shiftiness. He never radiates confidence of nobility as much as he does awkward discomfort and confusion. Both actors and characters steep themselves in the melancholy, however, and Bunta's Shozo might ultimately be what one of Takakura Ken's yakuza figures would be like if he came out of prison and was faced with the ream world of organized crime, where men hardened by the experience of the war had little use for outdated romantic notions of the noble yakuza. Fukasaku plays with other genre conventions as well. The obligatory pinky-chopping scene (chopping off a finger being the traditional way to atone for some offensive transgression of the code in the yakuza world) is played for laughs on an almost slapstick scale. Shozo, like Takakura Ken's many yakuza characters, leaves prison to find the world is not as he left it, but rather than standing in stark contrast to it like one of Ken's Walking Tall-esque gangsters, Shozo becomes a participant in it, maybe not as active as others, but a participant none the less. And no, he won't be making any moving or eloquent speeches. If Takakura Ken was the Elvis of the yakuza film, then watching Bunta Sugawara must have been like The King seeing The Beatles for the first time. By the time the final shots are fired and the groundwork is laid for future films, the viewer is exhausted, physically and emotionally, partly from the not-so-simple task of trying to keep straight all the betrayals and factions that come into play in this battle between the Doi and Yamagumi gangs. Besides Shozo, who is relegated almost to the role of spectator, there are very few people for whom to root, no honorable yakuza. There are only backstabbers, petulant childlike bosses, and the occasional visionary who wants to run the yakuza like a corporation and reap huge profits as a result - the road that would eventually win out, as it was. Bunta Sugawara remains, through it all, a solid presence with a deadly gaze. In effect, he's seeing things the same as we see them and is just as confounded by it all. His performance is one of subtlety, which is often how people try to describe a bad performance they don't want to call bad. Chuck Norris, for instance, is more bad than he subtle. Clint Eastwood, on the other hand, was subtle and deadly good at it. Bunta is more Clint. If the film has any weakness, it's in some of the period costumes. The film is set in the 1940s and early 1950s, but some of the cars and fashions on display are without a doubt early 1970s. It's a good idea not to sweat a detail like that. Kinji isn't Akira Kurosawa after all, who demanded that whole sets on Tora! Tora! Tora! be destroyed and rebuilt because the shade of paint on the battleship wasn't historically accurate. That might be why Akira Kurosawa was replaced on that film by.hey, Kinji Fukasaku! So just let the big collars and '70s shades slide. The film is trying to accurately dissect the yakuza, not the fashion trends that surrounded them. Battles Without Honor and Humanity is a demanding film, especially for audiences who don't speak Japanese or aren't familiar with the intricacies of the yakuza genre. People looking for knockdown, wall-to-wall action are going to be disappointed. The action here come sin spurts and is ugly, unchoreographed, and very real. First and foremost this is a drama and a societal study, a philosophical film but stripped of lyricism and poetry. It is more like the streetwise wisdom delivered by some old crank. After all, you don't sit down to watch Goodfellas or Miller's Crossing for the action scenes. This is crime drama, and as crime drama and modern day film noir, it's complex and engaging on multiple levels and remains one of the best and most unconventional yakuza films around. It does require a lot of the viewer, but then most good films do. Unlike many films in the crime genre, it can't be enjoyed on a purely popcorn level. It's not one of those movies where you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. You have to actively engage it and work at it, and even then it's the film's point that sometimes you're going to be lost, just like Shozo. If you aren't interested in the yakuza as a social phenomenon or cultural study and not just as an action movie cliche, then Battles Without Honor and Humanity won't do much for you. Not that the movie is dull or lacking in action, but it'll seem that way if you were expecting something more.modern, I suppose. Guys in sharp suits posing and doing Hong Kong style kungfu fights, that sort of thing. Even contemporary Japanese audiences don't seem that interested or able to grasp what a film like Battles Without Honor and Humanity was attempting to accomplish. This is a completely brilliant film, and like most brilliant films, it just isn't dumb enough for some people. It was a major hit at the time and made Kinji Fukasaku's career. It's odd that until the release of Battle Royale, the director was best known in the West for the movies that least defined his oeuvre. Sci-fi quickies like The Green Slime were hardly Fukasaku's calling card, but since the yakuza films, and especially the kind of yakuza films Fukasaku was making, were and to some degree still are fairly inaccessible to most audiences, it's Green Slime and Message for Space for Kinji. Or at least it was until, as an aged man with failing health and nothing to loose, he set Japan -- and this time a good portion of the rest of the world -- afire again with Battle Royale, another movie that seeks at its heart to pick away at Japan's notion of itself as an orderly and honorable country in much the same way a chicken in Battles Without Honor and Humanity picked away at the dismembered pinky of a disgraced yakuza. Films like this would later become some of the most popular films among real-life yakuza, who would gather in old theaters and watch them and pine for the days when crime was nasty and tough and violent instead of white collar and dull and corporate. It probably has a lot to do with films like Battles Without Honor and Humanity being so grounded in the reality of the situation and with the fact that many of them involved real gangsters. Heck, Noboru Ando was a real life yakuza who eventually starred as himself in a series of more or less autobiographical film adventures about his seedy life. It's the ultimate irony that these guys would get nostalgic for a type of film that made a point of dismantling nostalgia, romantic for a film that strove to strip away any notions of romanticism from its subject matter. It's also a sign that when Kinji Fukasaku made this film, he was doing more than making a film; he was documenting an entire culture and way of life. Labels: Action: Yakuza, Country: Japan, Director: Kinji Fukasaku, Series: Battles Without Honor and Humanity, Stars: Bunta Sugawara, Year: 1973 posted by Keith at 12:10 AM | 0 Comments Friday, September 03, 2004The Cheerleaders
1973, United States. Starring Stephanie Fondue, Denise Dillaway, Jovita Bush, Brandy Woods, Kimberly Hyde, Clair Dia, Richard Meatwhistle, Jonathan Jacobs, Raoul Hoffnung, Patrick M. Wright, Terri Teague, Charles Goldman, John Bracci. Directed by Paul Glicker. Available on DVD from Amazon.
Is it art or is it porn? While this question may be bandied about for years to come in regards to The Night Porter and Salon Kitty, answering that question for a movie like The Cheerleaders should take about as much time as it would take for a chorus of people to shout out in unison, "It's porn!" Where The Night Porter represents the tendency in the 1970s of filmmakers to try and blur the lines between art and exploitation, The Cheerleaders represents the same decade's commitment to movies that just want to give you something to jerk off to in the grindhouse. There is nary a single shred of artistic value or even common decency, not a single glimmer of aspirations to something greater. The Cheerleaders is unrelenting and indefensible sleaze. And predictably enough, to that we say, "Rah rah rah!" Now I think the biggest complaint that you can lodge against this film isn't that it features gratuitous nudity or horrible acting, or that the characters we see giving blowjobs and having gangbangs are supposed to be fifteen or sixteen years old. No, the biggest flaw in this film is that the cheerleading is really quite bad. Nothing rhymes. None of the cheers are catchy. The cheerleaders aren't even performing in unison. How can the team go on to win the big game when the cheerleading is so shoddy? Opening narration explains how the Amorosa High football team is on a winning streak and school spirit is at an all-time high. What could be causing this is a mystery. And though the film implies it's all thanks to the cheerleaders, when you actually see them cheer, you'll realize that the upturn in school spirit is still a mystery.
So you know, what with the cheering being so bad and all, it just sort of shattered the illusion of reality for me that this film could have otherwise created. Everything else is pretty true to life, after all, like how the cheerleaders drive around in their convertible sports car all the time in their cheerleader outfits and still doing cheers, even when they're just going to eat hotdogs, or how the cheerleaders are always having naked slumber parties, or how they always save the day - usually by employing sex. These parts of the film take on an almost cinema verite reflection of real life which is undermined whenever we're asked to believe that these are the greatest cheerleaders in all the land. The plot is pretty complex and along the same lines as the plots to the various Girls Gone Wild films. Young Jeannie has a problem: at fifteen years of age, she is still, tragically, a virgin. She figures the best way to lick this problem is by taking the advice of a couple friends and trying out for the cheerleading squad. She makes it, but her efforts to deflower herself at the hands of some virile young lad continue to be stymied when the squad captain Claudia has made a bet that she can foil Jeannie's noble plans for the entire season. Wacky hijinks ensue and require the cheerleaders to take off all their clothes as often as possible, all in the name of sexual liberation and freedom and America! Oh yeah, the sleazy janitor is also planning to fix the next game, because someone always has to be fixing the game in these cheerleader movies. Unfortunately for him, the cheerleaders have their own plan to help the team by sapping the opponents of all their strength. Can you guess how? Remember, this was back in the days when football players were dedicated gridiron gladiators who never fooled around before the game and could have their strength instantly sapped by them by having sex the night before. Too bad the cheerleaders also had a big orgy with their own players, making everyone on the field so very sleepy! But wait! Is that a fourth string runningback the other team has? The cheerleaders missed him! Can anyone but Jeannie come to the rescue and save Amorosa from the shame of losing a high school football game?
Needless to say, this is very much a "what you see is what you get" type of film, and believe me you see a lot. As I said when I reviewed two previous cheerleader exploitation films, Revenge of the Cheerleaders and The Swinging Cheerleaders, these films are a prime example of what you could get away with in the carefree and easy 70s that would get you locked up in today's more conservative and timid atmosphere. Consider, first of all, that the crisis presented to us is that a fifteen-year-old girl hasn't gotten laid yet. No one leaps up and says, "Well, you should wait until you get older anyway." Nah, the general reaction is more along the lines of, "Freaky! Let's get you some sex!" In addition, you have older teachers, male and female, both getting it on with underage (according to the script, remember) girls, and that's cool, too. And then you have Jeannie's own dad who leers at his naked daughter from time to time before also having sex with one of the cheerleaders. And then you have the scene in which Jeannie's initiation to the squad involves her having to shower in the boys' locker room, just when the team comes running in with their minds on a gangbang. Har har har! And then Claudia teaches Jeannie that the best way to seduce thugs is to pretend you want to be treated rough. These are all valuable lessons for young girls to learn, of course. Tasteless doesn't even begin to describe The Cheerleaders. It gleefully does things with supposed high school girls that most modern films won't even do with adult characters. But like most oddball skin flicks from the 1970s, there's such an exuberant…innocence certainly isn't the word I'm looking for…such a joyously perverse celebration of all things tawdry that I can't imagine being truly offended by the sexual content. But that's just me, and I'm perverted in many ways. If you are going to be offended, then you're better off being offended by the lack of a plot or the amazing absence of acting skill from every performer. But at the same time, you should just be ashamed of yourself if you sit down to watch The Cheerleaders and expect taut plotting, engrossing characters, and stand-out performances. If that's the case, then frankly, you deserve to have sat through a scene of a fat guy in a jock strap crawling around on the floor while a cheerleader licks a baseball bat. Since this is technically supposed to be a sex comedy, the movie does have to take time out from all the nudity - and there is a ton of it, more than in any other cheerleader movie and more than in most 70s sexploitation films in general - for crude humor the likes of which would make even Benny Hill shake his head in embarrassment. Ho ho ho! The janitor is a peeping tom! Oh, the hilarity! Jeannie's dad is willing to let the cheerleading team stay over for a slumber party, and he offers them grilled wieners! And, ummm…well, really that's about it. Even Revenge of the Cheerleaders had more gags than this film, even if most of them involved cheerleaders eating phallic shaped food items. The only way I can think of to describe the comedy in The Cheerleaders is to say it ranks somewhere below watching someone get hit in the balls, but only slightly above getting hit in the balls yourself.
As a skin flick, though, you'd really have a hard time beating The Cheerleaders. Or maybe, you wouldn't have a hard time beating it, but that is a joke I'm just not going to make. Aww, crap. Too late. Some of the girls are kind of homely in a Pippi Longstocking way, but this was the 1970s and everyone was hot as long as they took off their clothes and weren't fat. The cheerleading outfits are tiny, but that's not of much concern since they come off in almost every scene. Stephanie Fondue as Jeannie has that "friend's cute little sister" thing going, which of course, is creepy and sleazy just like everything else in this film. Denise Dilliway's captain Claudia is the more developed, experienced, and kinky of the girls, while Jovita Bush's Bonnie is the best looking. Everyone gets naked all the time, and sex is had in cheesy bachelor pads, fast food restaurants (nothing turns you on like have sex on a dirty deep fryer), car washes, locker rooms, trophy rooms, gardens, and well eventually you just loose track. The guys in the movies are either sleazy old dudes or meatheaded jocks. Curiously, almost no one form this cast went on to bigger and better things. In fact, most of them never went on to anything, period, and this remains the sole entry in their filmography. The only familiar face, if you can call it that, is Pat Wright as the football team's coach. He starred in a stack of films including Revenge of the Cheerleaders, the hillbilly sexploitation comedy Sassy Sue, Caged Heat, I Spit on Your Corpse (yes, the sleazy follow-up to I Spit on Your Grave!), Candy Tangerine Man, and Russ Meyer's Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens. In 1992, he got back to his roots with a part in The Bikini Car Wash Company. Curiously, almost all his roles cast him as a coach, a cop, or a creepy in-law. Cheerleader Kimbery Hyde went on to star in a couple of those naughty nurse movies as well. So if cheap guilty titillation, sleazy and morally disgusting situations, and near-constant nudity are all you are looking for, The Cheerleaders deliver with a tremendously spirited holler. If, however, you are looking for world-class cheerleader routines, then yeah, you better watch Bring it On. Am I finished with cheerleader movies? Well, almost. For a genre I said I didn't like, I sure do seem to like it a lot. Well, we have HOTS and The Pom Pom Girls to get through, and then I think we'll just about be done and ready to move on to mor eimportant genres, like naughty nurse movies. You know, I figured if I was going to write about cheerleader films, then I should at least do it in a way that allows me to put "The authority in sleazy cheerleader movies" under the Teleport City name. Labels: Cheerleaders, Netflix Diary, Sexploitation, Year: 1973 posted by Keith at 6:57 PM | 0 Comments Tuesday, July 06, 2004Don Juan...Or If Don Juan Were a Woman
France, 1973. Starring Brigitte Bardot, Robert Hossein, Mathieu Carrière, Michèle Sand, Robert Walker Jr., Jane Birkin, Maurice Ronet. Directed by Roger Vadim. Available on DVD from Amazon.
Where to start with this one? First off, it's a mess. Not necessarily an unenjoyable mess, but a mess never the less. Comparisons to Barbarella are, at least for me, inevitable since this is once again director Roger Vadim constructing a film around pop art, outrageous fashion, and his sex kitten obsession of the week. This time around it's French bombshell Brigitte Bardot. Granted, constructing your movie around Brigitte Bardot wearing outrageous outfits (or nothing at all) and parading around a series of equally outrageously designed space-age pop sets is certainly not a bad thing, but where Barbarella was freewheeling fun and campy enough to make the darker moments seem palatable, If Don Juan Were a Woman is possessed of a grubbier, perhaps even sleazier feel that makes the cynicism and nastiness of the characters difficult to bear. It certainly lacks the sexy-yet-innocent perverse glee of Jane Fonda's space opera. Bardot stars as Jeanne, a self-proclaimed man-destroyer who recounts her deeds to a young priest. Her goal in life, after deciding that men are contemptible creatures is to seduce them, then drive them to ruin and, from time to time, suicide. She does this all while living on a partially submerged boat that looks to be the end result of a fight between interior designing mods and those weird 1970s people who dressed in flowing, shiny "future wear." Mod meets Freddie Mercury, I reckon. The script has a tendency to be so bland that this orgy of campy fashion and décor becomes the main reason to keep watching. Well that and the fact that, even a few years past her sex kitten prime, Brigitte Bardot is still a wonder to behold. She need only look at the camera to make you understand why men are willing to destroy themselves for her. Heck, I like her more for being "a bit past her prime" and showing that yep, older women can indeed still be one hell of a sight. Still, if you'r elooking for a movie to discover Brigitte Bardot and discover why so many of us old farts are, even today, prone to wobbly knees and dreamy eyes at the mention of her name, this film is a pretty bad place to start.
As I said, the movie has a real nasty streak. The woman who is abused by men to the point that she seeks to extract revenge on as many of them as possible should be a sympathetic character, but the script never really gives Bardot's Jeanne a chance to do much that is likeable. She fancies herself, as the title suggests, something of a reincarnation of the famed 16th century lover, Don Juan. In the end, as befits a broadly drawn morality tale, she gets her comeuppance, but not before the film has indulged in numerous saucy moments that are, in reality, fairly tepid even by standards of the day. BB shines in a few erotic moments, but most the film lacks any real sexual charge. It all feels a bit...I don't know. Tired, I suppose. I think the movie would have been better played as a farce with more drive and spirit. Instead, it takes a more serious approach and sinks under it's own attempts to be important. Vadim was never a good director, but he had a great eye for the absurd, both in art design and storytelling. He should have indulged that predilection more in this film. Instead, it wallows not so much in its own mean-spiritedness as it does in its own tedium. It was meant to be sort of a autobiographical stab at the audiences from BB, the fading arthouse sex symbol who saw her life ravaged by tabloid attention. I guess the main problem isn't so much the darkness as it is the fact that everything unfolds in such dull fashion. Actually, I guess the fashion is the one thing that isn't dull about this film. Chalk it up to this being a French production. Where Vadim under the guidance of the Italians was wild and free, here as part of the French New Wave he is morose and dreary, a hipster whose hippest moments are behind him in the same way Bardot's best days were behind her. He goes about making this movie devoid of joy, passion, or insight. It is clinically dry, even when Bardot is reclining naked in her big furry bed with another woman. Vadim was a stylist, and this movie relies too much on storytelling from a man who can't really tell a story. We are left with a train wreck of a film, too listless to be pleasurable, too silly and broadly drawn to be intellectual.
But it's not all drudgery here. There's enough eye candy on display to keep a viewer like me marveling at the tacky beauty of it all. And while they call her over the hill or past her prime, the way I see it Bardot, then age 39 or 40 is still plenty in her prime. This was, however, her last film, but I guess my taste for older women biases my views. Give me a woman in her thirties any day over those babbling young things, especially if that woman in her thirties looks like, say, Brigitte Bardot or Nicole Kidman. Even with her icy, detached performance here, Bardot still can't help but smolder. Too bad for this film that nothing every actually ignites. There's plenty to dicuss when it comes to Brigitte Bardot, and God knows we love her even in a bad film, but I think I'll hold off on that discussion until we get to one of her better films (we have both Contempt and And God Created Woman coming up soon). Of course when it comes to eye-popping art design, Vadim was an ace, and this movie, despite its failings elsewhere, is still quite beautiful to behold. Nice cinematography helps highlight the truly cracked vision of this world that exists somewhere between the swingin' sixties and the self-destructively indulgent seventies. The look of the film is enough to merit slogging all the way through to the end, but just barely. And when you get there, the end is pretty goofy anyway. Still, I can't help but defer to the quirkiness of it all. As big a mess as it is, as haggard and confused and tired as it may seem in some parts, there is still something curiously alluring about the film. It's like probing a cold sore with your tongue. You know it just hurts, but you can't stop doing it. Of course, I'd much rather probe Brigitte Bardot with my tongue but then, well, I've crossed the line, haven't I? Labels: Country: France, Director: Roger Vadim, Drama, Netflix Diary, Stars: Brigette Bardot, Year: 1973 posted by Keith at 6:19 PM | 0 Comments Tuesday, April 03, 2001Godzilla vs. Megalon
1973, Japan. Starring Katsuhiko Sasaki, Hiroyuki Kawase, Yutaka Hayashi, Kotaro Tomita, Robert Dunham. Directed by Jun Fukuda. When news broke about the fact that TriStar was planning on releasing the latest Godzilla movie from Toho Studios, imaginatively titled Godzilla 2000, it kicked a lot of people into thinking about past Godzilla films unleashed upon the unsuspecting masses of movie goers. The last one to get this special treatment was the disastrous Godzilla 1985 with something like half the original movie cut out in order to make room for more scenes of Americans drinking Dr. Pepper. I mean, there's even a Dr. Pepper vending machine in the goddamn war room! Godzilla 1985 in it's original Japanese version was a moderately entertaining film, but certainly nothing to get excited about, and certainly not worth the five year wait. It's sort of like if you were a Star Trek fan really excited about this huge, expensive, new state-of-the-art return for your beloved show, then you go see Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and well, it sucks. Or it doesn't so much suck as it simply lets you down in a monumental way. The one thing that puts Star Trek: The Motion Picture a notch above Godzilla 1985 is the fact that Trek had that sexy bald girl in the little toga. Say what you will about Star Trek, but they use the little toga and mini-skirt a lot, so that makes them cool in my book. Of course, then along came Star Trek: The Next Generation, which had a decent mini-skirt and skimpy toga count for the first season, but then got really PC after that and had everyone parading around in burlap sacks. I don't know what your vision of a utopian society is, but mine is most definitely not an agrarian society where we all plant rhubarb and wear burlap sacks. And I don't think I'm alone in this. But every time Picard and his minions go to one of them "peaceful utopian planets of absolute joy," everyone's all excited about planting potatoes and wearing smocks. The hell? Look, if I want to find Paradise, it's going to be old series Paradise. Remember when Spock found Paradise? He had a sexy lady in a little mini-skirt, and they spent the whole day swinging upside down in trees and frolicking in fields while Spock bellowed, "I'm in love, Jim!" That is some Paradise, brother. Not once did you see Spock stop and go, "Wait, if we stop all this traipsing, then we can go hoe a field!" No, Spock was all like, "Screw that farm work! I'm gonna go skinny dipping with my woman!" And that's the way it should be. No one wants to plow fields for all eternity, yet those assholes in the Next Generation were always out in the fields, smiling, planting, and wearing sacks and earnestly claiming, "It is a good life, Captain," because God forbid any of these fuckers should ever use a contraction. Well let me tell you something: farm work is hard. It's not Paradise. And neither is wearing burlap sacks or futuristic pantsuits. So look, get out of your brown smock, throw down your hoe, put on something sexy, and run through the fields with me and Spock. You'll be much happier than if you were planting tomatoes. Of course, if we all throw down our plow and quit farming, then we'll eventually starve. So we'll probably have to oppress some of you and make you toil in the fields to feed our new leisure class, but hey that's no problem, because we'll just get those field-plowin' assholes from Next Generation! Problem solved. Now let's all go off and be Eloi! Anyway, where was I? Sorry, but that just really pisses me off. Okay, so Godzilla 1985 in Japan was a bland film. Godzilla 1985 in America was one of the most laughably atrocious debacles I've ever witnessed. Gone was nearly half the original movie, and in it's place we got Dr. Pepper drinking generals and, of course, Raymond Burr doing exactly what he did when he was spliced into the original Godzilla film buy the Americans of the previous generation: he looks on in awe and terror. And of course, he gives the requisite "You don't know what you're up against" speech that was mastered by Richard Crenna when he played Rambo's commanding officer in First Blood. You know the speech. Some cocky bad-ass will be bragging about how they have Rambo cornered and he's in a cave eating rats, and it'll be simple to catch him, so then the commanding officer type has to do the whole bit about "Rambo is a specially trained killing machine who used to kill Viet Cong generals using just a toothpick from a mile away blah blah blah I hope you bring a lot of body bags." It's always a sign of bad writing when the movie has to take time out to have someone assure us that the main character is indeed the baddest mother fucker ever to walk the earth. If you make a good movie, then we'll know the guy is a bad-ass. It's like how every Steven Seagal movie has to explain to us how bad-ass his character is with the ol' "this guy's good" speech delivered by an admiring foe. Don't tell us someone is cool or tough; show us, baby. Lesson number one in high school creative writing class. Well, Raymond Burr is to Godzilla what Richard Crenna was to Rambo. And I'm still thinking about Spock swinging upside down in a tree and laughing his ass off. No one had to announce to us that Spock was bad-ass. We just knew it, especially when he was up in that tree. As is always the case, these new American scenes were put in so we white folk could better relate to the film, because we would never understand a movie starring nothing but those crazy Asian people. You know, I grew up watching Ultraman and Godzilla, and not once did it occur to me that I shouldn't relate to them because they were Japanese. Not once. Hell, I didn't even know there was supposed to be a difference between me and them. That whole "children won't relate" thing is such utter bullshit that I can't even believe people still try to pull it. Kids don't care, and even better, they simply don't know. They don't know that they are supposed to hate someone because of their ethnicity. They don't know that we are supposed to isolate ourselves from other cultures. They don't know Japanese from American from Laplander. What they know is that they are watching cool monsters and robots kick each other around and smash things up, and that my friends, is a universal that transcends any sense of national identity, like farts and old people who cuss and guys who get kicked in the balls. Adults cling like hungry monkeys to this idea that "children won't relate" in an attempt to displace their own racism, their own inability to see people as people and not as curiosities or "others." Adults are the ones who can't handle a Japanese show full of Japanese people, and they blame it on children, who really don't give a damn about who is what. You know, that's why I can't stand most adults, and why I hate this whole trend of trying to take kiddie entertainment and sell it as "not just for kids." You know what? I watch Godzilla movies. I watch cartoons. I buy toys, and I play with them. I don't keep them in a box hermetically sealed up inside a safe deposit box. I get them out and I play with them. It's stupid and childish and I really don't care. I'm not trying to convince myself that it's something serious and adult, because you know what? Adult stuff sucks. Taxes are adult. Buying silverware is adult. Paying your rent or utility bill is adult. Being a bitter asshole is adult. Playing with toys and watching giant monsters fight each other is simple, childish, and pure. I wouldn't have it any other way. So next time you sit down to read a comic or watch a silly movie, don't try to tell yourself it's an adult thing. Try instead to think about what it's like to be a kid again, to not be strapped down by the discrimination and hate and narrow-mindedness that creeps in as we get older. Try to remember what it was like to not know or care if there was a difference between black, white, Asian, or whatever. Try to remember what it was like to be creative and imaginative and free from the stress and fear and loathing of society. Try to remember what it was like to be a child. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy those around you. And for Christ sake, afterwards, go outside and play. So anyway, America chopped up Godzilla 1985 and added a lot of Dr. Pepper product placement. Godzilla movies are not free from obvious product placement, of course. Whoever gave the film the most money usually has their building and brand name featured prominently in the film as Godzilla knocks it over. But at least that's integrated. It fits. I don't think five-star generals sit around NORAD downing cans of Dr. Pepper as they tensely wait to see if one nuclear missile will intercept another. With the dismal failure of Godzilla 1985 it would be fifteen years before America would get another Godzilla film on the big screen (unless you count that 1998 Matthew Broderick romantic comedy that had some giant monster scenes in it). This could be because it stung so bad, or it could be because in America, we only release Godzilla movies with a date in the title. Anyway, that's all in the future, and who cares about the future when you can live in the past? I went through this whole goddamn thing about Godzilla and racism and the death of childhood innocence (as exemplified by Spock in the episode I mentioned earlier where he swings in the tree and shouts "I'm in love, Jim!") just so I could tell you that the last movie before the Godzilla 1985 to get released to American theaters was Godzilla Versus Megalon, generally considered one of the all-time worst Godzilla films ever made, assuming a powerful position alongside the equally despised Godzilla's Revenge and Godzilla Versus Gigan. Now it's not going to surprise anyone, I don't think, to learn that just like those other movies, Godzilla Versus Megalon is one of my personal favorite Godzilla films. Try to set the mental stage, and once again, remember that you used to be a kid before you grew up to be a bitter nerd like me. Think about watching this movie as a sprout. I remember it clearly. When I was young, I absolutely loved this film. I remember my friends and I getting together with friends to play Godzilla, and someone always wanted to be Jet Jaguar. The Godzilla films of the 1970s were colorful, full of action (except for Terror of MechaGodzilla), and had lots of weird gadgets and other stuff to make little kids fall in love with them. Because I am childish and immature, I can watch Godzilla Versus Megalon through those same eyes, forgetting for a moment that I have sat through the collected works of Bergman and Godard. I drop the pretense, the snideness, and I can enjoy watching monsters slap each other around while a robot flies in circles and a hard-bodied little bachelor guy in hip-hugger slacks jumps in and out of his sports car. Jun Fukuda is the director here, the man responsible for a good many of the Godzilla films people love to hate, starting with Son of Godzilla. He was the one who helped bring Godzilla into the "superhero" years, when Godzilla was an earth-defending good guy instead of a building-kicking bad-ass. So here you go. The film begins with portents of doom in the form of one of those little whiny kids in micro-shorts. This one has a lame-ass paddleboat sort of ... thing, and is out for a fun day at the rock quarry pond or something (well, it sure as hell ain't a nice beach) with his two gay parents. Well, I assume the part about the gay parents, but you gotta look at the evidence. No women anywhere in the film, two young good-looking guys in chest-revealing discoware out for a quaint picnic together at the lake. Like it or not, Godzilla Versus Megalon is an early crusading film teaching us that gay parenting is really no different or less healthy than hetero parenting, so lighten up. The children of gay couples will be just as screwed up and trigger-happy as the rest of the country's teenagers. If you are the kind of person who memorizes the look of little kids in microshorts, then you may recognize the little kid. He also played "the little kid" in Godzilla Versus the Smog Monster and Time of the Apes. And weirdly enough, he was also in an Akira Kurosawa film, Dodes'ka-den. Seems weird at first until you remember that Akira Kurosawa was buddies with a lot of the Godzilla people. One of his good friends and frequent collaborators was Godzilla creator Inishiro Honda, and one of his favorite composers was Godzilla music creator Akira Ifukube. Despite these ties, Akira Kurosawa did not put the kid in little micro shorts, best I can remember. The professor type guy, played by Katsuhiko Sasaki, also had a long career, or at least a career, in the genre. Aside from his fine work in this film, he appeared in 1991's Godzilla Versus King Ghidorah, Terror of MechaGodzilla, and one of our personal favorites of bad cinema, Last Days of Planet Earth. I don't know if Yutaka Hayashi, the guy who plays Hiroshi, the firm little buddy of Professor Ibuki, had much of a career after this film, but he is named Hayata, which was also the name of the character who turned into Ultraman in the original series. So there you go. A little something for everyone. An earthquake suddenly hits, cracking the ground open. It turns out that an underwater race of people led by Robert Dunham, one of the better American actors to pop up in Japanese films. Dunham wears a skimpy little toga (see Spock argument from earlier on) and a tiara sort of thing, giving us further proof that this indeed a gay rights film. You know, no one wants to see Robert Dunham's hairy self in a toga and tiara, but I support his right to dress however he wants as long as it makes him feel good. Maybe later he can swing upside down in a tree and throw fruit at William Shatner. Wouldn't we all like to do that? Dunham's people are the Seatopians, an ancient race predating man. They are sick of humanity's atom bombs destroying their undersea kingdom, where women also wear skimpy togas and engage in big dance numbers. So there you go. Utopia. No one plowing fields and wearing sacks. These people know how to have a good time, but of course The Man has to harsh on their fun with atomic bomb tests. Seatopia announces basically to themselves (it's just Robert Dunham yelling in a big cavern) that they are declaring war on us surface dwellers. You kinda have to look at them as the good guys. I mean, we're nuking their home for fun and profit. Being an ancient, vastly advanced superior race in a Japanese movie, they spend all their time doing dance rituals and chanting and their master plan is not a super cool bomb or giant army of dolled-up toga-and-tiara wearing warriors. Their big plan is to unleash a monster on the surface. I mean, it only makes sense. The Seatopians are too suave and laid-back to wage a war themselves. They'd rather get naked and sip tropical drinks out of a hollowed out coconut shell down on the beach. Man, Seatopians kick ass, even if I don't understand how Robert Dunham got to be their leader. Once again, we encounter my main problem with a lot of Godzilla films. The invaders are a lot cooler than we are. I mean, the Earth is always being invaded by sexy women or those Planet X guys with the Devo suits and little curly-toed elf boots. Now it's being invaded by a bunch of beach bums. Why on earth would we go against them and fight for our right to be stressed out and led around on a string by a bunch of uptight old men when we could be ruled by sexy space girls or gay surfers? I mean, it's not like the old men who run the world have done a good job. Maybe we should give some of these other people a turn at the wheel. So anyway, Seatopia. As is de rigeur for these movies, they have to awaken their ancient guardian by engaging in song and dance numbers, though judging by their outfits, the Seatopians are pretty down with this. It would have been good to see Robert Dunham in a fairy outfit being pulled about on a wire and harness rig, but you can't have everything in one production. See, this is what I'm talking about. The Seatopians put on a show and it's full of sexy people in little togas doing tribal dances and gyrations. We surface dwellers put on a show, and it's crap like Cats. Forget you landlubbers. I'm signing up with Seatopia! It takes a lot of shouting and dancing to wake the monster up. A lot. Not as much as it took to wake up Mothra in Godzilla Versus the Sea Monster, where they had to dance and chant for almost the entire film, but it's still a lot of work. I guess the big pay-off is a giant monster to do your bidding, so it's worth it I suppose. Megalon looks like a big stag beetle and has some of those useless arms that turn into what I guess are razor-sharp jabbing objects, but I always feel some fingers make life easier. I don't know why undersea people would own a giant beetle instead of a giant sea serpent or something, but whatever. The two guys and their annoying kid counterpart return to "the inventor's lair," which looks a lot like "the tinkerer's lair" from Godzilla's Revenge. This is place is -- I mean -- it's ... geez. Think mad scientist meets Matt Helm. It's a space age bachelor pad royale. One of the guys has built a robotic copy of Jack Nicholson in a turtleneck sweater and named him Jet Jaguar. Now that's a chick-getter. "Come on up to my space age pad. We can spin some Arthur Lyman |