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Sunday, November 09, 2008

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter

Release Year: 1974
Country: England
Starring: Horst Janson, Caroline Munro, John Cater, John Carson, Shane Briant, Lois Daine, William Hobbs, Brian Tully, Robert James, Perry Soblosky, Paul Greenwood, Lisa Collings, Ian Hendry.
Writer: Brian Clemens
Director: Brian Clemens
Cinematographer: Ian Wilson
Music: Laurie Johnson
Producer: Brian Clemens
Alternate Titles: Vampire Castle
Availability: Buy it from Amazon


At the end of the day, I have to shrug and surrender to my baser side and say that Michael Carreras probably needed to be kicked in the shin at least once. Possibly more than once, but at least once.

Allow me to explain myself. Michael Carreras was the son of Hammer Studio founder James Carreras, and he used that relationship to finagle himself a more or less permanent fixture in the hierarchy of the studio, until eventually the reigns were passed to him entirely and the whole show collapsed. Now not everything with the name of Michael Carrereas on it was an embarrassing display of nepotism. In fact, there is much about Michael's involvement with his father's studio that is of high merit. He served as producer for most of the studio's best films. As a director, he was a mixed bag, but he did manage to deliver The Lost Continent, one of Hammer's loopiest and most hilariously daft adventure films. And after directing a decidedly pedestrian follow-up to Hammer's smash hit The Mummy, he redeemed himself somewhat by stepping in to finish the job of directing the superb Blood from the Mummy's Tomb when original director Seth Holt passed away. No, there is much about Michael's tenure at Hammer that is worth celebrating. It's just that at some point in the 1970s, he lost his fucking mind.

I think by now, we've covered the demise of Hammer Studio in the 1970s enough times that I don't need to go into much detail here. You should know the drill by now. The Hammer formula, which had been so bold in the early 50s and throughout the 60s, failed to keep pace with changing social values and cinematic trends so that, by the end of the 1960s, their once fierce and rebellious content looked quaint and old-fashioned compared to what everyone else was doing. Studio head Michael Carreras was thus desperate to right a sinking ship and discover some way to keep the studio afloat. On top of that, however, was lumped the general collapse of the British film industry, meaning that Carreras suddenly went from trying to save a sinking ship to trying to save a sinking lifeboat tied to a sinking ship. It is not, obviously, an enviable position in which to have been. But it was not an unwinnable situation, as other studios would prove. The key was to adapt. But it was with the task of adapting that Carerras proved singularly untalented despite -- and likely because of -- all else he'd accomplished.


Horror films had changed dramatically, thanks in large part to the pioneering films of Hammer. With the release of Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist, and The Omen, horror showed a marked move toward not just Satanic-themed films, but toward more cynical "evil triumphs" films. While major studios were finally deeming horror a genre worthy of their attention, low budget and independent film makers were turning out stuff like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, far more visceral and completely different than anythng that had come before and certainly muchmore extreme than anything Hammer was willing or even able to produce with the BBFC looming over them. The focus of horror shifted significantly from England tot he United States, and since the United States had always been a major market for Hammer's product, they found it hard to compete with the home team. Things were no different in mainland Europe, where the Italian giallo thrillers were also pushing the envelope far beyond what British censors would allow Hammer to get away with.

The boys from Bray may have pushed the envelope in terms of sex and violence for ten years, but by the time "The End" appeared, good usually triumphed and the creature, either tragic or evil, was vanquished. But these new horror films were happy to let evil win. There was no way Hammer could compete with that, just as there was no way they could compete with a major Hollywood studio taking an interest in horror. Lower budget American horror film, largely produced by American International Pictures and their imitators, surpassed in sex and violence the Hammer product that had helped inspire them so many years before. AIP, in particular, seemed to understand that while there would always be big studio horror films aimed at adults, for horror to survive as a whole, a shift had to be made away from adults and toward teenagers. Teens, since the early days of AIP, had played a central role in the success of the studios films. Post World War II, there was a whole generation of young people who began earning money not to help the family survive, but so they could spend it on the stuff they wanted. Most films, however, were aimed either at adults or children. AIP stepped in and made movies for teenagers, and the results were solid gold.


Hammer, by contrast, had never really targeted teens as an audience. When, toward the end of the studio's lifespan and desperate for some new revenue stream, Hammer finally tried to throw a bone to the younger generation, it was generally pretty feeble and had the feel of old men trying to write in the persona of a younger person about whom they knew next to nothing. Thus you get the goofball but not unappealing mixture of 60s mods and early 70s hippies that show up in Dracula AD 1972. But even disregarding the screwy attempts at seeming young, Hammer wasn't speaking to the kids. Whenever AIP made a movie for teens, they were keen on making sure there were as few adults present as possible.

Those who were, were often ineffectual authority figures, crackpots, or oppressive parents against whom we rooted for the kids to rebel. In the end, it was the younger generation that saved the day, usually in some way that involved a surfing competition or young hot rodders zipping around a small southwestern town in their dune buggies. Hammer, by contrast, could never really divorce itself from authoritative paternal figures. So while Dracula AD 1972 may have been full of hep kids spewing misguided attempts at youth slang, it's stolid old Peter Cushing who sweeps in to clean up the mess and save the day. And as photos have proven and our friend El Santo has said, you can dress Peter Cushing up in a hip hop jacket and baseball cap, but there's still the stuffiest stuffy old man suit in the word beneath it all.


So Michael Carreras was creating a no-win situation for himself. On the one hand, he wanted to find something new and invigorating for the studio to do. On the other hand, his ideas were terrible and all seemed to revolve around comedies about people tripping while going up the steps of a public bus. On the one hand, he said Hammer needed a new direction, something away from horror or more in line with what modern horror had become. On the other hand (Hammer had a lot of hands), at the end of the day, all he could think of was to do the same old, same old, but with more nudity. He wanted to do something different, then he complained when directors tried to do something different. In a word, Michael Carreras was lost.

I don't know what blinded him exactly other than having too many fires to deal with while being too stuck in his old ways, because the remedy he needed was right in front of him. With the tanks of both the Dracula and Frankenstein films very nearly empty, Hammer turned to three other stabs at vampire films in hopes that something might stick and give them a new franchise that would keep the studio hobbling along for at least another year. The most successful of these attempts was the Karnstein trilogy, three films based loosely on Carmilla and notable for being the point at which Hammer finally shrugged and started showing boobs (thanks laregely to the involvement of AIP as a production partner). The trilogy produced two of Hammer's very best horror films (Vampire Lovers and Twins of Evil) and one of their very worst (Lust for a Vampire). The second attempt was Vampire Circus, in which the studio attempted to put a twist on their vampire theme by looking toward the dreamier, more hallucinogenic horror films of continental Europe (specifically France and Italy). It's a very good movie, but it was simply too weird for Hammer, and possibly too weird for most British and American audiences, or so thought Carreras.


The third attempt was a curious combination of the studio's tried and true vampire formula mixed with a dash of the old swashbuckling "pirate movies without pirate ships" Hammer made in the early 60s, combined with something Hammer had never put in any of their previous horror films: a sense of humor. This was Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, and it remains my very favorite Hammer film and one of my favorite films in general. A pity that Michael Carreras didn't see things the way I did.

While Hammer in the 70s may have been flailing, that doesn't mean they didn't produce a lot of great movies. In fact, it was likely because the studio was in such dire straights that they were willing to try almost anything -- or at least claim that they would try almost anything, sort of like how I'll claim to eat anything at least once, until someone actually calls my bluff and tries to stuff a grub in my mouth. This meant that an influx of new talent emerged from the long shadows of Terence Fisher, Jimmy Sangster, and the rest of the extremely talented but rather aged old guard. Among the men employed by Hammer to try and freshen things up a big was Brian Clemens, best known at the time as one of the integral parts of the hugely popular British television series, The Avengers. In that way, perhaps, Hammer had hired one of the very men who was helping to destroy the studio. The success of The Avengers was unparalleled, and while it may have started out initially as just a television show, by 1967, it was being shot in color and boasting production values that would rival many films. On top of that, the series had the perfect blend of old guard, represented by Patrick MacNee as John Steed with his bowler and suits, and new -- as embodied first by Honor Blackman, but then taken to a whole new level by Diana Rigg as Emma Peel. The scripts hewed to a basic formula, but they were highlighted by smart dialog and witty banter between the two incredibly likable leads. And even Steed, despite looking every bit the British gentleman, had a streak of rebelliousness and irreverence that made him appealing to younger viewers.


Production company ITC was quick to follow the example set by The Avengers, and before anyone knew it, British television was full of action and adventure series that were in color, trotted the globe (or at least parts of England made up to look like the globe), and took far more risks than more expensive, slower to adapt movies. If you were a bright young writer or director looking to do something unusual, you were much better off working on one of the many ITC shows -- first espionage and, in the 70s, bad-ass cop shows. I don't have the data to claim that these high production value shows were the main reason the film industry was hurting, but they certainly made a dent.

When Clemens got the chance to direct a film for Hammer, he went for it (The Avengers having wrapped up by that time). The story he brought with him was very much of The Avengers mode, with a sassier female character than Hammer had ever had before, a script full of wit and dark humor, and perhaps most striking of all, a hero. As Clemens described things, part of the problem he saw with Hammer's Dracula films wasn't so much that they were slaves to convention; it was that Dracula was the hero, or the anti-hero a the very least. Even though you knew he would die at the end, you still went to root for Dracula, because the people lined up as his nominal opponents were so incredibly forgettable and had been since the third film. Gone were the days when you had a hero as charismatic as Peter Cushing to cheer for. Dracula, Prince of Darkness had that gun-toting friar, but since him, who was there to go against Dracula? A seemingly endless parade of trembling clergymen and forgettable young blond guys named Paul. For lack of anything else, audiences began to side with Dracula -- which is a testament to just how boring the heroes were, since Dracula usually had about five minutes of total screentime and spoke like three sentences.


Clemens wanted to change that, to give audiences a vampire movie where the vampires were the bad guys again and where there was a proper hero for whom people could root. For this character, Clemens drew largely upon the swashbuckling heroes of the past, and so was born Kronos, a vampire hunter -- possibly immortal himself -- possessed of a mysterious history, a knowing smirk, and a professor friend who, while older and wiser, is far away from the "knows what's best for you" paternalism of Cushing's Van Helsing. There was something of the counter-culture about both Kronos and his adviser, Professor Hieronymos Grost. Grost's knowledge, after all, is of an arcane and in some cases profane nature, and if Kronos was a captain in some army, it must have been the same army as Oddball from Kelly's Heroes. They seem both to have eschewed the traditional authoritative hierarchy of academia and the military in favor of just cruising around on their own, doing their own thing. This lack of respect for authority extends as well to other circles of the upper class: religious leaders, community leaders, the rich and powerful -- Grost and Kronos seem happiest away from these types, camping out in a barn with a hot servant girl they rescued from being executed.

Clemens further twists the traditional vampire movie formula by proposing a world in which there are as many different types of vampires as there are types of dog, each with its own unique characteristics, powers, and weaknesses. In another nod to the film's appeal to youth over tradition, the vampires against which Kronos finds himself pitted do not drain their victims of blood, but of youth. Likewise, the way in which you kill one vampire might not work on another (a conundrum which results in the film's most devilishly funny scene, in which Kronos and Grost cycle through the entire array of ways they know to kill vampires, until they finally find one that works). In a way, this representation of vampires is a natural outgrowth of the theories on vampirism presented by Cushing's Van Helsing way back in Horror of Dracula and Brides of Dracula. Back then, before Dracula became a Satanic prince of evil and conjured demon, Van Helsing framed the vampire in purely scientific terms. They were a part of our natural world, albeit a part that did not conform to the behavior one expected of creatures who looked like humans. Vampirism was a communicable disease rather than some Satanic curse or the result of corny rituals. Captain Kronos seems to pick this thread up and expand it, creating an entirely new species within which there are many natural variations.


Although I can't say for certain if it was intended as such, it also works as a pointed satirical jab at the vast proliferation of ways in which you could kill and resurrect Dracula that were created out of necessity to facilitate yet another sequel. By the end of things, vampires were being killed by stakes, crucifixes, icy creeks, hawthorn bushes, lightning, windmills...who could keep track? So in the world of Kronos, you never quite know what will kill a vampire. Tradition does not work. Nor do you know exactly what effect its bite will have on you. As I said, I don't think it's an accident that the vampires in this film prey upon the young and drain them of their youth. In the climate of the 1970s, it's the established powerbase exploiting the young, crushing them under the weight of an increasingly creaky traditional society, draining them of their vitality even as the vampires feed upon it for their own energy.

Although other Hammer films had taken swipes at certain established authority figures -- witness, for example, the corrupt men in Taste the Blood of Dracula, or the ineffectual and cowardly priest in Dracula Has Risen from the Grave -- this one the first time since perhaps The Pirates of Blood River that the studio gave audiences an uppity, charismatic, young firebrand willing to buck the system. Hell, Kronos even smokes the occasional 18th century doobie! At last, there was a Hammer movie and a Hammer hero that young people could actually get behind and perhaps even relate to. Someone who was more like one of them rather than like a parent, standing around waiting to disapprove and tell the whippersnappers how to properly do things.

Clemens' movie is different right out of the gate. Just as he was a Hammer outsider, working with a cast comprised largely of newcomers and outsiders, he also went outside the norm in searching for a composer and a style of music to accompany the film. He tapped Laurie Johnson, who had worked previously on The Avengers, among many other projects for film and television, to give the movie a theme that stood in stark contrast to the masterful but overly familiar "Hammer horror sound" created primarily by James Bernard. Bernard's scores were heavy, bombastic, and thunderous. Johnson's theme for Captain Kronos, however, is fast moving and much lighter. It's a combination of a theme from a swashbuckling film with the theme from a horror film, very much a reflection of Grost and Kronos themselves. Where as Bernard's themes stalk and stomp, Johnson's theme here gallops and parries.


Far away from the three piece Harris tweed and pocket watch look of most vampire hunters, Kronos is a mixture of pirate and soldier in appearance, with bushy blond hair and a rapier. Grost, by contrast, is a bespectacled, goateed hunchback, though he's far from grotesque. They are two halves of a whole -- the muscle and charm in Kronos, the brains and wit in Grost. For the lead role, they cast German actor Horst Jansen, and he certainly looks the part. Tall, confident, sexy, and swaggering. Even though they're in the same profession, there's very little of Van Helsing about the man. Kronos looks less likely to have been spending his days steeped in researching of arcane folklore and more likely to be lying on the beach, a tan young woman on one side and his surfboard on the other. What he learns, he learns through experience or via the wise counsel of Grost. Unfortunately, Jasen's limited English results in something of a wooden performance, though for me it never really mars the film, as he's carried by John Cater as Grost, a more than capable actor who is so good and so charming in his role that you don't even notice most of the time that he's a hunchback -- though on occasion I mistook him for Lenin. Luckily, Grost is way more fun to be around and is a lot less likely than Lenin to have you executed for some trifle.

The duo are en route to a town that has been plagued by a series of mysterious attacks on young people who are found after the attack drained of decades and aged to the point of death. Kronos stops to liberate a beautiful young gypsy woman (Caroline Munro, recently featured in the studio's Dracula AD 1972), who has been condemned for something Kronos and Grost find idiotic by men whom Grost and Kronos find equally idiotic. Thankful for her liberation, she swears servitude to the two adventurers, and while neither man seems overly keen on having a slave, neither does any man seem to find much fault in being accompanied everywhere by Caroline Munro in a peasant blouse with a plunging neckline. And later, when she offers herself to Kronos, he does what any man would do, and does not hesitate. A hero who smokes weed and enjoys sex? Where do they come up with this crazy stuff?

Kronos and Grost have been summoned by their old friend, Dr. Marcus (John Carson), who resides in the beleaguered town and knows that his two friends specialize these days in dealing with such peculiarities. Kronos, in particular, has it in for vampires, as both his mother and sister were killed by one. And while the process of draining a victim of youth rather than blood is slightly beyond the pale of a traditional vampire, Grost recognizes that tradition only accounts for a small percentage of what people know or don't know about vampires. Soon the gang is on the case, sword fighting and riddle solving their way to the culprit behind the strange murders.


The overriding philosophy behind this movie seems to be that Hammer horror hadn't been scary for a long time, and it wasn't going to be scary anymore. So why not make one that was exciting? And that's exactly what Clemens did. Captain Kronos moves fast and boasts plenty of action. Jansen may be a bit stiff with his lines, but he looks good in a fight scene, and he gets plenty of them. Clemens' experience with television meant he knew a lot about taking a meager budget and limited sets and making them seem far more lavish and expansive than they actually were. The result is one of the best looking films Hammer made during the period. Clemens made a lot of use of outdoor locations, which when coupled with the tone of the story makes Captain Kronos feel much more epic than the largely soundstage-bound Dracula films. He pulls off an epic feel, or at least a mini-epic feel, in much the same way John Gilling did when directing the "pirate movies without pirate ships" for Hammer a decade earlier.

The supporting cast is top notch. Cater and Carson are old hands, and they deliver the goods as all solid British pros know how to do. Caroline Munro was on the fast track to becoming an icon, and while her role here as the gypsy Clara isn't as iconic as, say, the space bikini in Star Crash, it's still a role that is both energetic and sexy. There's something about the woman that simply transcends everything. They really don't make them like her anymore, do they? While her role here may not be as meaty as the lads', it's still one of the best developed female roles Hammer ever had. There's no doubt as to why she became an icon. She has more charisma than my brain can even process.

If Hammer was looking for something new, a franchise upon which to hang the fortunes of the studio, they had found it. Captain Kronos is just that good. Unfortunately, Carreras was waiting around like one the youth sucking vampires from the movie. In Carreras' own words, he visited the set one day to see how things were going and was aghast at what he saw. Clemens and his crew, Carreras felt, were not handling the material with the proper gravitas. Instead, they were making light of things, having a bit of fun, injecting a wicked sense of humor into a previously humorless genre. Clemens did not, according to Carreras, get it. He didn't understand the proper tone of a Hammer horror film the way the old guys did. In other words, Carreras hired Clemens to give him something fresh and inventive, and then he got pissed off when Clemens gave him just that.


As much as Carrereas' attitude irritates me, and as much as it embodies everything that was wrong with Hammer's attempts to adapt to the changing times, it's hard to lie the failure of Captain Kronos to become a franchise player entirely at the feet of the floundering studio head. Audiences had already lost interest in Hammer. The studio was done for. It would have taken a miracle to save it, and while Captain Kronos is cracking good entertainment, it's not a miracle. Along with audiences, distributors had lost interest in Hammer as well. One of the things that had kept Hammer afloat was their fruitful partnership with American distributors. But those days were over, because Americans were doing Hammer better than Hammer, and under a ratings code that was far more liberal than what the British Board of Film Censors wanted to be. As such, it took almost two years for Captain Kronos to get released, and by that time, the game was over. Hammer had used up the last of its audience good will, and viewers didn't embrace the film despite the fact that the few reviews it received were generally positive.

It's a shame, isn't it? Clemens vision for Captain Kronos as a film series was pretty cool, with Kronos appearing throughout different periods across the centuries, carrying on his battle with the undead and revealing that there was a much longer history behind the man than has hinted at in the first movie. When it was evident that there was no way Hammer was going to make it, and thus there would be no second or third Kronos film, talk shifted to production of a television series. Nothing ever came of that, either, and with the exception of a few appearances in a Hammer comic book, Kronos faded from existence until more recently, when it was rediscovered and people started thinking, "Holy crap, this movie is great!" Now it enjoys a lace in many people's top five Hammer films, making it sort of the On Her Majesty's Secret Service of the vampire movie world.

Which is doubly fitting since that once-maligned entry into the James Bond Franchise was saddled with a stiff leading man and found itself situated in a time when the series was trying to recover from the loss of the iconic Sean Connery (and the rise of social discontent). Like Horst Jansen, George Lazenby was top notch in the action scenes though, and just as Horst had a cool sidekick and a gorgeous gal, Lazenby was carried by a cool ally and the best Bond girl of all time, The Avengers' Diana Rigg.

What's more, it's a shame Hammer couldn't pull out of the collapse. Maybe if Captain Kronos had been a bigger box office hit, and maybe if Michael Carreras had shown a little faith in the film, then Hammer could have made good on that tantalizing poster art for movies they intended to make but never had a chance to get to. Don't tell me you don't want to see Zeppelin vs. Pterodactyls or didn't hope Hammer wold make good on all that cheesecake nudie sci-fi artwork on the poster for When the Earth Cracked Open. Sure, they probably would have ended up less like the insanely awesome movies in my mind and more like one of those "lost world" films from Amicus Studio, but you know what? I loved those "lost world" movies from Amicus, so I would have been pretty psyched to watch something in which cheap looking little models of biplanes and blimps go head to head with wobbly pterodactyls on strings.


But those are exercises in what might have been, and while fun, the fact is there was never a Zeppelin vs. Pterodactyls or a Captain Kronos series. No Kronos fighting vampires down through the ages. What we have instead is a single Captain Kronos that happens to be an incredibly good film. It's really everything I want from my entertainment. Fast paced, witty, irreverent but also a very good entry into the genre with which it is toying. I don't think I'd argue that there aren't flaws for people to find in the film, but if they are there, I'm not really all that concerned with finding them. Had this been the last film Hammer made, it would have been a perfect swan song. Our heroes, riding off beyond the horizon to face down evil. Would we ever see them again? Who knows?

Instead, Hammer ended up with a few more death twitches and even more misguided attempts at finding a new market. Among these were an ill-advised attempt to replace the lost American market with the exploding Hong Kong market by partnering with the Shaw Brothers studios to produce two films: the plodding action caper Shatter starring Stuart Whitman and Shaw Bros superstar Ti Lung, and the entertaining but ridiculous Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires, starring Peter Cushing and Shaw Bros' star David Chiang. Both were attempts to cash in on the rising kungfu craze, and both failed. In the case of Shatter, it was hard to convince audiences that they should stop watching Bruce Lee and Five Fingers of Death and concentrate instead on a movie in which Stuart Whitman wanders around. It was like trying to convince Hong Kong audiences in the 80s to stop watching Jackie Chan and embrace Steven Seagal. Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires featured Cushing as Van Helsing, traipsing around China, but it never really feels like an actual Dracula film -- possibly because venerated horror film icon Christopher Lee finally made good on his boast and refused to appear in the picture, even though Dracula transforms into a Chinese guy in the very beginning of the picture. Instead, it feels like a Shaw Brothers kungfu film into which Peter Cushing wandered by accident. It's pretty fun, in my opinion, but there's no mystery as to why it wasn't the film that salvaged Hammer's reputation.

The end to Hammer horror finally came in 1976, in the form of To the Devil...A Daughter, Hammer's painfully horrible attempt to cash in on the devil worship movie craze that seized us in the 70s. Too bad the film was dreadful -- in my opinion the only completely unwatchable horror film Hammer ever made. It's too bad Kronos wasn't around to put that one down before it sucked so much life out of us. But so it goes, and whatever might have happened doesn't change how much I enjoy Captain Kronos.

I suppose I'm happy to be watching these films after the fact. I've never felt that Hammer films were stodgy or old-fashioned, or that they had dated poorly, but that's probably because I'm watching them from a vantage point removed from the original cycle. If I'd been able to write reviews in the late 60s or early 70s, I probably would have been complaining about the lack of originality, so on and so forth. I love Hammer films. I love the old ones. I love the ones from the 70s. Heck, I even enjoy failures like Curse of the Mummy's Tomb and Lust for a Vampire. In nearly two decades of film production, Hammer made one solitary horror film I can say I hate. That, my friends, is not a bad record, and I guess if I'd been in the shoes of Michael Carreras, I would have been as confused as he was. But then, I'm just a writer and a fan, not the head of a studio. I expect more from him than I would from myself, what with how it was his job and all. I appreciate everything the pioneers did -- Jimmy Sangster, Terence Fisher, James Bernard, John Gilling -- my God but they made some incredible films. And I love the years in which Hammer was trying to figure the strange new world out. I love Twins of Evil, Vampire Circus, Taste the Blood of Dracula, and I don't hate Lust for a Vampire or even Horror of Frankenstein. So flailing or not, misguided or not, with the final credits having rolled on Hammer (I'll believe the persistent "we're back!" press releases and announced productions when I see at least one final product), all I can do is raise a glass of brandy to them (I prefer scotch, but what would Peter Cushing say?) and say, with complete earnestness, "Thank you."



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posted by Keith at | 9 Comments


Monday, June 30, 2008

Geetaa Mera Naam

Release Year: 1974
Country: India
Starring: Sadhana Shivdasani, Sunil Dutt, Feroz Khan, Ramesh Dio, Helen, Achala Sachdev, Jankidas, Manmohan, Keshto Mukherjee, Rajendra Nath, Muran, Mehmood Jr.
Writers: R.K. Nayyar, Madan Joshi
Director: Sadhana Shivdasani
Cinematographer: Pratap Sinha
Music: Laxmikant Shantaram Kudalkar, Pyarelal Ramprasad Sharma
Producers: Atam Prakash, R.K. Nayyar


The character of the high-kicking female badass was fairly commonplace in Asian cinema by 1974, especially in films coming out of Hong Kong and Japan. But in Bollywood, not so much. In fact, until recently, the only such character in a seventies Bollywood film I would be able to name off the top of my head would be the one played by Zeenat Aman in the original Don. Still, the 1974 film Geetaa Mera Naam puts just such a character front and center, talking tough, sticking it to the man, and dealing out whoopass to all comers without a thought of depending on male chivalry for her fortunes. Just what would it take to get a film focusing on such a character made in the Bollywood of the early seventies? Well, in the case of Geetaa Mera Naam, it probably didn't hurt that the film's director was a woman, and that that woman was also the movie's star -- a star who intended Geetaa Mera Naam to be her farewell to her audience after a short-lived but eventful career as a beloved screen icon.

Achieving stardom at the dawn of the sixties, Sadhana Shivdasani -- often billed at the time as simply "Sadhana" -- staked out a place as one of the defining glamour girls of that decade, inspiring trends with the sophisticated fashions she wore on screen, as well as the distinctive, Audrey Hepburn-inspired hairstyle that would come to be known as the "Sadhana Fringe". Her dual role in the 1964 hit Woh Kaun Thi? (Who Was She?), an atmospheric mystery unusual at the time for its supernatural overtones, cemented her image as an exotic woman of mystery, and would influence many of the roles that she was to take from that point on. As the decade came to a close, Shivdasani, still at the peak of her enormous popularity, was stricken with a disfiguring thyroid condition, and was forced to withdraw for a time from the limelight. After successful treatment, she returned to making films, but by 1974 had found that the demands of her profession were beginning to wear on her. Wanting to leave the industry while still on top of her game, and on her own terms, she decided -- with the support of her husband, director R.K. Nayyar, as producer -- to take the reigns of her cinematic swan song by assuming the role of director as well as lead actress. As she would later say, "I wanted to be remembered as a heroine".




It's clear that Sadhana Shivdasani could have made any film she wanted at this point in her career. The fact that she chose to make Geetaa Mera Naam (Geetaa is My Name), to me, makes it even more tragic that she wouldn't go on to direct more. Though not without a degree of unfulfilled promise, the film strikes enough of a balance between over-ripe melodramatic cheese and lurid exploitation excess to make it an outstanding example of the exuberant madness that was 1970s masala cinema. To further distinguish it, Shivdasani and Nayyar (who also scripted) loaded Geetaa with a level of overt kink and perverse psychosexual overtones that had to be fairly boundary-pushing by the conservative standards of its day. Or any day, for that matter, given that it's lip-kissing-averse Bollywood we're talking about here.

In addition to being kinky, trashy, sappy, kitschy and pulpy in fine measure, Geetaa Mera Naam is also yet another example of a film made in the "lost and found" mold so popular in its era, and as such begins by introducing us to the family whom fate will soon tear asunder. The widow Saraswati really does have quite a brood on her hands and, as the film opens, she has taken her twin baby girls, Geetaa and Kavita, and her two young boys, Suraj and Chandu, to the village fair. The boys, as any ten year old boys with an overburdened mother too exhausted to police them might, quickly get down to the business of getting tattoos, but Suraj soon becomes preoccupied with a stuffed monkey that one of the nearby vendors is selling. It's one of those creepy fabric animals with a plastic, caucasian-flesh-colored face of the kind apparently designed to provide baby boomer children with a lifetime of nightmares. Suraj begs his mother to buy the monkey for him and, after some protest, she relents. Unfortunately, Suraj doesn't get the chance to enjoy his monkey in peace, because no sooner is it in his hands than he is swept away by a gang of marauding bandits on horseback. As Saraswati runs after the fleeing bandits with Geetaa in arm, the fairground breaks out in pandemonium, and the other children are lost in the fracas.


After the credit sequence, we are brought up to date on how and where Saraswati's children, now grown to adulthood, have ended up. Chandu, it turns out, was found by a kindly couple who, after looking around the fairground for his mom a bit, simply decided to take him home and raise him as their own -- which makes me nostalgic for those days before Amber Alerts when the policy was pretty much "finders keepers" as far as lost children were concerned. Chandu has grown up to be a righteous and by-the-book police inspector. This makes him one of Geetaa Mera Naam's moral anchors, but also not a very interesting person, so it's no surprise that we don't see a lot of him as the film progresses. For her part, Kavita -- now known as Neeta -- has not fared quite so well in terms of her adoptive parents, as when we meet those parents they are in the process of selling Neeta for unwholesome purposes to an underworld figure named Mohan. Neeta, a virtuous schoolmarm, is totally taken by surprise that her parents would do such a thing, which is a little surprising in itself, given that her parents are so obviously a pair of greedy slimebags. You'd think Neeta would have had ample opportunity to notice this over the course of living with them for give-or-take thirty years.

As for Suraj, his life among the bandits has lead to him meeting adulthood as Johnny, the leader of what is -- judging from his lavish-if-eccentrically-appointed lair -- a very successful international smuggling ring. Despite the name change, it's quite easy to identify Johnny as Suraj, because, in one of Geetaa Mera Naam's many deliciously crackbrained touches, he carries that same stuffed monkey from the fairgrounds with him literally at all times. In this sense the monkey serves as a more disturbingly psychologically revealing version of Ernst Blofeld's Persian cat, and Johnny can often be seen stroking its head distractedly as all manner of depravity plays out at his bidding. Johnny's numerous foot soldiers -- who, when not busy smuggling, serve as models for an array of colorful neckwear -- sit in rows alongside the walls of the space-age assembly hall that makes up the centerpiece of his lair, and when one of them displeases him, Johnny flicks a switch which tips that minion's chair back, dumping him into a waiting vat of molten wax, after which the underperforming toady appears in one of the glass cases lining the wall as a glistening wax statue.


Johnny is far from a soulless killer, however, and on those occasions when his high standards have driven him to take a human life, he does penance by having a brawny, leather-trussed and handlebar-mustached lackey named Sheru lash him repeatedly across the bare back with a whip. Now, you would be right in wondering how Johnny can effectively command a successful international smuggling operation when he is so obviously fucking out of his mind, which is why it's fortunate he has at his side his longtime friend and trusted right-hand man Raja, who keeps him on a relatively even keel while himself tending to some to the day-to-day unpleasantries that such an operation entails.

Appropriately, the cast of Geetaa Mera Naam is well-stocked with co-stars from Sadhana's previous films. Sunil Dutt, in fact, had been her leading man no less than three times, including in one of her biggest hits, Waqt (which also featured Achala Sachdev, the actress who here plays Saraswati), so it's no real surprise that he was handed the meaty role of Johnny. Dance queen Helen, who plays Raja's conniving girlfriend Savitri, was an even more frequent player in Sadhana's films, though, given her prolific output, that might have been as much a statistical inevitability as it was the result of any special relationship between the two. Finally, for the role of Raja, Sadhana and Nayyar cast her co-star from 1965's Arzoo: that he-man among he-men, Feroz Khan, a choice which, if you're familiar with Khan's work at all, guarantees you that Geetaa Mera Naam will not be light on testosterone-drenched mayhem.




I used to think of Amitabh Bachchan as being, by default, the king of 1970s Bollywood action cinema. But the problem with that concept is those pesky acting chops of his. Because of his range and versatility, Bachchan could play drama and comedy as well as action, and often did each separately, in addition to often combining all of them within one picture. Because of this, his name doesn't have quite the branding effect that today an American star's like, say, Steven Seagal does. This is because of the looming potential for one of Amitabh's films to actually be different from the one that preceded it -- despite it being marketed very similarly due to the bank riding on his "Angry Young Man" image at the time. In the case of Feroz Khan, on the other hand, there were apparently just three things that the actor did -- or cared to do -- well: punching people, taking his shirt off, and being hairy. And if you invest your time in any Feroz Khan film made between 1970 and 1980, the chances are astronomically high that that is precisely what you are going to get. The man is simply the living trademark for seventies Bollywood at its most two-fisted and funkily furious. Furthermore, evidence suggests that he was very much a player in forging that association, because when he finally got the chance to direct his own film in 1980, what he made was Qurbani, arguably one of the greatest -- and not to mention most absurdly, insanely macho -- action films in Bollywood history.

And Feroz's fists do indeed see a lot of action in Geetaa Mera Naam, as does his chest see a lot of open air, most memorably in a scene where Helen -- reclining with him on his round, revolving bed -- undoes his zippered shirt with her teeth. All this made me wonder if female audiences at the time really wanted to see Feroz's lushly-carpeted upper torso as much as he wanted to show it to them. However, it may just have been that it wasn't their fantasies that were being addressed. After all -- to put it in a more contemporary framework -- Feroz is nothing if not the ideal to which consumers of Axe Body Spray desperately aspire, despite them being separated by several musky gene pools from ever attaining it. Perhaps then it is the deepest fantasy of all men to go shirtless whenever they please, and to do so with greater frequency the more hirsute they are, proving their dominance by forcing the women around them to behold their lush topiary in all its magnificence. If this is indeed the case, then the Feroz Khan of Geetaa Mera Naam is truly living the dream.




Anyway, back in Geetaa Mera Naam's more civilized quarters, we find that upright police inspector Chandu, not surprisingly, is pining to bring Johnny and his gang to justice, but is hamstrung from doing so by a complete lack of evidence. Meanwhile, the paths of Johnny and Neeta (played by Sadhana in one half of yet another dual role) are about to cross with fateful results. It seems that Mohan, in addition to being a defiler of virtuous young schoolmarms, is also a business rival of Johnny's and, as masala movie logic would have it, ends up on the receiving end of a well-timed dagger in the back from Johnny at the very moment that Neeta is fighting off his unwelcome advances. As Johnny slips away unseen, Neeta is arrested for Mohan's murder and thrown in jail.

It is at this point that we meet up with the last of the adult versions of Saraswati's children to be accounted for, Geetaa (also Sadhana), who is being let out of Jail just as Neeta is being thrown into it -- though without either one seeing the other. A switchblade-wielding, small time ne'er-do-well and street brawler, Geetaa is just getting off a short stint in stir for what Chandu describes as "bullying" some poor fellow who had the sac to hit on her. To mark her exit, the inspector deals out a boilerplate "yours is a path to ruin" speech, and Geetaa, clad in the first of many redder-than-red outfits that will make the most of the film's highly-saturated comic book color scheme, deals out some fairly boilerplate J.D. attitude in return. Geetaa then hits the streets, and is immediately set upon by some of Mohan's men, who have mistaken her for Neeta. The thugs drive her to a construction site with nefarious intentions, and are there joined by more of their number, though it quickly becomes clear that they had not counted on the power of Geetaa's daintily applied sort-of kung fu. To make things worse for the hoods, Raja just happens to drive by at that moment and, knowing a stone fox in a jam when he sees one, joins in the fight himself.




Now this would probably be a good time to point out that, while I love Geetaa Mera Naam, there are a lot of instances in which I give it points more for what it attempts than for what it actually achieves. While Sadhana is good at the tough girl posturing that her badass streetfighter role requires, when it comes to actually selling the action, Sue Shihomi or Angela Mao she is not. In fact, she's pretty atrocious. As sexist as I know it will sound, the only way I can think of to best describe it is to say that, throughout Geetaa's fight scenes, she appears far more preoccupied with not breaking a nail or heel than she is with defending herself against any mortal threat. (Though, of course, any of my own attempts at athleticism could easily be described in the same terms.) A scene in which she has to run while firing a pistol, in particular, crosses into the territory of self parody. Certainly, Feroz Khan isn't any more convincing, but, in contrast, he's typically spirited in his commitment, doing all kinds of gymnastics and pointless jumps while throwing his fists around -- and he even does a little high bar action in the aforementioned construction site brawl that prefigures Pran's Gymkata-prefiguring moves in Don a couple years later. And while it can definitely be said that the fight choreography -- by the ironically named Mohammed Ali -- is partially to blame, in the final analysis I'd have to conclude that Sadhana, as an action star, is a great romantic lead. To my mind, though, that doesn't really hurt the film, because adequately staged fight sequences would only serve to make Geetaa Mera Naam that much less weird, and would in effect sap it of its very essence.

Anyway, having been introduced to Feroz Khan's shirtless chest, Geetaa hits the streets once again, only to be mistaken for Neeta by a group of Neeta's young students. Getting the clue that something unusual is afoot, she has the kids lead her to the jail, where she finally meets Neeta face to face. Gaetaa's mother confirms that Neeta is indeed her long lost twin and, armed with that knowledge, Geetaa vows to make it her mission to clear her sister's name. Suspecting Johnny's involvement in Mohan's death, she approaches Raja and asks to be made a member of the gang. Raja resists at first, but later, when a rival crook tries to immolate a bound Raja, Johnny and monkey on a makeshift pyre, Neeta comes to the rescue (in the process setting off a gas explosion that sends Johnny's enemies' graphically-realized flaming body parts whizzing through the air), and as a result is as good as made. An initiation ceremony follows that involves Geetaa holding her hand over a flame G. Gordon Liddy-style while reciting a loyalty oath, and concludes with Geetaa and Johnny mixing the blood from their sliced fingers. Geetaa Mera Naam is the type of film that never risks leaving anything to audience interpretation -- at points voiceovers are provided to let us hear the anguished thoughts that the characters' extravagantly anguished expressions already make abundantly clear -- and this blood ritual provides one of many occasions for the soundtrack to chime in with a musical refrain about how "blood will recognize blood" (a sentiment which basically sums up the message of all "lost and found" films).




Now a member of the gang, Geetaa finds herself immersed in the shirt optional (for the guys, of course), pleather-clad, rotating bed-riding and oh-my-god-you-can-totally-drink-a-highball-while-floating-in-the-pool high life that the denizens of the underworld according to Geetaa Mera Naam inhabit. As with many of the most entertaining masala films of Geetaa's era, this is visualized by way of hyperbolic costume design and art direction that, in setting out to give the film's predominantly working class audience a tantalizing glimpse of a world of impossible glamour and decadence, creates caricatures of seventies style that go way beyond anything seen in even the most savage contemporary parodies of that era. Finally, after performing various small-time assignments for the gang, Geetaa is recruited, along with Raja, to take part in a daring train robbery that for some reason is plotted out using a toy train and a kewpie doll. The robbery does not go as planned, however, and Raja (who I think was represented by the kewpie doll) is wounded, surviving only due to Geetaa's ministrations. Thus saved by Geetaa a second time, Raja, who is now falling for Geetaa, pledges his indebtedness to her. In response, Geetaa comes clean about her plan to tie Johnny to Mohan's killing and clear her sister's name. This affords Feroz Khan the opportunity to model a series of those aforementioned extravagantly anguished facial expressions as he mulls over whether he should betray his best friend or the woman he loves.

Meanwhile, Helen's Savitri is none too pleased about being replaced by Geetaa as Raja's arm candy of choice, and sets out to expose her rival's duplicity to Johnny. When she succeeds in her plan, the stage is set for Geetaa Mera Naam's most astonishing sequence, and for one of the most "I can't believe what my eyes are seeing" song picturizations I've seen in all my long history of indiscriminately devouring these films. The song is "Haan Mujhe Maar Daalo", and it occurs at the moment when Raja and Geetaa return to Johnny's lair, only to find a Johnny who is wised up, wrathful and all too ready to deal out punishment. What follows is that whip-wielding brute Sheru stalking a white-mini-and-go-go-boots-clad Sadhana around the confines of the lair, lashing her mercilessly as she mimes the word of the song through grimaces of pain. At the same time, on the opposite end of the hall, Helen, clad in a spangly chorus girl get-up, dances in a giant bubble bath-filled sauna equipped with disco lights, mirrored walls and its own waterfall.




But Helen's is no solo act in this instance, for dancing with her is a paunchy, pompadoured gentlemen in a clingy, beige polyester bodysuit that, with the addition of a wide belt to complete the ensemble, looks remarkably like one of the uniforms from Space: 1999. Such a physique and outfit would not seem conducive to lustful, serpentine writhing, but that is exactly what this fellow does, and to quite disturbing effect. As these carnal undulations progress, the gestures become more violent, with the man slapping Helen, pulling her hair, and pushing her to the ground as, all the while, she wears an expression of pained ecstasy. The song's refrain is "There is life in death, death in life", and we see both Sadhana and Helen alternately miming the words. But in Sadhana's case it is a mournful yet resigned acceptance of life's tragic nature, while in Helen's case it's a dark celebration of eroticized violence. It's quite remarkable really, and despite the unbelievable bounty of kitsch that it delivers, still manages to be startlingly powerful on an emotional level.

And here I was about to go on my standard riff about how I don't really get the music of Laxmikant-Pyarelal. The duo scored dozens upon dozens of pictures during the seventies, and it's true that the small sampling of those I've seen have yet to provide me with evidence of just why they were so widely employed. That's not to say that I think that their scores are bad; its just that they come off as very humdrum and conservative when compared to the wild genre-blending work that composers like R.D. Burman and Kalyanji-Anandji were doing at the time. Not only that, but, to my ears, L-P don't have the gift for infectious melody that those other greats have. Of course, that might just be a matter of these ears of mine being white, Western ones, because Laxmikant-Pyarelal's music sounds like it draws a lot more on traditional Indian themes than that of Burman and Kalyanji-Anandji, who made their mark partially through their incorporation of Western pop styles into their compositions. Whatever the case, Geetaa Mera Naam seemed to me to be the type of film that screamed out for the funky-ass Kalyanji-Anandji treatment, and because of that I approached L-P's score with both trepidation and lowered expectations.




That said -- and upon second listening -- I have to say that the team rose to the challenge and delivered their best score that I've heard so far, built on slinky, minor key melodies, pulsing tabla rhythms, and augmented by staccato stabs of reverbed guitar. In fact, all but one of Geetaa's songs (a Sound of Music style number featuring Neeta and her schoolchildren) are good, and there is even one great one. That would be the pounding, oh-so-manly "Mohabbat Hi Mohabbat", as great a musical showcase for Feroz Khan as there could possibly be. And in its visualization we get to see Feroz mime the song while joyfully doing all of the things he does best: beating guys up, wooing babes, swinging from vines and...well, and also feeding some monkeys. (Interestingly, despite all the monkeys in this movie, there weren't any overt references to Hanuman that I noticed.)

One of the things I like about Geetaa Mera Naam is that it gives lip service to pieties without affording much screen time to the pious themselves. In so doing it distinguishes itself as that rare masala film that demonstrates an understanding of just how deeply boring such characters are. As I stated earlier, the character of Chandu, the morally irreproachable policeman played by Ramesh Deo, disappears from the movie for long stretches at a time, and is never around long enough to overstay his welcome when he does show up. Likewise, while it is Neeta's fate that sets the whole plot of the film in motion, we never see Neeta herself again after her jailhouse reunion with Geetaa and her mother -- not even to see her enjoy the freedom that has been so hard won by Geetaa at the movie's conclusion. No, this is undisguisedly a movie about those who live on the other side of the law. And why wouldn't it be, anchored as it is by a performance as commitedly maniacal as Sunil Dutt's?

Still, in order to wrap things up, the virtuous must be brought back onto the stage, and so a climax is contrived that brings not only Chandu and Geetaa, Neeta, Johnny and Chandu's wheelchair-bound mom, but also all of Neeta's young students (don't ask how) to Johnny's lair. A truly chaotic free-for-all ensues, with much leaping, whipping and punching on the part of all parties, and, at its peak, Johnny produces a pair of rapiers and engages Raja in a nicely staged swordfight that rages across the entire expanse of the hideout. This whole sequence reminded me a lot of the cast-encompassing fight at the end of the original Casino Royale for all it's everything-and-the-kitchen sink absurdity. And while the intention obviously wasn't outright parody, it's hard to imagine that it wasn't conceived and conducted with a bit of a tongue-in-cheek attitude. In any case, it probably goes without saying that the movie comes through with a climax that is wholly appropriate to all of the fevered insanity that has preceded it, and which will disappoint no one who has been thrilling to that insanity throughout its running time.




As both Keith and I have alluded to elsewhere, exploring Bollywood's past can be a bit of a blind slog for those of us English speakers committed to plumbing that cinema's less reputable depths, especially given the dearth of written material that has anything more to say than how great Mother India and Sholay are. (Which they are, of course, but that's beside the point.) We've all kissed our share of frogs, to be sure, and many of us might have given up long ago if not for the discovery of the occasional twisted gem like Geetaa Mera Naam. After all, how could one turn one's back on a cinema that would give us so much unhinged perversity in the service of a simple morality play about the strength of family bonds? Or so much eye-rending comic book exuberance? Or so much pleather?

Geetaa Mera Naam's opening title card, displayed immediately before the title itself, introduces the film as "R.K. Nayyar's Conception of a Super Hit". And R.K. Nayyar's conceptual instincts were apparently right on the mark, because the film indeed turned out to be quite popular with audiences. Sadhana would get her wish and be remembered as a heroine, even though the most indelible image to be taken away from the film might not be so much one of her heroic exploits as it would be her being whipped while wearing a white mini and go-go boots by a guy who looks like a Village People version of a medieval blacksmith. To my mind, however, that does nothing to lessen her status. Just the fact that she made this crazy movie is enough to make her a heroine in my eyes.

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Saturday, May 03, 2008

Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen

Release Year: 1974 (Japan release 1979)
Countries: Thailand, Japan
Starring: Sombat Methanee
Directors: Sompote Saengduenchai, Shohei Tojo
Writer: Bunkou Wakatsuki
Producer: Sompote Saengduenchai
Also known as: The 6 Ultra Brothers vs. the Monster Army, Hanuman vs. 7 Ultraman, Hanuman pob Yodmanud, Noomaan Buak Jet Yaawtmanoot, Urutora 6-Kyodai tai Kaiju Gundan


The fact is that, when I'm writing about a movie, I'm much less interested in telling you how good or bad it is than I am in justifying the time I spent watching it. As such, I'm looking for those points of interest--either contained in the film itself or in the circumstances of its production--that will make the whole endeavor seem worthwhile, and prevent me going to my grave fretting over how I could have better spent that six hours I invested in repeat viewings of Tahalka.

Providing a break from the rigors of that approach are those occasions on which I encounter films whose WTF quotient is so high that they exist on a plane beyond simple judgments of good or bad--the mystery of whose very existence overshadows any questions of quality. Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen is such a film. And like another fine example of the species, the Turkish superhero mash-up 3 Dev Adam, Hanuman achieves that rarified WTF air by means of positioning some very familiar elements within a very foreign context. It's just hard to dismiss a shockingly gory movie that teams the world's most beloved giant Japanese superhero with the Hindu monkey god for not measuring up to some notional standard of "coherence" or "watchability". That's not to suggest, of course, that there aren't those who consider Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen bad--or who, in fact, revile it. None of them, however, are going to argue that it's not one weird little foo dog of a movie.

The thing about Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen, though, is that once you start looking into the circumstances that surrounded its making--and the events that occurred in its aftermath--the actual content of the movie itself begins to seem less and less strange. In fact, the story that Hanuman sits at the center of is so insane that, now that I've become more familiar with its details, I'm worried that my summary of the movie, if I ever get to it, will be a little on the blasé side, like "Oh, and then Hanuman and Ultraman gleefully tear the flesh from one of the monsters until there's nothing left but a giant skeleton puppet which dances around a bit before collapsing in a heap. YAWN!" Still, I promise to bring all of my not-very-considerable professionalism to bear on the task of telling it, without losing site of my greater goal of bringing the movie itself to life for you with the magic of language.


That story begins in 1962, when a young man by the name of Sompote Saengduenchai left his native Thailand for Japan, having been granted a Thai government scholarship to study cinematography in that country. His studies would include an apprenticeship at Japan's legendary Toho studios, during which Saengduenchai would come into contact with Eiji Tsubaraya, the master of Japanese special effects. Tsubaraya was in the middle of his career peak at the time, having over the past several years been a primary engine in the creation of such classic Japanese movie monsters as Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra. He was also on the verge of starting his own company, Tsubaraya Productions, which would go on to achieve great success in the world of television, in addition to continued success in motion pictures. Saengduenchai would eventually characterize his youthful encounter with Tsubaraya as the beginning of a long and close friendship, though, in truth, its exact nature and details would later become the subject of dispute. Whatever the case, however, there is no doubt that it had a profound effect on the path that Saengduenchai's career would take--and grave repercussions for Tsubaraya and the company he was to found.

Upon returning to Thailand, Saengduenchai formed his own company, Chaiyo Productions, and went about fashioning himself as a sort-of Thai version of Eiji Tsubaraya. He began to produce and direct a string of special effects-driven and giant monster movies the likes of which had not previously been seen in the Thai film industry, and would continue to produce such films well into his career. (Of all of these, the only one to receive an English language release was his 1981 contribution--under the name Sompote Sands--to the Jaws-but-with-a-crocodile micro-genre, Crocodile, which featured a giant crocodile whose proportions changed radically from one shot to the next.) One of the first of these was 1973's Ta Tien, which featured a kaiju-style battle between reanimated giant statues of Yuk Wud Jaeng and Yuk Wud Pho, two demon-like guardian spirits from Thai folklore. Of course, on the way to presenting that climactic battle royal, Saengduenchai also provided his audience with scenes of a giant suitmation frog smoking a giant cigarette, a discomfitingly ponderous dinosaur fight, and one of the most extensive and gratuitous skinny dipping sequences in cinema history.

The above serves to underscore a major difference between Tsubaraya and Saengduenchai, which is that, while Tsubaraya's work was generally infused with a sense of fun and wonder that made it for the most part family friendly, watching Saengduenchai's films, it's easy to find yourself wondering who they were intended for at all. A good example of this is Hanuman and the Five Riders, a direct sequel to Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen, which, along with its very kiddie-cozy depiction of masked superheroes from the Japanese Kamen Rider series and its offshoots fighting with men in rubber monster suits, also features tons of cheap-but-nonetheless-extreme gore and a Coffin Joe-like vision of Hell that includes copious amounts of female nudity. Suffice it to say that, cultural differences aside, when you watch these movies, you definitely get the idea that Sompote Saengduenchai is one weird dude.



As for Tsubaraya, in the years immediately following his first meeting with Saengduenchai he would produce what would become one of his most loved--not to mention lucrative--creations: the skyscraper-sized kaiju-fighting superhero Ultraman. Ultraman would make his way to the States just a couple of years after his 1966 Japanese debut and begin a long life in syndication on American television. As such, he would become a favorite of successive generations of our great nation's hyperactive ten year old boys, not to mention the cause of untold playground injuries, and the inspiration for some of those ten year old boys, once grown, to inflict Power Rangers on generations to come.

But while America had only the very manageable one Ultraman to account for, the Japanese had a whole army of them to keep track of. This is because, whenever one Ultra series would end, Tsubaraya Productions, rather than simply producing a second season, would instead create a sequel series featuring a whole new Ultra hero. The initial wave of Ultra hero series, between 1966 and 1975, resulted in seven separate, successive shows, including Ultraman, Ultra Seven, Ultraman Ace, Return of Ultraman (which, despite the name, featured a completely different Ultraman), Ultraman Taro and Ultraman Leo, all of which included, in addition to their main Ultramen, ancillary Ultra characters as well. This proliferation has continued, with some interruptions, to the present day, with the depressing result that a concept as simple as a giant superhero beating up men in monster suits has grown to become as needlessly complex as the Lord of the Rings cycle.

One of the many places where Ultraman was very popular was Thailand, and in 1973 Sompote Saengduenchai approached Tsubaraya Productions with the idea of coproducing a series of films that would team their heroes with figures from Thai folklore and mythology. Sadly, Tsubaraya senior had passed away by this time, and his son Noboru was now in charge of the company. For whatever reasons, Noboru saw fit to give this idea the go-ahead, and the first of these features, Giant and Jumbo A--a teaming of the aforementioned Thai giant Yuk Wud Jaeng with one of Tsubaraya Production's lesser heroes, Jamborg Ace--went into production. Following immediately on the heels of Giant and Jumbo A came Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen, which featured Ultraman, Ultra Seven, Ultraman Jack (from Return of Ultraman), Ultraman Ace, Ultraman Taro and Ultraman Zoffy (a supporting Ultraman introduced in the original Ultraman series) joining with Hanuman to defeat an assortment of monsters salvaged from past Ultra episodes. (That, if you're counting, only adds up to six Ultramen, which suggests that the "7" in the title includes Mother of Ultra, the matriarch of the whole Ultra clan, who's seen only in the sequences on the Ultra brothers' home planet, M-78.)





To me, a mystery equal to that of the circumstances surrounding Ultraman and Hanuman becoming partners on screen is how figures of Hindu mythology such as Hanuman came to be part of the culture of Thailand, a predominately Buddhist country. Of course, Hanuman was an important character in the Ramayana, a central epic of the Hindu religion. The flow of trade between India and Thailand insured that the Ramayana would eventually make its way to Thailand and, when it did, it apparently became quite the hot read. As a result the Thais adapted their own, more culturally and geographically specific version of the Ramayana in the form of the Ramakien. Though practitioners of pure Hinduism never became more than a minority in Thailand, the symbols and characters from the epic became so entrenched in the culture of the country that today most Buddhists there see no incongruity in paying tribute to Hindu deities alongside their observance of traditional Buddhist practices. Shrines to Hindu gods such as Ganesh, Vishnu and Hanuman can be found throughout Thailand, and they are visited by Hindus and Buddhists alike.

Figures from the Ramayana play a part in the prologue to Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen, as do the members of the Ultra family. In fact, the whole film strikes an interesting balance between being a Bollywood style "Mythological" and a kiddie sci fi movie. Scenes of scientists in space-age control rooms launching rockets are interspersed with those of Hanuman traversing the heavens to make appeals to Rama as he circles the Earth in his flaming chariot. Representing a sort of meeting-in-the-middle is the fact that Ultraman and company are presented in a seemingly more God-like manner than in their usual incarnations, constantly watching over the Earth from their perch in the heavens and descending from the clouds to intervene in times of trouble.

At the opening of the film, Thailand is suffering a severe drought, and we see a group of children doing a ritual dance in the ruins of an old temple in the hopes of bringing rain. The obvious leader of the group is a boy named Piko, who is wearing a Hanuman mask and doing a dance--involving lots of scratching and monkey-like capering--that we will have become well familiar with by the movie's end. While the kids dance, a gang of bandits comes into the temple and steals the head from a statue of the Buddha (something that Ong-bak has already taught us is a very bad idea). Piko sees this and takes off after the bandits, grabbing onto the back of their jeep as they make their getaway. It is at this early point in the movie that we get our first notice that, despite the advertised presence of Ultraman, someone very different from who you'd normally expect is calling the shots, as one of the bandit's response to this is to draw a gun and shoot Piko point blank in the head, after which we get a nice shot of the kid screaming with blood pouring down his face.





Fortunately, the Ultra family has been watching all of this transpire from their Olympian perch up on M-78, and the Mother of Ultra reaches down from the clouds with an enormous hand to pluck Piko's lifeless body up and whisk it back to their home in the Land of Light. Just as each of the Ultra heroes was created by being merged with a human who could transform into him at will, the Ultras restore life to Piko by merging him with Hanuman, which, again, makes them seem pretty God-like. (It also makes me wonder if the Ultra's life-restoring procedures are faith-tailored; for instance, if Piko had been a Christian, would they have merged him with Jesus?) The Ultras then return Piko to Earth where, now granted the ability to transform into Hanuman at will, he sets about getting some big time monkey payback on the trio of thugs who killed him.

And Hanuman, when he appears--a gigantic, pure white monkey in elaborately ornamented traditional raiments, with hollow eyes and a creepy fixed grin--is pretty terrifying--and made nonetheless so by all of his constant jabbering, scratching and capering. This initial impression of him is backed-up by the treatment he gives the bandits once he's caught up with them; one he simply steps on like a bug, another he crushes under a tree, and a third he grabs in one fist and smashes with an outstretched palm, jabbering and laughing nightmarishly the whole time. Then, with vengeance swiftly dealt, he levitates the Buddha's head back into its proper place, then takes a surreal victory lap in the skies over Bangkok before taking off into the heavens to chat up some of his fellow deities. Meanwhile, a dashing young scientist at a high tech meteorological research facility is launching the first of what looks like a huge arsenal of cloud-seeding rockets into the atmosphere. This appears to work, but since we've also been watching Hanuman's efforts up in the heavens to strike a deal with Rama on the Earth's behalf, we're not sure whether to credit this win to science or faith.

I was unable to find any cast information for Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen, but I'm pretty sure that the aforementioned dashing young scientist is played by Sombat Methanee. That is not just because he looks like Methanee--or because Methanee starred in both of Saengduenchai's preceding films, Ta Tien and Giant and Jumbo A--but also because it's very difficult to find any Thai film from the seventies that Methanee didn't star in. Methanee was Thailand's biggest action star of that decade, a position he stepped into on the occasion of Thai cinema king Mitr Chaibancha's accidental death in 1970. (Chaibancha died while performing a stunt for Insee Thong, one of several films in which he portrayed the masked hero Red Eagle.) Similarly to other Asian film industries, the work ethic of Thai movie stars at the time was truly a world away from that found in Hollywood, where being a star meant having the luxury to appear only in the one or two hand-picked prestige projects you'd deigned to appear in that year. For a Thai actor, being a star meant maintaining a constant presence on the country's movie screens, week in and week out--a practice which, in Methanee's case, meant appearing in as many as a dozen films a year, and which now accounts for him having over 600 film roles under his belt. As such, it's irrelevant to consider whether a film like Hanuman was above or beneath Methanee, even though he'd certainly appeared in better. For him, I imagine, the quality of whatever movie he was working on at the moment was tempered by the knowledge that he'd be working on another one--maybe better, maybe worse--within a week or so's time anyway.





Anyway, bolstered by the success of his first rocket, Sombat (as he will be known from this point on) launches a second with far less satisfying results. The rocket explodes on the launching pad, leading to an impressive sequence of Thunderbirds-style miniature mayhem as a chain reaction causes all of the many rockets on the pad to explode. In turn, the Earth underneath the launch base is rent apart, and the five bad guy monsters come marching single file out of the bowels of the Earth to wreak havoc. These monsters include Gomora, one of the most iconic beasts from the original Ultraman series--and here equipped with Godzilla's roar--plus a trio of Monsters recycled from Ultraman Taro. Also in tow is a fifth monster from another Tsubaraya hero series, Mirrorman, who I guess must really be called "Dustpan" because--as hard as I find that to believe--I can't find any source that refers to him otherwise. At first, most of the monsters' havoc-wreaking consists of them just bouncing from foot to foot while waving their arms around and rearing their heads back as if they were laughing as everything blows up around them. There is also a lot of garbled Thai dialog on the soundtrack that seems to suggest that the monsters are supposed to be talking--and from the tone of it, they're heckling, maybe even calling the assembled human race "bitches" or something. Mutual back slapping can also be observed among the monsters, and at times they appear to be on the verge of giving each other high-fives.

Because nobody wants to see a bunch on giant monsters high-fiving one another like drunken frat boys, the Air Force is called in, and soon toy jets are being swatted out of the sky left and right. Finally, Piko transforms into Hanuman and, between dancing, scratching and jabbering, manages to put up a pretty good fight against the chatty creatures. Just when it looks like they're about to get the drop on him, the six Ultra brothers sweep down from the sky, signaling the beginning of the real mayhem. At this point, the monsters are so outmatched that the simple substitution of tragic music would have revealed the fight for the brutal slaughter that it is. Monster heads are sheared off, torsos bisected, bodies incinerated, and finally--as alluded to earlier--one ogre-like beast has the skin unceremoniously stripped from his bones. When it's all over, standing amidst the steaming offal that was once their adversaries, the Ultras watch--perhaps in bewilderment--as Hanuman does one final dance for them. The monkey god then gives each of the brothers a hug, bidding them farewell before they take off back to their home planet. The end.

The fact that Tsubaraya's effects team participated in the production of Hanuman is obvious from the final thirty minute sequence described above. The special effects and model work are quite impressive, and actually better than a lot of the work done on the various Ultra TV series. One of the reasons for this is that the producers wisely narrowed the scope of the action, limiting all of it to the area around the rocket base. Because of this, only a small number of models needed to be built, and what budget there was could be devoted to making them look as good as possible. On top of that, the physical action is very nicely choreographed, with both Hanuman and the Ultras doing all kinds of crazy flips and cartwheels in the course of the battle--all while constant, large explosions are going off on all sides of them. This frenetic activity helps a great deal to distract from the somewhat restricted scale of what's going on, and contributes to making Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen a pretty wild ride overall. Some people who hate the film for other--largely understandable--reasons name as one of its many sins that it's shoddy looking, but they're clearly looking at it through jaundiced eyes. You can certainly complain that this film makes no sense (it doesn't), but there's no getting around the fact that the kaiju battle action it delivers is wholly first rate.





As mentioned earlier, Sompote Saengduenchai quickly followed Hanuman and the 7 Ultras' 1974 release with a sequel, the noticeably seedier Hanuman and the Five Riders (which was, in contrast to the two Tsubaraya co-productions, completely unauthorized by Kamen Rider's copyright holders). His appetite for co-opting Japanese Tokusatsu characters seemingly quenched, he then continued in his pattern of making movies about giant lizards, snakes and statues well into the nineties, leaving everyone outside of Thailand--excepting those unfortunates heedless enough to rent the VHS of Crocodile--largely unbothered for the next twenty years. Tsubaraya productions, for their part, would continue on in the lucrative Ultraman business, creating their sixth Ultra hero series with Ultraman Leo in 1975, and then a seventh with Ultraman 80 five years later. Though production of new Ultramen would slow down a bit for a while after that, the fact that Tsubaraya's original creation was one of the most recognized characters in the world insured that fees from licensing and merchandise would continue to stream uninterrupted into the coffers of the company he founded. Life in the Land of Light was indeed ultra good.

Then, in 1995, Noboru Tsubaraya died, and very soon thereafter Sompote Saengduenchai made a dramatic re-entrance into the lives of Ultraman and his corporate guardians. On this occasion, Saengduenchai produced a contract that he alleged had been made between Noboru and himself in 1976, granting Chaiyo Productions exclusive international rights to all of the Ultra series made up to the time of Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen's production, as well as to the series Jamborg Ace and the two co-produced movies. While it's true that a previous contract had been made between the two companies granting Chaiyo television broadcast rights to those same properties, this was something of an entirely different magnitude altogether. Saengduenchai would claim that Noboru had granted him these rights in order to settle a debt--a debt that arose in part as a result of Noboru entering into a licensing agreement with Shaw Brothers Studio for the Hong Kong rights to Hanuman without Chaiyo's approval. It would later be shown, however, that it was in fact Saengduenchai who had entered into that contract with the Shaws.

Still, Saengduenchai's dubious assertion of Noboru's debt was only one of many compelling reasons for Tsubaraya to consider his contract a joke. For one thing, there was the matter of the wording in the contract itself, which misspelled or misnamed not just the titles of most of the subject TV series, but also that of Tsubaraya Productions. But most damning of all was the simple fact that Saengduenchai had stayed quiet about the contract for twenty years--never stepping forward to assert the rights it allegedly granted him, while that whole time Tsubaraya was happily exploiting its licenses across the globe--and only came forward with it once the only person who could dispute its contents with firsthand knowledge had been silenced forever. Still, astonishingly, the Thai Intellectual Property and International Trade Court largely affirmed the legitimacy of the contract in a 2000 decision--which was in turn upheld by the Japanese district court in 2003--saying that, while Tsubaraya retained the copyrights to all of the characters and series covered, the contract did grant Chaiyo license to exploit those series outside of Japan.





This legal victory seems to have emboldened Saengduenchai, for not only did he quickly begin to robustly exercise his newly legitimized rights by licensing as much Ultra product as he possibly could within the shortest time possible, but also to expand exponentially upon the grandiosity of his claims. Soon Saengduenchai was saying that he had, in fact, contributed to the creation of Ultraman, suggesting to Eiji Tsubaraya back in 1963 that he create a character whose appearance was based on Thai statues of the Buddha. Even Ultraman's name, it turned out, had been Saengduenchai's idea; he would later claim that, with the idea of evincing the mien of an armored Turkish warrior, he had suggested the name "Ottoman" to Tsubaraya, and that that had been the inspiration for the character's final appellation. In a further suggestion of a sort of creepy assimilation, Saengduenchai and his associates began referring to an entity called Tsubaraya Chaiyo Co., which would be the home of all of their future Ultraman related projects.

More damaging was the fact that Saengduenchai's tendency to confabulate extended beyond just the nature of his relationship with Eiji Tsubaraya and his involvement in the origin of Ultraman, but also to the scope of the contract itself. Though subsequent court decisions would actually limit Chaiyo's rights, it seems that Saengduenchai continually chose to view them as expansions of them. As a result he began talking up all kinds of grand schemes, from the creation of an Ultraman theme park in Thailand to the production of new series featuring Thai-specific Ultraman characters that would be the exclusive property of Chaiyo, one of whom was to be called Ultraman Millennium. Providing a further suggestion of what were beginning to seem like some fairly complex motivations on Saengduenchai's part, to say the least, his lawyers announced plans to initiate a lawsuit again Tsubaraya, projecting that the outcome of such a suit might be Saengduenchai actually taking over the company!





It took until February of 2008 for Tsubaraya and the courts to deliver a final legal smackdown to Saengduenchai, though not before Chaiyo had invested a lot of money in a new Ultraman series starring Ekin Cheng that probably no one will ever see. Looking over the cold facts of the case now, its hard to find any overt clues to the personalities involved. But in the case of Saengduenchai, it's very easy to see the whole affair as an extreme case of over-identification. There are reports that Saengduenchai had a framed portrait of his good friend Eiji Tsubaraya prominently displayed in his home--and I can't help imagining based on that that he also had a secret room off of his bedroom plastered with disturbingly lipstick-smeared snapshots of Tsubaraya, and perhaps newspaper clippings in which Tsubaraya's name was scratched out and Saengduenchai's crudely written in with pencil.

Though it's easy to hate--or at least be mildly creeped out by--Sompote Saengduenchai, perhaps our judgment of him can be tempered somewhat by the fact that, somewhere within the confused tangle of his motivations, was a certain misguided affection. For myself, the fact that Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen--a film that's very enjoyable to watch while drunk--was a product of that affection goes a long way toward seeding forgiveness within my heart. I'm easy that way. However, had Saengduenchai succeeded in his scheme to introduce yet more Ultramen into the world--and perhaps, in the process, inspired other countries to pitch in with their own versions, prompting a sort of Tokusatu equivalent of the Eurovision Song Contest--forgiveness would not have come so easily. There are just too damn many of those guys.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Satanic Rites of Dracula

Release Year: 1974
Country: England
Starring: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Michael Coles, Joanna Lumley, William Franklyn, Freddie Jones, Richard Vernon, Barbara Yu Ling, Patrick Barr, Richard Mathews.
Writer: Don Houghton
Director: Alan Gibson
Cinematographer: Brian Probyn
Music: John Cacavas
Producer: Roy Skeggs
Availability: Buy it from Amazon
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What a long, strange trip it's been for Hammer Studio's lord of the undead, the prince of darkness, the king of vampires, Count Dracula. When first we met him back in 1958, he was a snarling beast, a barely contained force of nature that ripped into his prey with lusty abandon and was explained by his arch-nemesis Dr. Van Helsing in purely rational, scientific terms. Dracula, and vampirism in general (as expounded upon by Van Helsing in Brides of Dracula), was nothing more than a disease, like any other disease, and what we regarded as "supernatural" was really nothing more than an explainable part of the rational world that humanity had simply not yet learned how to explain. As Hammer's Dracula series progressed, however, Van Helsing faded from the picture and was replaced by a procession of forgettable guys named Paul, usually in league with some sort of religious authority figure. In Dracula, Prince of Darkness, we have a monsignor who seems to have some degree of faith in faith's ability to defeat Dracula, but he's far more reliant on his trusty bolt-action rifle than he is on the Lord Almighty. With the next film after that, however, Dracula Has Risen from the Grave, Van Helsing's assertion that Dracula could be defeated by reason and science was beginning to fade. Dracula Has Risen from the Grave is a transitional film, one in which an atheist who would seem to share Van Helsing's belief that vampirism is a virus and not a function of the supernatural, begins to doubt his faith in science just as he begins to doubt his doubt of Christianity. When Dracula is felled by a bolt of lightning, we are left to wonder: is this science -- a metal lightning rod, an explainable weather phenomenon -- or an act of God -- lightning strikes being the most common weather-related act of God, after the rain of frogs.

After that film, however, there is no doubt as to Dracula's nature. In Taste the Blood of Dracula, he is recast as a satanic demon, summoned by black mass rituals. This trend of "religionizing" Dracula continued in Dracula AD 1972 despite the return of a Van Helsing to the scene. Where as the Lawrence Van Helsing of Horror of Dracula and Brides of Dracula regarded vampirism as a scientific issue, his descendant Lorimar Van Helsing sees it as a mystical issue of the occult, like witchcraft or devil worship. Dracula is once again summoned by occult rituals (not to mention Caroline Munro's half-clothed writhing), and where you might think that placing the Victorian vampire in a modern setting alongside a modern Van Helsing, would prove an opportunity to revive the concept of Dracula as scientific problem and biological oddity, it never really happens. I think there is one token utterance of, "Vampires? But surely you must be joking, man! This is the 20th century!" but that is quickly dismissed as everyone from Van Helsing to the police are quick to accept the supernatural and rattle on endlessly about the occult. At this point, Dracula is less a vampire and more a full-fledged demon, perhaps even the embodiment of Satan himself.


One would assume, then, that with a title like The Satanic Rites of Dracula, the sequel would follow in the footsteps of turning Dracula into a religious anti-icon. But then, honestly, what more can be done to make him Lucifer incarnate than having him summoned by rituals and pentagrams and strange runes? Are they going to make him don a silky red Danskin and gad about with a pitchfork? Dracula AD 1972 was already a rehash of Taste the Blood of Dracula, and while Hammer's Dracula films have never shied away from rehash, it seemed like the evolution of the count was complete. What was left to do? The correct answer is, "Nothing." Just don't make another Dracula film. Make Christopher Lee happy, and just lower the curtain on the series. It had a good run. A few missteps here and there, sure, but all in all, Hammer's Dracula films were a pretty solid lot, even at their worst. Dracula AD 1972 had been a somewhat desperate attempt to modernize the franchise, and it was met with mixed reactions, at best. So just let the sleeping corpse lie, this time. Christopher Lee was already printing up his leaflets to be dropped from a plane over London, explaining to any who found them that he was never going to play Dracula again, ever. Save the guy some effort, people said, and maybe he'll start talking about something else besides how everyone just talks to him about Dracula, instead of mentioning some of his other classic work, like Circus of Fear. Come on -- Chris Lee and Klaus Kinski? That's a power duo, my friends.

But Hammer had nowhere else to go. They couldn't get new stars or new franchises launched. The entire British film industry was in a tailspin, and Hammer was even worse off than most. Not knowing what else to do, they commissioned Dracula AD 1972 writer Don Houghton and director Alan Gibson to make yet another Dracula movie, causing Christopher Lee's eyes to turn blood red as he launched into a furious string of interviews about how awful the Dracula movies were and he sure as hell wouldn't...look, seriously. By this point, you know how this ends, right?


So with "nowhere" no longer being a viable answer to the question of where Dracula goes from AD 1972, what would Houghton do? Could they serve up the same old, same old one more time and get away with it? Unlikely. In fact, it was unlikely they could get away with anything they served up. Dracula was DOA at the box office no matter what they did. This last movie was just going to be a post-mortem nervous twitch. So what the hell? Why not bring the whole thing to its oddly logical extreme, the only place left for Dracula to go? And so, despite the occult title meant no doubt to cash in on the sudden popularity of devil worshiper films (working titles for the film included Dracula and his Vampire Brides and Dracula is Dead and Well and Living in London), Satanic Rites of Dracula takes the persistently undead vampire from satanic bogeyman and propels him into the realm of the James Bond villain or, perhaps more appropriately given the quality of the final film and the return of Christopher Lee to the role of Dracula, Fu Manchu. No longer is Dracula a savage beast. No longer is he a biological mutation. No longer is he a ghoul lurking in the overgrown corners of shadowy gothic buildings. No longer is he a demon. With Satanic Rites of Dracula, he becomes a super-villain, complete with a secret lair, henchmen, kidnapped scientists, and dreams of global conquest. That the film really does contain satanic rites is superficial.

This movie begins, like Dracula A.D. 1972, with the action already in progress. A determined Professor Lorrimer Van Helsing (Peter Cushing, once again) chases the murderous vampire Count Dracula into a swanky London nightclub jammed wall to wall with zoned-out teens dancing to some nondescript psych-funk like you were wont to find in films from the 1970s that couldn't afford to license songs from established artists. In an attempt to blend in with the youthful revelers and shake his pursuer, Dracula dons a big, bulbous pair of sunglasses and a paisley print cap. Finding himself hemmed in by the revelers, Van Helsing discovers that the only possibility he has of making his way across the dance floor to Dracula is by dancing his way across. And so we get the now immortal scene of Peter Cushing, still dressed more or less like a guy from the Victorian era even though this is the 1970s, doing the Watusi across the crowded nightclub, while dazed ravers look on in admiration and even begin mimicking Cushing's spastic moves.


OK, maybe not, That is not a scene from The Satanic Rites of Dracula. It's actually from a different movie, called Dracula Goes Mad in Chelsea, but since prints of that movie are almost impossible to find, we won't speak any more about it (even Christopher Lee himself has admitted to be unable to find a copy on any format for his personal library). However, given the unintentional camp value of Hammer's Dracula A.D. 1972, one could half expect that, when Hammer announced a sequel film also set in the 1970s, we would get scenes as corny as Dracula in mod sunglasses and an exasperated Peter Cushing doing the mashed potato with some cute young chick as he tries to explain the importance of leaving the dance floor to continue his pursuit of his arch-nemesis. When it was further announced that the writing-directing team of Don Houghton and Alan Gibson would be returning for the sequel, such scenes seemed almost inevitable. It was not the case, however, leaving the scenes of Van Helsing cutting the rug and Dracula smoking a bong to appear in the obscure (and by obscure, I mean "entirely made up") Dracula Goes Mad in Chelsea, which some people refer to mistakenly though not inappropriately as Dracula Goes Mod in Chelsea.

No, this film actually begins with a satanic rite, some gratuitous nudity to let us know this is the 1970s, and then an action sequence in which some guy who looks like a cross between Burt Reynolds and Saddam Hussein escapes from a building guarded by bikers with droopy Louis Tiant mustaches and sheepskin vests. They totally look like something out of Marvel's Tomb of Dracula comic book, and in fact much of what happens in this movie seems far more at home in the pages of Tomb of Dracula than it does in a Hammer Dracula movie -- which I guess is the trick. When you keep making Hammer vampire movies, everyone complains about it being just another stodgy old Hammer vampire film. When you switch it up and do something new, everyone complains that it's not enough like a stodgy old Hammer vampire film.

Although my initial assumption was that this escaping guy was some horrific experiment concocted by Dracula (possibly with the help of Frankenstein) to combine the iron will and ruthlessness of Saddam with the down home sex appeal and amusing laugh of Burt Reynolds, thus creating the ultimate world conqueror (sort of like Serpentor, but with a big mustache). It turns out that this guy is actually an undercover agent sent in to investigate the mysterious Pelham House rituals, which seem to include a group of the richest, most powerful men in England. The problem is that the head of the group investigating Pelham House also happens to be one of the guys attending the Pelham House rites, thus making an official investigation impossible. So they call in Inspector Murray from the last film, reprised by Michael Coles. Coles, in turn, hears the agent's crazy ranting about rituals and blood sacrifice and devil cloaks and immediately places a call to Van Helsing, played once again by Peter Cushing, who smokes his cigarettes with more intensity than ever. Cushing sure knew how to smoke a cigarette on screen, but he didn't just smoke a cigarette; he smoked the hell out of a cigarette, with lots of clenching and staring at it in quiet contemplation. I think the biggest problem with Star Wars is that they didn't let Peter Cushing smoke on the Death Star. Honestly, you could make a whole movie of nothing but Peter Cushing smoking cigarettes and flipping through books and peering through a magnifying glass, and I'd probably think it was pretty good since he did those things with such conviction and more gusto than most actors would put into an action scene.


While Van Helsing investigates an old colleague who is among the Pelham House acolytes, Murray and Jessica Van Helsing (being played this movie by Joanna Lumley of New Avengers and Absolutely Fabulous fame) go to investigate Pelham House itself. Van Helsing discovers that his old friend has created a super-plague for someone at Pelham House. Murray discovers that the basement of Pelham House is full of half naked vampire chicks. Jessica screams. And of course, we eventually discover that the shadowy billionaire recluse behind the Pelham House plot is Dracula! It seems that even Dracula is getting tired of being revived and has decided that the only way he can end his existence is to end all life on earth. That way he will have no one feed on, and he won't have to worry about cocky mods or Chinese women summoning back up through goofy rituals. Dracula has used his powers of persuasion to control the aforementioned most powerful men in England, and he intends to use them to spread the plague throughout the world and finally put an end to everything. But despite his Fu Manchu aspirations and new corporate benevolent society, Dracula can't entirely let go of the past. Pelham House is an uncomfortable mix of 70s sci-fi stuff and Victorian frilliness, and he still wants to piss off Van Helsing by turning Jessica into Dracula's vampire bride.

At least Dracula's final solution is a super-virulent strain of bubonic plague. As far as super-villain super-weapons go, that's a pretty good one. Plus, it's a vampire distributing the plague, and not just some bald guy in a fancy jacket, as is usually the case. It's much better than if Dracula had scheduled a meeting with Van Helsing at the office (which does happen, by the way) and unveiled a new super laser that can blow airliners out of the sky! But still, all this plague talk is far, far away from the expected Dracula territory. He surrounds himself with the trappings of previous Dracula hobbies: the vampire brides in the basement, for example, and floral print wallpaper of questionable tastefulness, but his heart hardly seems in it this time. And yeah, he throws the cape on and appears in backlit mist to scare someone, but he doesn't stick with it throughout the movie. Even his plan to irk Van Helsing by marrying Jessica seems more like something he feels like he has to do than something he wants to do. Just another item on his corporate CEO to-do list.


In a way, I suppose this plays in with the plot of the movie, that Dracula is sick of it all, maybe even sicker of it all than audiences watching his movies, and despite Van Helsing's best efforts, people just keep bringing Dracula back. His resurrection in Satanic Rites of Dracula takes place well before the film begins, but one can almost assume that when it happened, Dracula looked at himself and just thought, "Seriously? I mean, seriously?" There are almost as many ways to bring this guy back as there are to kill him in the first place, and Dracula seems positively suicidal this time around, scattering his house with bits of old wood and such. But ultimately, he knows a stake in the heart will probably just kill him for a little while, so all of mankind must be destroyed so the lord of the dead can get some fucking sleep.

Even the final showdown between Van Helsing and Dracula seems suicidal. Dracula is lured into some Hawthorne bushes, which being the thorns that were used to make Christ's crown of thorns, are deadly to a vampire. And Dracula gets caught in the bush basically because Van Helsing stands on the other side and yells, "Hey, come get me!" Surely Dracula knows about the bush. I mean, Van Helsing knows all sorts of ways to kill Dracula, so you'd think that Dracula himself would have researched the subject, although I will admit that every time he dies in a new way, he seems surprised, sort of like, "Are you kidding me? This, too? I can be killed by this, too?" Whatever the case, Dracula plunged headlong into the thorns, which is something most people wouldn't do even if they weren't' prone to turning into a time-lapsed decaying corpse as a result.

Despite the fact that Satanic Rites of Dracula was written and directed by the same crew and has largely the same cast of adults, it bears little resemblance to AD 1972 or any of the previous Dracula films. Not just because of the Fu Manchu plot, but also because it entirely eschews the colorful nature of past films and opts instead for an oppressively bleak atmosphere populated by washed out skies, overcast days, and tired looking men in drab flared suits. Like Dracula, like the audience, everyone just seems worn out. Not that they aren't game for another go-round, mind you. This is a solid British cast, after all, and no one is going to do anything but their best. Cushing is as he always is; Lee is the same; Michael Coles is a welcome familiar face from the last film, someone to whom we can relate, and while Joanna Lumley is fine as Jessica, she really has little to do beyond scream and warn people about vampires too late. So I guess it's not so much a tiredness as it is a...let's say world-weariness. I don't want to read more into the film than there is, but it really does give off a sense of the meta, that the threadbare worn-out nature of the series is reflected in the characters.


As a Dracula film, I can't call it a success. Dracula has always been a supporting player his own movies, but here he's less like Dracula than ever before, taking on instead the role of Howard Hughes meets Blofeld (or, alternately, Blofeld in Diamonds are Forever). As a whacked out sort of spy film, it almost works. It's a bit too boring and far too serious to really capture the spirit of that genre, though. Instead, we have a beast that is neither fish nor foul, and not very good at doing much of anything. There are embers of a good movie here, meaning that I can't entirely dismiss it, but you have to blow on those embers pretty furiously to generate any sort of warmth. The initial idea, that of turning Dracula into a tired man whose sole final option is to destroy everything in order to destroy himself, is worth exploring, but where Don Houghton come sup with a great premise, he can't really deliver a great script. It plods along, and there are even more holes and contrivances than usual. I feel like, had this movie been written by someone like Brian Clemens (who wrote Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, and because of his experience working on The Avengers, would have been more at home with the loopier aspect of Dracula-as-Blofeld), it would have had a much better chance for success. At the very least, had it been a bit less heavy-handed and plodding, it could have gotten by on the quirkiness of the premise, maybe even been something like Scream and Scream Again, a film (featuring Lee and Cushing, no less) that mixes espionage thrills, science fiction, horror, and general weirdness far better than Satanic Rites of Dracula. Instead, Houghton's no-nonsense but not well written script doesn't do the high concept justice.

If there is a highlight to the film, other than Peter Cushing's emphatic smoking of cigarettes, it's the theme song and ensuing score, which have far more life in them than the movie itself. Following the lead of Dracula AD 1972, John Cacavas contributes a theme song that is even cooler and funkier than the last one. It deserves to be played over a scene where Dracula -- still in his cape and black suit, of course -- fights a gang of drug dealers in slow motion a la Superfly. The rest of the score is variations on this theme, and it's pretty good stuff. Cacavas also wrote the score for Horror Express, one of my very favorite horror-meets-scifi films, also starring Cushing and Lee and released around the same time as Satanic Rites of Dracula, which could have really used Telly Savalas in a big Cossack coat swaggering onscreen and punching out those dudes in the sheepskin vests.

Perhaps the most disappointing thing about Satanic Rites of Dracula is that it lacks a sense of finality. Given the plot, given Dracula's admittedly effective monologue about wanting to die and watch the whole world burn with him, the final act is sorely lacking. When the end comes, it's pretty much a blase, "Oh, so it's a Hawthorne bush this time then, is it?" It's no different than any of Dracula's other many deaths. I don't expect that Dracula would be allowed to succeed in some way with his mad scheme -- though that sort of cynical conclusion wouldn't have been out of step at all with the current trend in horror films, where the bad guys very often won -- but after all the apocalyptic talk, after the world-weary feeling permeating the film, at the very least what I wanted from the end was something that said, once and for all, it really was over this time. As it stands, Satanic Rites of Dracula ends in a way where Dracula could be getting resurrected yet again a week later, same as always.


For Lee, this really was the end, but it's hard to claim he finally made good on his boasts. More than likely, had Hammer made another Dracula film, he would have shown up, under protest no doubt but present never the less. Instead, Hammer went out of business after allowing Satanic Rites of Dracula in 1974 and To the Devil...A Daughter in 1976 to effectively kill the company off. Like Dracula, they deserved better at the end, but if they'd had better, it probably wouldn't have been the end, so what can you do? Cushing reprised the role of Van Helsing one more time, returning to the Victorian era but this time to China for the completely nonsensical but still fun Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires. That film does feature Dracula, but since he transforms into a Chinese guy at the beginning of the film, and since the film itself doesn't really jibe with the continuity of the previous film, it's not really part of the Dracula series and instead plays out like an alternate universe take, similar to The Evil of Frankenstein. Both Cushing and Lee would go on to make much better horror films than this one, as well as few that were much worse.

It's not a great way to end a series that gave us so many wonderful films. With the relatively poor performance of Dracula AD 1972 at the box office, distributors suddenly weren't interested in Satanic Rites of Dracula. It took years before it found its way to American screens. Where as a Dracula film starring Cushing and Lee would have been a simple sell even a few years earlier, by 1974 it was all over, and the quality of Satanic Rites of Dracula is a perfect example of why. It's too bad the series couldn't muster a better send-off, because while the concept isn't bad and the idea was good, the final execution simply lacked the sophistication, energy, and magic that the film deserved.

Still, I suppose things could have been worse.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Swinging Cheerleaders

1974, United States. Starring Jo Johnston, Colleen Camp, Jodi Carlson, Ric Carrott, Sandy Dempsey, Jack Denton, Ron Hajek, Rosanne Katon, Mae Mercer, Bob Minor, John Quade, Ian Sander, Cheryl Smith, Jason Sommers, George Wallace. Directed by Jack Hill. Available on DVD from Amazon

Yeah, remember cheerleader movies? They don't make them much now, but back in the 1970s there was a whole glut of them, thanks primarily to low-budget film tornado Roger Corman, who also gave the country an equally impressive avalanche of "naughty nurse" movies. Now I've been to hospitals and seen a lot of nurses but have never seen one whom I'd like to see be naughty. Cheerleaders, on the other hand, are a much safer bet, though I will state that, unlike many members of my sex, I never developed a thing for them. I was too busy being into punk rock and courting strange gypsy-like d-rock girls to be interested in clean-cut young ladies urging me to show my spirit. That was back in the days when cheerleaders performed cheers instead of just coming out from time to do dance routines to out of date dance hits or something by Justin Timberlake.

Likewise, I never much got into cheerleader films, not that I had easy access to them as a kid. That was in the era before cable television and VCRs, so if I wanted to see cinematic boobs, I had to go over to my friend's house who had the big satellite dish in the back yard. And generally, we turned to sleazy barbarian movies for our nudity fix, because then it also came wrapped in a package with guys waving swords in each other's faces while they talked about wizards. But it's not like I was ever opposed to watching a cheerleader movie when it came on. Yes, my arm could be twisted, and if you insisted, I'd sit through the shower scenes and party scenes in the name of…umm…I don't know. Research? Acquiring a well-rounded film education? Beats me.

Of all the cheerleader movies, The Swinging Cheerleaders has the most promising title and, oddly enough, is the least sleazy and exploitive of the bunch. Chalk that one up to director Jack Hill, who was a master of injecting cheap exploitation with some actual storytelling and interesting characters. He's best known as the director on Pam Grier's two best films, Coffy and Foxy Brown, and he worked on a slew of Corman productions. This isn't one of his better films, but it's a better film for his participation, if that makes any sense. It's a smarter, perhaps more politically aware cheerleader exploitation film than the others, but it's also a duller one. Funny enough, it was passed off on cable from time to time as a sequel to the idiotically enjoyable cheerleader sleaze H.O.T.S., even though The Swinging Cheerleaders was made a full decade before that film. And you thought that kind of thing only happened to Bruce Lee.


The plot is simple enough: radical campus reporter Kate (Jo Johnston) wants to do a story on how cheerleading degrades women. So naturally, she goes undercover as a cheerleader. Luckily, even though she's a college feminist and all-around radical, she also has a full arsenal of polished cheerleading skills. After infiltrating their ranks and gaining their trust, she discovers that most of the cheerleaders are actually quite nice, and some of the football players are good guys. Her radical boyfriend, on the other hand, turns out to be a grade-A heel even though his Art Garfunkle hair marks him as a sensitive guy. Kate also uncovers a plot to fix the football games, and of course, everyone gets involved in busting up the racket while also having to urge the players to push 'em back, push 'em back, way back.

So points to Hill for trying to do something a little different and perhaps even more meaningful with a subgenre that was made for drive-in exploitation. I think the film's claims to be a celebration of women's lib and sexual equality is a little dubious, but that was a common ploy and so remains to today where every cheap exploitive film about a woman in a skimpy leather outfit is trumpeted as "the story of a woman taking charge of her own sexuality" so long as she kicks a guy in the balls with her stiletto heels at some point. I think they even tried to pass off Showgirls as a feminist triumph before just giving up and giving it the tagline, "The movie where that chick from Saved by the Bell gives the dude from Twin Peaks a lapdance."


Hill's script, which is credited to two female writers but was, apparently, slapped together by Hill himself along with help from a friend, is surprisingly well-plotted, and one incident leads well into the next. That doesn't mean a lot of it doesn't get a bit boring, though. Frat parties are really only fun to watch if they involve John Belushi smashing thing or Snoop Dogg with a video camera taking a group of girls into the back room. Likewise, there are a lot of scenes of people sitting around talking about sex without actually having it. Just about everyone in their cast shows their boobs at some point, with the exception of "name" co-star Colleen Camp. Though previous and subsequent cheerleader movies wouldn't shy away from the full frontal shots, this one has none. So, I don't know. You can let your teenagers watch it or something.

Hill's story is typically schizophrenic, something that was a trademark of his. At time slapstick comedy, at time poorly-choreographed action film, and at times misguided drama, The Swinging Cheerleaders certainly has parts that keep it from being a completely lightweight and easy-to-enjoy romp, but at the same time the "serious" moments are so cartoonishly overdrawn that it's impossible to take them as seriously as they might or might not want you to.


The acting, like the script, is better that you'd expect. No one's in danger of becoming acclaimed on account of their performance, but very few people are risking being thought of as completely awful. And best of all, Rosanne Katon is in the film. I first fell for her while watching the otherwise wretched Ebony, Ivory, and Jade, where Jade dies early and gets replaced by another Ebony, but I guess they couldn't call the film Ebony, Ivory, and a Little More Ebony. She's cute as hell and always energetic, and is one of the best actresses in this film. Lead Jo Johnston is okay as well, and her sleazy boyfriend is easy to hate. Read whatever politics you will into the fact that the liberated radical gets off on exploiting women while the star quarterback is revealed to have a heart of gold. I think it's less a comment on the disillusionment with campus activism and more a statement of the fact that sometimes athletes are nice and hippies are dicks.

Overall, I'm left with very little to say about the film. It's the ultimate in disposable drive-in fare and a fine example of Hill's knack for taking brainless exploitation and trying to invest at least a little heart into things. Still, it's not really that interesting of a movie to me, and though it would have been a great double-feature to catch at the drive-in or as a kid late at night sneaking a peek on cable, it's not the sort of film that can hold my interest for very long. Still, I'd rather watch this than a hundred more recent "erotic thrillers." At least it has some intelligence and a weird sense of humor. I'd rather watch this thank Bring it On, but just barely.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2003

The Executioner (Sonny Chiba)

1974, Japan. Starring Sonny Chiba, Doris Nakajima, Makato Sato, Ryu Ikebe, Yasuaki Kurata. Directed by Teruo Ishii. Available on DVD (HKFlix).

Chiba Shinichi - Sonny Chiba if you're nasty. The name takes me back, way back, to a golden era of action cinema known as the 1970s. Indeed there was a lot about the 1970s that was about as enjoyable as plunging a fork into my eye in an effort to recreate this "plunging a fork into your eye" trick Penn and Teller do with a fork, a cupped hand, and a well-concealed little packet of half-and-half. Yes, up until the Ramones staggered onto a beer-soaked stage in New York's Lower East Side, the music was slightly more painful than whittling Zuni fetish dolls out of your own arm bones while they're still attached to your body. The fashion of the time possessed all the charm and appeal of chugging a six-pack of live hornets. The less said about the hairstyles, the better.

On the plus side though, besides the Ramones and The Clash, there were things like Oscar Gambles giant 'fro puffing out from the sides of his cap in his 1976 Topps baseball card picture, a distinct lack of Gap and Starbucks stores, and one of the greatest eras in the history of action films, if not the flat-out greatest. While all genres of film enjoyed an amazingly high degree of quality productions throughout the decade, action films in particular shined like they never had before and, quite possibly, never will again. The Shaw Brothers were cranking out an endless stream of kick-ass kungfu classics, and Bruce Lee was making history as one of the greatest bad-asses in the history of film. Pam Grier, Jim Kelly, Fred Williamson, and Rudy Ray Moore were leading the revolution in black action cinema. In the States, guys like Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson were kicking ass in the name of righteousness, while over in Italy, cats like Maurizio Merli and Thomas Milian were sticking it to criminals with a level of grim violence never before seen on screen.

Perhaps it was the freewheeling spirit of the 1970s, or perhaps it was just the fact that so many studio executives were coked out of their heads, but movies enjoyed a degree of freedom unlike any they'd enjoyed before or after. This new freedom meant that screenwriters were allowed to indulge their every creative fancy regardless of how much previously taboo material it meant dragging onto the screen. After all, in light of the horrors of Vietnam and Cambodia, how could anyone be offended by a little make-believe sex and violence on the screen? The result of this lessening of ratings and censorship pressures was an unprecedented number of incredible films even in previously disrespectable genres like horror and action.

Part of the appeal of the films from this era comes from how much more believable they were. Sure, they took plenty of liberties with what was probable in life, but they were made with such a no-nonsense, grounded-in-reality approach that they seemed far more convincing than they would had they been filmed in the 1980s or 1990s, when special effects, greater restrictions on violence, and an infatuation with highly choreographed ballet-like action moved films more into the realm of cartoons. Where as the action of the 1980s and 1990s is often described as slick and highly stylized, epitomized by the slow-motion gunplay antics of John Woo films and the special-effects overload of stuff like The Matrix, the action and violence in the 1970s is most often described as gritty, brutal, and grueling. No one walked out of one of these films thinking that fighting and violence resulted in anything but tragedy and crunching bones.

Over in Japan, the man doing most of the placing of foot to ass was a guy named Chiba Shinichi, though he'd been born Sadao Maeda. He took the Chiba from the Chiba prefecture of Tokyo where he grew up after his test pilot father was transferred there during World War II. Early in his life, Shinichi developed an avid interest in the martial arts, training under legendary Japanese master Mas Oyama Koncho (whom he would later play in a biopic) and attaining black belts of various degrees in judo, ninjitsu, shorinji kempo, and kendo. It was stuff like this that would eventually turn him into one of the most believable bad-asses on film. There were plenty of guys who played the part well, but few made you believe it quite like Chiba.

In the late 1950s, the man who would be Sonny Chiba was well on his way to competing in the 1964 Olympic Games in Tokyo when a hip injury sustained on the job (he was a construction worker at the time) dashed any hope he had of Olympic glory. So in 1960, he entered and won a new talent contest at Toei Studios. Adopting the stage name Chiba Shinichi, the aspiring young star began his acting career - much to the disappointment of his father, who so disliked his son's chosen profession that he disowned the lad. Despite his new career, Chiba was in a state of depression in account of his father's reaction and the fact that he was barely making enough to pay rent, let alone lead a decent life. Luckily for the struggling young actor, veteran action star Takakura Ken befriended him and took him under his wing. Takakura Ken was one of the biggest action stars in Japan after appearing in countless yakuza films like Abashiri Prison.

Chiba began appearing in more and more films, usually yakuza or samurai dramas, until 1967 when some guy named Bruce Lee got a job on an American television show called Green Hornet. Bruce's role opened the floodgates and, in at least some way, was a major contributing factor to the birth of the kungfu and karate film. Until then, everyone had been happy making samurai, gangster, and swordsman films. Although there were karate and kungfu movies here and there, most were highly stylized and had more in common with stage plays than with actual fighting. What Lee brought to the table was basically the next step in the onscreen fighting developed by old-timers like Kwan Tak-hing and Kien Shih in the "Wong Fei-hung" films of the 1930s and 1940s. Kwan was the first guy to think about movie martial arts as something more than just swingy-arms and Peking Opera movements. It wasn't until Bruce Lee took the reigns decades later that what we know as the modern non-sword-oriented martial arts film was born.

One of the first films out of the gates starred a swordsman-movie superstar named Jimmy Wang Yu. His Chinese Boxer is generally looked at as the starting point for kungfu films as we know them today, and hot on the heels of that film came dozens upon dozens of others. Bruce Lee himself was, obviously, quick to get in on the game when in 1971 he starred in The Big Boss. Other kungfu film legends like Ti Lung, David Chiang, and Lo Lieh (another huge star from Hong Kong's swordsman films of the 1960s - he was a lot less ugly back then for some reason than he would be in the 1970s), also broke out around the same time.

In Japan, Chiba Shinichi had become known as Sonny Chiba, and his popularity was skyrocketing after he starred in several successful action and science fiction films and TV shows. Sensing that this whole ass-kicking trend might result in an increased demand for people willing to get their ass kicked for a living, Sonny founded the Japan Action Club, a school and representative association for would-be stuntmen, stuntwomen, and action stars. Throughout the ensuing decade, almost every highly regarded (and some not so highly regarded) action show involved members of the JAC, which included such future superstars as Sanada Hiroyuki (Royal Warriors, Ring, and about a million ninja movies) and Shiomi Etsuko (Sister Streetfighter, Streetfighter, Dragon Princess, Kikaider 01).

It was popular in Hong Kong to cast Japanese as the heavies in films, so it was only natural that eventually they would come calling at the door of Sonny Chiba. He was one of the few action stars anywhere besides Bruce Lee who had a legitimate background as a martial artist before he became an actor. Chiba, however, was swamped with work at home, so it was several years before he was able to answer the call and head to Hong Kong to film a movie alongside Nora Miao, who had worked with Bruce Lee on Fist of Fury and Way of the Dragon. Chiba was excited about the prospect of meeting Bruce Lee, whom he greatly respected, but more delays meant that Chiba arrived in Hong Kong only to find out that Lee had tragically passed away a few days before.

When Lee's Enter the Dragon opened in Japan, it was as huge a hit there as it was everywhere else. The previously held notion that these sort of fist-to-face kungfu films wouldn't fly in Japan was quickly tossed to the side, and in 1974 Sonny Chiba starred in what is more or less the first karate action film, The Streetfighter. It ushered in the era of karate exploitation, not to mention a level of violence and brutality that shocked everyone. The rest is pretty much history, as they say. Chiba became the number one action star in Japan, and his Japan Action Club became the premiere organization for stunt people and action stars. Even though the quality of his films suffered because of the increasingly cheap and rushed productions that plagued all Japanese films during that decade, his charisma and physical prowess kept him at the top of the heap. In many cases, it was much easier to be a fan of Sonny Chiba than it was to be a fan of any one of his films.

Hot on the heels of Streetfighter, Chiba starred in what, for my yen, is his best film, and one the best karate films of all time, The Executioner. Packed with the same censor-enraging buckets of gory violence that made The Streetfighter such a feel-good hit, but tempered also with a twisted sense of humor, The Executioner is a wild, action-filled ride through the seedy underbelly of Tokyo and still one of the best looks at just how good Sonny Chiba could be onscreen when he wasn't suffering at the hands of incompetent editors and cameramen (two problems that would severely mar many of his later films).

The Executioner opens with a guy instructing his sexy accomplice to recruit three street toughs for a job. The first is Koga, played by our man Sonny Chiba, one of the last descendents of the famed Koga ninja clan (for more on their history, check out our review of Enter the Ninja). We first meet him in a series of flashbacks featuring one of those insanely abusive martial arts grandfathers. Geez, you think soccer moms throwing rocks at ten-year-old children during games is bad, but that's nothing compared to martial arts in-laws. Gramps makes young Koga do things like jump over swords sticking out of the ground. When Koga clears the sword but gashes his leg in the process, his grandfather expresses his approval of the boy's vertical skills by screaming, "Weakling!" and slapping him around. If you have kids and want to get a rise out of their teachers at school, when you go in for the next parent-teacher meeting and the teacher says your kid is getting solid A's across the board, grab your kid, slap them around, and scream, "Weakling!" Then enjoy the good laugh you've all had as you're carted away by The Man.

When next we see Koga, he has grown into Sonny Chiba, and his grandpa is still kicking his ass and berating him for not being able to dislocate all his joints on demand. In a bit of realism, the grown Koga's response to all this is, "Man, screw grandpa." He goes out to get a real job, but ends up just getting his ass kicked by the old man again! Good thing no one ever calls Child Protection Services on these parents who teach valuable life lessons to their progenies by screaming, "Worthless piece of shit!" and trying to spear them while tossing lime powder in their eyes. We assume that eventually Koga gets good enough to best his hateful, bitter old load of a relative, or at least that the old guy died and left Koga free to go out and get a real job. Unfortunately, ninja skills are not in demand in this modern workplace, and when employers looked at Koga's resumes and saw job skills like "can spear old men with eyes shut" and "can stick to walls and ceilings," (two skills I have since added to my own resume, right next to proficiency with Adobe Photoshop) they determined that he was only fit to be a failed private eye or a vice-president of Microsoft. Since Microsoft wasn't really a major force at the time, Koga went with the failed private eye gig.

Next on the list of recruits is a grim ex-cop turned underworld hitman named Hayabusa, played by Makota Sato. Sato is disturbing in that he looks like someone took the face Henry Silva, mashed it up with the face of Jack Palance, and left it in a tanning salon bed for a few hours too long. When we meet Hayabusa, he's busy punching criminals in the head so hard that their eyeballs ooze out of their skulls, followed up by some hot lovin' with the nearest prostitute. The fact that he will slap a man's eyeballs out of his head then make love to the dead guy's mistress right there with the corpse still lying next to them doesn't mean he's a bad guy, though. He's noble in his own eye-popping, neck-snapping way. Noble or not, you can never go wrong having on your side the guy who can punch so hard it'll make eyeballs pop out.

Third on the list is a horny karate master named Sakura, whom Koga must first bust out jail so that the guy can sit around trying to double-cross the men and cop a feel on the ladies, or at least on Doris Nakajima. Of course, given how much of a bombshell Doris is, you can't really blame the guy. I mean, come on. He's been in prison for a long time, and he was horny to begin with.

Although they aren't so good at getting along, these three bad-asses are hired by Doris' boss to put the squeeze on a local drug lord, who's been using a crooked female diplomat as a transport for his cocaine. The drug lord, of course, has all sorts of fighters in his employ, so we're treated to a steady stream of Sonny Chiba kicking as much ass as has ever been kicked on screen. Sakurai, for being the resident karate bad-ass, des precious little ass-kicking but more than enough ass-grabbing. We're also treated to a steady stream of shockingly ugly naked Western women. I guess no one in Japan gives a rat's ass if the white chick is hot, but even so, you're better off hiring one who is anyway. You know, just in case. Not that I want to come down on the rights of ugly people to get naked, or to get naked on film. That's cool with me, but if I personally want to see ugly naked people on screen, I can just film myself cooking some tacos in the nude. I don't need to tune in to The Executioner to see some freaky man-woman in the buff and looking like a hybrid of Mia Farrow and Jake Busey. The diplomat woman also sheds her clothes, and I guess she's okay looking if you are into haggard 1970s coke addicts.

Misguided decisions about nudity aside, The Executioner is one bad-ass little film. Chiba wouldn't make one as good as this unless you count his co-starring role in Sister Streetfighter, but even that doesn't tarnish just how much fun this flick is. First of all, Chiba looks incredible. Later films would be hindered by choppy editing and shaky, handheld camerawork that ended up obscuring most of what Chiba was doing on the screen. The Executioner benefits from steady cinematography that knows when to simply sit still and let Sonny kick some ass. This is probably the best look at Sonny's on-screen karate prowess that audiences ever got, even better than Streetfighter.

Chiba's on-screen style freaked a lot of people out, and some were even offended by it. If you've never seen him in his prime, Sonny was fond of crouching like an animal and emitting long, wheezing breaths not unlike what you might here coming from the bathroom stall occupied by a guy trying to pass a floater the size of Lemmy from Motorhead. It's not pretty, nor are Sonny's movements, which were a deliberate move in the opposite direction of the fluid, highly choreographed looking kungfu from Hong Kong. Chiba's karate was rough and brutal, far closer to what you might see in a real fight than what was being seen in Hong Kong kungfu films. Well, it was far more realistic up until the point where he starts flinging people around like rag dolls and sticking to the ceiling.

Even though his less glamorous style annoyed some people who only wanted the martial arts to be portrayed as beautiful, or as beautiful as something can be that involves tearing out eyeballs and skewering people with your spear, his asthmatic exhalations became a trademark, not unlike Bruce Lee's equally bizarre yelps and shrieks. It's all about channeling your chi, or your Chiba. It's also about psyching out your opponent, and having Sonny Chiba crouching in the corner and hissing at you is certainly enough to psych out most people. And if that isn't enough, keep this in mind: when he moves from that position, he's going to be ripping off your testicles or yanking out your eyes or something similar.

The action choreography is quite good and perfectly compliments Chiba's wild style. Japanese karate films were never well-regarded for their choreography, which was often shoddy, poorly filmed, and just plain bad - even a lot of Sonny Chiba films. Here, however, we get a lot of nice long shots of Sonny in action, and it looks great. There's also plenty of slow-motion ass-kicking, which was quite popular back in the day. Now everyone kicks ass in fast motion aided by epileptic super-fast jump-cuts and under-cranking. I'd much rather watch Chiba send someone flying through the air in slow-motion, though.

The violence is incredibly brutal and personal. It's crushing bones and bloody knuckles, squishing eyeballs and shattering jaws. It's odd how the bodycounts in action films have increased twentyfold since the days of old, but the actual impact of the violence has become disturbingly sanitized and clean. For some reason, blowing up a hundred people is a PG-13 affair, but Sonny Chiba ripping off one guy's testicles gets an X rating. Violence today has become whitewashed - bigger, louder, and a lot less realistic. It doesn't engage the viewer, and as a result, it fails to remind you that the end result of violence is a whole lotta pain. You forget that in movies where people die with hardly any blood being spilled, where everything that happens is slick and video game-like in nature. You can't forget it when Sonny Chiba is standing over you pounding your skull with his fist.

On the writing and acting end of things, everything is competent. Everyone is either playing a broad caricature or they're just there to do some fighting and keep their trap shut. You can't go wrong with that set-up. The main cast is good, with a tendency to ham it up from time to time. The comedy is weird, but it helps lighten the mood and turn this into a faster-paced film than more somber productions like The Streetfighter. Long-time kungfu movie fans will recognize Yasuaki Kurata in the film's finale as a karate master employed by Hayabusa to help them take out the drug dealers once and for all. Unlike Chiba, Kurata was a huge part of the Hong Kong martial arts explosion, starring as the villain in dozens of kungfu films before finally getting to play a noble Japanese character in Liu Chia-liang's spectacular Shaolin Challenges Ninja.

Despite being a Japanese villain in almost every film, he became popular with Hong Kong audiences. In the 1990s, when Jet Li and Gordon Chan teamed up to remake Bruce Lee's classic Fist of Fury, they cast Yasuaki Kurata as the tough, noble, and sympathetic Japanese karate master. In much the same way, years after his star had faded somewhat, Sonny Chiba himself would have his career revitalized after starring in the Hong Kong fantasy film extravaganza The Storm Riders.

Kurata's performance here is short but sweet, and he showcases a spectacular style that illustrates why he would become such a sought after foil in kungfu films. He is a more fluid but no less powerful looking fighter than Sonny Chiba is. Not as scary, but more in tune with the pace of kungfu film fighting. Had Lee not died an untimely death, it's likely that Yasuaki Kurata, who was friends with Lee, would have appeared in Game of Death (at least as it was conceived by Bruce Lee), and between him and Nora Miao being mutual friends of both Lee and Chiba, it's likely that Bruce Lee and Sonny Chiba would have ended up working together as well.

Hayabusa and Sakurai both dole out a fair amount of beat-downs, but the real show in the action department is Chiba. The rest of the guys are just along for the ride, even though Hayabusa gets to be the one in charge, presumably because he resembles one of those folk art carvings made from a rotten potato.

The writing is about what you would expect. Some things, like Chiba's ability to stick to walls, the relative ease of the escape from prison, and the abusive ninja grandfather, tug the lines of believability, but within the context of the film, they're integrated well. The fact that this movie injects a dose of comedy into the proceedings helps in making it easier not to take everything so seriously. As far as low-budget action films go, this one makes the wise choice of playing it pretty down to earth and never attempting to live above its means. This is a violent, sometime silly action film, and it never aspires to be anything else.

Even though this movie is less known in the West than The Streetfighter, I feel it's the better film, and it's definitely the one to watch if you are new to Sonny Chiba and want to get a feel for what his films are about. It's fast, violent, and occasionally funny. Sonny fights like a madman, especially during the no-holds-barred finale where he chooses to don a fishnet, one-sleeve, ninja half-shirt that could have also been used as a costume for any Gloria Gaynor appearance. Flares and a tight fishnet half-shirt are not the clothes to wear if you want to inspire fear (at least of toughness) in your opponent, but I guess it's all some more of those ninja mind tricks.

The Executioner sports pretty much everything that made action exploitation great during the 1970s and everything that's sorely missing these days. There's tons of great fighting, loads of violence, gore, nudity (most of it unwelcome), lots of ugly villains (and some ugly "heroes" too), sleaze, and mayhem. Those who prefer things scrubbed and sanitized, or at least devoid of naked coke whores and eyeball gouging, will want to seek out alternate films like Mac and Me or Unidentified Flying Oddball. I don't think there were naked crack whores in either of those, though I distinctly remember wanting to gouge my own eyes out during both. For those of you with better taste and whoa re looking for a trashy, bloody, convoluted masterpiece of cheap action exploitation, well you folks can do much worse than popping the wonderfully gritty Executioner into the DVD player and allowing Sonny Chiba to take you back to a time when men were men, and they crushed each other's skulls with a single punch -- all in good fun, of course.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2001

The Executioner (Henry Silva)

1974, Italy. Starring Tomas Milian, Laura Belli, Henry Silva, Gino Santercole, Anita Strindberg, Guido Alberti, Ray Lovelock. Directed by Umberto Lenzi.

You know, you think you've seen it all, and then along comes something like this to make you realize the world still has so much to offer you, so much worth living for. After Violent Rome, I thought I'd seen the paramount in cinematic cynicism and poliziotteschi brutality. Ha! I was just being primed for this little baby, which like most poliziotteschi films, actually caused me to howl with wild abandon and run around the living room. I was even tempted to climb up through the skylight and do a suggestive dance on the snowy rooftop, but then I figured my Hasidic neighbors would not be as happy about that as I was.

For starters, reviewing The Executioner allows us to right a fairly heinous wrong. Frankly, I'm a bit astonished that we got this far at Teleport City without ever reviewing a film featuring Henry Silva. It's something of a miracle, really, to review so many 1970s B-movie actioners and not run across Henry Silva. It's like reviewing 1970s/1980s made-for-tv movies and not mentioning Clu Gulager, or doing a website that reviews only films made for the Lifetime Network, yet never reviewing a film that either stars Meredith Baxter Berney or is about a woman who is pursued by an abusive ex-husband but no one believes her (and that woman would probably be played by Meredith Baxter Berney).

Silva is one of those guys few people can name, but everyone can recognize, sort of like Al Leong and Eddie Deezen. Maybe those three should make a movie together. Boy, that sure would be something. So get this -- if Teleport City ever becomes one of those internet sensations you read about in the papers, and I become fabulously wealthy, I will take my first several million and make a movie starring Henry Silva, Al Leong, and Eddie Deezen. And you know, since I'm a relatively nice guy, I'll throw Tim Thomerson and Antonio Fargas in as well!

Silva was in hundreds of films, usually playing a crazy-ass (not just crazy, but crazy-ass) villain or henchman. This is probably because, much like Christopher Walken, Henry Silva looks absolutely psycho when he does the angry face, and he looks even more psycho when he tries to look happy or sane. He's also a character who, like Tim Thomerson or even Vincent Price, can usually deliver a performance that is far better than the movie around it. With a good publicist or agent, Silva could have probably been a big star. Instead, he took damn near every role that came his way and became one of the most beloved and respected character actors in the vast realm of B-movies, which is where we want him, and where we ourselves would all be happiest. I mean, would you rather hang out with Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis, or would you rather hit the town with Henry Silva and Eddie Deezen?

Whoa, there is something infinitely bizarre about the thought of a night on the town with Henry Silva and Eddie Deezen. I want that. I want that. If you want to ever get me a present, buy me a night on the town with those two. I promise I'll bring a camera.

So finally, with this review, the glorious Henry Silva can take his rightful place alongside other B-grade (and lower) staples like John Saxon. Now all we have to do is get a Tim Thomerson film done, and we'll have most of the bases covered. Normally, when a recognizable American star shows up in an Italian film, it's to make a quick buck and is what we like to call "slumming." But given Silva's body of work, which include such spectacles as the mega-expensive mega-flop Mega Force, you can hardly call his career in Italy slumming.

Weirdly enough, some time in the 1970s or early 1980s, this film was released theatrically in the United States and sold as a horror/monster movie! I guess if you look at murderers and thugs as monsters, then yeah, that's correct, but I don't think anyone is trying to sell The Godfather as a horror film, or Goodfellas as a monster movie. Yet this film was retitled Almost Human and sold to audiences as a scary monster movie. That's even weirder than adding the word "ninja" to kungfu movies that have no ninjas on them, just so you can cash in on the early 1980s ninja craze.

Eventually, they just pissed everyone off, gave up, and the film was called The Executioner, which actually fits the bill (the original Italian title was Milano odia: la polizia non puo sparare).

I knew from the credits this was going to be a good one. A violent Italian cop film starring Henry Silva and Tomas Milian (Hit Squad) and directed by my man Umberto Lenzi (Violent Napoli, Cannibal Ferox). And hey, a kick-ass score by Ennio Morricone to boot! Lenzi sure as hell knows how to make an action-packed cop film, and he didn't let me down here. Milian, clean-shaven for once, plays Guilio, a three-time loser with a vicious psycho streak. During a bank robbery, he blows away a cop for no reason in particular, which sort of pisses off his cohorts. They kick his ass and severe their ties with the nutcase. Actually, they kick his ass twice, I think, because in a poliziotteschi film, you never kick anyone's ass just once.

Milian decides to start his own little gang made up of a bunch of small-time hoods who have bought into his frequent bragging. When a cop happens by one night while Guilio is stealing money out of a vending machine, he stabs the guy to death. Jeez, that's his answer for everything. The murder brings tough Milan cop Henry Silva onto the scene to survey the aftermath, which is pretty much all he does throughout the entire movie. Milian stands in the crowd that eventually gathers around the scene.

After that is done, Milian and two buddies decide to kidnap a rich man's daughter and hold her for ransom. Milian steals his girlfriend's car for the job. I just have to mention a quick little something about Milian and the girlfriend. They have a love scene, and god damn it, Tomas Milian wears the same little cherry red bikini briefs that disturbed me so in Hit Squad! What is it with this guy and bright red underwear? Let me tell you something, whether you are straight, gay, bi, male female -- skimpy red underwear simply look better on women than they do on Tomas Milian. How many other movies feature Milian cavorting around in his red underwear? They should put a parental advisory sticker on these films: "Warning! Contains scenes of Tomas Milian prancing around in little red bikini briefs."

He also steals some machine guns from an old guy in the usual "Actually, I don't think I will pay for them" type scene. You'd think that after about a billion gun smugglers have been shot by crazy clients, they'd stop selling them the guns and the bullets at the same time. But no, every damn time, they give them loaded guns so they can get shot instead of getting paid.

A day later, Henry Silva shows up to grimly survey the scene.

Guilio's gang consists of a quiet tough guy and a nervous young guy who doesn't want things to get out of control. Pretty much your standard issue gang.

The kidnapping goes exactly as Guilio (Milian, remember) wants it to, in that they get to machine gun the girl's boyfriend, then chase her to a mansion in the woods where they get to torture, rape, and murder partygoers (male and female alike -- Guilio makes some snooty rich guy take a close-up look at those little red underwear). Then after they get done with the massacre-ing, they hang the corpses from the chandeliers. Obviously, this exceeds the whole "getting out of control" thing the young guy was worried about, so Guilio just feeds him some drugs.

Sure enough, Henry Silva shows up after the fact to go, "Looks like our man was here."

With the rich girl tied up in some old river front shack, Guilio decides to confess the multiple murders and kidnapping to his girlfriend so he can then kill her for knowing too much. He goes through friends pretty quickly. If you think that a day after her murder, Henry Silva shows up to grimly survey the scene and pronounce that it does indeed look like their man was here, well give yourself a prize. But nothing too expensive or nice, because it really wasn't that hard to figure out.

When Silva finds out she was Guilio's girlfriend, he tries to think of something to connect Guilio to the kidnapping and murders. When he remembers seeing Guilio in the crowd at that totally unrelated stabbing incident, he realizes that Guilio is indeed the murderer. Yeah. Yeah, I know. If you don't really follow the train of thought there, you're probably sane but not very in touch with the whole "cop on the edge" style of investigation.

Unfortunately, Guilio has an ironclad alibi. He blackmails his old pals from the bank robbery, telling them that if they don't cover for him, he'll rat on them about the bank job. If they play along and say he was with them all night, he'll give them a load of the ransom money. So they go along, but they still kick his ass anyway just because it's an Italian cop film.

Guilio takes enough time out from his killing to set up the whole ransom thing. Once the old rich guy agrees to pay the ransom, Guilio kills the daughter because, well, he's crazy. The young guy protests, so Guilio kills him too. And then the quiet tough guy protests Guilio killing the young guy, so, you guessed it, Guilio kills him too. He then grabs some of the ransom money and, shoots Henry Silva in the leg, and disappears into the night without anyone ever actually seeing him.

So there you go. The cops have absolutely zero evidence against Guilio. He has an alibi and absolutely nothing to connect him to the kidnapping and murders. His girlfriend was dead, but she was drowned in a car wreck (which he forced, of course), so there's not even anything to connect that death to all the murders. Silva being convinced that Guilio's being in the crowd gathered around the murdered cop makes him inarguably guilty of the other crimes is, at best, totally insane and off-the-wall. The cops have absolutely no reason at all to even have the slightest suspicion about Guilio.

So what happens? Silva limps up to Milian, who is minding his own business at a sidewalk cafe, and blows him away. The end! No, really! I swear! Every shred of common sense, not to mention evidence, screamed that Guilio was innocent, but Silva shoots his ass dead anyway. Why? Because it's a poliziotteschi film, that's why!

I knew that, at some point, Silva would blow Guilio away. Poliziotteschi films are downbeat and violent, but the criminal always gets wasted in the end. There was no question that Silva was going to eventually kill Guilio, but I thought they would at least make some sort of effort to make Guilio appear guilty. But no, even though we all know he's a murdering bastard, the cops don't have any reason at all to suspect him. I mean, they could have had one of his girlfriend's friends identify him as having been in her car the day she was killed. They could have found the machine gun. Something to make them think he might be guilty. They find nothing, but Henry Silva kills him anyway because he was in the crowd at that cigarette machine incident, thus proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that he was also the mastermind of a series of brutal murders and kidnapping.

Well, unless you are a sane person possessed of taste, you can't help but love a movie with sort of cockeyed reasoning. And if you were one of the aforementioned sane people with taste, it's hardly likely you'd be patronizing a website devoted to weird personal stories, punk rock music, and films about midget spies, murderous cops, and kungfu fighters. So with your Teleport City passport firmly in hand, you are invited to partake in the relentlessly violent, totally ridiculous smorgasbord of death-dealing that is The Executioner.

It's not as good as Lenzi's Violent Napoli, but it's still a wild trip. The politics come in the form of some speeches Milian's character makes about how unfair it is that fat cats sit perched atop a mountain of wealth while the rest of us grovel in the mud for some meager scraps. Of course, that doesn't really make Guilio a likable or a sympathetic villain in the least. He's vile the whole way through, which, in this era of smarmy politically correct villains with no guts, is pretty nice. And nothing politically ever really justifies Silva's actions in the end. It's not like his investigation was sabotaged by bureaucrats or corrupt officials. I think he got to give the whole "cop on the edge" speech about how the system protects the guilty, but that's actually required by law in a film like this. Basically, his character was pissed that Milian pulled off the more or less perfect crime, even though he picks Milian out as the guilty one at more or less random.

But hey, no one ever accused the Italians of making sense, at least not by our standards (ummm, as if Armageddon made any damn sense). What they do make, or at least what Umberto Lenzi has made here, is a brutal, violent, wildly entertaining action film that is sure to offend many, and generally, if a film is offensive, it gets our seal of approval. The logic is so inane and the motivation so absurd that we can't help but approve of everything that happened with the exception of once again seeing Tomas Milian in his little red underwear.

So what lesson can we walk away from this movie having learned? Don't linger around in the crowd gathered round dead cops. If Henry Silva walks toward you with his hand inside his coat, don't wait around to see what he's going to do. That we are all equally as likely to be shot by Henry Silva? Don't be in a gang with Tomas Milian. Honestly, the political and social content of this film is so wildly skewed that it fails to really make any sense. A police state is bad but criminals are worse? You would think with all the speeches about how the rich constantly oppress the poor that they would try to make Guilio out to be more likable. Instead, he is nothing more than a murderous thug who hides behind a veil of rhetoric and ... wait a sec ... yep, I got it!

In various reviews, we've talked at some length about groups like The Red Brigade and other terrorist organizations (check out the Violent Rome review) running wild in Italy during the 1970s. For the most part, they were gangs of thugs and murderers who tried to distinguish their crime by dressing it up in the rhetoric of a Communist revolutionary group. Red Brigade, indeed. They, like most groups, were nothing but criminals. They used politics to justify their bloodlust, though they most likely would have been criminals with or without the political disguise. It's no different than when murderers cite religion as their aegis and motivation.

Milian's Guilio is just like the terror squads running rampant in Italy. He justifies his brutality with talk of a working class revolution, of the lower class rising up to fight against the rich. Guilio's rhetoric is exactly like the bullshit espoused by groups like The Red Brigade. And just like them, Guilio's speeches are total crap. He's a rapist and a murderer, and nothing else. Not a revolutionary; just a thug. He uses the class struggle, which was also at the forefront of Italian social life at the time, as a convenient excuse for his psychopathic desire to rape, kill, and hurt others.

Lenzi exposes him for what he is, stripping away the romantic notions of being a freedom fighter to expose the cold-blooded sicko beneath. Of course, that still doesn't really lend much justification or credibility to the actions of Silva's cop character. But it does make some sense of the movie anyway, which has just become that much cooler now that I've had my little epiphany about its meaning. See, all those film theory classes didn't go to waste after all! Now I'll learn your asses some shit about mais en scene!

No wait! I take that analysis back! The true lesson to be learned from The Executioner, besides the fact that Italian cop films are bad-ass through and through, is that if you are an arms dealer, you should not sell the guns and the bullets at the same time to crazy people, because they won't pay you. They'll just shoot you. And then Henry Silva will come by and stare grimly at the aftermath.

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Monday, June 04, 2001

The Stranger and the Gunfighter

1974, Italy/Hong Kong. Starring Lo Lieh, Lee Van Cleef, Femi Benussi, Erika Blanc, Ricardo Palacios, Goyo Peralta, Georges Rigaud, Patty Shepard, Al Tung, Julian Ugarte, Karen Yeh. Directed by Antonio Margheriti

Now how do you come up with this one? I really don't know, though I'm glad they did. The plot to this East Meets Wild West kungfu spaghetti Western is only the beginning of the delirium that it assaults us with. Things just keep getting stranger and more over-the-top, and I have a feeling a goodly amount of hashish was available to those dreaming up this absolutely ludicrous and thoroughly enjoyable romp.

For about one week, Lo Lieh was the biggest thing in martial arts films. When Five Fingers of Death opened in America, it was a smash hit, and the sour-looking hero was an overnight sensation. Then Bruce Lee came along, and Americans realized you could have a kungfu hero who was bad-ass and beautiful, so Lo Lieh's five seconds in the limelight were over.

Luckily, the Italians didn't forget about the Shaw Brothers martial arts superstar. They called upon his skill as an actor and all-around bad-ass for this film, co-starring alongside the baddest man to ever stroll through the Western genre, Lee Van Cleef. This website digs Lee Van Cleef. Even though he made that Master Ninja crap alongside such big-time martial artists as Timothy Van Patton, Demi Moore, and Crystal Bernard, no one here holds that against him because he is just so god-damned cool.

When I first saw The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly it was Van Cleef's sadistic character, Angel Eyes, that was my favorite. He was so subtle and so evil without even seeming like it. Westerns starring Lee are always my favorites, and I regularly devour such gems as Sabata, For a Few Dollars More, and Death Rides a Horse.

Here, he plays his usually character, which is a sly and charismatic gambler/gunslinger. His first moment in this film is utterly priceless, as he does the classic "disappearing in the steam" exit to befuddle some railroad lackey. From there, he promptly sets out to rob the bank.

Also in town is a diminutive Chinese man who seems to have sexy mistresses scattered all over America. Each woman gets to show off her healthy, 1970s unscrawny booty during this whole opening montage. Ahhh, those were the days. Back when a woman had a little meat on her and no one was all upset about it. This age of heroin-overdose looking supermodels must end. Give me some back any day over those flat non-rumps people seem to dig.

Anyway, the Chinese guy catches on that Van Cleef is about to rob the bank, and runs over there to keep him away from some valuable stuff. Unfortunately, he runs in right when Lee's dynamite goes off. Then, The Law shows up, and Van Cleef is charged with murder when all he really wanted to do was rob the bank. And the kicker -- all that was in the vault was a fortune cookie and pictures of the guy's naked mistresses.

Meanwhile, over in China, we find out that this old Chinese guy was a relative of Lo Lieh's. The Chinese government (which was actually Manchurian at the time) is pissed that old Wang died without telling them what he did with all the money he took with him to America. The send Lo Lieh to find it so he can repay the government. If within one year, he isn't back with the loot, his family will be killed.

Back to America we go, where Lee Van Cleef is about to be hanged for murder. Lo Lieh shows up, finds out he was the last one to see his uncle alive, and saves him. Together they ride off to solve the mystery of the missing treasure.

And here's where the plot really kicks in. Old Wang tattooed clues to finding the treasure on the butts of each of his mistresses. Yes, to find the booty, you must find the booty. And that, my friends, is the plot of this film. Lo Lieh and Lee Van Cleef ride around looking at women's asses. Nice work if you can get it.

Of course, it's not all fun and games. They are pursued by a crazy religious fanatic who has a mobile church tied to a team of horses! And he has one of those standard issue sidekicks: the giant super-strong native American dude. The black-clad Deacon wants the treasure so he can build a real church and expand his heretic-murdering business.

All sorts of wild stuff ensues, peppered by healthy doses of comedy. The soundtrack is lame, and every time Lo Lieh jumps, he makes a sound exactly someone messing around on a slide whistle. I guess that's one of them Shaolin powers we hear so much about, the ability to go, "Whooolooloolooloo!" when you jump. He should team up with David Chiang and his "Chooka chooka choo!" sound effect from Seven Blows of the Dragon. That would sound nice.

The dippy soundtrack is my only complaint about this film. Everything else rocks me like a hurricane. Most of the action consists of Lo Lieh beating up unsuspecting whities. He espouses a little Confucian wisdom and knows acupuncture, which is more or less par for the course. Lee Van Cleef mostly sits back and enjoys the show, occasionally shooting someone. I guess he has this job where he gets to ride around with a seemingly indestructible kungfu dynamo, looking at women's asses, and collecting treasure at the end. What's not to enjoy? I wish I was Lee Van Cleef, only still alive.

There are no great kungfu battles, since no one else Lo Lieh beats up knows kungfu, but there is plenty of action culminating in a totally wild finale in which Lo Lieh's new love (a Chinese woman, formerly one of the ass women) is suspended above a raging fire while Lo Lieh fights the big native American guy and Lee Van Cleef rides around with a Gatling gun shooting up everything in sight!

A lot less grim than the violent Fighting Fists of Shanghai Joe, and more along the lines of the wacky Joe sequel, Return of Shanghai Joe, this is one hell of a film. Plenty of kungfu action, bad funk music, naked asses galore (yay!), shootin', punchin', kickin', drinkin', gamblin', and everything else that makes life -- and this film -- great!

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