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Monday, October 30, 2006

The Stink of Flesh

2005, United States. Starring Kurly Tlapoyawa, Ross Kelly, Diva, Billy Garberina, Kristin Hansen, Devin O'Leary, Andrew Vellenoweth, Bryan Gallegos, Dickie Collins, Liz Johnson, Tanith Fiedler, Alan Cordova, Bob Vardeman. Written and directed by Scott Phillips. Buy it now from Amazon.com.

Given equipment and modest funds, the aspiring micro-budget horror film director is going to make one of three types of horror movie. The two likeliest candidates are either a killer in the woods film or a zombie film. Running a distant third are the directors who set out to make a mopey goth-industrial vampire film, which are rarer owing to the fact that, unless the director is already friends with a lot of gothy types, he's going to have to spend a lot of money on frilly Renaissance Faire shirts and long leather trenchcoats that have been cinched in at the waist. Of the two leading candidates, I almost always prefer the zombie films, not just because I like zombies more than slashers, but also because…no, it's just because I like zombies more than slashers, and as such, find bad, boring zombie films to be more tolerable than bad, boring slasher films. of course, good zombie films are even better. Well, sometimes. Is there really anything better than Zombie III?

And if, like me, you are a friend of bad, boring zombie films, than this is truly a belle epoque for you. The rise of digital video filmmaking has seen a dramatic increase in the number of microbudget zombie films that get made, and the rise of cheap distribution through DVD and online rental shops that are more open to stocking any damn thing that comes their way means that there has, since the dawn of the new millennium, been a massive increase in the number of homemade zombie films being made. This is a good thing, provided you value the quantity of readily available zombie films over the quality, because most of the movies are still pretty bad. They may boast better editing and film quality than we enjoyed in the old shot-on-VHS days of Zombie Bloodbath, but very often the advances stop there, and we still get phenomenally awful acting, pacing, and scripting.

Recently, however, more filmmakers seem to be realizing that the standard Night of the Living Dead formula -- barricade a group of people inside a house and watch them argue and die for the next eighty minutes -- has very little to offer beyond what's already been done. So they try to come up with something new that still operates within the confines of the traditional definition of the zombie film. Shatter Dead, despite sundry flaws, was one of the first movies I remember that made an earnest attempt to place a different spin on the zombie film. I, Zombie was another one, but I seem to remember what that movie did differently was prove how phenomenally boring a zombie could be. Since then, we've seen a fair degree of "variation on a theme." It doesn't always work -- in fact, it rarely works, but hey, at least the effort is being made to come up with some new ideas.

Microbudget zombie film The Stink of Flesh is one of the movies that tries to come up with a different spin on the age-old story of the dead returning to mash pig entrails and raw meat against their face for the camera. Based on the title, you may think that this is a film about zombie hygiene, which I freely admit is a topic that goes largely unexplored. This is probably because there are few actors who can work with lines like, "Braaaaains...and Pert!" And yes, I assume zombies use Pert, because being reduced to the basest utilitarian instincts, a zombie is going to recognize the efficiency of having the shampoo and conditioner combined into a single product. Or maybe I'm confusing zombies with Germans.

Anyway, it doesn't matter, because this is not a movie about zombie skin care. What it is, however, is a unique take on the zombie scenario: what are a couple of swingers to do when a zombie crisis continuously dwindles the available supply of potential sex partners? The idea is as promising as it is absurd, but my initial fear was that it would be an exercise in tedium as I was forced to sit through countless scenes of some chintzy goth type expounding on some sex and death philosophy of sensuality that would sound like it was conceived, well, by some pretentious teenage goth rocker. I got enough of that when I was a pretentious teenage punk rocker with pretentious teenage goth rocker friends, and that was back when being a goth was a lot simpler and more affordable than it is today. All you needed back then was a Joy division t-shirt and a willingness to sit through the extended version of Bauhaus' "Bela Lugosi's Dead." I don't know when Klingon boots and leather trenchcoats and big, ugly nose rings like cows have got thrown into the mix. Of course, the person I knew who rambled on endlessly about "the sensuality of death" didn't look like those cute goth girls you see in movies or on Suicide Girls these days. She was a little more like...well, it wasn't the same. Let's just leave it at that.

Much to my delight and, I will admit, surprise, The Stink of Flesh steers clear of that sort of ponderous dialogue and manages to deliver a film that is actually pretty good, and certainly miles better than its micro-budget ilk. The writing is actually accomplished, the characters are developed (well, most of them), and it strikes a good balance between blood-spurting action and plot development. After wading through so many bad films, I was just about ready to give up hope that the micro-budget horror scene would ever produce a movie I wouldn't get grumpy about. And just as email was starting to come in telling that if I didn't like these movies, I shouldn't watch them and make fun of them, along rambles this one and proves my point: it's not that I don't like micro-budget horror films; I just didn't like your micro-budget horror film.

Not that I warmed to The Stink of Flesh right away. I was going in with a chip on my shoulder and the assumption mentioned above that I was going to have to suffer through lots of cut-rate philosophizing about sex and death. The introduction of our hero didn't help matters, purely because his name is Matool, and I think the hoary old act of naming the characters in your horror film after famous horror directors or stars -- or in this instance, locations -- is played out. Everyone's already done it, so lay off, man. Despite the name, however, my opinion started to change quickly once we learn a little about the man who his Matool and the world in which he lives.

There has been, needless to say, a zombie outbreak. No explanation is given, and honestly at this point, do we even need one? The drawn-out process of explaining the outbreak of zombies always strikes me as wasted time since it usually just ends up being, "meteors" or "toxic waste," which isn't an explanation worth spending much of a movie on. No, here we're dropped into the thick of things and expected to already get it. After all, who but zombie film fans will even bother watching this movie in the first place? Matool (Kurly Tlapoyawa, who you won't recognize from anything), having nothing better to do, cruises the backwaters of America and starts fist fights with zombies. For some reason, I really like that. Sure, he usually seals the deal by driving a big nail into the zombie's skull, but he spends the bulk of his zombie encounters engaged in fisticuffs. He's like a zombie bully.

He's also craving a little companionship, if you get my drift, which I think is a perfectly legitimate urge to explore even though it's been ignored by most other zombie films (Day of the Dead touches on it in a tangential sort of way). When he rescues a woman (Tanith Fiedler) from a zombie attack, one of his first thoughts after getting her to the relative safety of a creepy old pedophile's cabin (the pedo won't be interested in her, after all) is to try and get a little action. It may seem a callous misstep by Matool or the script, but think for a brief moment about the situation. If you live every day expecting that you could be killed in a horrific fashion at any moment, then just about every sensation becomes hyper intensified, and this usually includes the sex drive, especially if you haven't gotten to use it in a long time. I'm reminded by a scene from Babylon Five where Garibaldi hooks up with an infantrywoman right before she's being shipped out to a big battle where high casualties are a foregone conclusion. When he tried to pull the sensitive guy "we should take this slow" card, she gets irritated and basically responds by saying she's most likely going to be dead by this time tomorrow, and she doesn't want a loving relationship built on a solid foundation of caring and understanding. She just wants to fool around and feel alive one more time before she gets gunned down.

I don't think The Stink of Flesh communicates the sentiment quite as effectively (but then, Babylon 5 did it by just having a character spell it out), but as a man possessed of profound insight as well as ample experience with the heightened sense of life and passion that comes from a life of constant danger and adventure, I understand what's going on. Of course, the girl doesn't really share Matool's sentiments, and before to long her attempts to get away from Matool's clumsy advances and the creepy pedophile (Bob Vardeman) with his two young wards result in zombies crashing the party and having a gory chow-down. Only Matool and one of the kids (Bryan Gallegos) escape, but no sooner are they outside and on the run than Matool finds himself nailed in the head by the door of the pick-up truck. So it is that he finds himself in the company of swingers Nathan (Ross Kelly), and Dexy (whose credited name, Diva, sounds even more like a character name than her character's name). Matool's job is to get it on with Dexy while Nathan peeks. In return, Matool gets to relax for once and enjoy a steady stream of free food and safety. All in all, he's not too upset with the arrangement, even when Dexy's weird sister Sassy shows up to whack him on the ass and talk about her horrid little conjoined twin (not really the best realized special effect).

Things get complicated, however, when a group of soldiers show up. One of them has been bitten, and all of them are happy to take turns with Dexy, who hasn't had this many playthings in years. Unfortunately, Nathan has had about enough of things, and we learn he's not as decent a guy as we think he is (something to do with a murder and a naked zombie chick he keeps chained up in his shed). Folks start fighting over who "gets" Dexy, and the soldiers drag Matool into the bickering even though his reaction is basically, "Dude, I don't really care. I'll split. This is a weird scene anyway." Once again, internal breakdown results in a zombie stampede.

What The Stink of Flesh does right is be cleverer than most other zombie films, especially most other micro0budget zombie films. Other reviews have played up the sex angle of the story and tagged the film as a softcore porn romp with some zombies thrown in,. They must have watched a different movie than me. Although we're served up a gratuitous lesbian kiss and boob shot, and one naked zombie chick, the rest of the film's meager amount of nudity is presented in the form of Matool's bare ass, and guys bare asses are like a dime a dozen. You're lucky we ever even put the thing away. Although sex is an important part of the plot, it hardly burns up very much screen time, and you get much more nudity from the average Italian zombie film than you get here.

Parts of the film are somewhat dialogue heavy, but it never got especially tedious for me, usually because there was a zombie run-in waiting in the wings to spice things up. Plus, the characters are all actually pretty well developed. Matool is the rough and tumble average Joe who finds himself stuck in between the weird scene of a zombie plague and the weirder scene of a couple of swingers in the midst of a breakdown. Nathan starts out as a genuinely likable guy with a simple sexual kink, but we quickly discover there a lot more evil to him than we suspected. Rather than dwell on "isn't all kinky," the swinging aspect of the relationship between Nathan and Dexy is presented as being a relatively normal thing. After all, most everyone has their own weird kinks, and they only pretend not to be into something a little freaky. Witness: pretty much anyone on a morals-based committee in Congress. For our purposes here, Nathan is just a regular dude (well, at least he seems so at first), and Dexy is normal, too. Oh yeah -- Dexy, played by Diva (should anyone really be allowed to name themselves "Diva?" I don't think so), also turns in a fair performance as a woman who seems to be using her sexual kink not even so much as a means of enjoying herself as it is a way to forget the horror of what's going on outside.

In fact, this is ultimately less an examination of sex than it is simply a look at people desperately trying to cling to some recognizable vestige of their lives when everything has been turned upside down. in that sense, it shares a common theme with both Dawn of the Dead and to an even greater degree Land of the Dead. Although the set-up of trying to be a swinger when everyone else is dead sound humorous, the end effect is more chilling, as it becomes a look at people desperately clinging to something, anything, that will make them feel like at least some tiny corner of the world hasn't gone completely insane. This often comes, unfortunately, at the price of vigilance, as one gets so obsessed with the minutiae of creating a false sense of "regular life" that one tends to forget that there are still zombies out there, and not everyone has Matool hanging around in the den, ready to punch zombies in the face and hammer nails into their skulls..

The soldiers are even decent guys rather than the usual foaming mad psychopaths with which zombie films usually present us. And then there's the little kid, who doesn't do much acting but steals the film with his creepy grin for the final shot of the film. His role may be a largely silent one, but the plot ends up hinging on his actions in a way I really didn't expect.

The acting is uneven but never all that bad. As Matool, Kurly Tlapoyawa is understated but totally believable as the sort of Ultimate Fighting championship watching Hispanic guys I used to sit in the parking lot with, drinking corona and talking lucha libre. He strikes a nice balance between being energized by picking fights with zombies and just being tired of the whole zombie thing. He's also the inventor of a new scale of judging the attractiveness of women with the implementation of the "she'd be hot if there a zombie outbreak" classification. The rest of the cast surrounding Tlapoyawa aren't accomplished thespians, but they're decent actors inhabiting believably real characters who actually behave in a way that reflects how real people might behave, rather than the often illogical and idiotic way characters in a horror film behave because the scriptwriter was bad.

Speaking of the script, it's pretty good. It manages to be a variation on a theme. We still have a group of survivors holed up in a farmhouse and proving they are more dangerous to each other than the zombies amazing outside, but it does enough things a little differently that it doesn't feel like a tired old retread of previous, better films. And the film's exploration of sexuality in extreme conditions is well-executed and never becomes tiresome or domineering of the film's action. There are some plot points that are introduced and don't seem to go anywhere -- specifically the mention of fast-moving "hyper zombies" that seem thrown in simply to explain how a group of soldiers could be overcome and wounded by them -- but these prove to relatively minor missteps in a script that, for the most part, stays on course and focused. I'd rather have a couple dangling threads left over than sit through a movie with no plot at all, comprised of nothing but 90 minutes of people running through the woods.

It's obvious that writer-director Scott Phillips put some effort into the script, and for that I almost want to collapse prostrate before him and thank him endlessly. You see, micro-budget horror film makers? You see what can happen if you put some genuine effort into your story instead of dashing off a script in ten minutes because you are excited to get out into the woods and film people in gore make-up mashing pig innards against their faces? You get a movie that is actually good is what you get. Phillips' script may be clumsy in spots, but big deal. He has a script! He came up with an interesting hook, then made it work in a way that is actually intelligent. He worked on it, put thought into it, and has some talent for writing.

Phillips also has some previous experience with writing a script. In 1997, he penned the script for a modest little action film called Drive, starring Mark Dacascos (China Strike Force and Iron Chef America for some reason) and directed by effects wiz Steve Wang (Kungfu Rascals and those live-action Guyver films that thought it would be a good idea to have a jive-talking Jimmy walker in them). Drive remains largely ignored in the United States (it was unavailable on VHS or DVD for years), which is a shame because it was a damn good film. Since then, Phillips has worked primarily in the direct-to-DVD micro-budget horror ghetto, but frankly, he's a welcome member of the population, because he shows what is achievable if only you put a little work into the writing.

All this talk of plots, characters, and explorations of what to do with your sexual urges when most of the world has turned into unattractive zombies may make you think, as I feared before watching the film, that you're going to have to sit through something ponderous and talky. But Phillips also delivers the grue zombie film fans have come to expect from their beloved shambling mounds of rotting flesh. Kurly Tlapoyawa handles action scenes well, and there is plenty of spurting blood, oozing goo, and dangling gut stuff to remind you that this is still a zombie film. They are, for the most part, the same sort of practical effects we've been getting in low-budget zombie films for years now, but it's amazing how much better these effects are when they are surrounded by a good movie.

Finally, the music is pretty damn good. It seems we have exited the era of the metalhead dude zombie film director (fare the well and Godspeed you, Todd Sheets), and entered the era of the rockabilly dude zombie film director. I honestly have no idea if Scott Phillips is a rockabilly, but he certainly packs his film with plenty of garage rock meets dusty border town twang, which is a welcome respite from generic thrash metal. If rockabillies have become the stewards of the zombie film (another mcirobudget feature, Enter...Zombie King relies on a similar mix of garage rock and south of the border-tinged surf guitar, and need I even mention the rock 'n' roll zombies of Wild Zero?) and this is an example of the results, then the future looks bright. Well, brighter. You had your chance, metal dudes, and you blew it.

I don't know how much my glowing praise for The Stink of Flesh comes from the film itself and how much of it comes from the fact that, after sitting through so many awful and awfully boring films, finding one that is pretty good sends me into fits of hysterical glee. It's probably a mix of both, but all that matters at the end of the day is I finished watching The Stink of Flesh and was pleasantly surprised. Dawn of the Dead? No, not really, but even George Romero himself can't seem to match that one. The Stink of Flesh proves that being a micro-budget horror film is no excuse for being a bad film. And while I can sit here, in one review after the other, and harp on this fact, The Stink of Flesh does me one better and leads by example.

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posted by Keith at | 1 Comments


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Satan's Playground

2005, United States. Starring Felissa Rose, Ellen Sandweiss , Edwin Neal, Irma St. Paule, Danny Lopes, Christie Sanford, Ron Millkie, Salvatore Paul Piro, Robert Zappalorti, Jessy Hodges, Chris Farabaugh, Michael Ryan. Written and directed by Dante Tomaselli. Buy it now from Amazon.com.

Why oh why do people walk into dusty, cobweb-covered, boarded up ruins and yell, "Hello? Is anyone here? Hello?" Lord, don't these people have any basis whatsoever in the real world? Who sees a crumbling shack out in the middle of nowhere and spends a few minutes walking around the obviously derelict calling out to see if anyone is there? Well, apparently people in poorly thought-out horror films do. I made fun of it when it happened in Zombie 3, but then, making fun of something that happens in Zombie 3 is sort of a foregone conclusion. I was hoping I wouldn't see something that glaringly stupid again, but I guess I was wishing against the inevitable. If you write a crummy horror film, then there's a good chance someone is going to walk into an abandoned, rotting building full of trash and dust, and yell out, "Is anyone here?" If you can combine that with someone going, "Bob, is that you? Come on! This isn't funny anymore!" then you have just written 95% of all the exchanges in crummy horror films.

Dante Tomaselli's Satan's Playground isn't exactly a crummy horror film, but it does enough stupid things to keep it from being a good movie. It's a movie full of potential that isn't realized thanks to the standard microbudget horror film bugbear: the script. I know, I know. I should put my money where my mouth is and show these whupper-snappers how to write a decent script. It's not for lack of ideas or talent (well, at least not for lack of ideas). I haven't done it yet for one very important reason: I am, when it comes to getting work done, phenomenally lazy. I'm so lazy that I'm almost too lazy to tell you how lazy I am. Still, you don't have to be President of the United States to recognize a rotten president, and you don't have to write a script to recognize a rotten script.

Satan's Playground is one of what I personally think are far too few movies that deal with the legend of the Jersey Devil, though it deals with the mythical beastie in a very roundabout way, focusing instead on the Leeds clan, a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style family of nutjobs, the matron of which supposedly gave birth to the Jersey Devil, which in turn gave birth to a whole hockey team. For those of you not familiar with the legend of the Jersey Devil, you should peruse the various issues of the excellent fanzine Weird NJ, as they have adopted the legend and cartoon of the creature as their mascot. But should you not be prone to tracking down issues of the magazine or of their accompanying book, here's the legend in a nutshell:

Sometime in early 1700s (the date, like most other aspects of the story, varies wildly depending on who is telling it and which version they are telling), a woman named Leeds, living in the ominous stretch of south Jersey swampland known as the Pine Barrens, gave birth to the latest of some thirteen or so children. Tired of being a fertile crescent of children, Mrs. Leeds exclaimed her displeasure at having another kid and bade the devil take this one off her hands. And so he did. Reports of the child's appearance differ, with some describing him as nothing more than human while others layer on the hideous disfigurements. Mrs. Leeds is also sometimes referred to as a witch, a Satanist, a British sympathizer, and someone who got on the bad side of a gypsy, all of which may have contributed in some way to the fate of her son (though I never knew that having familiar relations with a British officer could produce hellspawn beasts). The settled upon appearance of the Jersey devils these days is sort of an amalgamation of goat-man (the Goat Man was a popular woods-dwelling killer where I grew up, incidentally), bat, and human.

Since his inception as a local legend, the Jersey Devil has been blamed for all sorts of mischief along the lines of cattle slaughtering, destruction of public properties, and the occasional devouring of a wayward human. So basically, anything that could also be attributed to wild animals, damn teenagers, or a chupacabra. For a long time, however, the Jersey Devil was actually considered a protector of the Pine Barrens, and seeing him was supposed to be good luck. At some point, people decided a hellish, murdering beast made a much more enjoyable local legend than did an ugly steward of the forest teaching people about native berries and instructing youths on the proper way to safely extinguish a campfire.

In the reality of Satan's Playground, "good luck" manifests itself primarily by having your throat ripped out.

The movie begins with a family -- husband Frank (Salvatore Paul Piro -- who looks exactly like a guy who would be named Salvatore Pauli Piro) and wife Donna (Felissa Rose) who could not be more Jersey even if you injected them with pure essence of Jersey (which is stinky fumes and trash that was dumped there by New Yorkers who didn't have room for it in their own state), their mentally handicapped son Sean (Danny Lopez) who has a tendency to drool and foam at the mouth for no particular reason, a baby, and the baby's mother, Paula, who happens to be played by...Ellen Sandweiss! Why would anyone go into the woods with Ellen Sandweiss? The last time she went camping in the woods, it ended with her getting split up the middle by a demonic tree while the rest of the campers beat up Bruce Campbell. Going into the woods with Ellen Sandweiss is like going to a tropical island with Ian McCulloch: there are some things you just have to know better than to do.

Ellen Sandweiss hasn't made a movie that I know of since 1981, when she was attacked by the aforementioned tree in a movie no one remembers, directed by a guy I'm sure has absolutely no career these days. Where Dante Tomaselli found her, I don't know, though my first guess would be, "probably at one of the tables at the Chiller Theater convention." It's good to see her back in action, though the script gives her very little to do. In fact, the script gives pretty much everyone very little to do other than walk through the woods, run through the woods, then get hit in the head with a hammer. I hope you like seeing people run through the woods and get hit in the head with a hammer, because it's going to happen a lot in this movie.

Exactly what this family is doing out in the middle of nowhere (and if you've never seen Jersey beyond the area surrounding New York City, then let me assure you that yes, you really can get way the hell out in the middle of nowhere) is anyone's guess. I would assume a camping trip, albeit one with suitcases, but they mostly just seem to be driving aimlessly down whatever potholed, unpaved country road they can find. As happens when a family aimlessly drives their station wagon around in the swamp, they get stuck. And they start hearing weird noises. And the son keeps pointing at something up in the trees. Having nothing better to do, the members of the cast file off one by one into the woods, with each one stumbling upon the old Leeds house (which is pretty impressive, considering that there is no path through the woods, and everyone leaves at different times, including in the middle of the night). Mrs. Leeds (Irma St. Paule) is still in residence (don't know if she's been lurking about since the 1700s, though), along with her giggling psychotic daughter and son (who are looking really good if they'v ebeen around since the 1700s). And there are also devil worshippers around, whipping naked dudes, for no real reason and with no real connection to the plot. But hey, what film was ever harmed by a gratuitous scene of cloaked devil worshippers whipping some nameless naked dude? Remember when they had that same scene in Pay it Forward? That was the best part of that movie. Or am I mixing it up with that episode of Starsky and Hutch where they fight devil worshippers while wearing red union suit long johns (just like the actual Devil wears)? No, I'm pretty sure it was Pay it Forward.

What follows is the standard "normal folks stalked by a family of psychos" plot that has been worn thin since the days of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes.

As with most of the microbudget horror films I've seen, the biggest problem with Satan's Playground is that there's just not enough script to go around, and what is there is frightfully unoriginal and plagued by colossal gaps in logic (or competence). At times, the Leeds house seems to be out in the middle of the woods with no sane living being around for miles, yet a passing police car notices devil worshippers frolicking on the front lawn and stops to investigate. When we see the police car, it is parked near the family's stranded station wagon, yet when people leave the station wagon it seems to take them a long time to wander to the Leeds house. Similarly, there's a completely pointless scene in which a hysterical Paula (Ellen Sandweiss) runs out the front door and smack dab into another person whose car broke down and is looking for assistance. Where the hell did this person come from? Does the Jersey Devil spend his days digging potholes in the gravel road in hopes of snaring unwary drivers? The dialogue exchanged between the young girl and ranting, blood-drenched Paula is also priceless. "My car broke down, but I can see you have your own things to deal with, so I'm leaving."

So is the Leeds house out in the middle of the swamp, or is it sitting fifty feet off of highway 9? For an isolated farmhouse, there sure seem to be a lot of people wandering by at random.

One would also assume the Satanists, wearing the requisite red cloaks they've had ever since they bugged Warren Oates and Hot Lips in their RV, are related in some way to the Leeds clan, perhaps even members of the family. But when one of them menaces Donna, he finds himself attacked by Mrs. Leeds' son, Boy (Edwin Neal -- not sure if this is supposed to be Tarzan's Boy all grown up and in a green surplus Army jacket, but I'm going to assume it is). Nothing else about the devil worshippers ever comes up again, except when Mrs. Leeds complains that they're a nuisance. I assumed she was laying it on for the cop, disavowing any knowledge of the Satanists and trying to paint herself as a helpless victim of "damn teenagers" -- which is an awful complex fib to weave considering that she's just going to have her daughter hit the cop with a hammer a couple seconds later. But then, maybe she was telling the truth, and what we learn is that even if you are the mother of a nightmarish brood of psychotic freaks that includes the Jersey Devil himself, you can still get irritated by kids playing around on your front lawn.

I could forgive all that pretty easily if the film paid off in other ways. Instead, the script just keeps collapsing on itself and piling on the, "Oh, come on!" moments. After Donna narrowly escapes her harrowing ordeal (by making it to a road and hitching a ride with a guy who seems remarkably unphased for someone who just picked up a screaming woman covered in blood) and we get the usual "wakes up in the hospital" scene, the local sheriff decides to go out and investigate her claims -- with no one but Donna as company. They establish that they know at least four people are missing and probably dead, including another cop, and he goes out into the woods with no radio and absolutely no back-up other than the freaked-out victim who just escaped the scene? And when he discovers that there is indeed something foul and murderous going on, he still doesn't call for backup and instead decides to explore the house he knows is populated by murderers and blood smears with no one by his side other than Donna? Don't the people who write these scripts make any effort whatsoever to reflect even the most basic of actual police procedure? I don't mind getting the details wrong, but this is absurd. This is an example of a writer making characters do something phenomenally nonsensical because it's the only way the writer could think of to get where he wanted to be. It really irritates me when people do things no actual person would ever do, simply because the script demands it of them.

For that matter, you'd think the Leeds clan would stick to murdering wayward hikers and stoners and shy away from murdering cops. From what I hear, cop killers tend to attract special attention from other cops, who generally aren't amenable to just rolling casually with it when one of their own goes missing or turns up dead. And it's not like the Leeds's were being clever about it. The cop car was still sitting on the road, and there are not many other places the cop could be, especially if he radioed in beforehand (though given what we see from the cops in this movie, that is unlikely).

But what irritates me even more than that is when a movie resets itself and you have to watch the whole movie play out again in an abbreviated format. This happens all the time, though most recently I was up late and watching a phenomenally dull and monotonous horror film called Cabin by the Lake on the Sci-Fi Channel. It starred Judd Nelson as the world's least interesting serial killer, and it did almost exactly what Satan's Playground does. The lone survivor gets away from the killer(s), is subject to something completely unrealistic and stupid done by the police, which results in her being right back where she was before her previous escape, so we have to watch the whole goddamn thing again. To the credit of Satan's Playground, it handles its plot redux much faster than Cabin by the Lake (which just might be one of my most hated movies of all time), but I'm still annoyed whenever a film can't think of anything else to do than repeat itself. And Satan's Playground is nothing but repeating itself. A guy goes into the woods and gets captured. A woman follows him and gets captured. Then someone else follows and gets captured. Then one more person follows, and they get caught, too. Then one of them escapes and comes back and repeats the whole thing. It's like watching the exact same ten-minute movie stitched together five or six times.

Now, at this point, you may be asking about the Jersey Devil. Other than providing an excuse for the mentally handicapped kid to point at the sky a few times, he has no real role in this movie until he makes a cameo in a completely nonsensical aside where a stoner departs from a group of hikers so he can, as the kids say, "toke his reefer, dude!" This is also the film's one gore effect. Now, I don't demand gore from my horror films, but usually microbudget filmmakers slack in other areas because they're excited about all their gore effects. Tomaselli slacks with the script, but the movie doesn't try to compensate with gore. The Jersey Devil is also never shown -- which is actually a good idea, I think. Nothing undermines a monster's crdibility more than revealing it to be a really laughable special effect. At least the Jersey Devil maintains some air of mystery and menace that way. Still, his interaction with the main cast is almost non-existent, so even though I described this movie as being about the Jersey Devil, it's only that way tangentially. Mrs. Leeds and two of her other children are the actual villains.

I know, I know. I always pick on the scriptwriter, but I only do that because the scripts are always so bad, and they frequently undercut what could have otherwise been a good movie. Satan's Playground possesses a decent concept, and Dante Tomaselli is talented as a director. The cast is actually somewhat professional, elevating the acting stories above the monotone of inexperienced "friends and family members" that usually comprise the cast of such films. And although Tomaselli's movie is slow, it wouldn't be boring if it didn't repeat the same thing over and over. He creates a suitably bleak and isolated atmosphere, and the Pine Barrens are a perfectly chilling looking backdrop for the action.

But all these positive aspects are hamstrung by such a meandering, repetitive, and derivative script, that they get lost under the sheer weight of how clumsy the writing is. Almost all microbudget horror films, it seems, are the labors of love of their directors, and many of these directors are good directors. But they're not good scriptwriters, and they're not good at picking good scriptwriters. It seems to me that in their enthusiasm for making a horror movie, they get impatient with the labor-intensive, generally unsatisfying process of creating a good script. And I say "unsatisfying" meaning that, while just about every aspect of making a film -- especially one with a tiny budget -- is labor intensive, the labor that goes into crafting the script generally lacks the concrete sense of daily accomplishment that comes from something more active, like being on location or reviewing a day's footage. These things are labor-intensive, all right, but there is more of an immediate pay-off than there is with writing a script, whose value is never fully realized until the entire product is finished and the creation of which usually just requires someone to sit alone in a room with a bottle of scotch and a laptop.

So it doesn't surprise me that the script almost always gets the short end of the stick, though it does sadden me as a writer; and you would think that after years of similar bad scripts, someone would realize that the thing can actually be important to a movie and finally stop glossing over it in favor of just getting out there and shooting footage.

Anyway, I think I've made the point, and the fact is that everything that makes Satan's Playground bad is the fault of the script. Tomaselli is a gifted director. He knows how to use the camera, how to light a scene and properly record sound, how to move his actors around; in short, he knows how to direct, and he knows how to do it in a way that is more engaging than the too-common "set the camera up and film each scene like a stage play" type of static shot on which many amateur films rely, and the "every second must be a wild jump cut full of shaky cam and random images and screaming" overkill that ruins almost every larger-budget horror film being made these days. No, Tomaselli knows how to direct; he just doesn't know how to come up with material worth his directing skills (a trait he shares with David Buchert, who directed the last microbudget horror film I reviewed, Blood Oath). Dante Tomaselli the screenwriter just doesn't deserve to be working with Dante Tomaselli the director.

Although I mentioned it in passing, I want to dwell a little more on the quality of the cast. Most microbudget horror films rely on non-actors to do the acting, with a few genre staples appearing in enough films that they eventually stumble into some degree of competence and recognition for their contribution to the cause of starring in bad shot-on-video horror films. Tiffany Shepis might be the current reigning queen of such performers -- a decent actress in bad films. Misty Mundae was there for a little while until she made the switch to softcore comedies and finally, it seems, to legitimate film (where she goes by her real name and is proving that she is genuinely talented and worthy of being recognized for more than just her willingness to get naked and give Billy Hellfire a blowjob). But these types of stars are few and far between, and the vast majority of horror films in the DTV market feature people with a complete lack of acting experience -- and it almost always shows.

Tomaselli, on the other hand, put some effort into casting people beyond the proverbial group of friends that usually make up the DTV horror film talent pool. For starters, he flushed Ellen Sandweiss out of hiding and got her acting again. Felissa Rose appeared in the original Sleepaway Camp before going on to a prolific career starring in low budget horror films that no one but the type of people who read this site would have ever heard of. Edwin Neal, who plays Mrs. Leeds' murderous non-Jersey Devil son, is most recognizable to horror fans as the loony hitchhiking member of the family from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You know, the guy who gives the informative educational speech about headcheese. He's also an extremely busy voice actor, having begun his career back in 1972 or so, dubbing the Japanese cartoon Gatchaman, better known in the United States as Battle of the Planets. He's been dubbing anime and sentai shows ever since, with occasional time off to appear in films like Zombiegeddon, which also happens to feature Felissa Rose and two of my all-time favorite B-movie mainstays: Joe Estevez and Robert "The Chin" Z'dar.

Of the main cast, Christie Sanford (who plays the hammer-happy Leeds daughter) and Danny Lopez (who plays the mentally handicapped son of Donna) perhaps have the least experience, but even they still have experience. In other words -- this is a cast of actors. Some young, some seasoned, but almost all (at least in the core cast) experienced with and professional about the job. They are all pretty good at what they do. But they are ill-served by a script that doesn't give them much at which they can be good. There's only so many ways an actor can wander through the woods or into an abandoned gas station and call out, "Is anybody here?" There's only so many ways they can scream, "You're crazy!" Dante Tomaselli put a lot of work into the film. He put effort into assembling a real cast, which must have pushed the budget way above the usual breaking point for microbudget filmmakers who only hire actors that will work for beer and weed. I think this is the most disappointing thing about Satan's Playground -- Tomaselli assembles an impressive array of pieces and puts a lot of work into crafting them, but then completely ignores the fact that his foundation is so shaky.

Satan's Playground has enough wrong with it to keep it from being very good. But it also does some things right that make it worth seeing if you are a student of the low-budget horror game, and especially if you are a potential filmmaker. There are lessons to be learned from Tomaselli's direction, casting, editing, and the overall atmosphere he creates, just as there is an equally important lesson to be learned from the weakness of the script. And while Satan's Playground is ultimately a deeply flawed effort, it's enough for me to think that there might be reason to keep an eye on Tomaselli as he progresses -- provided he progresses. Microbudget filmmakers tend to show a notorious immunity to getting any better at their craft. Tomaselli feels like he might be different, especially if he restricts himself to direction and not screenwriting. At the very least, I'm optimistic about his potential.

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posted by Keith at | 3 Comments


Sunday, June 18, 2006

House of Fury

2005, Hong Kong. Starring Anthony Wong, Wu Ma, Stephen Fung, Gillian Chung, Daniel Wu, Michael Wong, Jake Strickland, Charlene Choi, Yukari Oshima. Directed by Stephen Fung. Written by Stephen Fung. Buy it now on Amazon.com.

Above and beyond all else, kungfu films have always existed so that they can teach to us valuable life lessons. At their best, they are practically training manuals for how to live a healthy, productive, and socially relevant life. For instance, if your pupils are killed by a one-armed kungfu master, then you as a blind master of the flying guillotine should go about avenging their deaths by killing every one-armed man in the province. Far more potent than the moral litmus test, "What would Jesus do?" in the daily life of the average person is the question, "What would the blind master of the flying guillotine do?" And you know what he would do? Jump through a roof, throw the flying guillotine, and send a severed head rolling across the floor. Not surprisingly, this is often what Jesus would do as well, as far as I can reckon.

Kungfu films also serve as a road map for building rewarding, emotionally rich familial relationships, teaching us the most productive way (snake fist) to deal with conflicts within the family structure. The landscape of kungfu films is littered with films in which a son and a father, or a daughter and father, or two siblings, must struggle both against one another as well as together against a greater outside threat. This often manifests itself as some wholesome bonding activity, such as jumping from pole to pole over a field of knives, or trying to grab the chicken bits out of each other's rice bowls. Visit any modern family or marital therapist, and you find that, nine times out of ten, they employ the same -- or at least very similar -- methods for working through the issues that complicate interpersonal relationships.

House of Fury is a more modern look at the nuclear kungfu family, and while its look and style have been updated for modern sensibilities, the core message at the center of the film remains consistent with the many that came before it: the family that trains in kungfu together will deal out swift kungfu vengeance together.

Anthony Wong stars as Yu Siu-bo, a somewhat boring practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine and physical therapy. He delights in spinning outrageous yarns about his past adventures fighting ninjas and assorted supervillains, a practice which embarrasses his two teenage children, college-age slacker Nicky (Stephen Fung, Avenging Fist, Gen-X Cops, Gen-Y Cops) and high schooler Natalie (Gillian Chung, one-half of the Hong Kong pop superduo Twins and star of The Twins Effect), both of whom assume their dad is just a world-class bullshitter. At least, they assume that right up until a wheelchair bound psycho named Rocco (your buddy and mine, Michael Wong) shows up hoping to drag the identity of a retired secret agent out of Siu-bo. Suddenly, the two siblings realize everything their father has ever told them has more or less been true, and now they're caught right in the middle of a frenzied kungfu battle between their father and Rocco's thugs. Luckily, this being a kungfu film, dad trained his kids well.

House of Fury is a family film in more ways than simply being about the evolution of the relationship between two children and their father (involving the "tall tale" characteristic that allows me to actually compare the themes of a film full of crazy flying ninjas and kungfu and Tim Burton's Big Fish). For starters, the number of familiar old faces on parade is more than enough to counterbalance the presence of shining new stars like Gillian Chung and Stephen Fung. Anthony Wong is a welcome addition to any cast, and when he's interested in his role, there are few actors in this world that are finer at their craft. He's top notch as the good-hearted but drab Siu-bo, padding about the place, weaving spectacularly crazy adventure tales, and talking to a photo of his dead wife. He's both comical and poignant without ever being overly saccharine. He plays the comedy and action as well as he does the loneliness of the character. Inhabited by Anthony Wong, Siu-bo simply feels like a real guy. When his secret comes out and he jumps into action, he's just as much fun. His best friend and patient is the aging Uncle Chu, played by Hong Kong movie stalwart Wu Ma. We've seen Wu Ma for decades, and watching him in action) even if it's heavily aided by wires and CGI) is great fun. He and Wong represent the older generations perfectly.

Additionally, one of Rocco's henchmen is played by Japanese actress Yukari Oshima. Fans who were around in the 1990s will remember Oshima as on of the "girls with guns" superstars that dominated the first half of that decade with hard-hitting kungfu and gunplay action. Although most of the movies from that era remain MIA in DVD or have been released only in cheap dubbed, pan-and-scan quickies, fans of the films and the women who made them remain devoted to the genre and the actresses who defined it -- Moon Lee, Cynthia Khan, Yukari Oshima, American Cynthia Rothrock, and of course, Michelle Yeoh. Oshima, who got her start as part of Sonny Chiba's Japan Action Club and appeared in the sentai series Bioman before making the jump to feature films and super-stardom in Hong Kong in the early 1990s, was always my favorite. Like many of the stars of girls with guns action films, Oshima made the move to Filipino-produced imitations of the genre when it died out in the late 1990s, then seemed to drop off the radar entirely along with everyone else except Michelle Yeoh, who managed to parlay her girls with guns street cred and friendship with then-darling of Hollywood Jackie Chan into a role in the James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies then into a plum role in Ang Lee's wuxia crossover film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the fame and money from which she used to produce and star in two abysmal adventure films, The Touch and Silverhawk in which, if nothing else, her acquaintance with Jackie Chan has rubbed off on her the tendency to cast herself as characters half her actual age.

It would seem that Yeoh pulled a Harrison Ford -- sucking up all the fame that could have been distributed amongst her co-stars, leaving the likes of Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima in her dust, all but forgotten save by a few die-hards still clutching old VHS copies of the Angel Terminators films or Kickboxer's Tears.

Seeing Yukari Oshima pop up again, looking as gorgeous and deadly as ever, was a real treat for me, and honestly, the main reason I even rented House of Fury. I'd heard good things about the movie, but most of those were from Jackie Chan, and since I believe he played the role of executive producer, I didn't consider his opinion entirely unbiased. But any role, even a small one, for my favorite girl with the thunderbolt kick, was enough to snare my attention.

On the other end of the scale are Stephen Fung and Gillian Chung (and to a lesser extend, Gillian's fellow Twins member and Twins Effect co-star Charlene Choi). Fung, like a seeming endless parade of pretty young faces that started way back with Aaron Kwok and continued through Ekin Cheng and on to Fung, has been regarded as the "hot new thing" that is finally going to salvage Hong Kong cinema from the doldrums in which it's drifted for years, revitalizing the industry and returning to it the spark and magic that made the 70s, 80s, and first half of the 90s so memorable and beloved. He hasn't fulfilled that expectation, but then, it's not really fair to expect it of him. Of the host of hot guys who emerged at the turn of the century to become the somewhat unmemorable and interchangeable faces of the next Hong Kong new wave (which has also yet to really materialize), Fung was a fair enough performer, but he was always a little hollow and cardboard and unspectacular. It was hard, especially for fans who weren't screaming teenage girls, to tell one hot new thing from the next, even when they were all collected together in movies like Gen-X Cops. Thus, when a director wanted to make a "real" film, they still went to the last men standing from the 80s and 90s -- Tony Leung Chiu-wai, Andy Lau, Simon Yam, and of course, Anthony Wong (Stephen Chow doesn't make the list, simply because he's always been sort of a whole film industry unto himself). Thus, especially for me, guys like Fung, Edison Chen, and Nick Tse continue to fail to make the same impression as the guys from whom they were supposed to inherit the mantle.

What Stephen Fung is to the men, Gillian Chung is to the women. As one-half of the pop megastar duo Twins, producers hoped she would carry the name recognition to become a movie superstar where so many other hopeful starlets have simply been swallowed whole, unable to become the next Brigette Lin or Maggie Cheung or, quite frankly, even the next Hsu Chi, or even the next Joey Wong Tsu-hsien. Funny, isn't it? Back in the 80s and 90s, Maggie Cheung was most often described as "irritating" or "insipid," known as she was for little more than being the squealing, whining girlfriend in Jackie Chan's Police Story films. And Hsu Chi? She was just some softcore porn nobody. And now? They're two of the biggest, best respected actresses on the international scene. Who would have guessed it, watching Police Story or whichever the hell The Fruit is Swelling film it is that stars Hsu Chi?

While Gillian is no Hsu Chi, and she's certainly no Maggie Cheung, she's still a pretty solid performer with a lot of charisma. Handled properly, and should there ever be more than one good script every other year coming out of Hong Kong, she does indeed show the potential to become something more than a cute face that will disappear in a couple years. Stephen Fung -- I don't know. He's still kind of a bore, and he still doesn't exude much charisma. I have hope for him, but not nearly as much as I do for Gillian Chung.

As for Chung's Twins partner, Charlene Choi, there's really not much that can be said about her in this film. She has a very small role that doesn't really give her much to do beyond tease Stephen Fung's Nicky for a couple scenes.

I would be remiss, however, if I left my review of the cast at the above. That's a lot of good actors doing good work up there. How can I celebrate them without screwing up my courage and looking at the performances of American-born actors Michael Wong and Daniel "Michael Wong for the next generation" Wu. Wu I first encountered in Gen-X Cops, and I was awed by how spectacularly awful he was. Daniel Wu originally went to Hong Kong simply to "get in touch with his roots," get the feel of the place from which his parents came. An extended stay lead to some modeling work, and from there he found his way into film. He seems like a decent guy in interviews, but that doesn't change the fact that he was really unbelievably horrible in Gen-X Cops. However, each subsequent movie in which he's appeared has seen him improve in tiny increments, so that by the time we've gotten to House of Fury, he is merely bad. And if nothing else, Daniel Wu rolled naked on the beach with Maggie Q where as I simply watched him roll naked on the beach with Maggie Q. Wu was never sold as the next Andy Lau, Tony Leung, or Jackie Chan, but if he keeps working at his craft, he could, at the very least, be the next Aaron Kwok or Leon Lai.

The same can't be said for Wu's countryman, Michael Wong, though Wong did have Ellen Chung naked and grinding away on him in one movie, so that caveat about our relative accomplishments still stands. Michael Wong has been plying his acting craft for a couple decades now, and in every film in which I've seen him, he has wowed me with his ability to never get any better no matter how much experience he has. It's amazing just how consistent he's been over the past many years. It's a sustained level of badness of which Keanu Reeves could only dream. It's absolutely astounding. He never gets better, but he never gets worse. Michael Wong is superhuman in his ability to sound like every role is his first role. And despite being surrounded by world-class veterans and promising young upstarts, Michael Wong manages to deliver the exact same bad level of performance he's always delivered, doggedly refusing to let the presence of Anthony Wong cause him to accidentally step up his game.

I have no idea how Michael Wong has sustained his career for this long. He's good looking, but not that good looking. He's fit, but he's not any good at kungfu and only marginally passable at performing other forms of action choreography. In all aspects of his acting career he is merely below average -- so much so that he's not even bad to the point of being funny. Well, no, sometimes he's funny-bad (witness his anguished plea, "You've gone over to the dark side!" in The First Option), but mostly he's just bad. And yet, the man has never gone wanted for roles. Usually they're in B-team movies, but from time to time he manages to sneak into an honest-to-goodness movie like House of Fury. He must totally baffle his brother Russell (New Jack City and Joy Luck Club, plus a bunch of his own movies, as well as some television work). As for me, I embrace Michael Wong. I don't really like calling anyone "the Ed Wood of…" but if ever there was an Ed Wood of acting, it has to be Michael Wong, and I love him for it.

Of course, all my love can't make anyone think that Michael Wong is any good in House of Fury. He's awful. He's so bad he makes Daniel Wu look good, though he doesn't make Daniel Wu in Gen-X Cops look good. You might think that Wong is trying to play Rocco as a cool, calculating, emotionless man consumed by vengeance and just failing at the characterization, but anyone who has seen Michael Wong in any movie before will simply say, "No, that's just Michael Wong. He can't act." His soft-spoken monotone is made even worse by the fact that he's surrounded by performers the caliber of Anthony Wong and Wu Ma, and even young Gillian Chung. Heck, even charisma-vacuum Stephen Fung seems positively animated and warm next to Michael Wong's utterly bizarre performance as the wheelchair-bound Rocco. And in case you think that strapping Wong with a wheelchair means he's not going to have a bad action scene, think again. Action choreographer Yuen Wo-ping (he of too many decades and too many credits to list) figured that the best way to get a decent action scene out of Wong was simply to film him in fast speed rolling around in his wheelchair. Sadly, director Stephen Fung (more on that in a moment) resists the natural urge to set the entire scene to "Yakkety Sax."

The final piece of the main cast is this kid named Jake Strickland. I have no idea who this kid is (this is his first and currently only listed film credit), but I assume Yuen Wo-ping discovered him on some youth martial arts circuit and couldn't resist throwing him into the film as Rocco's son. As an actor, he's not much, but then, what do you expect from a fourteen-year-old American making a foreign language film. He's still better than Michael Wong (both he and Wong deliver their lines in English). The kid is really just here to twirl a staff and kick some ass, and in that sense, he's surprisingly good. Hong Kong films have always had better luck with martial arts kids than American films -- just compare any of the Three Ninjas to that little kid with the perfectly spherical head kicking ass alongside Jet Li in New Legend of Shaolin and My Father is a Hero. It seems that being a decent kiddie kungfu performer doesn't really have much to do with race (obviously), but instead has to do with whether your action director is Yuen Wo-ping or John Turteltaub. Jake Strickland looks fantastic in action, and his fight with Anthony Wong is priceless. Wong is torn between the fact that he doesn't want to beat up a fourteen-year-old kid and the fact that this fourteen-year-old kid is kicking his ass and flipping around with a staff and running up walls, and it makes for a great fight scene. I don't know if we'll ever see Jake Strickland again, but he does a fine job here -- and he has a great name for being either an action star or Hank Hill's boss at the propane shop.

The rest of the action is a pretty good mix between old style kungfu, wire-fu, and a little CGI enhancement here and there. Stephen Fung and Gillian Chung are not accomplished martial artists, and from time to time you can tell that, but most of the time, Yuen Wo-ping poses them and flings them about pretty well. Their fight with Yukari Oshima and the rest of Michael Wong's thugs is a stand-out moment, as is the finale (in which, among other things, Stephen Fung also faces off with Jake Strickland). Anthony Wong, of course, is no martial artist either, but the man has been around long enough to have picked up the tricks of the trade, and he looks good in his few action scenes. Even elderly Wu Ma gets in on the fun. For years, I railed against the tendency to cast non-martial artists as kungfu masters, then mask their lack of skill with wire tricks and flashy editing -- a trend that was largely championed by Yuen Wo-ping (with plenty of help from Ching Siu-tung and Tsui Hark). In my old age, I'm getting soft, or simply accepting that the days of Sammo Hung, Jackie Chan, and Yuen Biao are over -- even for Sammo, Jackie, and Biao. House of Fury delivers fantasy kungfu but it does it well, and from time to time, it allows itself to be a throwback, if not to the glory days of Sammo Hung choreography, at least to the solid, no-wires choreography that made Yukari Oshima and the girls with guns genre so much fun.

Now comes the funny part. Although I continue to be unimpressed by Stephen Fung as an actor (calling him a hot young thing really isn't fair -- he's only a year or two younger than me), I was surprised to see that as a writer and director, he's surprisingly accomplished. I have no idea hos much of House of Fury was directed by Fung, and how much was the work of his mentors Yuen Wo-ping and Jackie Chan, but the fact is that Stephen, for whatever amount he directed, showcases a steady hand and the ability to let the film's story speak for itself, rather than piling on lots of irritating flashy editing and intrusive directorial tricks. Surrounded by such talent (as well as Willie Chan, another producer on this film and cohort of Jackie Chan), Stephen Fung may not emerge as the next Jackie Chan in front of the camera, but he has an excellent chance to emerge as the next Jackie Chan behind the camera. There are definitely some signs of the old Jackie and Sammo directorial styles, which were also influenced by the directorial work of Lo Wei (who directed Wu Ma, among others like Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee) and Bruce Lee himself. Although House of Fury boasts the wirework and CGI that seems to be part and parcel of modern kungfu films, the direction itself is surprisingly down to earth and reminiscent of the good ol' days.

Fung also co-wrote the script, along with Yiu Fai-lo (previously the screenwriter for the dreadful Jackie Chan flop Gorgeous and the even more dreadful Andrew Lai horror disaster The Park). Given how dreadful Yiu's previous scripts are, I have no problem attributing the bulk of the work on the script for House of Fury to Stephen Fung. As a guy in his early thirties who no doubt grew up a fan of everyone from Bruce Lee to Jackie Chan, this is exactly the sort of movie you'd expect him to write. However, we've seen thanks to countless gigabytes of fanfic that being a fan of something doesn't mean you're going to write a good story about it. Fung's script, on the other hand, is well-written, well-paced, and surprisingly…I don't want to say complex, really. Touching? Maybe that's it. Let's just say it's good. The homage to Bruce Lee exists in the title and in some of Anthony Wong's fight choreography, but other than that, it doesn't play much of a role in the story. At this point, though, fans of Hong Kong cinema should be used to gratuitous Bruce Lee gags and imitations. It's almost as if Stephen Fung wanted to make an 80s style Hong Kong action film and knew that he couldn't do that without throwing in some random Bruce Lee allusions.

Bruce Lee nonsense aside, what Fung has done is write a very good modern-day reinvention of all those old "quarrelling kungfu family" movies that were made in the 1970s -- right down to a "sitting at the table" kungfu fight over bits of chicken. Although being a fan doesn't make you a good writer, a good writer who is fan enough to throw in obscure homages like that makes for a real treat. The relationship between the family is also well-written. The whole "discovering the secret past" thing isn't anything new, but Fung executes the story well. The central theme seems to be that the older generation shouldn't be dismissed, that they have plenty to teach us, and sometimes their rambling stories are true, or at least interesting. As an avid listener to my grandfathers' stories about World War II -- many of which seem as embellished as Siu-bo's stories about fighting ninjas that can vanish into thin air -- I understand and fully appreciate the message at the heart of Fung's cracking good kungfu movie. It seems especially apropos in a film that owes so much and pays such close attention to the films of the generation before. In fact, to stick with the analogy about my grandfathers and World War II stories, it's easy to see the films of the 70s and 80s as "the greatest generation." Whenever anyone talks about the Golden Age, they inevitably point to these films. The next Jackie Chan, we say. The next Tsui Hark (if only Tsui Hark could be the next Tsui Hark). The next Chinese Ghost Story or A Better Tomorrow. And amid all that are the new films and new actors, largely dismissed, often disdained, living in the shadow of the greatest generation, looking at them with a mix of awe, contempt, and envy and the knowledge that they will never live up to but will always be compared to those films.

Also central to the plot are the two fathers, Siu-bo and Rocco, and different ways in which they have raised children adept at kungfu. Siu-bo trained his children hard, but there's a tenderness to his training as well. He does it because he knows one day someone might come for him, and by default them, and they'll be better off if they can defend themselves. For the most part, however, they are allowed to be regular young adults who regard their father as a bit of an oaf. Similarly, Rocco has trained his son in the martial arts, but in his case, it's to use him as an instrument of attack. And Rocco's son is an interesting juxtaposition to Nicky and Natalie. Where as both Nicky and Natalie are involved in active social lives (he works at a marine park, she is involved in school plays), Rocco's son is a shut-in who knows little beyond his PSP and staff fighting in the basement. He's like one of those anime otaku who collect martial arts weapons, except that he can actually use his.

Something that makes the script more complex than it might otherwise be, however, is the relationship between Rocco and his son. Rocco isn't necessarily a heartless villain. He's in a wheelchair because he was a special ops sniper assigned to assassinate some terrorist leader. However, an agent for the Hong Kong secret service needed said terrorist alive for a different assignment, and in order to prevent Rocco from killing the man (Rocco was working for the United States), he attacked and crippled him. Now all Rocco wants is revenge on the man who paralyzed him -- and Siu-bo happens to know who that agent is. So it's not like Rocco is simply evil -- and we see this when, after he's nearly killed in the final showdown, his son drops his staff and runs to protect and plead for his father's life. Obviously, Rocco isn't a complete dick, and the scene is nice even if Jake Strickland and Michael Wong are both bad actors.

House of Fury finds a way to embrace that as it reconcile its young protagonists with their father. With new and old talent both in front of and behind the camera, House of Fury is more than just a lot of fun (though it is certainly that); it's the closest we're going to get, in my opinion, to mixing the past with the present. It's not a ground-breaking film, but it's plenty enjoyable in the same gee-whiz way that the films of the 80s were., with al the same ham-handed goofiness and melodrama that people seem to forget was so omnipresent in those films. Sure, it doesn't best the best of the 1980s. It's not Dragons Forever or Project A. But if more new films were more like House of Fury -- fast-paced, action-packed, a blend of legit kungfu choreography and special effects, but also full of good humor and heart -- then maybe we wouldn't miss the past and bemoan the future quite so much.

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posted by Keith at | 7 Comments


Friday, May 05, 2006

Great Yokai War

2005, Japan. Starring Ryunosuke Kamiki, Bunta Sugawara, Chiaki Kuriyama, Kaho Minami, Hiroyuki Miyasako, Mai Takahashi, Masaomi Kondo, Naoto Takenaka, Kenichi Endo, Sadao Abe, Takashi Okamura, Kiyoshiro Imawano, Renji Ishibashi, Toshie Negishi, Asumi Miwa. Directed by Takashi Miike. Written by Hiroshi Aramata, Takashi Miike, Shigeru Mizuki, Mitshuiko Sawamura. Available on DVD from HKFlix.

It's been a rough couple of years for Japanese cult film director Takashi Miike. After making a veritable tidal wave with a slew of twisted DTV hits including the Dead or Alive trilogy, Visitor Q, and Ichi the Killer, he hit a pretty rough patch in which most of his films went unnoticed or, worse, disliked by the throngs who had so recently celebrated his cracked vision of filmmaking. The fact that Miike was directing upwards of four or five movies a year meant that, previously, if he hit a couple clunkers it was no big deal, because something new would be coming out in a couple months. But a couple high-profile flops, including Izo, his collaboration with Takeshi Kitano, coupled with the fact that another DTV maverick (Ryuhei Kitamura) was gobbling up the big budget theatrical jobs (although his success at such films, specifically Godzilla: Final Wars is a topic of considerable debate) were pointing to the notion that Miike's career was going to be very much a live fast, die young sort of comet.

As such, there was considerable pressure on Miike, both artistically and professionally, to prove that he wasn't out of the game so quickly. Never one to favor subtlety, Miike decided to more or less put all his chips on the table and throw himself into a mega-budget (for low budget filmmaking), special-effects laden fantasy film based on the yokai stories of old. The yokai -- a seemingly endlessly bizarre parade of creatures based on Japanese folklore and pure imagination of the authors -- found pop culture popularity in manga format as Ge Ge Ge No Kitaro, which was published in Shonen Magazine from 1966 until 1970, though it found a home in many other manga magazines with the word "shonen" in the title. Ge Ge Ge No Kitaro was about a young boy, Kitaro, with a host of magical abilities and the mission of reconciling the world of goblins and ghosts -- yokai -- with that of the humans. Kitaro's own father was a yokai (if I recall correctly) who died before Kitaro was born. However, possessed of a desire to keep an eye on his son, he literally keeps an eye on his son, becoming a disembodied eyeball that resides in Kitaro's empty left eye socket (which is usually covered by Kitaro's floppy hair). The comic was created by Mizuki Shigeru, and the town in which he lived serves as the backdrop for the story in Great Yokai War.


Ge Ge Ge No Kitaro made the leap to cartoon television show in 1968, and has enjoyed several reincarnations since then. I would love to see the original series get some attention stateside, especially since all I've ever seen of it are third generation bootleg VHS tapes with no subtitles. Still, a ratman with the power to expand his scrotum to hot air balloon proportions is an international language that needs no translation (sadly, said creature doesn't show up in Miike's film, though you just know he wanted him to). Both the manga and the anime owe a great deal to Mizuki Shigeru's interest in Japanese folklore, yokai, and the Shinto religion. The entire yokai mythology isn't entirely dissimilar to rural folklore from the west, in which a variety of spooks and goblins, both benevolent and evil, inhabit the world around us (but especially the woods).

Yokai are probably best known to Western fans thanks to three live-action films produced by Toei Studios in the late 60s and were absolutely packed to the gills with outlandish creatures, including the crowd-pleasing, jig-dancing bamboo umbrella with one eye, one foot, and a huge waggling tongue. I first saw one of these films back in 1993 or so, when my friend Pat got a tape from one of his friends, who had just returned from Japan. The tape was unsubtitled, of course, but it was pretty easy to figure out what was going on. And anyway, you hardly need a comprehensible language when your movie is crammed with kappa, dancing umbrellas, women with super extend-o necks, weird little guys who look like they have a turnip for a head, and all manner of other insane monsters. A couple years ago, those three movies found their way to domestic DVD, and I was happy to actually be able to understand what was going on -- to say nothing of finally seeing the other two yokai films, which until then I'd only seen bits of in the trailers that were on the old tape we had.

Things were pretty quiet on the yokai front for many a year, until Sakuya, Slayer of Demons came out and boasted a gratuitous but never the less welcome cameo appearance from the core yokai cast of yesteryear. Unfortunately, Sakuya is a fairly flawed film that mixes quality supernatural fantasy action with grating "little kid" humor that becomes well nigh insufferable thanks to the amount of self-indulgent whining. When a kid character is so bad that it can ruin guys with medieval bazookas fighting a giant spider woman, you know a line has been crossed.

When Miike dusted off yokai mythology for his movie, I can't say I was excited. I wasn't excited because, frankly, I'd just started a new job and I wasn't keeping up with the overseas entertainment industry, so I had no idea Miike was even making a yokai film until the dang thing came out and I started reading reviews. I've never been a huge Miike fan. I liked the Dead Or Alive films (even the oft-maligned third film), Fudoh, and Gozu. Visitor Q and Ichi the Killer bored me to tears, and everything else didn't do much more than elicit the response, "Eh." Oh, City of Lost Souls. I liked that one, even though it seems pretty well maligned, too. So the point is that I don't get all rabid and excited the way I do for, say, a new Sabu film (not to be confused with Miike's film, Sabu). Speaking of which -- what the hell, people? Every piece of crap Miike and Kitamura drop downt he back of their pants gets a "special edition" DVD in the United States, but no one has touched a single Sabu film? That's just flat-out insane. Even Kiyoshi Kurasawa films get DVD releases here (which is fine by me), and yet Dangan Runner, Drive, and all the others from Sabu remain MIA.

My take him or leave him attitude toward Miike thus established, I can admit that when I heard about Great Yokai War, I was pretty excited. All those monsters and potentially insane battles seemed like a perfect match for Miike. When I further heard that it was supposed to be a kid's film, I didn't fret. There are plenty of good kid's films, especially from Japan. When I heard that the main character was himself just a kid, my enthusiasm ebbed a bit. I was still smarting from that horribly annoying kid in Sakuya, and I wasn't itching at the opportunity to revisit that particular type of disappointment. Still, the recommendations kept flowing in, so I decided it was high time I checked out Miike's yokai blow-out myself.

Great Yokai War was conceived not so much as a remake as it was a celebration of the original film's 40th anniversary. Rather than acquiring the services of a tested children's film director, rights holder Kadokawa Group decided to snag grindhouse shock auteur Takashi Miike as director, a move that may remind some of you of Toho's decision to put cult film fave Ryuhei Kitamura in charge of the 50th anniversary Godzilla film. In my opinion, Kitamura's Godzilla film is an absolute disaster, but fans are sharply and vehemently divided on that topic. Would the yokai fair any better under the protection of a man best known for movies in which a whore is drown in a kiddie pool of her own feces, a middle-aged woman squirts gallon after gallon of milk from her breasts, or a woman gives graphic birth to a fully grown yakuza? It was a pretty bizarre decision, but that's only because the fact that Miike has made more innocent and sensitive fare (Bird People of China, Blues Harp, and even a previous kid's film, Andromedia) is often lost amid the jumble of exploding guts full of ramen noodles and giant robots with giant penises.

One of the other defining characteristics of Takashi Miike's oeuvre are the lengthy and often grindingly dull stretches of filler stuffed between more substantial set-pieces. These occur not so much because Miike has to pad out the running time as because Miike's genuinely wants to make actual plot and character development a part of his spectacle, and he just happens to fail at it more times than he succeeds. Still, points for ambition, and it's that ambition, even when he fails to realize it, that makes him a better writer and director that Kitamura, who is happy to dispense with character development and plot altogether and joyously embrace over-the-top non-stop action (which has worked to his advantage many times, and against him at others). But Kitamua and Miike both have shown a similar faltering over aspects of their stories that don't involve the gross-out gags or breakneck action. In their defense, this is hardly a problem that afflicts them alone. The question remained, though, how would Miike handle the narrative of a film of this scope? The scenario lends itself to making a Kitamura-style action blow-out, but the old yokai movies succeed primarily because the goblin characters are charming and endearing.

The quick impression of Great Yokai War (which other than boasting lots of yokai, has a completely different story from the old film) was that it was pretty good, but it wasn't as good as I had hoped. Shot on DV as most of Miike's work is, and heavily dependant on CGI for backgrounds, the film possessed a cheaper look than I wanted from it. Fortunately and unfortunately, CGI has made a quantum leap forward in terms of quality when it's used for backgrounds and set dressing, which means that when something is a bit crude, it's threadbare nature is all the more noticeable. The CGI work in Great Yokai War comes off as a tad clumsy, which seems a pretty silly criticism from me considering how much I enjoyed the patently ludicrous and unconvincing puppets and make-up that comprised the yokai themselves in the old films, as well as in this one. All things considered, it's a relatively minor quibble, but it just feel like the CGI could have been realized a bit better.

As a fan of the old films, I was also disappointed that the original gang of "primary" yokai are used for little more than cameo and background players in this new adventure. I know that's just me being stodgy, and I should be thankful that anyone at all wants to put a one-eyed, one-legged, tongue-waggling bamboo umbrella in a film, but I missed that thing having more of a role, to say nothing of the turnip-head thing with the grass skirt. I guess I should have learned some of the proper names of these monsters and ghosts. The kappa once again gets a major role, as he did in the old yokai film, and I really have no complaints about the astoundingly cute water nymph in the skimpy kimono playing a major role (do great legs, a beautiful face, and elf ears make up for weird green webbed hands and feet? I'll only know when I'm faced with the choice in real life, which should be soon, by my calculations), but besides her and the kappa, the rest of the main yokai cast are underdeveloped and underused. One of them is a flying shroud, another is a bellowing red-faced guy, and then there's a guy who obsesses about azuki beans. Most of these parts are filled by veteran Japanese actors, but half the time you'd be hard-pressed to recognize them if you didn't already known for whom you were looking.

Any fears that Miike is going to pull punches because this is a kid's film will be quickly dispelled by the beginning of the film, in which our young hero Tadashi (Ryunosuke Kamiki) has a nightmare about the annihilation of Tokyo, highlighted by a psycho woman in a cheek-revealing white mini-dress (western audience fan fave Chiaki Kuriyama from Battle Royale, Azumi 2, and Kill Bill) and towering, snow-white beehive hairdo. We also get a small-town farmer discovering that his cow has given birth to a slimy, moaning calf with a vaguely humanoid face and a tendency to trill out portents of darkness and doom. Now this is the sort of kid's film I can get behind. As a fan of frightful and fanciful fare from a very young age (though I was terrified by Disney's Pinocchio), it always irritates me when a film is judged "too dark" or "too scary" for little kids. Those were exactly the sorts of movies I loved growing up, and it pains me that modern children are subjected to increasingly bland, insipid entertainment simply because someone, somewhere might think that a kid would get scared. Hey, guess what? Some kids think its fun to be scared. Others like to be wowed by Grimm's Fairytale style stories full of the macabre and menacing. Yeah, some kids will run screaming for the door, but I figure a parent should be a pretty good judge of what will scare and delight their child versus what will just terrify their kid and make them wet the bed. From the beginning I realized that, regardless of what I might think of it as an adult, Great Yokai War is exactly the sort of movie I'd embrace as a child. And I decided this before I'd even seen the sexy water nymph.


After a jarring intro that is signature Miike, the film settles down for the next hour or so in an attempt to get its cards in order before the 52-pickup free-for-all of the finale. Tadashi is a young boy who has moved to a rural village with his mother after a divorce. His father and older sister remained in Tokyo, though only his sister plays any part in the story. The father is a non-entity, undoubtedly a reflection of the MIA fathers who are committed entirely to work, much to the detriment and alienation of their wife and children. Tadashi is having a hard time adjusting to life in the village, where the local bullies pick on him for being a city slicker who ain't down with the ways of the tougher country folk. These being small-town Japanese bullies, they do things like encircle and taunt him lightly, as opposed to the rural elementary school bullies with which I was familiar in Kentucky, who would forego taunting and jump straight to shoving your head in a toilet or throwing coleslaw at you during lunch.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the bulk of humanity (humanity's utter obliviousness to the world around them is a lynchpin of the story), a grim-faced villain named Kato (Etsushi Toyokawa, playing it completely straight-laced despite the insanity of the situation) and his whip-wielding assistant Agi (Chiaki Kuriyama) have established a base inside a giant filth-belching industrial factory, where they use black magic to convert the kind and peace-loving yokai of nature into hideous Shinya Tsukamoto-style cyborgs covered with rust and grime and saw blades. Obviously, Great Yokai War is another in the long line of Japanese films with overt pro-environmental messages -- something I've always thought was as admirable as it was ironic coming from a country that dammed all its rivers and can't get enough delicious, delicious whale meat. Still, you can't really make a proper yokai film set in modern times without dealing with environmental concerns, as the yokai themselves are intrinsically tied to Japan's countryside and natural environment. Tackling a yokai story in the modern era means the domain of the goblins is going to be in direct conflict with modern society. Kato himself is a human who has become a demon. Incensed by the way humans use items then cast them away with total disregard, he has decided to harness the resentment and hatred in the world and use it usher in a new era of darkness.

At a village festival (during which we get a fleeting glimpse of a town square monument to Kitaro himself, a bronze statue which really exists and is part of the hundred-statue yokai monument in the town of Sakaiminato, which is also home to the Mizuki Shigeru Museum, which also makes an appearance in this film), Tadashi is chosen by the ceremonial kirin to be the Kirin Rider, the young lad in charge of defending the village from evil until the next festival. This would be a fun ceremonial post for a young boy to assume were it not for the fact that actual dark forces are threatening Tadashi's new home. Tadashi's grandfather (played by the legendary Bunta Sugawara, of Battles Without Honor and Humanity fame, among others), who alternates between bouts of lucidity and senility, seems to be the only one who understands that Tadashi's new title may be a bit more than a novelty, but it's hard to tell exactly how much he understands.

Things begin to get weird for Tadashi when he is told by the bullies that the Kirin Rider has to journey up to Goblin Cave to retrieve a sacred sword. Once again, although the yokai may be recognizably Japanese, the set-up of the story is universally familiar, or rather, it's familiar to anyone who grew up anywhere near the dark, menacing woods or a house that was rumored to be the home of a witch who ate little kids. It proves that, while the cosmetics of any given story may be particular to a certain country or people, a common chord runs through all the stories and gives them an instantly recognizable and universal appeal.

No sooner has Tadashi set out for Goblin Cave than the yokai start coming out in droves and Tadashi finds himself charged with learning how to be a true Kirin Rider and stopping Kato's apocalyptic scheme. The "chosen one" plot is pretty standard fare for the fantasy genre, in which a seemingly unprepared an incapable person is selected to be the "chosen one" and must discover the strength within and defeat the evil, so on and so forth. To Great Yokai War's credit, it never once actually uses the phrase "chosen one" or "chosen one foretold by the prophecy," so hats off to it for that. The magic, however, is rarely in the uniqueness of the story, but rather, in your execution of tried and true material. Takashi Miike splits his time between working well within the bounds of what we expect from a family-friendly fantasy and pushing it toward greater depths of maturity. The end result is never quite as thrilling as it should be, but it's still plenty fun and has to be commended for its attempt to be something more than just mindless kid's movie fluff.

For starters, there's the sexual tension underlying some of the action. Most obviously, you have Chiaki with her rear hanging out the back of a tiny micro-dress, snapping a whip and cackling hysterically (seems that has become her trademark). On the other hand, you have river nymph Kawahime (Mai Takahashi -- is she the same Mai Takahashi who got debunked as a fake psychic by James Randi, because if she is, that'd be pretty cool), who wears an open-sided tunic with nothing on underneath, showing off a lot of thigh that she doesn't seem to mind the young boy steal a caress of every now and then. Although perhaps sounding a bit inappropriate for a kid's movie, that's only because adults tend to forget what it's like to be a kid, especially an eleven-year-old boy who is just starting to discover, you know, those feelings. At the heart of Great Yokai War is the story of a boy exiting his boyhood and entering his teen years, on his way to becoming an adult. Obviously, some sort of sexual discovery, even one as restrained and innocent as it is here, is going to play a part in the kid's life. I don't know that an American film would take the same chance, which is funny given the voracious way in which American pop culture sexualizes the young.

In fact, it's this concentration on the age-old "boy becomes a man, or at least less of a whiny little kid" motif that gives Great Yokai War it's most effective and surprisingly poignant moment: after the great yokai war has been waged (which is actually a war between a kid, a couple yokai, and a crazy evil guy, with the rest of the yokai just sort of showing up as spectators and revelers), Tadashi has retired his obligations as the Kirin Rider and done some growing up. The fuzzy little yokai who becomes his closest friend (realized via a very crudely animatronic plush toy, which for some reason didn't bug me as much as the crude CGI) tries desperately to get his attention, but Tadashi is a man now, and with maturity he loses the ability to see the yokai who played such a significant role in his life.

The moment is badly undercut by Miike's inclusion of a pointless zinger to open the door for a sequel, but I can almost overlook that based on the strength of the scene otherwise. Since the theme of humans discarding the things of their past plays such an important role in propelling the action, it makes the journey from youth to maturity even more effective. In fact, that theme works on a surprising number of levels. On the surface, there's the simple concept of humans throwing stuff away and polluting the planet, and those things coming back to haunt us. Or eat us. Whatever. On a deeper level, there's the idea that musty old folklore characters like the yokai are being discarded by modern society -- both by the simple act of the society in the story moving on and becoming less in tune with natural surroundings and the spirits who inhabit them, as well as in the real world, where kids seeking modern entertainment have no real interest in a bunch of weirdos from a manga series that was popular in the 1960s. And finally, you have the concept of discarding the things you cherished in your past as you enter adulthood. It's a moment perfectly realized, as corny or weird as it may sound, by a cute little fuzzy critter who looks like a toy trying to get the attention of a young man who once cherished him but has since moved on.

Counterbalancing Tadashi's journey is a journalist who was saved as a young boy by Kawahime and has spent the rest of his life trying in vain to recapture that moment and relive his past. He's a particularly interesting idea (though not an especially well realized character, unfortunately) in an era where much of our adulthood is dedicated to recapturing and romanticizing our childhood (romanticizing largely taking the form of pretending like every single thing that ever happened during the 70s or 80s played a significant role in our lives and constitutes a beloved memory, instead of admitting the reality of the situation, which is that 80% of everything you see on VH1 wasn't that important to you as a kid no matter what commentators born ten years after the date being discussed might be telling you). Although I didn't think his character came of as interesting as he should have been, the journalist does boast the film's best comedic scene, when in the midst of the great yokai royal rumble and all this talk of Kirin Riders, he is being pushed and battered by ghosts he cannot see, at least until he discovers a crate of Kirin Ichiban beer and begins drinking himself silly, at which time he can see the yokai once more (which, aside from being funny and brilliant use of product placement ties in nicely with the common idea that aside from kids, only senile old folks -- like Tadashi's grandfather -- and the town loony can experience the fantasy world, probably because they have been reduced in one way or another to a more accepting and childlike state of mind).

Themes of lost youth and environmental destruction aside, we can evaluate Great Yokai War from a purely action-adventure standpoint. You'd think this would be Miike's strong point, and that he'd be weak on the bittersweet exploration. In fact, the opposite is true. The action is not especially bad or good. It's just never compelling. There's a great battle in the Goblin Cave involving Tadashi, the giant goblin King Tengu (Miike regular Kenichi Endo), Agi, and her army of chainsaw-armed industrial robots, the final showdown between Kato and Tadashi is surprisingly lackluster (though I do like that it's a happy bean that wins the day), though there is a nice thematic continuity in the finale, as Kato randomly discards Agi in the same way humans discard their possessions. The big throwdown between the vast population of yokai who descend upon Tokyo thinking that a festival of darkness is begin staged is clever (the yokai never even seem to realize they're actually fighting a war with Kato's mechanized demons)


There are other clever bits thrown in that show Miike really put a lot of time and effort into writing the script (the first time he gets screenwriting credit, if I'm not mistaken). When Kato's demonic creation (the entire factory becomes a huge demon, in one of the film's moments of good CGI) descends upon Tokyo, a man dismisses the confusion outside by casually quipping that, "It's only Gamera." In a moment of darker humor, a panicking provincial policeman attempts to shoot a rampaging mecha-beast, but his aim is so poor that he misses the monster entirely and manages to hit the monster's intended human victim square between the eyes. Less successful is the comic relief courtesy of the kappa (a turtle-like humanoid, played by Japanese comedian Sadao Abe, who also appeared in Higuchinsky's excellent surrealist horror film, Uzumaki), though he does manage to score a laugh or two, which is more than you can say for most comic relief.

The acting is uniformly good, and each of the players who inhabit the yokai manage to make them human but also bizarrely inhuman. They're familiar, but you can't fully relate to them. The yokai are realized primarily through the use of old-fashioned make-up, masks, and puppetry, though a few are rendered or assisted by CGI, such as the woman with the snakelike neck, the paper wall with eyes, and maybe the stone wall that walks and talks (yokai can get pretty far-out). Kawahime is the most complex of the goblins, aside from being the hottest even with her weird amphibian hands. She began life as a discarded effigy and was rescued by Kato, only to spurn his offer to join him in destroying humanity. At the same time, she is torn between her resentment of mankind and her love for those she saves from drowning. As the young hero Tadashi, Ryunosuke Kamiki manages to avoid being annoying for most of the time, though Miike doesn't seem to have much more for him to do than stumble around and yell a lot. The yelling gets kind of tiresome, even if that's what a kid would really be likely to do when confronted with a massive host of goblins and chainsaw-wielding cyborgs. Still, when he's allowed to, he rises to the occasion and makes for a relatively painless pre-teen hero.

Great Yokai War just barely misses being a great film, but there's really no shame in merely being a very good film. Miike's pacing is still uneven, and while he succeeds with some character development, he fails at other times, making for some spots that drag. The yokai are never as fully realized characters as they should be, with the exception of Kawahime. It's nice to see so many old familiar faces -- both human and yokai -- and as a nostalgia trip (there's that lost youth thing again), Great Yokai War is a lot of fun. As a kid, I would have loved it. As an adult, struggling to remember youth, I merely liked it a lot. Whatever the case, it's a triumphant return for Miike, and with a film that was apparently very near and dear to his heart. I my not have liked it quite as much as I'd hoped, and it has it flaws, but all in all, Great Yokai War is a madcap good time at the movies.

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Friday, January 06, 2006

Godzilla: Final Wars

2005, Japan. Starring Masahiro Matsuoka, Rei Kikukawa, Kazuki Kitamura, Don Frye, Akira Takarada, Kane Kosugi, Maki Mizuno, Masami Nagasawa, Chihiro Otsuka, Kumi Mizuno, Masakatsu Funaki, Masato Ibu. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura. Written by Isao Kiriyama and Ryuhei Kitamura. Purchase from Amazon.com.

It's no exaggeration to say I grew up on Godzilla films. They are the very first movies I remember seeing, back when I was naught but a wee sprout growing up in married student housing at the University of Kentucky back in the early seventies. And Godzilla movies have maintained a constant presence in my cinematic history, whether it's been through watching the movies on Saturday afternoon television matinees, crappy EP VHS tapes from Goodtimes Video, or more recently, restored and uncut on DVD. I love pretty much everything about the Godzilla movies, even the ones that make everyone else groan. Yes, that includes both Godzilla Versus Megalon and Godzilla's Revenge. Come on! When you were a little kid, who didn't want to hang out with Minya and go to Monster Island to watch Godzilla kick some ass while listening to brassy jazz-funk orchestration?

When Godzilla 1985 was released to American theaters, I rushed in to see it and, even though I was only thirteen or so at the time, realized that I'd seen my first truly atrocious movie, though I was happy to discover some years later that the film redeems itself nicely in the original Japanese cut, free of extraneous inserted scenes of Perry Mason staring at a monitor while NORAD guys show cans of Dr. Pepper to the camera. When the Godzilla franchise got itself up and lumbering again in the nineties, I was pretty happy. None of the movies were great, but most of them were entertaining, despite bad ideas like the doe-eyed baby Godzilla or the super-speed android with a receding hairline fighting future men who dress like leprechauns in a movie where they erase Godzilla's existence from history then sit around remembering how they erased Godzilla from history. OK, so time travel is always a tricky gimmick. And it's not like the bad ideas were any worse than some of the ideas from the movies in the seventies. At least they had the good sense not to put Robert Dunham in a mini-tunic and then shoot him from a low angle.

When Godzilla Versus Destroyer rolled around, it seemed to me a fitting way to close the series. Some people were disappointed by the ending, but as I wrote way back when I first saw the film, it was apt in my opinion that Godzilla's final showdown not be with some big spiked monster, but with the Japanese military, the one sometimes-opponent, sometimes-ally that has been with him since the beginning. And Akira Ikufube's requiem for Godzilla was one of his best pieces of music. It was a classy, even moving end to the monster, and Toho should have left well enough alone.

But leaving well enough alone isn't in the power of any movie studio, anywhere in the world, and when Toho thought enough time had passed to whet the public's appetite for a new Godzilla film, and perhaps because they didn't want the American debacle Godzilla to be the monster's last impression on the world, they trotted out Godzilla: Millennium, a serviceable enough Godzilla movie that reminds me in a lot of ways of Godzilla 1985. Godzilla: Millennium wasn't a runaway hit, but it was enough to convince Toho to resurrect the series yet again and churn out some of the worst Godzilla movies ever made, culminating in the one-two punch of Godzilla's rematch with Mechagodzilla in 2002's dreadful Godzilla X Mechagodzilla and 2003's Godzilla, Mothra, Mechagodzilla: Tokyo S.O.S., which wasn't much better. The only bright spot in Godzilla's post-millennial romp was Shinsuke Kaneko's 2001 entry into the series, Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack. Kaneko had proven himself something of a wonderchild when he took Daei Studio's ridiculous giant flying turtle Gamera and made three of the darkest, most complex and compelling giant monster films of all time. The second in his Gamera trilogy, Gamera Versus Legion, is in my opinion one of the top four or five monster films ever made.

For the most part, Kaneko succeeded in bringing his magic to the beleaguered Godzilla franchise, which was plagued by bad scripts, bad movies, and a thunderous lack of any interest at all on behalf of anyone but some of us nerds in the United States. At the same time, however, Kaneko's Godzilla film suffers many of the same maladies that have plagues all of the Godzilla movies since Millennium. Chief among those is the temptation to hit the reset button on Godzilla history. Now, it's not like the series have ever been a slave to continuity, but by the time 2000 rolled around, every single film was treating itself as if it was the first sequel since the original 1954 film. And Kaneko's script introduces some of the most egregious departures from established Godzilla lore: mainly, that he was a dinosaur caught in an atom bomb explosion, mutated, and thus becomes the symbol for man's willingness to dabble with destructive powers he cannot control. Under Kaneko's tutelage, however, Godzilla was given a dippy new age origin that explained him away as the embodiment of the spirits of the war dead, then layered on all sorts of mystical nonsense that just seemed to come out of left field.

Not that Godzilla films are based on hard science or anything, but they always explained the monsters and the destruction in particularly human terms: everything happened because of something awful we did. Even the more fantastical elements of the old movies, like little Mothra twins and monkey-faced spacemen, seemed grounded in some sort of twisted reality. The mystical mumbo-jumbo that crept in to the later films never appealed to me, but in the end, Kaneko's film is so enjoyable on every other level that we can simply ignore his daft re-imagining of Godzilla's origin and just enjoy the movie.

Kaiju fans were hopeful that under Kaneko's guidance, the Godzilla franchise might recover. Sadly, it was not to be. Kaneko left the franchise after just one film, and Masaaki Tezuka was called in to replace him even has public interest and studio investment in further Godzilla projects plummeted to an all-time low. Tezuka's two films represent possibly the lowest point in Godzilla film history. Yep, I think they're much worse than Megalon, Gigan, and even Godzilla's Revenge. And, like most of the new movies, they embrace the idea that the movie must be based around an elite squad of Godzilla fighters wearing ridiculous-looking plastic body armor. I always hated this plot device, and hated it even more so because the human characters the film chose to focus on were just so monumentally boring and generic. Remember when Godzilla movies had human characters like the corn-eating hippy or the two gay guys raising a smiling android? Those were fun and memorable human characters. But the new films are a long way away from Akira Takarada and Kumi Mizuno, even when Kumi Mizuno and Akira Takarada appear in them. Hell, they're even a long way away from the corn-eating hippy and that psychic girl from the 1990s films. It's as if each scriptwriter is challenged to write characters more bland and uninteresting than the last, then concentrate even more time on them.

And why do they all wear cheap, toy body armor made from plastic? I suppose this might look cool in a video game or in anime, but in live action, all it does is remind you how dorky things are that nerd designers think will look cool and tough. And what the hell good does it do to wear body armor, plastic or otherwise, when you're fighting Godzilla? You could charge in wearing a loin cloth and Indian headdress like Ted Nugent and get basically the same effect, but with a lot less noise coming from corny looking plastic plates clacking against one another. I don't know exactly who it was that felt the need to port Power Rangers sensibilities into the Godzilla films, but damn them to hell for what they did.

Which brings us to 2004. The wheels have pretty much fallen off the cart by this point. But Toho insists on dragging Godzilla through the mud one last time. 2004 is, after all, the 50th anniversary of the original film, so Toho decides they need to mark the occasion by releasing another movie. The public, once again, couldn't care less, but the fans still scattered across the world are tentatively hopeful when Toho announces that they'll be reversing their previous mode of operation and actually upping the budget and length of the shoot for this, the final film (if you're counting, I think this makes the fourth final film). They also announced that it would incorporate foes, weapons, and homages to all of Godzilla's past films. And Ryuhei Kitamura would be directing.

That last announcement is what really phased people. A final film is nothing new for Godzilla fans. He's had more final tours than The Ramones had. And homages and old foes? Also no big shock. Most of the new movies had resurrected previous foes, and some of the recent ones had even included clips from old movies like War of the Gargantuas. But Ryuhei Kitamura? In Japan, he's sort of a failure as a director, but since almost every Japanese movie is a box-office failure in Japan, you can't really hold that against him. He is, however, a solid cult icon in the United States, where his zombie-gangster black comedy Versus turned all sorts of heads, including I will admit, my own. It was a very simple film, but hugely entertaining if not a bit long for what it needed to accomplish. By the time he released the ninja fantasy Azumi, Kitamura had proven a few things. First, that he could helm a larger, more complex movie. Second, that he loved insane flying CGI kungfu stunts. And third, that he could drag any eighty-minute concept out to well over two hours by layering his script with meandering convolutions.

Despite his weaknesses, I've enjoyed the Kitamura films I've seen, but he didn't seem like the right man to helm a Godzilla film. Not as daft a choice as, say, Takashi Miike, but still questionable. His knack is for outrageous kungfu action informed by anime and video games, full of stylized posing and grimacing. Would he be able to leave his taste for overblown kungfu mayhem behind and make a proper Godzilla film? Or would he turn in an absurd mix of video game nonsense and lots of people in plastic body armor striking foolish looking anime poses that, for some reason, some nerds still think looks cool?

Well, it turns out that, for the most part, he turns in the latter. Godzilla: Final Wars is a complete mess of a movie, and like all the recent Godzilla films, it focuses on colossally generic human characters who are part of an elite Godzilla fighting force that wears cheap-looking toy armor and has a tendency to strike even goofier poses than their predecessors. Look, man! Anime poses just aren't cool when real people do them. They're not really even that cool when cartoon people do them, so cut it out. And like all of Kitamura's films, there's a good movie buried under mountains of nonsense and crap and flying kungfu men.

The action begins in the 1960s, when the flying sub Atragon -- yes, that Atragon -- is locked in mortal combat with Godzilla in the Antarctic. Why would Godzilla be in the Antarctic? Holiday, I reckon. Atragon is unable to kill Godzilla, but they do manage to bury him under tons and tons of ice, presumably as an homage to Godzilla Raids Again, the Godzilla movie no one remembers. I suppose Godzilla could melt his way out if he really wanted to, but he seems content to let the ice imprison him and send him into a state of hibernation.

Skip forward to the future. Monsters are commonplace in the world, and it's up to the crew of the latest version of Atragon to wrangle them. We meet Captain Gordon (Ultimate Fighting star Don Frye), who looks like a cross between Stacey Keach and Jesse Ventura, with one of the most majestic moustaches since Burt Reynolds and Maurizio Merli. Gordon is helming one of the latest Atragon type subs and is locked in mortal combat with good ol' Manda, the dragony, sea serpent thing we haven't seen since...when? Destroy All Monsters? Gordon defeats the beast but lands on the bad side of Earth Defense Force Commander Akiko Namikawa (Kumi Mizuno, the legendary Toho fantasy girl from the 1960s, who also appeared in 2002's Mechagodzilla as the Prime Minister) and gets him suspended.

We then take a break from the monster movie so Kitamura can indulge in his addiction to ripping off kungfu scenes from The Matrix as we watch two members of M Unit, this week's super Godzilla fighting squad, fly around in a training facility and execute all sorts of ludicrous mid-air kungfu acrobatics. As tired and trite as it has become, Kitamura still loves that bullet-time "freeze the action and rotate the camera around" effect that I assumed everyone would be tired of by now. It turns out the two soldiers -- Ozaki (television actor Masahiro Matsuoka) and Kazama (Kane Kosugi, son of the legendary Sho Kosugi, and star of all sorts of goofy Japanese sentai and video game fighting movies) -- are actually mutants, but instead of mutant stuff like having a third arm or a deformed psychic twin growing out of their crotches, their mutant power is that they are really good at ripping off Matrix-style CGI fight special effects, then making insanely corny cliched speeches about the power within.

M-Unit, or M-Force, or whatever it is they're called, is full of mutants, and when they aren't training in kungfu, they're using their kungfu to fight giant monsters. Yep, you may be used to things like wave after wave of tanks and MASER cannons rolling across the Japanese countryside en route to being melted by Godzilla, but these guys actually fight giant monsters toe-to-toe. Ozaki, the compassionate one, is assigned to escort a pretty molecular biologist who is examining a strange giant monster mummy that's been found, leaving Kazama, presumably, to sit in his room watching a copy of Casshern as he continues to hone his generic anime brooding and posing skills. It turns out the mummy contains traces of the same substance present in both the mutants and the monsters. The Cosmos, those little twins from the Mothra films, show up to show off their cute new pixie haircuts, and also conveniently explain that the mummy is Gigan, an alien cyborg that was defeated by Mothra some 12,000 years ago.

If this is a lot of plot summary, forgive me. Kitamura makes movies that either have almost no plot at all or so much plot that it's actually like watching five movies at once, with no promise that he's ever going to bother tying any of the plots in with each other. So please bear with me, and I promise that eventually this movie will have Godzilla in it again.

The Cosmos Greek Chorus is interrupted by the sudden appearance of ornery monsters all over the world. Rodan appears in New York in a merciful bid to end the worst "crazy jive-ass pimp versus a cop" scene ever filmed. Other monsters appear elsewhere around the world, including Kumonga, Spiga the spider, Anguiras, and even fluffy ol' King Caesar. Oh, come on! No Gabera? Tokyo, by all accounts, gets off pretty lightly as it is set upon by Ebirah, the giant shrimp from Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster. If you have to get attacked by a monster, that's a pretty easy one. And delicious. The M Organization mutants make quick work of Ebirah in one of the film's better moments, but all this does is lead into the appearance of a giant spaceship. Yes, we're once again meeting the Xians from Planet X, though this time they have left behind their curly-toed elf boots and new wave sunglasses and opted for the fruity tight black leather overcoats favored by anyone who ever set out to imitate The Matrix.

You know, The Matrix really wasn't that good a movie, so I don't know why every sci-fi guy has to dress up like the characters from The Matrix. Have you ever really tried to fight while wearing a skintight leather catsuit and overcoat? There's a reason that after thousands of years of military uniform evolution, we've never adopted the skintight black catsuit and overcoat. Mobsters don't even where that shit, despite their flare for the theatrical. They prefer the flexibility and easy washing care of a track suit. Anyway, the new Xians all look like they just stumbled out of some cheap Hollywood film about vampires hanging out in an industrial-goth club, and of course they all have flamboyant anime hair. Doesn't anyone in the military, human or Xian, have to shave their heads anymore? When did ten gallons of styling putty and three hours of primping time become standard for the military of any planet?

Riding shotgun with the Xians is the Prime Minister (Toho fantasy and monster movie veteran Akira Takarada, showing none of the charisma we all know he possesses), who announces that these aliens have come to our planet to rid it of evil monsters, cure disease, and presumably, release a series of grating Marilyn Manson-style industrial albums. Now, we all know that secretly they are controlling the monsters and intend to kill us, because that's what people from Planet X always do. It turns out that the M-Factor (since X-Factor was previous taken) that makes mutants into mutants also allows the Xians to control them, so before too long they're puppeteering the whole of M Organization except for the noble-hearted Ozaki.

Ozaki and his sexy biologist friend team up with some others who know the truth and realize that the only man in the world with moustache enough to sock it to the Xians is Captain Gordon. As the Xians unleash all the monsters in a bid to completely destroy human society, Gordon goes searching for the only weapon powerful enough to defeat monsters and the aliens who control them: Godzilla.

Remember him? You may have forgotten about him amid all of Kitamura's CGI kungfu antics and posing aliens and people who can't shoot a gun without flipping around twenty times, then crossing their arms and holding the guns behind their backs or something. Jesus, just fire the damn gun and get it over with. This is worse than in Ballistic Kiss when other hitmen would stand around for ten minutes and watch Donnie Yen's hitman character dance about and pretend to be conducting an orchestra with his guns before shooting everyone. When you have a gun, despite what some movies think, it's not cool looking to twirl about and strike poses, then shoot it only when you've assumed the least advisable posture for firing a gun. And for the love of God, holding them sideways was bad enough. Holding them sideways and then crossing your arms at the wrists while you shoot is absolutely preposterous. Unfortunately, this is where Kitamura's interest lies. The inclusion of giant monsters is almost a contractual afterthought. Hired to make a Godzilla film, he made a loud, shallow, unoriginal kungfu space movie, then inserted shots of Godzilla and other monsters from time to time.

Anyway, this is getting really long-winded, so let me summarize, now that Godzilla is back in the picture: Godzilla rampages through one monster after the other until he and Mothra end up facing off against Gigan and King Ghidorah while Captain Gordon, his moustache, Ozaki (who emerges in another Matrix rip-off as some sort of chosen one), and a few other people duke it out with the Xians on board the spaceship. The unbridled monster carnage as Godzilla tackles one foe after another is the highlight of the film and, ultimately, why we are here. The endless CGI Matrix kungfu battles between Ozaki and the Xians where no one seems to get hurt or fight with any sort of point in mind are considerably less welcome.

Oh yeah, through it all, some hunter and his grandson travel around with Minya/Minilla, the pot-bellied progeny of Godzilla. They have almost nothing to do other than show up and comment on the fact that, yes, things are being destroyed. There's also a red herring plot about the wandering star Gorath, and plenty of other stuff thrown in, but if I was to go into detail about every irrelevant or nonsensical point Kitamura lobs into the mix, we'd be here all month. Minilla figures into the final moments of the film, but exactly why and what relation it has to Godzilla is completely unexplained. I guess Kitamura assumes anyone still watching Godzilla movies at this point already knows who Minilla is, so there's no need to explain things when you could just film him driving around in a pick-up truck.

The score is easily the worst of any Godzilla film. Tapping none other than prog-rock synth addict Keith Emerson to provide much of the score, Kitamura relies primarily on the ultra-generic techno-dance crap that he's used in so many other films. That and pointless, outdated bullet-time shots tie this movie in a lot closer to House of the Dead than I would ever want to admit. When we're not assaulted with lame video game techno fight themes, Emerson sounds like he worked out the entire synth score in under five minutes on a Casio keyboard he found in thr trash outside of Radio Shack. It's thin, uninspired, and lacks any of the power of the old Ikufube scores. Thanks to Kitamura for using the old Ikufube fight anthem, but the rest of the techno dance garbage was just wretched.

So what are we left with? Well, for starter's Godzilla's bloated swansong was a bomb at the box office. Kitamura was charged with resurrecting a dead franchise, and given that and the fact that almost all domestic Japanese films not prefaced by the credit "A Hayo Miyazaki Film" bomb at the Japanese box office, it was a suicide mission from the outset. Kitamura's name is enough to excite U.S. fans, but that's about it.

Most of this review has concentrated on what's wrong with the film, so let me take a break and address the things it does right. Well, sort of.

First, the special effects are heads above anything we've seen in any of the other recent Godzilla films. Kitamura piles on so much CGI that making it realistic isn't even the point. He goes for escapist fantasy a la most of the big sci-fi films these days, and after the experience of Casshern, Japanese effects houses seem to be up to speed. The monster action is great, and the designs are all good. Rather than redesigning most of the monsters, Kitamura sticks to the more classic designs. And when he does do a redesign, as with Ghidorah, it's subtle and effective. Godzilla's march through the legions of monsters is also some of the best no-holds-barred monster wrestling we've had since Destroy All Monsters, the movie which seems very much to be the template for this one. The scenes of global devastation are some of the most effective scenes a Godzilla movie has pulled off since the original.

On the flipside, however, Kitamura's complete lack of restraint means he blows through each monster battle too quickly -- sometimes in seconds, so no single battle every stands out. Ultimately, it plays like a series of clips advertising longer monster fights somewhere else. Kitamura could have cut twenty minutes of awful Matrix kungfu and replaced that with longer monster clashes that actually develop a story and character, and this would have been an infinitely better movie. He obviously has no real interest in making a Godzilla film. As I wrote earlier, the kungfu spaceman antics are where his interest lies. As such, not a single one of the monsters is given any sort of personality. They are just props, and although watchign Godzilla tear through them is fun, it also has no meaning whatsoever. As Godzilla's final war, there should have been more emotion invested in the monsters, or at least in Godzilla. Instead, they're treated much the same was as any other prop, and it seems Kitamura can't wait to hustle them off screen so he can trot out his next Matrix imitation fight scene. I know some people try to pass this slavish imitation off as "clever parody," but if it's parody, it fails, and parody or not, that doesn't make it any more interesting to watch. If Kitamura wants to poke fun at sci-fi film conventions as he goes, that's A-OK. He should just make sure that what he's doing will be interesting, and he needs to understand that WE GOT IT THE FIRST TIME. If this is parody, he delivers it with of the subtlety of Mr. T wielding a sledge hammer in a crystal shop.

Where as many of the previous Godzilla films have seemed little more than substandard kiddie films, Kitamura, it appears, set out to make the world's nerdiest Godzilla film. That is to say, he's making a film specifically for Japanese sci-fi film nerds, and American fans of Japanese sci-fi at that. He knows that trotting out Atragon, or a cameo by Hedorah, is going to get all us pathetic nerds excited, and he's right. It is fun. This isn't really a bad thing, but he can never make up his mind what sort of film he wants to make. Monster intrigue is continuously undercut by his need to showcase bullet-time infested fight scenes that have nothing to do with anything, and he'll follow an intense and well-planed moment with something like having a wacky pimp's hat fly off with old radio show "fooop!" sound effects when Rodan flies by. As is often the case since Kitamura move don from the lean, quasi-plotless forest of Versus into actual storytelling, he can't settle on a single story to tell, and so crams four or five of them into a single movie, to the detriment of all the stories involved.

The good things here, in a standard 90-minute movie, would tip the scales in Final Wars favor, but Kitamura is physically incapable of making a movie under two hours, and while I generally like long movies, most of what pads out Final Wars is just needless bloat. Extended computer-assisted fight scenes and motorcycle chases, not to mention a solid thirty minutes or so devoted entirely to characters striking inane anime and Power Ranger poses, puff up the film's running time without ever adding anything of value. The acting is as bland as the characters. Even old pros like Kumi and Akira can't do much with the tissue-thin characters with whom the film chooses to spend so much time. Kane Kosugi does nothing but brood and mumble, which seems to be what nerdy film writers think passes for cool and intense.

At the same time, in his defense, goofy padded plots are nothing new to Godzilla films. Nor is having Godzilla MIA for much of the film. But the human characters in the older films always carried their end of the plot, at least for me, and became characters you could remember and even care about, however ham-fisted they may have been. The new films, Final Wars included, seem to work on a cockeyed equation that demands that the thinner, more generic, and duller the characters, the more time we must spend in their company. I really don't mind the human aspect of a Godzilla film when that human aspect is engaging or includes boat theft and all-night go-go dancing contests, but Final Wars just has nothing to offer us in terms of characters, then offers it to us in abundance anyway.

The only exception is Don Frye, and I'm not just saying that because his moustache is as thick and mysterious as the African interior circa 1850. Frye isn't really a good actor. Most of the time, he delivers his lines like he just woke up and stuffed a mouthful of Skoal into his cheek. But it works for his character, he looks cool, and something about him is likeable and charismatic, and that makes his turn as the gruff, tough, but lovable Captain Gordon the only convincing acting job in the whole film. There hasn't been a decent white dude in a Godzilla film since Nick Adams called Kumi Mizuno "baby," but Frye won me over.

For me, even a bad Godzilla film is better than most good films, and while I do consider Final Wars to be a pretty bad film, it's a hell of a lot better than those last two Mechagodzilla films. I really didn't like it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, as time wears on, I'll grow fonder of the mess and hold it in the same regard I hold some of those films from the 1970s. It's just going to take a while for me to get over my initial distaste at just how incredibly goofy all the posing and flipping is. When you can manage to make something seem goofy in the midst of a movie where a radiated dinosaur is punching a walking blob of pollution in the face while two pixies ride around on a giant moth, then that's really an accomplishment.

This spastic movie is as much a disaster as the carnage left behind by Godzilla, but there's still something in it that keeps me from thoughtlessly tossing it on the trash heap alongside other recent, bloated Japanese sci-fi films full of posing guys and people in dorky costumes that are supposed to be cool but just come across as soulless chores (Casshern, I'm looking in your direction -- if I can ever manage to finish you, that is). Ryuhei Kitamura knew people weren't interested in the stock Godzilla formula. So he attempted to recast the Godzilla film against a backdrop of the hyperactive and over-stylized kungfu action he loves so much. It didn't work for me, but I appreciate his effort to meld the old with something new (not that stealing Matrix fight scenes is anything new at this point, but you know what I mean). What this movie really lacks in any sense of heart or charm. It's just big and loud, with no real purpose, and nothing of the endearing air of the older movies despite trotting out every monster it could think of. Kitamura mistakes fanboy in-jokes and self-referential nostalgia dropping as something clever. Ultimately, in a desperate rush to trot out guys in leather Cenobite wear, Kitamura and Toho completely dismissed one of the most important defining aspects of Godzilla movies, and of all the fantasy films Toho made: there is no cornball message. No, "Now you have learned the errors of your ways" or warning about pollution or the dangers of kidnapping tiny twins who control a giant vengeful moth. There can't be a cornball message, because Final Wars ultimately has nothing to say and has no point. It's all posing and flashy editing. So maybe that's the stern warning about the future: this movie teache sus the dangers of what happens when people start making movies with less plot and cohesive narrative than video games.

Kitamura needs someone to keep him on a leash and tell him when something is a bad idea, because stripped of all the juvenile Power Rangers kungfu poses and CGI fight scenes, there's a good Godzilla film in here somewhere, and he ruined it.

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