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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Tip Not Included (1966)

AKA A Cold-Blooded Affair
Directed by Helmuth Ashley
George Nader, Yvonne Monlaur, Heinz Weiss, Horst Tappert, Christian Doermer, Ullrich Haupt, Richard Münch
Music by Peter Thomas

Tip Not Included is the fourth in the eight film Jerry Cotton series. As with most entries, it plays more like a detective story than a spy film. Jerry deals more with your garden variety hoodlum and scum, than your megalomaniac with plans to take over the world. The series, while being action packed, suffered from miniscule budgets. The films are chock full of American stock footage and most of the big set pieces are done using rear projection with varying degrees of success. Before I begin the review, I would like to say Tip Not Included, has some of the sloppiest, laugh inducing rear projection I have ever seen.

The film! We launch into some seriously swinging titles, with a montage of Jerry’s red E-type Jaguar, shots being fired from a pistol and neon lights, all accompanied by Peter Thomas jazzy score. It gets the film off on the right foot. Jerry (George Nader) emerges from the titles and swaggers into a nightclub, checks out some booty as it wiggles past, and then orders a double scotch.

Also sitting at the bar is Thomas Wheeler (Christian Doermer). Wheeler is a chemist who has been out of work for quite a while but has stumbled onto a scheme that might help him out of his predicament...but more on that later. At the moment Wheeler is at the club to see Phylis Vernon (Yvonne Monlaur) who is a singer at the club. As Phylis warbles out a pleasing torch song, two thugs enter the club and forcibly remove Wheeler from his barstool. Outside the hoodlums start to give Wheeler a good pounding, but of course, Jerry has tailed them outside and intervenes. Jerry overpowers the brutes and has them handcuffed for the police, but in the commotion Wheeler has disappeared. Not even a thank you! Jerry consoles Phylis and gives her his card.

Wheeler stumbles back to his apartment and finds a man, bathed in shadow waiting for him. Whatever Wheeler’s money-making scheme is it seems as if there is another interested party. Wheeler is offered a deal. ‘50-50 or you’re a dead man!’ Wheeler naturally accepts. And he accepts a miniature radio, so he can communicate with his new silent partner.

What is Wheeler’s scheme I hear you ask? Wheeler is working for a gang headed by Charles Anderson (Horst Tappert), another of New York’s leading mobsters. Anderson’s gang, who’s secret base is a wrestling arena, are planning to hold up an armoured car that leaves from the Treasury Clearing House on Wall Street every day. It is Wheeler’s job to come up with the smokepots that will be used in the robbery.

On the next morning the Treasury Clearing House is preparing for it’s usual delivery. The Head Of The Treasury, Mr Clark, is waiting for his Chief Controller, George Davis (Ullrich Haupt) to arrive, before sending his shipment off. But Davis had been mugged the night before and was now in the Riverside Hospital. The money shipment is postponed.
It’s time for the F.B.I.’s best man, Jerry Cotton to go to work. Mr High, Jerry’s boss contact him on his car phone. High suspects the mugging is related to the money transfer but cannot be sure. Jerry goes to the hospital to interview Davis. Davis is of little help to Jerry. In fact his responses border on antagonistic. Next Jerry interviews, Mr Clark, the Head of the Treasury. Jerry suggests that the days money shipment should go ahead, but with an unladen van. That way if a robbery attempt was made, the cash wouldn’t be at risk. Clark agrees and the armoured van is sent off.
Through a set of binoculars, perched high on the penthouse floor of a high rise building, Anderson watches as the armoured vans unload their precious cargo. Anderson realises that the van being sent out is just a rouse. Even though his men are is position, he postpones the robbery.

Using the radio given to him, by his silent partner, Wheeler tries to make contact, but is discovered by one of Anderson’s men. Wheeler flees and a highway chases ensues. Wheeler ends up driving his car into a ditch and it explodes in a ball of flame. But Anderson doesn’t know who Wheeler was working for. He formulates a plan to capture Phylis and pry the information from her.

Meanwhile at the Treasury Department, Jerry advises Mr. Clark not to ship any money until all the loose ends regarding Davis’ mugging are tied up. Clark ignores Jerry and loads armoured van with a total of thirteen million dollars worth of bank notes and diamonds.

From his hi-rise position Anderson watches as the van is loaded and alerts his gang that the heist is going ahead.
The van follows its regular route out of the city. Anderson’s men are ready and as the van drives under an overpass a magnetic bomb drops down, first to the road, and then attaches itself to the underside of the van as it passes over it. The bomb is detonated by remote control by Anderson and the van crumples like an aluminium beer can under foot.
A circular necklace of smokepots are set off around the wreck and Anderson’s goons, wearing gasmasks steal the contents of the armoured van and load it into the back of an ambulance. As the police arrive on the scene, the gang simply drive off in the ambulance under the nose of the constabulary.

As head of the Treasury, Clark doesn’t take news of the heist well. He blames himself for not listening to Jerry Cotton’s advice. Like a circling pack of vultures, the Press are outside his office and want his head on a platter. Despondently, he pulls a gun from his desk drawer and is about to blow his brains out, when Jerry bursts into the room and stops him. To relieve the pressure from Clark, Jerry announces to the Press that it was his idea that the armoured shipment proceed. But Jerry’s act of kindness backfires, as Clark has a heart attack and dies. And now, the true facts are buried, and the public is baying for Jerry’s blood.

In the aftermath, F.B.I. chief, Mr High, has no option but to suspend Jerry from active duty. Jerry’s occasional partner, Phil Decker takes over Jerry’s case load. As a piece of parting advice, Jerry’s suggests to check the morgue. After a robbery of this size, there usually is strife between the perpetrators, often resulting in murder. He tells Phil to check for hints of the smoke used in the robbery.

After the robbery, Andersons gang still has unfinished business with Phylis Vernon. She is kidnapped and locked in an office at a rail yard. Luckily for her, the phone is still connected and she calls Jerry Cotton (with the details on the card that he gave her at the start of the film). She gives Jerry directions to where she is being held. But it is all a trap. Anderson has tapped the phone.

When Jerry arrives, he drives into a veritable shower of bullets. Taking deliberate aim, Jerry shoots at a rail petrol tanker. The tanker explodes in a giant mushroom of flame. Anderson and his hoods flee the scene. Jerry rescues Phylis, but is promptly arrested for blowing up the tanker, after all, he isn’t an F.B.I. agent any more.

Tip Not Included, is a small step down from the last instalment in the Jerry Cotton series (The Trap Snaps Shut At Midnight) but still reasonable entertainment, if you can get over the technical deficiencies. One strong point in it’s favour is George Nader. He grounds the Cotton films and gives them a sense of continuity. The fact he appears in all the films in the series creates an almost familial ambience. After all, most Eurospy films feature different actors in each instalment (for example OSS 117, Coplan etc.).

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posted by David at 4:34 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Trap Snaps Shut At Midnight (1966)

AKA: 3-2-1 Countdown For Manhattan
Directed by Harald Philipp
George Nader, Horst Frank, Heinz Weiss, Dominique Wilms, Monika Grimm, Richard Münch
Music by Peter Thomas

The name is Cotton, Jerry Cotton. The West German series of Jerry Cotton films may seem like an attempt to cash in on the success of the James Bond. Maybe there is a little bit of that, but Jerry Cotton has a huge fan base in German speaking countries. Jerry first made a splash in book form. The first book appeared in 1954, and as of 2005 there were 2,500 Cotton stories written. Just in shear weight of numbers the Cotton series is a whole lot larger than Bond. It is therefore logical that Cotton’s adventures would sooner or later end up on the big screen.

The Trap Snaps Shut At Midnight is the third film in the series of Jerry Cotton films starring George Nader. The series was made in West Germany, but set in the U.S.A., so there is plenty of stock footage and rear projection. But this entry in the series is good fun, but plays more like a detective story than a spy film.

The movie opens with scenes very reminiscent of Clouzot’s The Wages Of Fear, where an explosive dump at the Hartland Dam site has gone up in flames. Lumbering towards the inferno is a regular delivery of twenty drums of nitro-glycerine. Unlike The Wages Of Fear, they don’t need the nitro to extinguish the blaze and the truck is turned away. The drivers make their return trip with a fully laden truck. As is their routine, they stop at a diner for something to eat and to harass the attractive waitress who is working there.

Whilst carousing with the waitress the explosive truck is stolen by two men, Lou Hutton (Gert Günther Hoffman) and Krotsky (Friedrich G. Beckhaus), but the hi-jackers don’t realise the truck is full of nitro. They simply needed a truck. Once they realise their mistake, Krotsky scarpers, and Hutton soldiers on alone.

When we next see the explosives truck being driven by Hutton, it is on a crowded New York street, and Hutton ploughs the front end through the window of Cartier and then flees. During the commotion, a svelte blonde named Maureen (Dominique Wilms) helps herself to a selection of diamonds from the store. Arriving late on the scene, the police are worried that the truck will explode any minute. But they are unjustified in their panic as Hutton had unloaded the nitro. But that raises another problem - there are twenty drums of nitro-glycerine hidden in the city and the refrigerated containers they are in will only keep them stable for another forty-eight hours. And to make matters worse, New York is in the grip of a heatwave. That’s where the F.B.I. come in.

The clock is ticking. Enter Jerry Cotton and his partner Phil Decker (Heinz Weiss). While Jerry and Phil receive their briefing from their boss, Mr High (what a great name for the head of F.B.I. - played by Richard Münch), Maureen places the stolen diamonds in a locker at the train station and mails the key to Ruth Warren (Monika Grimm), who happens to be Hutton’s girlfriend.

Like any city where organised crime is rife, the Mob are not pleased when a caper is pulled and they don’t get their cut. Larry Link (Horst Frank), New York’s number one mobster, wants to know who pulled the Cartier job, and obviously wants his share. He sends his goons out to find the culprits.

Meanwhile, Jerry starts his investigation at the diner where the truck had been stolen from. By tracing the dialled phone numbers from the pay phone at the diner, Jerry is lead to Hutton’s girlfriend, Ruth Warren.

Simultaneously Link’s men capture Krotsky, the second man in the truck hi-jacking. After some friendly torture, Krotsky reveals that he didn’t take part in the robbery; that he had fled the scene once he realised the truck was full of nitro-glycerine. No longer interested in the diamonds, Link’s thoughts turn to getting his hands on the drums of nitro. With that much explosive he could hold the city to ransom. Link sends his goons out to track Hutton, starting at Ruth Warren’s apartment.

Link’s men turn up first at Warren’s apartment, which is at the top of multi-storey apartment complex, and decide to wait till Hutton arrives. Because of the heat, whilst waiting, the mobsters order a case of beer to keep them cool. Jerry and Phil arrive as the case is being taken up in the elevator by a delivery boy. Thinking it strange that a woman would need so much beer, Jerry deduces that she isn’t alone and instead of going direct to her apartment, goes to the roof and commandeers a window washing rig. He lowers himself down outside Warren’s apartment and then crawls out on a ledge. Link’s men notice Jerry and suggest he moves on, but Jerry forces open a window (which is more like a door - but there is no balcony?) and leaps into the apartment. But a quick thinking mobster slams the window back closed on Jerry. The window shatters, and Jerry falls back outside, surely to his death!

One of the hallmarks of the Jerry Cotton series, is the way Jerry miraculously escapes from ‘certain death’ situations. This film is no exception and at the last second, Jerry grabs a rope that it is dangling from the window washing rig. Hanging precariously, he starts to crawl back up. Now, your probably wondering what Phil, Jerry’s partner, has been doing all this time? Well, he was waiting outside the door to Warren’s apartment. Hearing the glass shatter and Jerry fall, Phil burst through the door and holds the mobsters at gunpoint. But Phil isn’t too observant and one of Link’s men sneaks up behind him and clocks him over the head with a piece of broken glass. Phil goes down.
But Phil’s actions have given Jerry time to climb back up and he bounds through the window and a fist fight erupts. Once the fists start flying, the mobsters flee. The good news is Ruth Warren is okay, and apart from having their egos dented Jerry and Phil are too. Warren tells Jerry where Hutton is waiting for her, and she gives him the key to the locker where the diamonds are hidden.

This film features a few more good set pieces. Later, Link gets his hands on the twenty drums of nitro and holds the city to ransom. Raising the stakes, Link also calls a major newspaper and tells them that there are drums of nitro hidden in the city and the F.B.I. refuses to pay the ransom. To prove that he is serious, Link intends to explode one of the drums in a very public place in New York. The press release the story and panic breaks out. All the highways are blocked as the citizens attempt to flee.

By tracing the detonating device required to set off a canister of nitro, Jerry and the team track the drum to the Manhattan Bridge where it dangles precariously from the girders underneath. In front of some dubious rear-projection, Jerry struggles with one of Link’s henchmen balanced on the metal beams. The henchman falls to his death and Jerry stops the canister from exploding with seconds to spare. A close call.

Link still has nineteen drums of nitro, and it’s up to Jerry to find them, and stop Link from doing some real damage. Does Jerry save the day? Of course he does as there are another five films to follow in the series, but you don’t really want me to give the ending away?

As I mentioned at the outset, this film is great fun and moves so quickly, the technical deficiencies barely have time to register. The Jerry Cotton films may not be the best Eurospy series to come out of the sixties, but it certainly have to be one of the most enjoyable.

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posted by David at 12:16 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Friday, March 28, 2008

The Body In Central Park (1967)

AKA: The Brooklyn Murder Club, Murderer's Club Of Brooklyn
Directed by Werner Jacobs
George Nader, Heinz Weiss, Helmut Fornbacher, Karl Spenanek, Helmuth Rudolph, Helga Anders, Helmut Kircher, Rudi Schmitt, Dagmar Lassander, Ira Hagen
Music by Peter Thomas
Based on the novel by Gustav H. Lubb

The Body In Central Park is the fifth film in the West German Jerry Cotton series. It is also the first to be shot in colour - although this may have been an after-thought, because the pre-title sequence is in black and white. And even though a bit more money was thrown at this production, is still uses a large amount of rear-projection - some good, and some pretty bad!

Here's how Jerry gets drawn into the action this time: FBI Agents, Jerry Cotton (George Nader) and Phil Decker (Heinz Weiss) are invited to a lavish party in New Brighton. Upon arrival, three business men, McCormick (Rudi Schmitt), Johnson (Helmuth Rudolph), and the host Dyers (Karl Stepanek), confess that they have received blackmail threats. Each of them of them have been asked to supply the blackmailers, one million dollars or some harm will befall their children.

Before Jerry and Phil have had a chance to sample the selection of fine food from the buffet a team of masked men with machine guns gatecrash the party. As the party guests are kept at bay, the 'perps' rush up stairs and kidnap Jean Dyers (Dagmar Lassander). They disappear into the night with their hostage. Naturally Jerry and Phil tried to give chase, but the tires to their cars had been slashed.

It's only after the kidnappers are in the clear, do they realise they have made a mistake. They did not grab Jean Dyers, they have grabbed her best friend, Sally Chester (Ira Hagen). Sally is of no use to the kidnappers, so they kill her, and leave her body in Central Park.

Mr. Dyers receives a new blackmail letter. This one says, pay the money or Jean's fate will be the same as Sally's. They leave instructions to leave the money in a locker at Kennedy Airport. Dyers arranges for the money, and as you'd expect from the F.B.I.'s top men, Jerry and Phil are at the airport, watching and waiting.

There's a few good set pieces in this movie, and without giving too much away, the first features a chase through the New York Subway. And Jerry once again, gets to prove his prowess at crawling around on moving vehicles - one scene takes place on a moving freight train, and another on a refrigerated tray truck.

Like most of the entries in the Jerry Cotton series, The Body In Central Park is more of a crime film than a spy film, but it is still worthy of inclusion here. In fact this installment plays a bit like a Raymond Chandler mystery, with a 'whodunnit' element to the plot - rather than an outright villain.

The score by Peter Thomas is pretty good too. It is not as jazzy as earlier efforts, and in places, even ventures into electronic sounds (maybe Thomas had been listening to Oskar Sala). But naturally enough, whenever Jerry performs one of his trademark, outrageous stunts, we are treated to the whistling Jerry Cotton theme.

I enjoyed this entry in the Jerry Cotton series very much. I recommend it highly to fans of the series, and if you have never seen a Jerry Cotton film, and wondering where to start, this is a bit glossier than the earlier entries and as such is a bit more accessible. Maybe this is the one to try.

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posted by David at 1:36 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Le Magnifique (1973)

Directed by Philippe De Broca
Jean Paul Belmondo, Jacqueline Bisset, Vittorio Caprioli, Hans Meyer, Monique Tarbés
Music by Claude Bolling

Le Magnifique starts with an inspired Bond rip-off sequence, where a secret agent in a telephone booth is airlifted by helicopter and dropped into the ocean. But the ill-fated agents trouble doesn’t end there. Trapped in the booth, he drifts down to the sea bed, where a caged shark awaits to be released into the booth. The violent death of this agent forces the Head of the Secret Service to assign the best secret agent they have; Bob St. Clare (Jean-Paul Belmondo). Bob St. Clare is suave, self confident and lethal, and quickly finds himself in Acapulco and in the arms of the beautiful Tatiana (Bisset). But their interlude is interrupted when they are attacked on the beach by an army of scuba divers, armed with machine guns.

At this point the movie pulls the rug out from under the audience and reveals that Bob St. Clare is the fictional alter ego of reclusive novelist, François Merlin (also played by Jean-Paul Belmondo). Merlin creates a fantasy life within his novels far more exciting than his own, one in which characters from the real world drop in unannounced.

Jacqueline Bisset, looking her finest (even better than The Deep – although I do miss that wet t-shirt) plays the female lead, Merlin’s neighbour Christine (a sociologist) in the real world, and Tatiana, a beautiful, scantily clad operative in the imaginary one. But in this movie most of the sexual situations are based on misunderstandings, rather than conquest for power. And wait till the end, which I won’t reveal – it’ll will show you just how confused the characters are sexually (in a humorous ‘French’ way, of course!)

Le Magnifique is not particularly psychedelic like some of the late 60’s spy films, but it has some surreal moments, with events from the real world intruding on the literary one. Notable sequences include the cleaning lady vacuuming a path through the centre of a gun battle on the beach, and the arrival of the François’ son during a torture sequence in a South American pyramid.

Vittorio Caprioli plays the dual role of Merlin’s editor, who has less than honourable intentions towards Christine (Bisset), and he also plays the black leather clad Colonel Karpof the Head of the Albanian Secret Service. As this is a comedy there is no real menace to the villain and the henchmen all drop like tenpins. It really is the type of movie where one shot can kill ten bad guys!

Ultimately, Le Magnifique is one of the genres better spoofs. But be warned, although this movie is a comedy, it is extremely violent, in a comedic way, similar to various Monty Python sketches (you know the ones). So if you don’t mind your laughs covered in blood and brains, this movie is highly recommended.

Just a spot of trivia: Both Jean-Paul Belmondo and Jacqueline Bissett also appeared in the James Bond spoof Casino Royale. The old one...not the new Daniel Craig one.

So if you are trying to track down a copy of Le Magnifique, you have two choices.
• From amazon.com (America) you can get a version with subtitles (French Dialogue)
• But if you go to amazon.fr (France), their version has a strangely over the top dubbed version. (But no choice of subtitles).

To watch the trailer, click here.

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posted by David at 12:14 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Our Man In Jamaica (1965)

Directed by Richard Jackson
Larry Pennell, Brad Harris, Roberto Camardiel, Barbara Valentin, Linda Sini, Margitta Scherr
Music by Marcello Gionbini

"The mission is tough...but we have a lot of faith in you!"

Our Man In Jamaica is a middling Eurospy production. Generally, it's not too bad and there is a lot to enjoy, but the film-making (editing and direction) and pretty loose in some parts. Many Eurospy films are only available on the grey market and the picture quality can often be 'scary'. Many are fourth or fifth generation dupes from old VHS cassettes, and only the most diehard fan will have the stamina to sit through them. Thankfully an excellent print is available for Our Man In Jamaica, and that greatly enhances the viewing experience. I realise that a film shouldn't be reviewed on the strength of it's presentation or on the quality of print available, but I'm afraid, these days, they are a big part of the viewing experience. It is much easier to sit through a good print of a mediocre film, than to sit through a diabolical print of a good film. I think that sums up Our Man In Jamaica. It is not a great Eurospy film, but it looks great and it sounds great, and that in itself makes it one of the more appealing Eurospy productions available.

Here's a quick look at the story: Agent 001, Ken Stewart (Larry Pennell) receives a briefing from his chief. It appears that Agent 009, Larry Peacock has gone missing. He was investigating an illegal arms trafficking ring, which seemed to be centred in Jamaica. Stewart's mission is to find Larry Peacock and replace him on the mission. His chief sends him off with these words of encouragement, "The mission is tough...but we have a lot of faith in you!"

Pennell is quite okay as the lead in this film. He may not be the most talented actor but he has the tools and the haircut to convey the super cool, male chauvinist secret agent.

Unlike other jet-setting spies of the sixties, Stewart is not provided with his own private jet, or even a ticket on a Pam-Am or BOAC commercial flight to Jamaica. The poor bloke has to fly his own Piper Cherokee. As Stewart approaches Jamaica, he contacts the tower for landing instructions. He is told the 'strip' is not clear and to circle out to sea whilst awaiting instructions. I thought that this might be a scheme arranged by the unknown villains of the piece, so he could be blown out of the sky. But Our Man In Jamaica doesn't have that kind of budget. This is simply an opportunity for some nice overhead locations shots. They look great in a travelogue kind of way, but don't really progress the story.

On the ground and in his hotel suite, Stewart is contacted by a 'mystery man', who says to meet him at the Alligator bar. In a rental car, Stewart weaves his way through some more glossy location footage. Kingston at night is a kaleidoscope of splashy neon signs and flickering lights. Stewart then arrives at the Alligator Bar. After the gloss and polish on the external footage, it's a bit of a come down to land on the cheap set for the Alligator Bar. It looks like it has been left over from a Spaghetti Western with lots of raw wood and railings. But in some ways it is appropriate, because within a minute of arriving Stewart starts a bar-room brawl.

Fans of Eurospy films will recognise one of the patrons in the bar. He's Brad Harris, brawny star of the Kommissar X films. He doesn't say or do much in this scene, but rest assured that he'll make his presence felt, later in the film. Harris leaves the bar, and Stewart is beaten up by the locals.

The owner of the bar, has Stewart's unconscious body dragged to his office. Once alone, it is revealed that it was just a fake set-up. The bar-owner is in fact, Stewart's contact in Jamaica. He steers Stewart in the direction of Signora Cervantes (Linda Sini). She is a wealthy antique dealer who Larry Peacock was seeing regularly.

Naturally enough, Stewart makes his way to the Cervantes mansion. At the door he meets Signora Cervantes secretary, Gloria (Barbara Valentin). She is not too receptive to Agent Stewart's charms and tries to impede his investigation. This only makes him more suspicious. Signora Cervantes is not much help either. But he does learn that she has a warehouse at Flamingo Bay, where her antiques are shipped into and out of.

Stewart decides to pay a visit to Flamingo Bay. It doesn't go well. He ends up in a gun battle with the men working at the site. His resolution is simple. He fires a few shots at some drums of flammable liquid. They explode and so does the warehouse. Agent Stewart is certainly making his presence felt.

As a warning to Stewart, Larry Peacock turns up dead, on the doorstep of Signora Cervantes home. Peacock's body has burn marks on his feet and temples. The doctor surmises he was electrocuted.

Earlier I mentioned Brad Harris. In this film he plays Captain Mike Jefferson, England's man in Jamaica. He starts to make his presence felt in the second half of the film, when he joins forces with Stewart. Other cast members of note are, Roberto Camardiel as the villainous and reclusive Elmer Hayes, and Margitta Scherr as Jane Peacock, Larry's younger sister who joins the investigation.

Our Man In Jamaica is a decent light weight imitation Bond product. You get all the things you'd expect. There are girls, guns and gadgets. There is some fine location footage, and there is enough mayhem to satisfy most fans of spy cinema.

This review is based on the Avantz Japan DVD

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posted by David at 3:16 PM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Codename Jaguar (1965)

Directed by Maurice Labro
Ray Danton, Pascale Petit, Horst Frank, Wolfgang Preiss, Roger Hanin
Music by Michel Legrand

Codename Jaguar is a wild Eurospy extravaganza. It is loud, lurid (I think – the colours on the print I viewed were ‘bleeding’ into each other) and ultimately extremely entertaining. This time Danton is Jeff Larson, a swinging secret agent. No, he’s not just a ‘secret’ agent, he a ‘super’ agent. He is sent on a mission to Spain after a U.S. submarine, on a routine mission, rises from the sea off the Spanish coast. Beside the sub, in restricted water, is a scantily clad young lady in a small boat with a broken engine. Minutes after this seemingly innocent accident, footage of the incident is being beamed into Russia. From this, the Americans realise that there is a security breach on their Spanish military base, and somewhere nearby, there must be some cameras and a really BIG transmitter.

I’ll go over the opening scenes in depth because it is a bit confusing (call me stupid if you will) and it took me a couple of viewing to really work out what was going on. As I mentioned a submarine rises from the sea off the Spanish coast. But the camera pulls back to reveal that we are actually watching all this unfold on a monitor in some kind of intelligence headquarters. A unformed officer with a miniature camera hidden in the button of his blazer stands behind the men at the console and secretly takes pictures of the sub rising.

On my initial viewing I thought that the headquarters was American. They were overseeing the mission, and the officer with the miniature camera was a Russian and he sneaked the images out. But on second viewing I think that the headquarters are Russian. They have hidden cameras around the coastline and are watching (or more correctly ‘spying on’) the Americans. The footage they are watching has been beamed directly to them. The officer with the miniature camera must be an American agent and he must be taking film footage…not just they odd Kodak moment.

The footage that this American smuggles out is then later played for the chiefs in the war room, and they realise they have problems. Enter Jeff Larson.

I may have that wrong. But it makes more sense to me. After all, Larson wouldn’t begin to look for cameras, because he’d know where the footage came from - The Americans. He only be searching for a transmitter! (Feel free to correct me if you have another opinion!)

So the Americans have a problem and they send Larson to investigate. No sooner than he has arrived in Spain, he is mugged as he leaves the airport and bundled into a waiting car. But it is a ruse to throw the ‘reds’ off the scent. The men who have abducted him are good guys. In particular ‘Our Man In Spain’ Bob Stuart (Roger Hanin).

But Stuart is only one part of the team Larson will be working with. After all Larson is a ‘swingin’ super agent. He can’t spend the whole mission surrounded by hoary old military types. That’s where ‘Our Girl From Spain’ comes in. Her name is Perez (Pascale Petit) or ‘Kitten’ as Larson likes to call her. I am quite fond of the scene where Larson and Perez meet. Larson is in his hotel room taking a shower, when Perez sneaks in, believing him to be an impostor. As he exits the shower, she points a gun at him. The way he disables her is quite amusing, culminating in Larson grabbing the hem of her skirt, and raising it above her head, trapping the top portion of her body like…er, like a sack of potatoes really. Her arms and head are trapped inside. Her only weapons are her legs which dangle free, so she kicks out blindly. Great fun.

Back to the story. Larson starts his investigation with the girl who was in the boat next to the Sub. She lives in the township of Alicante and is the manager of a nightclub called (you guessed it) The Flamenco (well it was either the Flamingo or The Flamenco – script writers lack imagination when naming their nightclubs!) Her name is Ms Calderon. Larson quickly makes friends (doing quite a nice Clark Kent impersonation) with Calderon and they head out on a speedboat to where the submarine incident happened. Backtracking to where it all began, Larson and his team are able to find some of the cameras that the Russian’s have planted.

So now Larson has a bad girl on one arm and a good girl on the other. Naturally enough the two girls don’t get along and he dialogue between the two ‘catty’ female leads is quite good.

I’ll leave the synopsis there, but will mention a couple of set pieces though. A chase scene with several front end loaders in a quarry is well staged, but never quite looks truly threatening. The other set piece takes place on a Russian trawler at sea. The choreography during the fight sequences is quite sloppy, but Danton still ‘sells’ it.

Michel Legrand’s score is adequate, but doesn’t have any catchy hooks. Some of the musical cues appear to have been used, almost note for note, eighteen years later in Legrand’s score for Never Say Never Again. But at least you don’t have to put up with Lani Hall singing a dreary title song. A little bit about Legrand (very little). He’s a French composer, and a prolific musical artist, having over 200 scores to his credit. He has been rather successful, collecting three Academy Awards, and five Grammys. To western audiences, his most successful musical score was for the Steve McQueen version of The Thomas Crown Affair, including the song Windmills Of You Mind. Apart from the above mentioned spy films he also did the score for Ice Station Zebra.

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posted by David at 7:24 PM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Friday, March 14, 2008

Lucky The Incrutable (1967)

AKA: Speciale Agente LK - Operazione Re Mida
Directed by Jess Franco
Ray Danton, Dante Posani, Barbara Bolt, Rosalba Neri, Beba Loncar
Music by Bruno Nicolai

Lucky: “You want my autograph don’t you? You recognised me without my disguise on. Oh, all right, I will sign it for you. But don’t tell anyone I’m here – it’s supposed to be a secret.”

Jess Franco. For fans of Eurospy films, the name either conjures up fear or perverse delight. And Lucky The Inscrutable should be no exception. It is a weird hybrid of comic book and spy movies. If you enjoy (maybe ‘enjoy’ isn’t the word!) Jess Franco’s films, you may find this film has a great deal to offer. In some ways it may be Franco’s most accessible film, as it at least has a sense of humour.

The film opens in London with your standard espionage style sequence. A man is shot down in his hotel room because of the contents of his suitcase. What does his suitcase contain? A large amount of money, that’s what. But the killer doesn’t want the money. He sets the suitcase and the room on fire.

Then we move into a weird title sequence. A girl in a mirrored bikini dances in front of a bank of mirrors. (Think Enter The Dragon but with less martial arts, and more bikinis). Our hero pops up too, as sort of a animated statue. Ray Danton, is ‘Lucky The Inscrutable’, a masked super hero - spy who wears superman style costume with a large yellow ‘L’ on his chest. Naturally for a man of his stature, he is surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women.

It’s carnival time. Decorated floats parade down the street and everyone is wearing costumes and masks. In the evening there is a masquerade ball. Naturally enough, Lucky attends. With his costume and mask he doesn’t even have to dress up. Lucky watches as Beba Loncar weaves through the crowd. On a balcony overlooking the dance floor, she moves to a seat. She is expecting company, but Lucky ingratiates himself upon her. She is not impressed, because she is waiting for Julius Caesar (it is fancy dress). Lucky moves on, but Caesar is then skewered by a trident thrown by a gladiator. His dying words to Beba are: “Find Lucky at once. Take him to Archangel.” Beba doesn’t have to look to find Lucky. A murder at a masquerade ball causes quite a bit of commotion and he soon finds himself at the scene. A little too close perhaps, as he is blamed for the killing. Lucky and Beba are forced to flee.

During a brief respite in the chase, Beba asks Lucky to accompany her to America. Before he can respond the villains of the piece, catch up. Lucky is attacked by a clown and then netted by the murderous gladiator. The three costumed men slug it out. Meanwhile an assassin named Hans catches up with Beba and shoots her. Lucky dispatches his attackers and makes it to Beba’s side before she expires. She hands him a pendant with the emblem for Archangel. Who or what is Archangel. They are the Financiers Secret Society, which appears to be run more like a church, with members dressed in black silk robes. (At this point I do expect to see Charles Grey pop out with a knife. The setting does seem somewhat like one of those adaptations of Dennis Wheatley’s ‘Devil’ novels in the early 70’s.

So Lucky is now in American and he is addressing the members of Archangel. For some strange reason he adopts a hybrid Italian / Shakespearian accent. It’s not exactly Merchant Of Venice, more like your favourite character out of The Godfather playing Hamlet.

Are you finding this review weird? Let me assure you the film is! Recapping we have a super hero wannabe, wearing a black leotard impersonating an American gangster while addressing a council of financiers who are dressed like a coven of devil worshippers (maybe that bit isn’t weird). And Lucky’s motivation is the word of a woman who was dating Julius Caesar, Caesar not dying at the hand of Brutus, but on the end of a trident by someone who looks like Woody Strode’s understudy from Spartacus. Got that? As I said earlier – it’s a Jess Franco film.

Remember at the start I mentioned a fellow who was killed in London and had his suitcase full of money burnt. Well it seems he was a paper chemical specialist who was on the trail of Albanian counterfeiters. The money that was torched was fake. Lucky has to go to Albania and pick up the trail. How does Lucky learn all this? Get ready for more weirdness. During the council, a Jewish Nazi in a wheel chair, who happens to be wearing a white bridal veil, tells him. That simple.
That’s enough synopsis. You’re aware of Lucky’s mission. You should have some idea how offbeat this film is. It’s now up to you if you choose to ride along with him.

While I was watching this film, I was reminded of a film we ‘Aussies’ call Flying High - that’s Airplane to most of you. Both are very broad comedy. That’s not to negate it. Some of it’s quite funny, and for it’s genre (the really, really stupid, comedy spy film) it is pound for pound (laugh for laugh) a whole lot better than the Abraham’s, Zucker Brother’s foray into spy films, Top Secret.

Bruno Nicolai’s soundtrack, by today’s standards, is pretty cheesy. The standout track is ‘Lopagan Island’ which is a jaunty calypso style number with Edda Dell’Orso’s soprano voice warbling over the top. The music lives better in the context of the film, than as a standalone piece of music.

That’s the film (well, a taster anyway). It’s very different to New York Calling Superdragon, but if you are in the mood for a bit of silliness, then Lucky The Inscrutable is another winner from Rampaging Ray Danton.

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posted by David at 8:16 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Thursday, March 13, 2008

New York Calling Superdragon (1966)

AKA: Secret Agent Super Dragon
Directed by Calvin Jackson Padget (Giorgio Ferroni)
Ray Danton, Margaret Lee, Marisa Mell, Carlo D’Angelo, Jess Hahn, Carlo Hinterman
Music by Benedetto Ghiglia





Rembrandt 13: “So you’re the famous Superdragon?”
Superdragon: “That’s right. Would you like an autograph?”
Rembrandt 13: “If that’s all you can offer a lady…”
Superdragon: “Well in public, yes! But in private I try to be more generous!”

New York Calling Superdragon is an extremely entertaining Eurospy film starring Ray Danton as the Brian Cooper – the aforementioned ‘Superdragon’. While many Eurospy films tend to be blatant ripoffs on the James Bond series, Superdragon is a slightly different in that seems to have been influenced by Our Man Flint. When we first meet our hero, he is practising some weird yoga technique, which to all intents and purposes seems like suspended animation or death. While Superdragon is …er, resting a metronome beats beside him, only to awaken him once it has finished its cycle. This is extremely reminiscent of when Derek Flint (James Coburn) would stop his heart for relaxation, only to be awoken by a tiny pivot on his watch that would start his heart again, in Our Man Flint. Given both Coburn’s and Danton’s easy way with a smile, it is not surprising that Danton would take over from Coburn in the role of Derek Flint for the TV movie, Our Man Flint: Dead On Target which was made almost a decade later.

Let’s have a quick look at the plot. Strange things are afoot in Freemont, Michigan, a college town in the United States. Two students have died from heart failure, another four have collapsed from an unknown nervous disorder, and fights are breaking out amongst the student population for no known reason.

Coleman (Carlo Hinterman), head of an un-named secret organization has sent two agents in to investigate. The first, Wilson, was found dead at the bottom of an elevator shaft. The second, Jackson, lost control of his car on Canyon Road and crashed into a river. Coleman’s third choice is Brian Cooper. He has retired and needs a little coaxing to return to duty. The coaxing is provided by ‘Comfort’ Fulton (Margaret Lee), a fellow agent, who turns up at Cooper’s home, poolside, dressed in hot pink.

Cooper agrees to look into the matter. His first stop is at the police station in Freemont. From the local police chief, Cooper gleans that Jackson had been travelling with a beautiful girl named Christine Brewder. She was a visitor from Amsterdam, who was friends with Mr. Ross, the owner of the local Bowling Alley. Strangely, Brewder’s body was not found in the wreckage. It was presumed it had been swept upstream. Cooper isn’t so convinced.

Cooper’s next stop is at Jackson’s apartment, There he finds some documents hidden in the cuckoo clock. They are import documents from Amsterdam for five Chinese vases. They are made out to Christine Brewder. There is also an analysis request for a piece of chewing gum from Ross’ bowling alley. Cooper takes the lead and makes the bowling alley his next port of call.

At the alley, Cooper witnesses Ross, working the concession stand. He is handing out free packs of chewing gum to the teenagers. The teenagers are all hyped up, singing, dancing and clapping along to the jukebox. One girl in particular is shaking up a storm. Cooper then approaches Ross, and tries to buy some gum. He is given a different brand to the kids, but doesn’t protest. It just raises his suspicions.

Continuing his investigation Cooper visits the local university to talk to the Dean about the events in the town, and to be shown the establishment. The Dean assures Cooper that nothing is wrong. But as they watch the gym class go about their activities, a fight breaks out between two girls. One of the girls was the young lady who had been dancing up a storm the night before. The fight soon escalates into a full-scale brawl. After calm has been restored, the dancing girl is lying on the floor in the throes of a convulsive fit. She is quickly sent to hospital but no sign of drugs are found in her system.

Cooper’s not happy about events. He returns to the bowling alley as Ross is locking up. Accompanied by a couple a persuasive backhands to the jaw, Cooper asks Ross a few questions. As Ross is about to talk a car whizzes past, and Ross receives a .38 calibre hole in his forehead. No answers there.

After retrieving the key, Cooper heads to Ross’ apartment and starts to snoop around. He is examining a Ming vase when an assassin bursts through the door. His shot misses, but Cooper’s return fire collects the assailant in the shoulder. The assassin runs into the bathroom and locks the door. By the time Cooper has kicked in the bathroom door it is too late. The assassin has taken his own life. That’s it for Freemont.

Cooper returns to headquarters and debriefs Coleman. Coleman says that the tests on the chewing gum have come back negative. There only hope is to follow up on Christine Brewder. A trip to Amsterdam is planned. Cooper says he will only continue with the mission if he can get some help. The man he wants is called ‘Babyface’ (Jess Hahn). He is a gangster who happens to be in Sing Sing Prison. Coleman pulls some strings and ‘Babyface’ is released.

'Babyface', apart from being a thief, happens to be a technology expert. He is essentially the ‘Q’ character. He equips Cooper with a communicator watch and a bulletproof vest, plus a few other little devices that come into play as the movie progresses. It is a refreshing change to see the ‘Q’ character not played as a stuffy buffoon as so often happens. ‘Babyface’ is still comic relief and seems to get in the way more than he helps out, but at least he isn’t a cut price Desmond Llewellyn.

Back to Amsterdam. Cooper and ‘Babyface’ meet with their agent in Holland – Agent Rembrandt 13, Charity Farrell (Marissa Mell). Farrell says that nobody has seen Christine Brewder in over a year, but she did have one special man in her life. A millionaire named Fernand Lamas (Carlo d’Angelo). Farrell arranges a meeting between Cooper and Lamas.

With all the jumping about, shooting and deaths, you’d think we’d be almost to the end of the movie. It may surprise you to know, that the scenes I have described above only make up the first twenty minutes of the film. As you can see it is all smartly paced with a far amount of action. The grey market print I viewed still was quite vibrant in colour – I am guessing a pristine print would positively shine, or glow in the dark with it’s sensational mod colour schemes.

Dear reader, I am not going to outline any more of the plot for you. Not because I am lazy, but I think I have given you a fair taster of what this movie has to offer There are a couple of set pieces that I enjoyed that I will bring to your attention though. The first is where Cooper’s neck is wired to the rails of a dry dock in a shipping yard. It’s like him being tied to a railroad track, but rather than a train coming to remove his head from his body, a ship is set in motion and sliding down the rails.

Another interesting set piece happens after Cooper has been knocked out in a fist fight with four thugs. They put his body in a coffin, screw down the lid, and then drill some large holes in the side of the coffin. The holes are not to let air in, but to let water in as the hoods dump the coffin in a canal. It’s all good corny fun, and five years before Mister Connery got trapped inside a coffin in Diamonds Are Forever.

So that’s what you have in store if you choose to watch New York Calling Superdragon. And why wouldn’t you. It has everything you’d expect from a swinging sixties spy film – action colour, humour and some beautiful girls. The real glue that holds it all together though, is Ray Danton’s performance. It’s cheeky, charming and extremely entertaining. And it isn’t the up front womanising or beating up of suspects that make the character endearing. It’s the little things that have nothing to do with the plot. For example in one scene he stops at a souvenir stall to ask for directions. The seller gives him his directions, but asks that he buy a small souvenir. He does out of politeness, but as he walks off, in the background you can see that he passes the gift off to a little girl as she walks by. As I said, it has no bearing on the plot, but it is simple and charming. It’s touches like this that lift New York Calling Superdragon above Danton’s two other Eurospy efforts, Codename: Jaguar, and Lucky The Inscrutable. (Don’t worry – reviews of those bad boys coming soon!)

I know Eurospy films aren’t everybody’s cup of tea, but if you are interested, this film is one of the easier titles to track down, and one of the better examples of the genre.

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posted by David at 3:22 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Thursday, March 6, 2008

Zeta One (1969)

Directed by Michael Cort
Robin Hawdon, James Robertson Justice, Yutte Stensgaad, Charles Hawtrey, Dawn Addams, Valerie Leon, Anna Gael

Barely more than soft core porn, Zeta One is an example of swinging sixties British Cinema at it’s worst. To fans of the perverse it may even fall into the ‘so bad it is good’ category. Thankfully it is fast paced and the costumes, sets, and the girls in the film are easy on the eye.

The film opens with Section S Agent, James Word (Robin Hawdon) returning home after a mission. Waiting in his apartment is Anna Olsen (Yutte Stensgaad), the ‘company’ secretary. She wants to knows the details of Word’s mission in Scotland. After a game of strip poker (naturally), Word,via flashback, begins to tell the story of ‘Zeta’, a woman who rules a colony of women in a place called ‘Angvia’.

The scantily clad Angvian women have special powers and could take over the world, but so far have restricted their activities to kidnapping and brainwashing a few girls to join their colony. For those who have not worked it out yet, Angvia is an anagram of ‘vagina’.

Meanwhile, head of Department 5, Major Borden (James Robertson Justice), a well dressed, well connected English gentleman, has plans to take over Angvia for his own purposes. Despite Borden’s respectable veneer, he is actually a brutal sadist, with his own torture chamber, which within he ‘questions’ young girls in a bid to find the location of Angvia. To achieve his ends, Borden sends his assistant, Swyne (Charles Hawtrey) out to track some Angvian girls. This isn’t too hard to do as they all wear orange minis around.

Swyne follows two Angvians to a strip club where they intend to kidnap one of the ‘artistes’ to join their colony. Swyne reports back to Borden, who then convinces the stripper, Edwina Strain, to conceal a transmitting device upon a person, so he can track her to Angvia.

All goes to plan. Edwina is kidnapped and taken to Angvia. With the disappearance of Edwina, Word is called into headquarters and has a meeting with his section chief, ‘W’. Word’s mission is to follow Borden, and he is sent to Scotland where Borden has an estate.

The film’s plot really isn’t important, and really doesn’t make much sense. There are a few weird scenes including a Michael Caine look-a-like who follows around Borden, and a superstitious talking elevator with a chip on it’s shoulder. The scenes in Angvia are trippy with a lot of coloured lights and filters, and one scene which looks like it was filmed through a lava lamp.

As a secret agent, Word doesn’t really do much. He gets to bed multiple attractive sixties dolly birds, and drive a fast car. That’s it really. Not surprisingly, Hawdon spends most of the film with a continuous smirk on his face.

Curious note: Lionel Murton plays Word’s boss known as ‘W’ , but on the wall on his office is ‘UU’ (ie double U). Maybe the set designer had a better sense of humour and was more creative than the rest of the team that put this movie together?

Zeta One is a dirty little sixties spy film. If that’s your bag, man, then by all means, seek it out and enjoy. It is fast paced and at approximately 82 minutes it wont take too much out of your day. But for others who are looking for a real spy film, I am afraid you will have to look elsewhere.

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posted by David at 12:45 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Who’s Got The Black Box (1967)

AKA: The Road To Corinthe
Directed by Claude Chabrol
Jean Seberg, Maurice Ronet, Christian Marquand
Music by Pierre Jansen

Some films have a good personality. Like a close friend, they make you smile and you enjoy spending time with them. Who’s Got The Black Box is one of those films. It may have a thin story, and could be considered light on for action and laugh out loud jokes, but none-the-less it is one of those films that is easy to immerse yourself in, and enjoy. For those who have seen the Pathfinder Entertainment DVD cover, and have noticed the intense red packaging, which features a monochrome hero with one arm wrapped around Jean Seberg and the other holding a machine gun, don’t panic. The film is nowhere near that intense or violent. It is essentially a gentle paced spy comedy from French film-maker Claude Chabrol. Chabrol had previously ventured into spy territory with Le Tigre Aime La Chair Fraiche (The Tiger Likes Fresh Meat) and Le Tigre Se Parfume A La Dynamite (Our Agent Tiger), both featuring Roger Hanin as agent Louis Rapiere – two films which I haven’t tracked down English language versions of yet.

Black Box opens with the self proclaimed ‘World’s Greatest Magician,’ Socrates (Steve Eckart) attempting to cross the border into Greece. As his vehicle is inspected at customs, the officials find a small black box filled with electronic components.

The discovery is reported back through the chain of command. When the heads of OTAN hear about the device, they fly into a panic and demand to know what it does. (I am sure you have worked out, that OTAN is NATO backwards!)

The magician is forced to talk. That is, he is taken to a small room and pummelled to within an inch of his life by a burly man wearing sunglasses. Finally the magician breaks his silence. He confesses that he has already brought fifteen of the little black boxes into Greece. And that other couriers have brought in more.

And what does the black box do? Each black box interferes with radar and launch of OTAN missiles. Before the authorities can find out anything else, the magician swallows a cyanide capsule.

Sharps (Michel Bouquet), the local head of the CIA in the Mediterranean is an inept fool. He doesn’t believe that there are any more black boxes. But he does assign two agents to look into it. The first agent is Dex (Maurice Ronet) who is experienced and professional. The other agent is Robert Ford (Christian Marquand), who is a dreamer.

Sharps has another reason to send away Ford. Ford has a beautiful wife, Shanny (Jean Seberg), and while he is away on assignment, Sharps, hoping to instigate an affair, moves in on her.

Ford, whose ideas are never taken seriously, stumbles onto a lead and finds out who is behind the black boxes. Rather than return to headquarters, he returns home and celebrates his success with Shanny. As she leaves the room to get a bottle of Champagne, Robert is assassinated. She returns to the bedroom and finds him dead. In turn, she is hit from behind and rendered unconscious. The killer then puts the murder weapon, a gun, in her hand. He also gets her other hand and drags her fingernails down her murdered husbands chest, to indicate that there was a struggle.

The evidence is stacked heavily against Shanny and she is imprisoned. Naturally, the lecherous Sharps arranges for her to be released. Now free, she sets off to find out who killed Robert, and the truth about the black boxes. Along the way she teams up with Robert’s partner, Dex, who is unsure if he should trust Shanny. All the clichés are in place, for slick little spy thriller.

Jean Seberg is likeable in the part of Shanny, but doesn’t quite ooze the sex-appeal required for the role. In places, it is hard to believe that men, both good and bad, are throwing themselves at her. Then again, that may just be the nature of the ‘dirty old men’ in the film. They’d throw themselves at anything in a skirt.

The weaknesses of the film are a couple of uneven comedy sequences, which ruin the flow of the film, and the music in some places. The music generally is fairly unobtrusive, and considering the setting, it does feature some Greek styling. But it does get annoying when the music gets loud and fast. It is supposed to sound Greek and exotic, but instead sounds like music for a slapstick routine. Obviously it does not reflect the action taking place on the screen, and would probably be more suited to a Benny Hill skit.

The film, as I mentioned at the outset is very likeable, without being brilliant. The star of the film is the cinematography, which is very good and utilises the Mediterranean backdrop to great effect. It is a warm film; a friendly film. It is not going to change your life, and it is not going to end up on your list of favourite films of all time, but if you take the time to watch it, you are in for a pleasant ninety minutes.

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posted by David at 9:34 PM | 0 Comments | Links to this post


Friday, February 29, 2008

The Million Eyes of Sumuru (1967)

AKA: The 1000 Eyes of Su-Muru, The Slaves of Sumuru
Directed by Lindsay Shonteff
Frankie Avalon, George Nader, Shirley Eaton, Wilfred Hyde White, Klaus Kinski, Maria Rohm
Music by Johnny Scott

Director, Lindsay Shonteff is singularly responsible for some of the worst spy films ever made, No 1 Licensed To Love And Kill readily springs to mind. And I am afraid The Million Eyes Of Sumuru does nothing to redeem Shonteff in the ‘million eyes’ of spy movie fans all over the world.

Maybe Shonteff isn’t solely to blame for The Million Eyes Of Sumuru. Producer Harry Alan Towers may have to share some of the burden. He is the man who bought us the sixties, Christopher Lee, series of Fu Manchu films. Some footage from the second Sumuru film (Seven Secrets Of Sumuru – AKA Future Women), featuring Shirley Eaton, mysteriously found its way into The Blood Of Fu Manchu. Apparently Miss Eaton was not happy about it, and who could blame her.

The film opens with a Chinese funeral procession. A group of young men march along behind the coffin, while on the side of the road, a girl watches on. Then we hear a voice-over from Sumuru herself (Shirley Eaton):

’This is the funeral of the richest man in the world…
These are his seventeen sons…
Soon they will share his fate…
Along with all other men who oppose my will…
The eyes of this girl are watching them…
As maybe, some other girl’s eyes are watching you…
I have a million eyes…
For I am Sumuru!’

A bomb goes off as the procession crosses a bridge and the seventeen sons are killed, and the titles roll.

Then we meet Sumuru in the flesh. She lives on an island with her own private army of women. But there is a problem with one of her disciples. One girl, operating out of Rome, has done the unthinkable - she has fallen in love! Sumuru decides to travel to Italy and ‘take care’ of the traitor personally. A voice over provides another piece of Sumuru’s manifesto:

’In the war against mankind, to achieve our aim, a world of peace and beauty ruled by women, we have but one weakness, which must be rooted out and destroyed…Love!’

We see these words put into action, when three women in black bikinis, drown a woman in a white bikini. So much for love!

Still in Rome, next we meet C.I.A. agent Nick West (George Nader). He is greeted by Sir Anthony Baisbrook (Wilfred Hyde-White), who works for H.M.G. (Her Majesty’s Government). It appears that the girl who was killed, is the secretary for the Syronesian Chief Of Security, Colonel Medika (Jon Fong). Sir Anthony seconds West into finding out who the killer is. Along for the ride is Tommy Carter (Frankie Avalon). Carter is not a swinging sixties secret agent. He’s just a spoilt dilettante with too much spare time. You see, his father left him eighteen million dollars – that’d do it!

West meets with Medika and they thrash out the path the investigation will take. But soon after the meeting, Medika is kidnapped by Sumuru’s agents, and West is left to solve the remainder of the puzzle, along with a little help from Carter, of course.

Sometimes when I jot down a synopsis, as I read back, I think ‘that doesn’t sound bad’. And Sumuru, on paper at least, has all the elements to make a great spy film. Unfortunately it is lumbered with poor dialogue, poor cinematography, and generally poor direction. There is an air of cynicism and perversion that pervades the whole film. You would expect a film that features a scantily clad all girl army, to be slightly erotic. Or at least a good perv, but this film features weird camera angles that make beautiful girls look distorted and ugly, and a script that forces them into acts of cruel violence, that make them unappealing. Even taking a feminist view, that it is a film about empowering women is undone by the cruelty.

So begs the question, why watch The Million Eyes Of Sumuru? I would suggest that you don’t, but if you had to, it would be for Shirley Eaton. Eaton was the Golden Girl from Goldfinger and her image, covered in gold paint, is indelibly burnt into the minds of sixties spy fans. Other than that, avoid at all costs.

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posted by David at 12:29 AM | 2 Comments | Links to this post


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Fantabulous (1967)

AKA: Il Donna, Il Sesso, Il Superuomo (The Woman, Sex And Superman)
Directed by Sergio Spina
Richard Harrison, Adolpho Celi, Judi West, Nino Fuscagni
Music by Sandro Brugnolini

Fantabulous Inc. is a strange little Italian film that has a bit of everything in it. It’s a thriller, it’s a super-hero film, it’s a spy film, and it’s an exploration on civil rights.

The super villain of this piece is Carl Maria Von Beethoven (Adolpho Celi), and naturally enough, whenever we hear his name we also hear a snatch of Ludwig Von Beethoven (Da Da Da Dum). He runs a clinic called Fantabulous Inc., which turns men into super-men.

The film opens in Geneva. Richard Vernon (Richard Harrison) is engaged in a bit of post-coital byplay with his girlfriend, Deborah Sanders (Judi West). But now he has to leave. He works as a banker, and has an important meeting in Milan. Leaving the apartment, he heads down to the underground carpark and to his car. Unfortunately for Vernon, it won’t start. The carpark attendant, who happens to be wearing sunglasses, refuses to help, and only laughs at Vernon’s predicament. Vernon assumes the car is out of petrol and walks around to the nearest petrol station. After an altercation with the attendant, who is also wearing sunglasses, Vernon gets his can filled and returns to the car. Upon his return he finds out that the petrol container has been filled with water.

Even though it is night, there’s a suspicious amount of men with sunglasses around. Vernon doesn’t appear to notice and phones the police to complain about the petrol station, but the police officer on the other end of the line, only abuses Vernon for his trouble. From the phone box, as he returns to his car, it is stolen in front of his very eyes. Luckily a police car happens to be passing as he chases his vehicle on foot. He lodges a complaint, but rather than pursuing the thieves, the police question Vernon at length, and then take him into custody. But rather than take him to the nearest police station, he is taken to the headquarters of Fantabulous Inc. In the Fantabulous carpark, he finds his car. Initially he is pleased, that now he can continue his journey to airport, and then Milan. But before he can do so, one of the police officers produces a hypodermic needle and injects Vernon. He wakes up in the middle of a strange medical procedure, which seems incredibly invasive and brutal (his arm appears to be shorn off).

Next we cut to Deborah, who is an aspiring actress and fashion model. She is engaged in a photo shoot, we she is interrupted by phone. It’s a call from the police. She has to go to the morgue and identify Vernon’s body. There, as his body is slid out of the drawer, it looks like Vernon’s face, but she is adamant, that the body does not belong to Richard.

And Deborah is right. Vernon is not dead. He wakes up in what seems like a hospital room. He is still in fact at Fantabulous Inc., a company that specialises in bio-chemical and bio-physical experimentation.

Behind Fantabulous Inc is Beethoven, who I mentioned earlier, who is the mastermind behind the whole operation. He arranges for the capture of appropriate physical specimens for conversion into supermen. He also is the marketing manager, who sells his creation to foreign powers to control the masses. Also working for Fantabulous is the mad Professor Cronin (Gustavo D’Arpe), who is the brains behind the process. It’s his experiments that have created the super-human beings. As with all good henchmen, Cronin has a physical deformity; he has metal pincers for hands.

Beethoven aside, the music and songs, by Sandro Brugnolini throughout Fantabulous Inc. are catchy and infectious; from gutsy soul based numbers that remind you of Ray Charles or Sammy Davis Jnr to piano driven conga-line numbers. The music certainly helps this film press forward when visually things slow down. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find out the name of the vocalist on the soundtrack.

The first half of this film is incredibly entertaining and I challenge anyone to guess where it is going. But the second half gets pretty silly. There’s some not so subtle symbolism and quasi-political mumbo-jumbo about the misuse of power. To give the film it’s due, I am looking at it from twenty-first century perspective, rather than 1967, and maybe the ‘message’ in the last half, was more important back then. But as far as narrative and entertainment go, then or now, the second half veers very wildly from silly super hero cartoon heroics to rhetoric about discipline and authority.

Unfortunately this film only appears to be available on the grey market, (with copies that appear to be of a very poor standard) which is a shame, because I think it is film that will divide people. As I said above I didn’t like the end, but other viewers whose viewpoint is slightly more anarchististic than mine, may think this film is, er sorry, Fantabulous. But without a good DVD of the film on the market, for everyone to view and decide for him or herself, I am afraid it’s a little hard to debate the merits, or lack thereof, of Fantabulous Inc.

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posted by David at 1:20 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post